After leaving Mrs. Jamesons, Buffy is antsy, she can't sit still in the car seat. Spike turns to her, "Pet, what's wrong? Can I help?"
"I need ...I would like to stop by the police station. I want to ask if there is any progress." She keeps clenching and unclenching her fists.
Spike is worried, worried about where this will lead her...but he loves her and he knows that despite everything she needs to know that whoever did this needs to be punished. He drives towards the station and parks the car. He grabs his blanket from the backseat, She shakes her head, "No, you stay here with Jake. I'll be right back."
"You sure you want to go alone?"
She nods her head in answer and he watches her back as she walks to the door. Worry gnaws at him, but he can't dwell for long because Jake has woke up and he's screaming as if he's scared. Poor little fellow,
he must feel lost everything familiar to him gone in an instant. Spike manuevers the baby out of the seat and into his lap. "S'okay. S'okay." He murmurs over and over slightly rocking the best he can in the tight fit of the front seat.
The officers are sympathetic as Buffy talks to them . They assure he that r they were dilligently working on the list of people that Chris had put away and were hoping for some solid clues soon. She doesn't share their optimism, it gnaws at her that they might never know... Thanking the officer she leaves and returns to the car.
Spike is holding Jake in the front seat with him, the baby is quiet but his eyes are damp and she knows he's been crying.
"He was sleeping then woke up like he had a nightmare. Do babies have nightmares? I picked him up and started talking to him and he seemed to calm down." He explained as he leaned over the seat and strapped the little boy back into the car seat.
Buffy settles into her seat, "I dont' know if babies have nightmares or not? Of course if any baby has a reason for nightmares, it's little Jake." She leans her head against Spike's shoulder as he drives.
"So, did they have any news?" He asks as he pats her leg.
"They don't have anything yet, still checking on cases that Chris prosecuted. They have to find who did this Spike!" She balled her hands into fists, "If they don't then I'll.."
"You'll what, Buffy?" Spike's voice was calm but his eyes revealed his anger and worry, "You can't go off on a revenge trip, got a baby to think of now."
"Yeah, I do. And this baby's parents were murdered! Someone has to pay for making him a orphan!" She crossed her arms on her chest.
"Buffy...I want whoever did this as much as you do....but you have to be careful. We don't want Jake to lose everyone, do we?" His voice was soft as he touched her cheek with one hand.
"No..but I ...don't know if I can just sit around and wait for justice." Buffy sighed, "I...I'm sorry, Spike. Don't worry, I'm not going to do anything crazy. Do you think we could go home tonight? I just want to be home."
"Yes, we can do that. I'll call and make arrangements when we get back to the hotel. You and Jake can take a rest." Spike smiled at her as he started the car.
When they returned to the hotel, Buffy fed Jake and they both took a nap. After several phone calls, Spike made the funeral arrangements, the bodies would be released and sent to the funeral home in Sunnydale tomorrow. The funeral would be the day after. Mrs. Jamesons brother was bringing her into town for the funeral and Giles had called Willow and Xander. Everything was set, Spike leaned back into the chair and closed his eyes, running his hand through his hair tiredly.
"Here, you look like you need this." Angel handed him a glass filled with amber colored fluid.
"Thanks." He answered as he sipped the fluid which burned slightly as it went down.
"So, everything is arranged?"
"Yeah, funeral is the day after tomorrow as late in the day as they'll allow. Burial is at Restfield under that lovely wllow tree. Not too far from Joyce." Spike took another larger sip of his drink.
"She seems to be holding up okay? How did it go with Mrs. Jameson?" Angel asked as he sat down across from the blond.
"She's doing okay, I think. She's a bit worried about taking care of Jake...even asked Mrs. Jameson if she thought he would be better off with her instead of us? She assured Buffy that we could do the job." Spike
gave a small laugh and shook his head.
"What do you think?" Angel asked over the rim of his own glass.
"I think that I know next to nothing about babies and thats probably more then Buffy knows. I think that it's gonna be a rough adjustment for everyone involved, I think it may be a mistake.....but I also think that I made a promise to Dawn....." He finished finished off his drink and sat the glass down hard on the coffee table.
