Title: Penny for Your Thoughts

Author: Crescent Quetzalcoatl (I was about to change my penname but decided against it at the last minute)

Disclaimer: The SD guys and gals are not mine.

Rating: PG-13

Genre: Drama

Pairing: Yaoi

Notes: I just made up the names of the Rukawa shinetai for easy reference. If you know their true names please mail me. People here might get OOC. Thank you! The setting was a month after the incidents of the last chapter.

Chapter 8: Realization

Sakuragi woke with a start; panic seeped in his still sleepy mind. Perspiring all over, he thought of what he was doing in a bed only to realize that the bed he was on was in his own room, in his own house.

Jerking upright, he brought his hands to his face, breathing in them loudly and scrunching his eyes tight. There was this feeling, something akin to dread and agitation, worming in his skin, constricting on his chest and clinging to his throat like pest that forced him a harsh sound, somewhere in between a cry and a choke.

Not bothering to arrange the pillows and messy blankets, Sakuragi climbed out of his bed and went straight into the bathroom. He came face to face with his own reflection on a mirror (right above the sink, just behind the door), touching the shiny surface with a lone finger.

It seemed that he had forgotten his own face. Peering in closely, he almost couldn't recognize the tanned, frowning image with a lot of worry lines and couple of scars. His eyes were dull, earthly in color, had lost their innocent sparkle of his supposed youth replacing them with ugly bags of darkened skin making him look more stressed than necessary; his nose had a faint scar on the bridge and looked a bit crooked but it must've been broken by an old fight that he didn't notice the imperfection until now; his gaze rested on his lips (now caught in a thin line), it was chapped and a bit cracked dry (he ran his tongue in an attempt to put some moisture), he wasn't even sure if it was capable of smiling.

Closing his eyes some more, Sakuragi forced a laugh but was caught in his throat as if laughter was meant to choke him to death, for that foreign face in the mirror was not him, never would be him. The image was a joke, a month-old joke to be precise and he latched his hands onto the mirror, desperately trying to eliminate that face off the shiny surface; he scratched, groped and ground his fingers until he was tired and fell utterly void on the bathroom tiles.

Stop.

I must stop myself.

I must stop myself from hurting me.

I should go to school. Yes, everything will be fine.

I should go and see Haruko-san.

Wearily, he lifted himself up and removed all his clothes (he then noticed the healed, but huge flaw on his left palm then an image of a short, glinting knife fleets across his memory), tossing them on a corner before stepping onto the cold, tiled shower stall and into the warm water that didn't seem to liven up his cold body.

+++

At lunch break the cafeteria in the third year building was not as chaotic compared to the lower years'.

Students lined up for a plate of mac and cheese, a bowl of ramen or a rather pathetic cup of green or red Jell-O that seems to remind them that Christmas was going to be 'just around the corner'. The cooks, canteen helpers and cashier were less grumpy and actually managed few polite words to the students. The sole janitor of the school cafeteria was standing beside the double doors of the place, a pail of water and a mop resting on the trash bin nearby, for occasional juice drips and food droppings (Crescent: Do I make it sound like bird poo?. Gomen!). Food fights were always around yet in this cafeteria it wasn't always a problem. Even the bullying rates dropped after Hotta and Co. (Mitsui's Gang?) graduated, the only group that could make a janitor's life hell was the Sakuragi Gundan when they stepped into their third years.

One might be surprised; the Gundan doesn't bully or boss around like Hotta's gang. They were getting better reviews than the latter and others started to respect them. Maybe because they decided to drop the childish (or barbaric) behavior and settled on making each other's life peaceful by becoming more mature and acting their age. Maybe because Mito Youhei, the sensible and intelligent one in the group, was being a responsible senior, with good grades in academics as proof if anyone wants one, and just started rubbing off his good traits to his other friends. Maybe because their leader, Sakuragi Hanamichi was starting to prove his worth by keeping his head cool on and off court, helping bring the basketball team to the Inter-High elimination, and lessening his deadly head-butts whenever he's pissed off.

