Pickle McPickle's brother sat on the sofa, looking sad but distracted by
the questions that Aphy and Jamie were asking him.
"Repeat after me," said Aphy, looking very serious. "Silk, Silk, Silk."
"Silk, Silk, Silk."
"What do cows drink?"
"...Milk...?"
Aphy's face lit up. "I knew he'd get it wrong!" she exclaimed, then turned to face Jamie, grinning. "You owe me five bucks."
"Shouldn't you be asking me important questions?" He seemed nervous.
"Like what?"
"Like ... Like what my name is. Doesn't that matter?"
"Not really," said Jamie, looking at McSusie's clipboard (she had taken it away, because McSusie had started a heated debate about gun control with one of the cats). "Everything we need to know is on here." Aphy's eyes glinted.
"That's right," she said, grinning. "EVERYTHING. Bwa ha ha ha."
"Anyway, It says that your name is ... Steve?" Jamie looked puzzled. "That stands out a bit."
"Why?" asked Steve.
"Shouldn't you be called something like 'Ketchup' or 'Lettuce' or 'Sesame Seed Bun'?"
Steve shrugged. "I'm the black sheep of the family," he said. "Are you sure you're both qualified for a job like this?"
"Of COURSE!" shouted Jamie. Her eyes narrowed, and she fixed Steve with an evil glare. "Why do you ask?"
"No - no reason." Steve took a very sudden interest in the color of the ugly shag carpet. It was beginning to dawn on him that this might not turn out like that TV show, the one with the guy, and the other guy, and Greg. "Either way, does anyone know what happened to him?" Aphy looked up from the clipboard, where she'd been reading about the many uses of cheese.
"Who?"
"Pickle."
"No thanks."
"What?"
"I don't like pickles."
"Not a pickle!"
"Who's not a pickle?" asked Jamie.
"Never mind ..."
-----
Kazey pulled on a white lab coat as she stepped into the autopsy room, where Selphie McSelphie, the coroner, was supposed to have been working on the examination of McPickle.
"Sorry I'm late," she said. "Did you find anything?"
"What do you mean?" McSelphie was looking a little green around the gills, and seemed anxious to stay turned away from the body.
"...I mean, did you find out what killed him?"
"How am I supposed to do that?"
What a question. "Well," began Kazey, "Normally you would take one of those scalpels, and-"
McSelphie blanched. "You mean you want me to cut him open?" She seemed shocked that anyone would dare voice the idea out loud.
"That's generally the idea, yes."
"That's DISGUSTING!"
"That's why you're the coroner; so that other people don't have to do it." Kazey paused for a second. "I take it that you haven't actually done anything yet."
"No! Why would I want to?"
Kazey sighed, realized she was probably on her own for this one, and picked up a scalpel.
"Wait! What are you doing? Can you DO that? Hey! Mph-" McSelphie ran out of the room, looking like she was about to be sick. Kazey shook her head, wondered how McSelphie had managed to keep her job for this long, and continued with McPickle's autopsy.
-----
Jamie stepped into the J.H. Henderson hallway, trying to spot Aphy through the randomly appearing windows. She hoped the right lab would show up quickly; it'd taken her a few days to find it last time.
James H. Henderson was a relatively unknown physicist who lived on top of the CLUE building. His only contribution to the laboratory was also the most unwelcome - his 'functional' endless hallway. It worked somewhat like a large treadmill, but a treadmill on which you could take any direction you wanted, including down and up. There were a few glitches in the mechanics, of course; like the way the rooms would appear at random intervals instead of where they were built into the design. These would probably never be fixed, as Henderson had died a few years ago from a fatal injury he received during an experiment with rubber bands and chalk. The prototype for the hallway, however, had recently been installed at Jamie's request, because it was cool.
Kazey and Aphy were located in a large room with microscopes, tables, and squirrels hiding under desks. Kazey was examining something with a magnifying glass.
"Jamie," she said.
"Yes?"
"I don't like the hallway."
"Why not?"
"It took me seven hours to find this room."
"We could use a different one."
"That's not funny."
Aphy blinked. "Yes it is," They looked at her quizically. The duck sitting on the table quacked. "He says he's pleased to meet you," she translated.
"You ... understand that?" Jamie was a bit taken aback.
"Of course," said Aphy. "Can't you?" Jamie glanced at Kazey. Kazey shrugged.
"Everyone has a quirk," she said. "And Aphy's might help. She found the duck in McPickle's VCR." Jamie looked disappointed.
"Well I found the half-eaten pizza!"
"And I found the flippers!" countered Aphy.
"But IIIIII found the lipstick!" Aphy looked blank.
"Why does that count?"
"I don't think McPickle wore lipstick."
"Maybe his brother did." Everyone accepted this as a plausible explanation.
"Either way," began Kazey, "None of this will help until we find a new lab tech - " Jamie tore her gaze away from the duck, who she could swear had been staring at her strangely.
"You mean we lost the last guy, too? What happened to him?"
"He ran out of the building screaming one day. Something about 'crazy people'. We didn't really ever figure out what happened."
"There must have been more applications," said Jamie. Kazey leafed through a pile of forms spread across the table.
"One."
------------------
Hmm ... I realized at the end of this chapter that I kind of turned Kazey into a doctor. ^_^ oh well. And yes, I did steal the 'Silk, Silk, Silk' thing from an actual episode.