"Want another?" Angel motioned towards the empty glass.
"No, Buffy wants to leave tonight for Sunnydale. I should get our things together so we can leave when she and Jake wake. Do you think you could bring Buffy's car to Sunnydale, I think we should make the trip back together." Spike stood up.
"I'll help you load your car and then I'll bring Buffy's car for the funeral. I'm sure I can get a ride back to LA."
Angel began to help sort through the baby stuff and decide what they needed immediately he would bring the rest of it when he brought Buffy's car.
Buffy woke to the feeling of a soft tickle on her face. She opened her eyes to find her self face to face with Jake. His small hand batting at her face, the soft touch tickling her. "Hello, there." She whispered softly,
"Are you ready for a trip?" The baby stared back at her moving his hands in the air. She caught one of the
small fists and placed a kiss , soft as angels breath on the top of it. "We're going to do our best for you, Jake. I promise."
"You up?" Spike asked as he entered the room.
"We both are." Buffy answered as she sat up taking the baby with her, "Let me freshen up and I'll be ready to go home."
Spike stared at her for a moment amazed at how natural she looked sitting on the bed the baby in her arms. Just two days ago he would have said you were crazy to even think of placing a baby in thier complicated life, but now he wondered.
"Okay, Angel and I will pack the car." He left her brushing her hair and packing up what was left in the bedroom.
******
The drive back to Sunnydale was quiet. Jake was good the entire trip, napping and gurgling happily intermittently in his car seat. The house at Revello Drive was dark and quiet as they opened the front door and carried Jake into his new home. Spike unloaded the bassinet and Jakes clothes while Buffy took the bottles and formula to the kitchen. Jake sat in his infant seat as if he were taking it all in, not quite understanding what was happening in his small world.
As Spike carried the bassinet upstairs to he and Buffy's room, she changed Jake's diaper and fed him again. The trip and all the change seemed to have worn him out and he quickly fell asleep. Spike carried him upstairs to the bedroom while Buffy figured out the baby monitor. She left one in the bedroom and carried the other with her back downstairs. Spike followed her into the kichen, as she pulled sandwich makings from the refrigerator and half heartedly made herself a small supper. "You hungry?"
"A little." He nodded as she stuck a mug in the microwave for him. He went to the phone and hit the message button, after listening to messages from Xander and Willow he went to hit the delete button. Buffy put her hand on his abruptly, "Don't erase them all........Dawn's on there." She hit the rewind button until she found the message, Dawn's voice filled the kitchen, "I won't hear her voice again, Spike." She leaned against his chest, the sandwich forgotten, as hot tears soaked his shirtfront.
"Oh, Buffy." He held her tightly to him rocking her gently in his embrace, "Love you, pet. It's going to be okay."
He finally picked her up and carried her to their bedroom, lying her on the bed he pulled off her boots and held her close to him until she fell asleep. He checked on Jake peacefully sleeping in the bassinet and
climbed back into the bed. As hard as it was for her now, the finality of the funeral would be even harder.
***
Buffy woke first to the soft whimpers of Jake, she squinted at the bassinet in the corner of the room before she rolled out of the bed. "Good morning." She picked up the squirming baby, "Oh..you're very, very wet."
She held him out from her as found a clean diaper and then quickly changed him.
Spike watched her from half closed eyes a small smile crept on his face, she was getting good at this, maybe? Just maybe this would work? He was shook from his thoughts by Buffy's voice, "Are you going to lie there and pretend to sleep or are you going to help me give him his breakfast and.." She sniffed distastefully, "a bath."
He laughed soflty, "Guess I better help. Have you ever bathed a baby before?" He stood up pulling on a pair of sweat pants.
"No, I haven't but the only other option is to not bathe him and." She handed the baby to Spike wrinkling her nose, "I'm not sure that's an option we can live with."
Spike sniffed and grinned, "Agreed."
Spike made a bottle of formula as he held Jake up on his shoulder. Buffy found the small plastic tub Spike and Angel had packed the night before. Spike fed the baby as he watched her fill the tub with warm water testing it several times with her elbow. She had arranged baby soap and lotion on the countertop.
