Disclaimer:  Sin Wildsmith is mine.  The world he inhabits and the people he meets belong to J.K. Rowling.

When Moony Met Sin

Chapter Three- New Moon

March 1983

            Almost a week passed before an owl arrived from Remus, inviting Sin to spend the afternoon with him visiting the greenhouses of magical plants at Briarvine Gardens.  A date in a public place—Remus seemed to be taking his "no sex for two weeks" rule seriously.

            The greenhouses turned out to be a good choice of location for their date.  The warm air, thick with the scents of moist earth, compost, and a myriad of flowers, inevitably brought forth memories of herbology class.  Remus told of the time Peter had saved him from being bitten by a Venomous Tentacula, only to be bitten himself.  Peter had ended up being the lucky one, however, for he was in the hospital wing when his classmates had a surprise quiz later that day in Transfiguration. Soon they were swapping more stories of their time at Hogwarts.  Sin had graduated just before Remus started, so he really was quite surprised to hear how much mischief Remus and his friends had accomplished.  Only later would Sin realize that Remus had limited his reminiscences to his first four or five years.

            Sin told Remus about coming out to his four dorm mates during sixth year.  One dorm mate had declared that he was "perverted" and "sinful."  Within two days, he moved into the fifth year boys' dormitory to get away from Sin.  Two had claimed that they were "O.K." with it, but started avoiding him, and they went to great lengths never to undress in front of him again.  Simon had declared, "You're still the same person you were yesterday, and if I ever start to act differently, you have my permission to hex me."

            It was late afternoon by the time they reached the last greenhouse, so they agreed to go have tea together in a little shop nearby.  As he poured tea for both of them, Sin realized that there was a question he had never asked.

"You never told me what you do for a living, Remus.  How do you fill your days?"

            "A bit of this and that."  Remus began tearing a sandwich apart nervously.

            "Ah, yes, I'm quite fond of 'this and that.'  Is this part of the secretive Remus Lupin mystique?"

            "I do some freelance writing, mostly for DADA journals, and—um—sometimes I create wards and such for those who need them."  Remus continued to look down at the sandwich that he was tearing into crumbs.

            "The call for that sort of thing must have fallen off dramatically after You-Know-Who vanished."

            Remus nodded.  "Lately my best customers have been werewolves who need help with silencing charms and confinement spells on the places where they spend the full moon."  He looked up at Sin, biting his lower lip.

            "Werewolves?  You mean their families or someone hire you?"

            Remus appeared puzzled.  "No, they hire me themselves.  Most of them are Muggles and can't create the spells themselves.  I help them ensure that they won't hurt anyone.  It's very important to them that they don't."

            Sin took a sip of tea as he considered this.  It was difficult to reconcile this with the fact that werewolves had an uncontrollable drive to run free and hunt humans.  However, if a werewolf did bit bite or kill a human being, the Ministry would destroy it.  He concluded that the instinct for self-preservation must push some werewolves into confining themselves at the full moon.

            "I guess I can understand that," Sin said at last.  "Still, you're a braver man than I am if you deal with werewolves.  I'll stick with Quidditch players."

* * * * *

            After one more date in a public place—meeting in Diagon Alley for lunch—the anticipated evening was almost at hand.  Sin was trying to get some paperwork done so it wouldn't be hanging over his head during his date with Remus tomorrow night.  He wondered which Remus would show up, the shy young man who asked permission before giving him an almost chaste kiss, or the aggressive one who pinned him against the sofa while biting his neck.  He had just remembered to leave a note for the house elf instructing her to be sure to clean the bathtub and the rest of the bathroom—"Maybe this time, Remus will want company in his bath,"—when he heard a soft knock on the door.  He opened it to find Remus standing with his arms crossed and a furrowed brow.

            "Remus!  I didn't expect—"

            "I'm a day early; I know.  If this is a bad time, I'll go.  I just needed to talk to you about something."

            "No, it's fine," Sin said as he stepped back to allow Remus in.  "I'm always happy to see you, Gorgeous.  Come in and make yourself at home."

            Remus came in and took off his cloak but did not hang it up.  He carried it over his arm as he wandered to the window.  He stood where Sin had stood two weeks earlier and stared out at the darkness.