So the cafeteria today was quiet, okay… maybe a little more quiet than usual. Wanna know why? Because most of the cafeteria's occupants were couples, occupying every private table they could find and enjoying their solace. The rest of the hungry third year population was either picnicking out on the grounds or eating out (which was actually prohibited) or just trying to squeeze onto the rest of the unoccupied tables not minding the nauseating sweet-talks of the couples beside them.

At a table by the west windows, near the cafeteria door, four girls were trying (but failing) to hush a quite interesting gossip.

"Have you seen far quirkier couple than Jan and Nini?" Naoko cracked at her other friends, the leaders of the Rukawa shinetai, and laughed like a hyena.

"Oh, they're not the worse compared to the Matsui-girl and the dorky Tetsuya!" Aisha flipped her shoulder-length hair, some of the strands hitting their pig-tailed friend Sasha, causing the other girl to hit her shoulder.

"Hey, isn't that Matsui-girl was Akagi Haruko's friend?" Sasha asked, sipping her OJ slowly.

"Yeah, was is the right way of saying it."

"Why?" Sasha asked again.

"Because that Haruko ditched her friends when she really thought she would hit the jackpot when she proposed to our Rukawa-kun!" Keana, their latest best-friend because of her reporting (gossiping) abilities and common hatred for Haruko, sneered to the direction of a figure in the far corner of the cafeteria, eating alone.

"She didn't!" Naoko gasped in fake surprise.

"That brainless git!" Aisha narrowed her eyes at the unknowing gossip victim.

"I'm really amazed how on earth she's able to pull that stunt!" Sasha crossed her arms over her chest. "Tell me, what happened."

"Oh, clearly this had been all shushed up," Keana's eyes glinted in satisfaction. "Here's the better part. She got dumped."

The other girls stared at her in ultimate gratitude.

"Yokatta!" They squealed happily, exchanging high-fives and sneering at Haruko's direction.

"Ha! She thought she's good enough for our Rukawa-kun just because she's the team's manageress," Naoko smiled and patting Keana's back for her good work.

"Well, that's basically the reason why she quit on being the manageress," Keana added, earning more praises from the shinetai.

"At least Rukawa-kun's free from her grimy hands!" Aisha said.

"Serves her right for being a self-centered bi—!" Naoko suddenly forced a hand on Sasha's mouth, shoving her juice in the process.

"—Sakuragi-san!" Naoko gasped in horror.

Sakuragi was standing at the back of Sasha's chair and looked like he just came outside the cafeteria's doors.

"The shinetai," he said, sarcasm present in his voice.

Sasha shuddered inwardly as Naoko removed here hand from her mouth and slowly looked up to the tall redhead behind.

"Ohayou," Sasha weakly greeted.

Everyone knows about the new Sakuragi Hanamichi, the more mature and serious Sakuragi. Even if they don't know the reason, the warning doesn't made anyone immune from the intimidating presence and all without the bragging air he used to have, even the Rukawa shinetai who always insult him because of his stupidity on the courts.

"Haruko is not a bitch." This was Sakuragi now. Unnerving and direct to the point. He looked down at them, one hand carrying his bento. The newest shinetai dared to speak.

"Well, whatever you heard is true. Face it, Sakuragi-san. We know of your infatuation for her. She doesn't give a damn about you," Keana stood up and leveled her flashing green eyes with his steely, bronze eyes.

"Who are you?" the redhead only asked.

"I'm one of Rukawa's most loyal fan," she proudly answered. The rest of the shinetai stood up beside her, flaunting their cheering uniforms in front of Sakuragi's face with the usual Ru, Ka and Wa print, while grinning madly. Sakuragi's eyes swept over the clothes and returned his gaze to Keana.

"And what are you suppose to be?" he asked, "The exclamation point?"

The shinetai dropped their uniforms.

+++

Akagi Haruko was alone.

The truth behind it was killing her too slowly even for the shinetai's tastes.