When he finished the bottle, Jake promptly burped and spit up down the front of his sleeper, "Just in time." Spike rolled his eyes as he handed the baby to Buffy. She awkwardly took the sleeper off of him and removed the diaper, with one arm under the baby she slid him into the warm water. He frowned at first but settled as the warm water surrounded him, with her free hand Buffy attempted to pour baby wash on the washcloth , this looked easier then it actaully was. Wet baby equals slippery baby, "Uh....Spike, some help here." She called over her shoulder.
Spike walked over to the tub and took the wash cloth from her, she nodded towards the baby wash and he poured some on the cloth, "You want me to hold him or wash him?"
"You hold, and I'll wash." She began to wash the baby with the warm cloth, he seemed to be enjoying the bath. She washed his hair with the washcloth and reached for the towel she had laid out. Wrapping Jake in the soft towel she carried him into the living room, drying him off gently, she lathered her hands as she'd seen Dawn do and covered him in the clean smell of baby lotion. "That's much better." She smiled as she put on a clean diaper, "Let's see what Uncle Spike found for you to wear."
"I couldn't decide so I brought another of those one piece footie things, it seemed like a safe choice, not too hot but not too cold either." Spike held up a blue sleeper with a train embroidered across the chest.
"That will work." Buffy took the sleeper from him and dressed the baby. The doorbell rang as she finished her handiwork.
She handed the baby to Spike as she went to get the door, "He smells much better now." Spike commented as he followed, the warm, comfy smell of baby lotion wafting from the clean and content baby.
She smiled then, a real smile, the first since the whole ordeal had started, " Enjoy it, probably won't last long."
She opened the door to find Giles standing on her porch, he entered the house swiflty pulling her into a bear hug. "I'm so sorry, Buffy." She let him hold her for a few minutes, relishing the feel of his fatherly hug. As much as she loved and needed Spike, she needed her "dad" now too.
She pulled back from him and gave him a soggy smile, "I'm glad you're here."
Spike watched from behind, having Giles here would be good for her. "Spike, how are you?" Giles asked as he offered his hand to the vamp, balancing Jake in the crook of one arm he returned the gesture, "I'm hanging in there." Spike answered honestly.
Giles patted the baby's chubby hand, "This must be Jake?"
"Yes, Jake, " Spike looked seriously at the baby, "This is...Giles." The baby surveyed yet another newcomer into his world and squalled loudly.
"I'm sorry.." Giles began to stammer.
"It's okay, poor little guy. He's not used to all of the changes." Buffy patted Giles arm and led him to the living room.
Spike paced around the living room listening to Giles fill Buffy in on what was going on with the potentials and assuring her that he could take care of any problems for the time being. Jake finally fell asleep on his shoulder and he carefully took him upstairs to his bed.
On his way down the stairs the doorbell rang again. Buffy opened the door to Willow and Xander. Spike watched from the bottom step as a group hug ensued among the three friends. After several moments they broke away heading towards the living room, Buffy caught Spike's hand in hers and followed. Giles stood to greet the newcomers, more hugs were exchanged with the Watcher.
"Where is Jake?" Willow asked as she sat down between Giles and Xander.
"He's sleeping upstairs." Buffy answered, "We'll go check on him soon, he looks just like Dawnie."
Willow smiled sadly at her friend, "Buffy, we're so sorry."
Despite their shared grief the friends made time to catch up with each other. Willow had just recieved a promotion at the software company she worked for in Atlanta. Xander was still working construction and was happily married living in Denver. The three kept in touch but there were no more Scooby meetings on the agenda.
Sad news travels fast and periodically through the day, neighbors who had known Dawn as a child , teachers from her high school days and even long forgotten friends of Joyce's brought food and condolences to Buffy's house. Mrs. Aldrich across the street was in tears when she dropped off her bundt cake and tuna casserole, evidently Dawn had helped her get her cat out of a tree when she was 15. 'She made a fuss over Jake before she went back across the street. Buffy was touched that so many people remembered Dawn so fondly
. Jake seemed a bit shy of all the new people in the house and began to cling towards Buffy or Spike. Buffy held him in one arm as she wrestled with plates and glasses. Thankfully with all of the food that had arrived she wouldnt' have to cook for days. Spike held the baby and gave him his bottle as the others sat down to eat. After dinner, Willow , Xander and Giles shooed an exhausted Buffy and Spike from the kitchen explaining that they would do the clean up. Buffy made up the extra rooms as Xander and Giles argued over the couch. Jake finally let Willow hold him without bellowing and she managed to rock him to sleep following Buffy upstairs she lay him in the crib.