            "He kept his cloak; he wants to be able to leave quickly," Sin concluded.  "You're here to break our date, aren't you?"

            "Perhaps—I'm not certain.  It's up to you."  His voice seemed sad.

            Although Remus was actually a few inches taller than Sin, and Sin had firsthand knowledge that Remus was stronger, the younger man looked very vulnerable before the dark window.

            "There's a Muggle expression—I'm going to mangle it, I know," Sin said as he approached Remus slowly, "about people trying to ignore a large gorilla sitting in the corner, but the gorilla can't be ignored.  Our gorilla in the corner is sex."  He put one hand on Remus's arm, half expecting Remus to flinch away, but he did not.  "Two weeks ago, you said that I'd have to wait two weeks, but now you're having second thoughts."

            Remus nodded.  Sin slipped his arms around the thin man's waist.  "It's all right.  We'll go as slow as you need to go.  I'll need a lot of cold showers, but someone as gorgeous as you is worth waiting for."

            "That's not the problem," Remus said quietly.  "Could we go sit on the sofa?  I need to tell you something."

            Sin held Remus's hand and led him to the sofa.  Remus dropped his cloak on the floor beside his feet and sat staring down at his hands clasped between his knees.

            "You're probably going to hate me when I tell you this.  I hate myself for this."

            Sin wanted to say that there was nothing Remus could say to make him hate him, but self-loathing evident in Remus's voice held him back.  "Go on."

            "I'm still in love with Sirius.  I hate what he did, and I hate what he became, but that wasn't my Sirius.   I haven't been able to fall out of love with the Sirius I remember." Remus waited silently for Sin's reaction.

            Sin didn't know which disappointed him more, the fact that more than a year after being imprisoned, Sirius Black was still causing his former lover pain, or the knowledge that Remus would not be sharing his bed.

            "That's why you don't want to sleep with me."

            "No," Remus looked up sharply.  "That's why I do.  I don't want to love him.  I want to forget him.  But I'm using you, and it's not fair.  I thought it would be all right.  I wanted to use you, and you—"  He broke off in embarrassment and looked at his hands again.

            "And I wanted to use you," Sin supplied for him.

            "But the last two weeks, you've been great.  I like spending time with you, Sin.  I like you.  I couldn't go any further unless you knew how I felt—about Sirius, and about you."

            "Remus, the usual lifespan of my relationships is anywhere from one night to six months.  I'm not looking for the great love affair of my life.  I just want to enjoy your company for awhile."  He pulled Remus's hand into his lap.  "And as you can tell, right now I'll enjoy your company even more if you'll come to bed with me.  Or do I have to wait for tomorrow night?"

            Remus smiled in relief and momentarily stroked Sin through his robe.  "No, tonight's fine."

            Sin leaned forward to kiss Remus and slip an arm around his lower back.  "C'mon, Gorgeous," he whispered.  He kept his arm around Remus as he steered him into the bedroom. 

            A few candles lit themselves as they entered the bedroom.  Just at the foot of the bed, Remus turned to face Sin.  He untied Sin's belt and pulled his robe open.  He kissed Sin's mouth and jaw and neck as he slipped his hands under Sin's robe and stroked his skin.  Sin shivered with pleasure at the touch of Remus's cool and slightly calloused hands.  Sin reciprocated the kisses, but when he tried to untie Remus's belt, Remus grabbed his wrists and held them still.

            "No, put out the candles first."

            Sin wanted to see Remus's strong, lean body almost as much as he wanted to touch it.  He wanted to see the blissful expression on Remus's face again.  He wanted to see the gold and chocolate eyes wild with lust.

"I want to see you, Remus.  You're so beautiful."

"No."  Remus's voice was firm.  Sin was not going to get his way in this, not tonight, at least.  He was disappointed, but he did as he was told.

* * * * *

            Sin awoke the next morning to find himself alone.  He had been afraid this would happen.  Remus only needed one night to exorcise the demon of never having slept with anyone except Sirius Black.

            "Shit," he swore under his breath as reached to touch the empty side of the bed.

