Ok, another diary. Hey look on the bright side, it's not another "Three crazy girls drop into Middle-earth and fall in love!" story. This takes place with the movie characters, with book dates and events. Major spoilers in the later chapters for those who haven't read the books. I have had to improvise, and I hereby name October 2nd as Second Breakfast day! Woohoo!
Years 3009-3017
Gandalf has me chasing some slimy lizard. I told him if I ruin my complexion I'm gonna eat him. Yummy.

Year 3017
Caught slimy lizard. It bites. I can't eat it, because of my strict Ranger diet.

June 29
Gandalf tells me to go to Bree to look for some Fordo Bags and something about a ring, or something. Who does he think he is telling the future king of the world what to do?

Sep 29
At Bree. All I see is a pale hobbit, a fat hobbit, a hungry hobbit, and the other hobbit. Stupid. The pale one put on the Ring. Very stupid. Had to get them out of there. What will anyone do without good old Aragorn to save them?

Oct 2
If that stupid hungry hobbit mentions one more word about food I'm going to get very mad. On the other hand, the other hobbits seem to treat him as a pack animal. Clever. I shall have to impliment this new piece of knowledge soon.

Oct 3
Hungry hobbit starting to look very tasty. Must-lose-weight...

Oct 18
Stupid Glorfindel thinks pale hobbit can be saved. Why? Stupid Nazgžl gave him a little poke with an eency weency sword, for crying out loud! I would never be overcome by a little scratch.
Hunger, maybe. Scratches, no.

Oct 23
Stupid Elrond healed pale sickly hobbit. Didn't help his appearance any. Either of them.

Oct 25
Stupid council. Don't know why it has to be outside, it's gonna ruin my complexion. Stupid elves stupid dwarves and stupid men. Several stupid people want to go with pale hobbit. I'll go, why not. As hungry hobbit says, they could use some intelligence. And Elrond is starting to give me that "we need to talk" look. Or maybe that's his "die Mistur Andurson die" look. They're all the same.

Dec 25
Stupid Elrond making us leave on Yuleday. And on top of that, he didn't give us any presents! I mean c'mon, at least in Lothl—rien they give you gifts if you leave! Or maybe that was just me? Going with me are stupid Gandalf, pale, hungry, fat and other hobbits, some hairy dude, a blonde elf, and a dude from Gondor. Oh well. At least they've got me, I'll make up for everything they lack.

Jan 11, 12
Stupid cold mountain. I'm gonna get frostbite and my nose is gonna fall off. That'll show 'em. Stupid pale hobbit fell down the mountain, and I was forced to touch it. Squishy, eew. Very unappetizing.

Jan 13, 14
Moria. Dark. Stupid.

Jan 15
Yipee! Stupid Gandalf fell! At last I'm the leader of this stupid expedition! Decided to go to Lorien just to flaunt my superiority before Arwen's stupid grandparents. Gondorman doesn't like this. Stupid balky inferiors.
Later...
Stupid Haldir jumped out at us. Startled me a little bit. I almost lost it and screamed before my thralls. He always did enjoy jumping out at people. We're going to Caras Galadhon to visit Galadriel and Celeborn.

Jan 17
Well, that went well. No screaming fits this time. Perhaps they've come to terms with the fact that I am going to be their new grandson-in-law. Or they've found out my true lineage and are going to try to rule through me. Ha! Stupid elves. Talked to Gondorman earlier. What a nutcase. Hearing voices. Stay away in future.

Feb 14
Hey, the pale hobbit is sneaking off with the fat hobbit and Galadriel. Stupid. She leads people off, and they're never heard of again. Didn't pale hobbit ever hear of F'anor?

Feb 16
Well, apparently the stupid elves have remembered who I am, and have sent us off. Y'know the elven way isn't so bad in one aspect at least: Y'get some free grub, and they give you gifts just for staying. Either that or for leaving. Stupid. I wonder if it is just me? No, it can't be.
Pale hobbit got some glowing thing. Hairydude got hair? He doesn't need anymore, c'mon stupid Galadriel! Fat hobbit got rope. I'll have to tie him up with it. Hey, I'm the leader of this company and all I get is some stupid knife and stupider advice? At least my knife's bigger than hungry hobbit and that other hobbit. Gondorman didn't get nothing. I think he wants pale hobbit's glowy thing, 'cuz he keeps following him.

Feb 22
Stupid boats. I get stuck with the pale hobbit and the fat hobbit, and I have to do all the work. Stupid arrangement. Should have put all hobbits in one boat and sent 'em down Rauros. Stupid Galadriel and her seating arrangements.

Feb 26
Stupid orcs everywhere. It must have been Blondie. He's jealous of my rugged hansome looks. Gondorman died. He kept blabbing, so I rattled off some stupid junk I read in a book. It shut him up, at least. Orcs captured hungry hobbit and other hobbit. Stupid orcs. Hairydude and Blondie want to go after him. Why not? Let me just loot Gondorman's body and we'll get going.