"He's so sweet, Buffy. You were right, he does look like Dawn." Willow pulled the blanket around the baby.
"Yeah. Willow can I tell you something....without you judging me?" Buffy asked sitting on the foot of the bed.
"Anything, Buffy." Willow sat down beside her, "What is it?"
"I love Jake, I do. But I'm not sure that I'm the right person to raise him. Look at how Spike and I live? " Buffy sighed, "You think I"m a monster don't you?"
Willow hugged her friend tightly, "No. you're not a montser, you're scared, and maybe a bit unsure of yourself in the 'mom' department?"
Buffy nodded her head, "Me a mom? Spike and I , we accepted a long time ago that there would be no children for us."
"What does Spike say?"
"He says he made a promise to Dawn and we have to honor it. And I want to..I'm scared that I'll be a complete screw up at parenthood though, Dawn was so good at it." Buffy sighed as the tears began to fall again.
"Buffy, Dawn knew you would take care of Jake, she trusts you to do it. You and Spike - you accepted the no children thing because you knew that you could't have them. That doesnt' mean that the two of you won't be good parents to Jake. You're gonna be fine." Willow gave Buffy another small hug. "Now, I'm going to get ready for bed. Goodnight."
Spike stood outside the bedroom door listening to Willow and Buffy. Buffy who could fight any monster you threw at her was scared of a three month old infant......he shook his head at the thought. He smiled at Willow as she exited the room and placed his hand on her arm, "Thanks for coming Willow."
:"No problem, Spike, and you know - she will be a great mom." The redhead smiled at him.
"Yeah...I know she will, she just needs to know it." He sighed as he walked into the bedroom.
TBC
"I need ...I would like to stop by the police station. I want to ask if there is any progress." She keeps clenching and unclenching her fists.
Spike is worried, worried about where this will lead her...but he loves her and he knows that despite everything she needs to know that whoever did this needs to be punished. He drives towards the station and parks the car. He grabs his blanket from the backseat, She shakes her head, "No, you stay here with Jake. I'll be right back."
"You sure you want to go alone?"
She nods her head in answer and he watches her back as she walks to the door. Worry gnaws at him, but he can't dwell for long because Jake has woke up and he's screaming as if he's scared. Poor little fellow,
he must feel lost everything familiar to him gone in an instant. Spike manuevers the baby out of the seat and into his lap. "S'okay. S'okay." He murmurs over and over slightly rocking the best he can in the tight fit of the front seat.
The officers are sympathetic as Buffy talks to them . They assure he that r they were dilligently working on the list of people that Chris had put away and were hoping for some solid clues soon. She doesn't share their optimism, it gnaws at her that they might never know... Thanking the officer she leaves and returns to the car.
Spike is holding Jake in the front seat with him, the baby is quiet but his eyes are damp and she knows he's been crying.
"He was sleeping then woke up like he had a nightmare. Do babies have nightmares? I picked him up and started talking to him and he seemed to calm down." He explained as he leaned over the seat and strapped the little boy back into the car seat.
Buffy settles into her seat, "I dont' know if babies have nightmares or not? Of course if any baby has a reason for nightmares, it's little Jake." She leans her head against Spike's shoulder as he drives.
"So, did they have any news?" He asks as he pats her leg.
"They don't have anything yet, still checking on cases that Chris prosecuted. They have to find who did this Spike!" She balled her hands into fists, "If they don't then I'll.."
"You'll what, Buffy?" Spike's voice was calm but his eyes revealed his anger and worry, "You can't go off on a revenge trip, got a baby to think of now."
"Yeah, I do. And this baby's parents were murdered! Someone has to pay for making him a orphan!" She crossed her arms on her chest.