            "Is something wrong?" asked a placid voice from the doorway.  Remus reentered the bedroom already dressed.  His light brown hair was still damp from a bath.  He sat on the edge of the bed, and Sin wrapped his arms around him.

            "I was afraid that you left without saying goodbye," Sin admitted.

            "No, I just needed a bath, and I didn't want to be underfoot while you were getting ready for work."

            "Such a considerate house guest.  Of course, you could be even more considerate," Sin began to untie the belt of Remus's robe, "and get out of those silly clothes.  I have plenty of time before work."

            Remus pushed Sin's hands away and stood up.  "Not this morning.  You may have plenty of time, but I have to be on my way soon."

            "You are coming back tonight, aren't you?"  Sin asked plaintively as he sat up and reached for Remus's hand.  He was very worried that the answer would be, "No."

            Remus's brow furrowed for a moment.  "Of course I am—oh!"  His eyes widened in understanding, and he returned to the edge of the bed.  "You're not getting rid of me that easily.  Six-thirty, right?  I told your owl where I live, so if something comes up and you need to change plans, you can get in touch with me."

            Sin chuckled at that.  "My owl gets to know where you live, but I don't?"

            Remus kissed Sin's cheek and stood up to leave.  "That's right.  All part of the 'secretive Remus Lupin mystique' you said I have."

* * * * *

Sin stirred earlier than he usually did on Sunday morning.  He probably would have fallen back asleep, but he needed to peek and see if Remus was really still there.  Remus was still sleeping soundly, lying on his stomach, his arms tucked under the pillow to cradle his head.  Sin propped himself up on an elbow to gaze at Remus.  Although they had made love three nights in a row, Sin hadn't yet seen the body of his new lover.  Remus insisted on complete darkness before he'd allow Sin to undress him, and he always rose and dressed before Sin awoke.

He was really quite attractive: long brown lashes, golden-tinged stubble of a beard, strong jaw, well-muscled shoulders and upper arms.  Sin wished Remus were facing him so he could see his muscular chest as well.  Instead, he looked at his shoulders and the part of his arm that wasn't hidden by the pillow.  A long thin line of pink, a faint scar, caught his eye.  As he followed it with his eyes, he started to notice more scars—older—faded to white.  His left arm had been torn apart quite badly in some sort of accident.

Sin sat up more to see Remus's back, but when his shadow stopped shielding Remus's eyes from the sunlight, Remus squinted and turned onto his side.  Remus's back had only a few scars, but his right arm was now fully visible.  It had as many thin scars as his left, but more importantly, a scar at least three inches wide completely encircled his wrist.  This scar was not from an accident.  None of the scars were from an accident.  Someone had abused Remus, and Sin was certain that he knew who.

            Remus seemed unable to fall back asleep in the ever-lightening room.  He rolled onto his back and blinked his eyes open.  He looked over, saw Sin watching him, and panic filled his eyes. 

"Damn!" Remus murmured as he bolted out of bed and grabbed his shirt off the floor.  He pulled it on as quickly as he could, but Sin followed him out of bed and grabbed his arms before he could go after his jeans.

"I saw the scars.  Is that why you never let me see you?"  Remus stood very still as he waited for Sin to say more.  He seemed paler than usual.  "Come back to bed, Remus.  We have to talk."

Remus sat cross-legged on the bed, eyes downcast.  Sin pulled on a dressing gown and sat in front of him. Remus's unbuttoned shirt hid his arms, but Sin could see now that his torso and legs had even worse scars.  He knew that in the darkness, his hands had undoubtedly brushed over many of them.  Either he hadn't thought about what he was feeling, or in the heat of the moment he had not cared.  Sin now traced his finger along a particularly nasty one on Remus's thigh.

"This was a bad one," he said quietly.

"It just looks that way because it never got treated correctly," Remus said calmly.   He spoke of the scars marring his body like someone else would discuss a crack marring a teacup.

"Why not?"

"I was alone, and my wand was in another room.  I lost some blood, and by the time I was strong enough to get my wand, it had already started to heal.  I just left it alone."

It was bad enough that Sirius had injured Remus, but that he had left Remus alone to possibly bleed to death— "How long were you alone?" 

Remus shrugged.

