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7 - Never Really Mattered
Tuesday night Joey started the walk from the library to the residence building where Pacey's room was. All day she had tried to distract herself and think about other things. But the thought of going to Pacey's room on a Tuesday night brought all sorts of familiar feelings to her.
Another feeling was nervousness. She had no idea what to expect since Pacey hadn't been very clear about what would happen or what he might have to say. It had occurred to her that he might be ready to get back together with her but she had pushed it to the back of her mind. One of the things Joey had learned in life was that when you kept your expectations low it was harder to be dissapointed when things didn't work out. She was never quite sure though if it was a good or bad quality of hers.
Once she finally reached Pacey's room she hesitated a minute before knocking. Pacey opened the door right away and moved so she could walk in. Joey stood awkwardly in the middle of his room, waiting for him to say something.
"Do you want to watch some TV?" Pacey asked, gesturing towards the television set on top of his dresser.
"Pacey did you invite me over just to watch television?" she asked, not moving.
"Well no, not really." He sat down on the edge of his bed and ran his fingers through his hair, "I just wanted to see you. I wanted to talk to you."
She cautiously sat on the chair at his desk, leaving a few feet between the two of them. "Okay," she replied quietly. After all the time that had passed, it seemed like it would be Pacey that would do most of the talking, she had already said enough. He knew how she felt.
"It just seems like this has gone on for so long, I sort of started believing that we wouldn't get back together." He sighed frustratedly. "I was upset, and it seemed like the right thing to do at the time, us taking a break I mean. But then it kept going and going because I was being selfish. " Pacey paused. "You know, I was really okay with it after the funeral. Because I saw how you felt about Dawson, or actually how you didn't feel about him."
Joey smiled, "He's got a special kind of hate for me doesn't he?"
"Don't beat yourself up about it. He's not worth the trouble," Pacey replied her firmly. "I'm angry at myself now, not at you. Ever since the funeral I've wanted you back, but I had no idea how to go about it." He looked intently at Joey, "I don't know what to say to you to make things better. I just want everything to go back to normal, but what if things will never be the same between us? I want it to work out this time. It's not fair that we always have some obstacle to overcome."
"But if it was easy Pacey, we would take it for granted," Joey said as she walked over and sat beside him. "I still love you. I always will, no matter what happens." She laughed, "God we made it through the last twenty year, I'm pretty sure we can handle anything now."
"I'm sorry Jo, for wasting all this time."
She shook her head, "You don't owe me any apologies Pacey. This was all my fault."
"Well I still want to make it up to you," he said with a familiar look in his eye.
"Oh believe me you will."
THE END