"Buffy...I want whoever did this as much as you do....but you have to be careful. We don't want Jake to lose everyone, do we?" His voice was soft as he touched her cheek with one hand.
"No..but I ...don't know if I can just sit around and wait for justice." Buffy sighed, "I...I'm sorry, Spike. Don't worry, I'm not going to do anything crazy. Do you think we could go home tonight? I just want to be home."
"Yes, we can do that. I'll call and make arrangements when we get back to the hotel. You and Jake can take a rest." Spike smiled at her as he started the car.
When they returned to the hotel, Buffy fed Jake and they both took a nap. After several phone calls, Spike made the funeral arrangements, the bodies would be released and sent to the funeral home in Sunnydale tomorrow. The funeral would be the day after. Mrs. Jamesons brother was bringing her into town for the funeral and Giles had called Willow and Xander. Everything was set, Spike leaned back into the chair and closed his eyes, running his hand through his hair tiredly.
"Here, you look like you need this." Angel handed him a glass filled with amber colored fluid.
"Thanks." He answered as he sipped the fluid which burned slightly as it went down.
"So, everything is arranged?"
"Yeah, funeral is the day after tomorrow as late in the day as they'll allow. Burial is at Restfield under that lovely wllow tree. Not too far from Joyce." Spike took another larger sip of his drink.
"She seems to be holding up okay? How did it go with Mrs. Jameson?" Angel asked as he sat down across from the blond.
"She's doing okay, I think. She's a bit worried about taking care of Jake...even asked Mrs. Jameson if she thought he would be better off with her instead of us? She assured Buffy that we could do the job." Spike
gave a small laugh and shook his head.
"What do you think?" Angel asked over the rim of his own glass.
"I think that I know next to nothing about babies and thats probably more then Buffy knows. I think that it's gonna be a rough adjustment for everyone involved, I think it may be a mistake.....but I also think that I made a promise to Dawn....." He finished finished off his drink and sat the glass down hard on the coffee table.
"Want another?" Angel motioned towards the empty glass.
"No, Buffy wants to leave tonight for Sunnydale. I should get our things together so we can leave when she and Jake wake. Do you think you could bring Buffy's car to Sunnydale, I think we should make the trip back together." Spike stood up.
"I'll help you load your car and then I'll bring Buffy's car for the funeral. I'm sure I can get a ride back to LA."
Angel began to help sort through the baby stuff and decide what they needed immediately he would bring the rest of it when he brought Buffy's car.
Buffy woke to the feeling of a soft tickle on her face. She opened her eyes to find her self face to face with Jake. His small hand batting at her face, the soft touch tickling her. "Hello, there." She whispered softly,
"Are you ready for a trip?" The baby stared back at her moving his hands in the air. She caught one of the
small fists and placed a kiss , soft as angels breath on the top of it. "We're going to do our best for you, Jake. I promise."
"You up?" Spike asked as he entered the room.
"We both are." Buffy answered as she sat up taking the baby with her, "Let me freshen up and I'll be ready to go home."
Spike stared at her for a moment amazed at how natural she looked sitting on the bed the baby in her arms. Just two days ago he would have said you were crazy to even think of placing a baby in thier complicated life, but now he wondered.
"Okay, Angel and I will pack the car." He left her brushing her hair and packing up what was left in the bedroom.
******
The drive back to Sunnydale was quiet. Jake was good the entire trip, napping and gurgling happily intermittently in his car seat. The house at Revello Drive was dark and quiet as they opened the front door and carried Jake into his new home. Spike unloaded the bassinet and Jakes clothes while Buffy took the bottles and formula to the kitchen. Jake sat in his infant seat as if he were taking it all in, not quite understanding what was happening in his small world.
As Spike carried the bassinet upstairs to he and Buffy's room, she changed Jake's diaper and fed him again. The trip and all the change seemed to have worn him out and he quickly fell asleep. Spike carried him upstairs to the bedroom while Buffy figured out the baby monitor. She left one in the bedroom and carried the other with her back downstairs. Spike followed her into the kichen, as she pulled sandwich makings from the refrigerator and half heartedly made herself a small supper. "You hungry?"