There she was sitting by the rear windows of the place yet discreetly hidden to most of the people who were used to face the cafeteria's doors and east windows, eating a cup of red Jell-O and iced tea.

Haruko poked the Jell-O with her spoon then slowly carved a spoonful and brought it into her mouth, swallowing it slowly. She lifted her glass of iced tea and sipped a bit before placing it down. Carefully, she laid the spoon down on the Jell-O container and stared at the red gelatin like it was the most fascinating thing in the world.

"Do you mind if I share this table with you?" somebody asked.

Still staring at the Jell-O, Haruko shook her head and the stranger sat in front of her.

"What's wrong, Haruko-san?" the stranger asked. Haruko lifted her head to find a pair of the most sincere brown eyes she's so familiar with.

"Hanamichi…" she breathed.

Sakuragi gave her a small smile and opened the bento he'd been carrying for lunch. He stacked out the two containers and lifted the chopsticks from one of them.

"You must each much more than that, Haruko-san. Akagi might have my hide if he thought I'm eating your food every lunch," Sakuragi said, giving and extra pair of chopsticks to Haruko which the girl shyly accepted.

"Arigato, Sakuragi-kun," she said. "Demo… I'm not really hungry. Honto ni."

"I won't accept that answer. Eat," Sakuragi pressed and pushed one of the food containers towards her. "Eat and then we'll talk."

They ate in silence. After they finished, Sakuragi took the double stacked bento and placed it at his side. Haruko lowered her head a bit and stared at the dark spot on the table as if she's afraid of the redhead.

"Why won't you look at me, Haruko-san?" Sakuragi asked. Haruko was startled and her eyes darted to and fro, still refusing to answer.

"Onegai, Haruko-san… if it was something the shinetai said, forget about it. I already took care of it. I don't care about what they say or what you did. I just want you to speak to me," Sakuragi said.

"I'm ashamed, Sakuragi-kun… I don't even know why you're talking to me like this," Haruko softly replied while biting her lips and wringing her hands under the table. "You should be hating me by now, cursing me for hurting you."

"I don't understand."

"I know… I know you heard them," Haruko continued, nodding at the shinetai's direction who were starting to leave the cafeteria, "I know that they were making fun of me, saying that I was pathetic enough to ditch my friends and chase the most desired creature alive like some love-sick puppy trailing him since first year high school…"

"Haruko-san—"

"—Onegai, Sakuragi-kun. Let me continue this. I have to explain my side… why… why I did something horrible like this," Haruko cut him off gently. Seeing his startled look when he heard her last words, Haruko gave him a weak smile and cast her eyes downwards.

"Yes, Sakuragi-kun. Horrible. I did something horrible to me, to Rukawa-kun, but most especially, to you.

It all started with a hopeless admiration to a basketball ace that seems to lack proper communicating skills. Now, don't you ask me why am I saying things that might shatter my illusion of a perfect man, and it's not because he dumped me the night I proposed to him…"

They heard the bell rang. Haruko turned to the windows and noticed the other students leaving the place, blankets and bento in their hands and sometimes, another hand in them.

"… Lunch is over," she casually said as she looked at Sakuragi.

He straightened his form and asked, "Would you like me to walk you to your class?" as if the conversation didn't took place.

"You don't have to. We're going to be both late for one thing."

So they left the cafeteria and started to the wide corridors. Step by step, Haruko matched the wide, determined strides of the redhead, stealing a glance at him and thinking how in the world had she purposely cast their friendship aside just for the attention of someone who didn't want her the same way. It seemed funny and sad that her being emotional and impulsive would result such misunderstanding and total understanding for the three of them: the ace, the rebound king and the team's former manageress.

It wasn't deliberate yet she felt responsible. Thinking back to the night Rukawa accused her of being selfish, she had bit her lip, refusing the fact that her proposal would hurt only person who really care about her.

Now Haruko's certain that should have done something to mend their relationships or rather lack of. Her lovelife might suffer but her need for friendship was more precious than a fleeting crush. No. She shouldn't think about herself, she should think of the man who stood up for her even she had become the most awful creature on earth. And she has to tell him she's sorry once and for all.

