CHAPTER Eleven - Pains Of The Heart

Esmeralda took the cool washcloth and dabbed at Merry's cheeks, his temples, and then laid it across his brow. He was starting to wake; she breathed a sigh of relief. He had slept all throughout the day and into the night. She tried to coax him to eat or drink something when he woke, but it was little. She worried for Merry since it was only a few weeks ago he was abed with illness before.

Merry took a deep breath before opening his eyes. He saw his mother standing nearby. "Hullo, Mum."

"Merry!" Esmeralda called to him softly, and stroked the curls away from his brow. "Merry, sweetie." Esmeralda brightened at the prospect of her son feeling a little better; she told him of how his father and her had been summoned the other day when he was first attacked by the wolves. "Your father would have come, but for your uncle Merimac. He became ill just the other day." She studied her son for a reaction; there was none. "Your dad thought to stay behind and look after him."

Still no response; Merry turned his head away from his mother. He closed his eyes to keep the tears at bay; he wanted to shield her from his disappointment. His mum had more on her own heart than the additional pain of knowing how hurt he truly was.

Saradoc was not a physically abusive father, but for reasons unknown to Merry, Saradoc kept a distance from his son--never really considering the consequence of his actions. As a result, Merry felt utterly cut off; as if he was never wanted.

He first noticed the indifference of his father during his holiday visit with his cousins a couple years ago. Merry witnessed Paladin taking turns in bringing each of his children to the fields with him sometimes; not necessarily to put them to hard labor all day, but just to enjoy spending the day with them. Paladin spent many hours out in the fields, and didn't let his work stand in the way of building a bond with each of his children. He even took Merry a few times, and because of this, a special connection grew between them. In truth, Merry felt more like a son than a nephew to his Uncle. Why doesn't my father want to do things with me--or even come to my aid?, Merry thought. And now he stays home to sit with his brother? I'm his son--does that not account for something? Merry loved his father, and tried so hard to please him in spite of the coldness, and the apparent detachment hurt him deeper than Saradoc would ever know.

Esmeralda watched her son's heartache grow deeper. Only a few years ago she would take him in her arms and tell him how much she and his father loved him and were so happy that he was born. Merry wasn't so little anymore, and not so easily appeased--yet he was still a boy that needed his father. It was time she spoke with Saradoc. "Sleep, Merry", said Esmeralda, smoothing his curls once more, "You'll feel better later." Merry was fast asleep in his mother's loving care.