"A little." He nodded as she stuck a mug in the microwave for him. He went to the phone and hit the message button, after listening to messages from Xander and Willow he went to hit the delete button. Buffy put her hand on his abruptly, "Don't erase them all........Dawn's on there." She hit the rewind button until she found the message, Dawn's voice filled the kitchen, "I won't hear her voice again, Spike." She leaned against his chest, the sandwich forgotten, as hot tears soaked his shirtfront.
"Oh, Buffy." He held her tightly to him rocking her gently in his embrace, "Love you, pet. It's going to be okay."
He finally picked her up and carried her to their bedroom, lying her on the bed he pulled off her boots and held her close to him until she fell asleep. He checked on Jake peacefully sleeping in the bassinet and
climbed back into the bed. As hard as it was for her now, the finality of the funeral would be even harder.
***
Buffy woke first to the soft whimpers of Jake, she squinted at the bassinet in the corner of the room before she rolled out of the bed. "Good morning." She picked up the squirming baby, "Oh..you're very, very wet."
She held him out from her as found a clean diaper and then quickly changed him.
Spike watched her from half closed eyes a small smile crept on his face, she was getting good at this, maybe? Just maybe this would work? He was shook from his thoughts by Buffy's voice, "Are you going to lie there and pretend to sleep or are you going to help me give him his breakfast and.." She sniffed distastefully, "a bath."
He laughed soflty, "Guess I better help. Have you ever bathed a baby before?" He stood up pulling on a pair of sweat pants.
"No, I haven't but the only other option is to not bathe him and." She handed the baby to Spike wrinkling her nose, "I'm not sure that's an option we can live with."
Spike sniffed and grinned, "Agreed."
Spike made a bottle of formula as he held Jake up on his shoulder. Buffy found the small plastic tub Spike and Angel had packed the night before. Spike fed the baby as he watched her fill the tub with warm water testing it several times with her elbow. She had arranged baby soap and lotion on the countertop.
When he finished the bottle, Jake promptly burped and spit up down the front of his sleeper, "Just in time." Spike rolled his eyes as he handed the baby to Buffy. She awkwardly took the sleeper off of him and removed the diaper, with one arm under the baby she slid him into the warm water. He frowned at first but settled as the warm water surrounded him, with her free hand Buffy attempted to pour baby wash on the washcloth , this looked easier then it actaully was. Wet baby equals slippery baby, "Uh....Spike, some help here." She called over her shoulder.
Spike walked over to the tub and took the wash cloth from her, she nodded towards the baby wash and he poured some on the cloth, "You want me to hold him or wash him?"
"You hold, and I'll wash." She began to wash the baby with the warm cloth, he seemed to be enjoying the bath. She washed his hair with the washcloth and reached for the towel she had laid out. Wrapping Jake in the soft towel she carried him into the living room, drying him off gently, she lathered her hands as she'd seen Dawn do and covered him in the clean smell of baby lotion. "That's much better." She smiled as she put on a clean diaper, "Let's see what Uncle Spike found for you to wear."
"I couldn't decide so I brought another of those one piece footie things, it seemed like a safe choice, not too hot but not too cold either." Spike held up a blue sleeper with a train embroidered across the chest.
"That will work." Buffy took the sleeper from him and dressed the baby. The doorbell rang as she finished her handiwork.
She handed the baby to Spike as she went to get the door, "He smells much better now." Spike commented as he followed, the warm, comfy smell of baby lotion wafting from the clean and content baby.
She smiled then, a real smile, the first since the whole ordeal had started, " Enjoy it, probably won't last long."
She opened the door to find Giles standing on her porch, he entered the house swiflty pulling her into a bear hug. "I'm so sorry, Buffy." She let him hold her for a few minutes, relishing the feel of his fatherly hug. As much as she loved and needed Spike, she needed her "dad" now too.
She pulled back from him and gave him a soggy smile, "I'm glad you're here."
Spike watched from behind, having Giles here would be good for her. "Spike, how are you?" Giles asked as he offered his hand to the vamp, balancing Jake in the crook of one arm he returned the gesture, "I'm hanging in there." Spike answered honestly.