Haruko ceased walking and Sakuragi turned to her questioningly.

"Thank you for your friendship, Sakuragi Hanamichi," the brown-haired girl bowed and rose to meet the redhead's confused brown eyes. "It's more than I deserve and I thank you for that. And I'm sorry for everything I did that caused you to hurt. You deserve a lot more… a lot more than me."

Sakuragi looked at her and let the words sink in. She was saying goodbye and thank you at the same time. And she was releasing him from his blind infatuation for the last three years.

She's not your world…

He remembered the time when his best friend had put his arms around him, letting him know that a lot of people actually cares and he shouldn't rely on only one person for support. He was extremely grateful, Youhei wasn't the only one who's patient enough to care for his stubborn nature.

Sakuragi looked at her again and he saw her hopeful blue eyes shimmering in the afternoon light. He nodded once and he was rewarded with the sweetest smile Haruko would never give to anyone else.

Then they both parted their ways in silent understanding.

-tsuzuku-

Crescent speaks:

*streches arms* Whoa! Too long! Eight pages! I hope this time ffnet would update my fic. See, I was having a hard time doing that and I don't know, but the edited chap for chap 7 won't upload. Oh, well…

So, I really don't know what happened here. It's supposed to be a confrontation among Hana, Kaede and Youhei and I just turned out to be a Haruko bashing chapter again. *sigh* Sometimes, I really pity the girl. But hey! She's OUT OF THE PICTURE once and for all! *Haruko fans throws knives at the author* EEEPPP!!!!

Yeah, I won't really tell you the exact things that happened the night Kaede and Youhei seemed to agree on the prospect of the 'blood money'. I'm sure you figured that guys out so eventually those things will be on the later chaps, maybe POV of someone, okay? ^____^

Minna, thanks for reviewing!!!

sLL – Thank you so much! The plot? *grins sheepishly* Herrr… I really don't know, sometimes when your kinna frustrated, well my pc is always open so… I hope you read my notes talks about the blood money though. Thanks as always! *hugs sLL*

Keitsu Han'ei – hey, nice name! Gomen for doing that to them. Well, it's going to get better but I can't promise soon. Hope you'd still read this. Thank you!

Hikaru Itsuko – You really like it? *teary-eyed* Gosh! My readers always makes me smile! ^_______^ I'm sorry about the cliffhanger but the last chap's kinna getting too long for my fingers somehow I gotta stop somewhere. I'll try not do it again. Thank you!!!

Tina Caps – Thank you! Slow comps are also my problem these days. ^__^ You always make me smile especially when you said you like the 'finger in the hand line'. I was quite worried people might not really understand what that means so it's a bit bugging. And the 'blood money'… as much as I hate people going evil because of that or trying to justify their bad doings bec of the need for them, sometimes you can't blame them. After all, we're all human. Thank you so much!

Chris – here, another Haruko bashing fic (actually it's the shinetai's idea)! *sheepish grin* well, Hanamichi in prostitution and his brother Shiomori was there first because of the need for money. Hana was just pulled in because Shio died, as a replacement. Yeah, I know it's kinna harsh but Kaede and Youhei are trying to pull Hana out. So, thank you so much for reviewing! It means a lot!

Annachan – Hi! Thank you for continuing reading. Ah, I think this chap's a bit angst-y and dramatic, I originally didn't want that but well, hope you still like this. Angst and epic? *blushes* never really thought of that but I'm not complaining! ^___^ seriously, thank you so much. Yeah, I really want to retain Youhei here because he's not only important to the fic but he's Hana's bestfriend and true friends always remain by each other's side. Thank again!

hagane – wow! I take it you dislike Haruko ^___^ Thanks for reviewing! When you said Rukawa's more realistic here, I got into thinking… wow! 'cause sometimes I thought I was making him OOC. That means a lot, really! Thank you so much!!!