"Repeat after me," said Aphy, looking very serious. "Silk, Silk, Silk."
"Silk, Silk, Silk."
"What do cows drink?"
"...Milk...?"
Aphy's face lit up. "I knew he'd get it wrong!" she exclaimed, then turned to face Jamie, grinning. "You owe me five bucks."
"Shouldn't you be asking me important questions?" He seemed nervous.
"Like what?"
"Like ... Like what my name is. Doesn't that matter?"
"Not really," said Jamie, looking at McSusie's clipboard (she had taken it away, because McSusie had started a heated debate about gun control with one of the cats). "Everything we need to know is on here." Aphy's eyes glinted.
"That's right," she said, grinning. "EVERYTHING. Bwa ha ha ha."
"Anyway, It says that your name is ... Steve?" Jamie looked puzzled. "That stands out a bit."
"Why?" asked Steve.
"Shouldn't you be called something like 'Ketchup' or 'Lettuce' or 'Sesame Seed Bun'?"
Steve shrugged. "I'm the black sheep of the family," he said. "Are you sure you're both qualified for a job like this?"
"Of COURSE!" shouted Jamie. Her eyes narrowed, and she fixed Steve with an evil glare. "Why do you ask?"
"No - no reason." Steve took a very sudden interest in the color of the ugly shag carpet. It was beginning to dawn on him that this might not turn out like that TV show, the one with the guy, and the other guy, and Greg. "Either way, does anyone know what happened to him?" Aphy looked up from the clipboard, where she'd been reading about the many uses of cheese.
"Who?"
"Pickle."
"No thanks."
"What?"
"I don't like pickles."
"Not a pickle!"
"Who's not a pickle?" asked Jamie.
"Never mind ..."
-----
Kazey pulled on a white lab coat as she stepped into the autopsy room, where Selphie McSelphie, the coroner, was supposed to have been working on the examination of McPickle.
"Sorry I'm late," she said. "Did you find anything?"
"What do you mean?" McSelphie was looking a little green around the gills, and seemed anxious to stay turned away from the body.
"...I mean, did you find out what killed him?"
"How am I supposed to do that?"
What a question. "Well," began Kazey, "Normally you would take one of those scalpels, and-"
McSelphie blanched. "You mean you want me to cut him open?" She seemed shocked that anyone would dare voice the idea out loud.
"That's generally the idea, yes."
"That's DISGUSTING!"
"That's why you're the coroner; so that other people don't have to do it." Kazey paused for a second. "I take it that you haven't actually done anything yet."
"No! Why would I want to?"
Kazey sighed, realized she was probably on her own for this one, and picked up a scalpel.
"Wait! What are you doing? Can you DO that? Hey! Mph-" McSelphie ran out of the room, looking like she was about to be sick. Kazey shook her head, wondered how McSelphie had managed to keep her job for this long, and continued with McPickle's autopsy.
-----
Jamie stepped into the J.H. Henderson hallway, trying to spot Aphy through the randomly appearing windows. She hoped the right lab would show up quickly; it'd taken her a few days to find it last time.
James H. Henderson was a relatively unknown physicist who lived on top of the CLUE building. His only contribution to the laboratory was also the most unwelcome - his 'functional' endless hallway. It worked somewhat like a large treadmill, but a treadmill on which you could take any direction you wanted, including down and up. There were a few glitches in the mechanics, of course; like the way the rooms would appear at random intervals instead of where they were built into the design. These would probably never be fixed, as Henderson had died a few years ago from a fatal injury he received during an experiment with rubber bands and chalk. The prototype for the hallway, however, had recently been installed at Jamie's request, because it was cool.
Kazey and Aphy were located in a large room with microscopes, tables, and squirrels hiding under desks. Kazey was examining something with a magnifying glass.
"Jamie," she said.
"Yes?"
"I don't like the hallway."
"Why not?"
"It took me seven hours to find this room."
"We could use a different one."
"That's not funny."
Aphy blinked. "Yes it is," They looked at her quizically. The duck sitting on the table quacked. "He says he's pleased to meet you," she translated.
"You ... understand that?" Jamie was a bit taken aback.
"Of course," said Aphy. "Can't you?" Jamie glanced at Kazey. Kazey shrugged.
"Everyone has a quirk," she said. "And Aphy's might help. She found the duck in McPickle's VCR." Jamie looked disappointed.
"Well I found the half-eaten pizza!"
"And I found the flippers!" countered Aphy.
"But IIIIII found the lipstick!" Aphy looked blank.
"Why does that count?"
"I don't think McPickle wore lipstick."
"Maybe his brother did." Everyone accepted this as a plausible explanation.
"Either way," began Kazey, "None of this will help until we find a new lab tech - " Jamie tore her gaze away from the duck, who she could swear had been staring at her strangely.
"You mean we lost the last guy, too? What happened to him?"
"He ran out of the building screaming one day. Something about 'crazy people'. We didn't really ever figure out what happened."
"There must have been more applications," said Jamie. Kazey leafed through a pile of forms spread across the table.
"One."
------------------
Hmm ... I realized at the end of this chapter that I kind of turned Kazey into a doctor. ^_^ oh well. And yes, I did steal the 'Silk, Silk, Silk' thing from an actual episode.