"Bastard!" Sin swore vehemently.  "I'm so sorry, Remus.  The first time I met you, I had a bad feeling that Sirius was hurting you.  I should have said something; I should have done something."

Remus looked up to meet Sin's eyes for the first time since he sat down.  His eyes were wide and his mouth slightly open in shock. "No," he said faintly.  "Not Sirius."

Sin wasn't sure he believed him.  Remus wouldn't be the first person to protect his own abuser by lying for him, and Sin believed that he might be trying to protect the memory of whom Sirius had once been.  Or, the scars could be even older and tell a tale of childhood abuse.  Sin tried to sound stern and to coerce the truth from Remus. "Tell me the truth, Remus.  Who did this to you?"

Remus dropped his eyes again.  For several long moments he said nothing.  Sin became convinced that his first guess was right.  "I did," Remus finally said.

"Do you expect me to believe you're the most accident prone person alive?"

Remus didn't answer right away.  He looked at Sin carefully before he spoke again. "No, they weren't accidents.  Well, a few of them were, like this one I got when my cauldron exploded in Potions class.  I always was hopeless in Potions."  Remus smiled as he pointed to a faint scratch along his hairline.

"Don't joke about it, Remus," Sin scolded.

"Would you rather I cry about it?" Remus asked coolly.  "Look, I do this to myself, and I've been doing it most of my life.  This is the latest.  I did this two weeks ago."  Remus turned his leg to reveal a patch of pale pink skin with an irregular outline.  It was stretched over a slight depression in the underlying muscle.  For the scar to be this faded after only two weeks, Remus had undoubtedly healed it with his wand.  And for the scar to be this visible after being healed with a wand, it must have been a gory mess.

"Two weeks ago?"  The significance of that struck Sin.  "The night you left here?"

"No, a couple of nights after that."  Remus cupped Sin's face in his hands and looked intently into his eyes.  "It had nothing to do with you, Sin." 

Sin was willing to believe Remus about when he had injured himself, but not why.  If Remus really was hurting himself, he was probably doing it in reaction to problems in his life, and he had been very agitated when he left the flat two weeks ago.

"What about this one?" Sin asked as he pointed to the cuff of Remus's right sleeve.

"All Saints' Day, nineteen eighty-one," Remus replied.  Sin started to search his mind for the significance of that date, but Remus supplied it for him.  "The day I learned that all my friends were dead."

Remus wouldn't make up a story like that.  Remus was injuring himself, and he was doing it when things in his life went badly.  "Come back to bed, Remus.  It's chilly out here," Sin said as he crawled back under the covers and held them open for Remus.  Remus followed, but he still seemed troubled.

"Sin?  Why did you think Sirius used to hurt me?"

Sin pushed the unbuttoned shirt open and stroked Remus's chest with his fingertips as he tried to remember.  "It was something you said the first time I asked you out.  I really can't remember what it was; I just remember that it bothered me."  He laughed slightly.  "That, and the fact that Sirius was a possessive bugger.  He didn't want me anywhere near you."

"Possessive?  Sirius?"  Now Remus laughed.  "No, he encouraged me to go out with other people.  I just didn't want to."

"He may have said that he wanted you to see other people—probably to justify that he did.  Right?"

Remus nodded.

"But believe me, his body language told a different tale.  He no more wanted you to go out with other people than I want to meet one of those werewolves you know."

Remus looked away from Sin's face, and his body tensed slightly.  For a moment, Sin thought that he would try to run away again.  "Damn, Remus must have really idealized Sirius if he can't even handle hearing that Sirius was possessive."

"If you really want to stop being in love with that bastard, you have to listen to people when they tell you the truth about him."

"No, I believe you.  I never did know him as well as I thought I did.  I know that now."  Remus looked back at Sin and forced a slight smile, but his body was still tense.  "Actually, I had been thinking about introducing you to a werewolf I know, but maybe that would be a bad idea."

"Funny.  You're a rotten liar, Remus.  And for the record, you were the brave-hearted Gryffindor, not I.  I'll leave the terrifying monsters to you."

Author's Note:  Well, Remus waited for the moon to wane before he'd sleep with Sin, but the moon always waxes again.  The next (and last) chapter will up soon.  Please review!  I'd love to know what you think of Sin.