Giles patted the baby's chubby hand, "This must be Jake?"
"Yes, Jake, " Spike looked seriously at the baby, "This is...Giles." The baby surveyed yet another newcomer into his world and squalled loudly.
"I'm sorry.." Giles began to stammer.
"It's okay, poor little guy. He's not used to all of the changes." Buffy patted Giles arm and led him to the living room.
Spike paced around the living room listening to Giles fill Buffy in on what was going on with the potentials and assuring her that he could take care of any problems for the time being. Jake finally fell asleep on his shoulder and he carefully took him upstairs to his bed.
On his way down the stairs the doorbell rang again. Buffy opened the door to Willow and Xander. Spike watched from the bottom step as a group hug ensued among the three friends. After several moments they broke away heading towards the living room, Buffy caught Spike's hand in hers and followed. Giles stood to greet the newcomers, more hugs were exchanged with the Watcher.
"Where is Jake?" Willow asked as she sat down between Giles and Xander.
"He's sleeping upstairs." Buffy answered, "We'll go check on him soon, he looks just like Dawnie."
Willow smiled sadly at her friend, "Buffy, we're so sorry."
Despite their shared grief the friends made time to catch up with each other. Willow had just recieved a promotion at the software company she worked for in Atlanta. Xander was still working construction and was happily married living in Denver. The three kept in touch but there were no more Scooby meetings on the agenda.
Sad news travels fast and periodically through the day, neighbors who had known Dawn as a child , teachers from her high school days and even long forgotten friends of Joyce's brought food and condolences to Buffy's house. Mrs. Aldrich across the street was in tears when she dropped off her bundt cake and tuna casserole, evidently Dawn had helped her get her cat out of a tree when she was 15. 'She made a fuss over Jake before she went back across the street. Buffy was touched that so many people remembered Dawn so fondly
. Jake seemed a bit shy of all the new people in the house and began to cling towards Buffy or Spike. Buffy held him in one arm as she wrestled with plates and glasses. Thankfully with all of the food that had arrived she wouldnt' have to cook for days. Spike held the baby and gave him his bottle as the others sat down to eat. After dinner, Willow , Xander and Giles shooed an exhausted Buffy and Spike from the kitchen explaining that they would do the clean up. Buffy made up the extra rooms as Xander and Giles argued over the couch. Jake finally let Willow hold him without bellowing and she managed to rock him to sleep following Buffy upstairs she lay him in the crib.
"He's so sweet, Buffy. You were right, he does look like Dawn." Willow pulled the blanket around the baby.
"Yeah. Willow can I tell you something....without you judging me?" Buffy asked sitting on the foot of the bed.
"Anything, Buffy." Willow sat down beside her, "What is it?"
"I love Jake, I do. But I'm not sure that I'm the right person to raise him. Look at how Spike and I live? " Buffy sighed, "You think I"m a monster don't you?"
Willow hugged her friend tightly, "No. you're not a montser, you're scared, and maybe a bit unsure of yourself in the 'mom' department?"
Buffy nodded her head, "Me a mom? Spike and I , we accepted a long time ago that there would be no children for us."
"What does Spike say?"
"He says he made a promise to Dawn and we have to honor it. And I want to..I'm scared that I'll be a complete screw up at parenthood though, Dawn was so good at it." Buffy sighed as the tears began to fall again.
"Buffy, Dawn knew you would take care of Jake, she trusts you to do it. You and Spike - you accepted the no children thing because you knew that you could't have them. That doesnt' mean that the two of you won't be good parents to Jake. You're gonna be fine." Willow gave Buffy another small hug. "Now, I'm going to get ready for bed. Goodnight."
Spike stood outside the bedroom door listening to Willow and Buffy. Buffy who could fight any monster you threw at her was scared of a three month old infant......he shook his head at the thought. He smiled at Willow as she exited the room and placed his hand on her arm, "Thanks for coming Willow."
:"No problem, Spike, and you know - she will be a great mom." The redhead smiled at him.
"Yeah...I know she will, she just needs to know it." He sighed as he walked into the bedroom.
TBC
