A/N: Well another chapter out. Before I start with other stuff I want to thank Roku Kyu for letting me use a line from one of her stories (it's from 'Bridge Over The Abyss'). 'If you cannot bring yourself to say the words, then the words will always hold power over you. The story will control you and hold you in the past, instead of you controlling it.' That line. So anyways I don't own Fushigi Yuugi or that line but I own Kyari.
The girl sat for a while lost in her own mind. A hand gently touched her shoulder and she started. "Oh it's you Chiri'." she mumbled absently.
"Are you alright Kyari?" the monk asked worriedly "You look like you're about to cry."
"What the hell do you care!" the girl snapped, suddenly furious with the monk "Get away from me!" She crossed her arms in front of her and glared at him.
"If that's what you want…"Chichiri said softly "If you want to talk I'll be in my room, okay?"
Kyari just turned back to face the water.
The magician of Suzaku turned and started walking in the direction of his cabin. He had momentarily felt the girl's sadness and wondered why she'd gotten so angry with him. "Maybe I hit a nerve, no da." he thought as he walked away.
Once she was sure Chichiri had gone Kyari's shoulders slumped forward and she closed her eyes as memories of that awful day eleven years ago resurfaced. She squeezed her eyes shut tighter in an effort to suppress her pain. Suddenly, Kyari felt footsteps reverberating on the deck and she looked up at the figure of Suzaku's warrior-monk, his form blurred by tears.
"Hi." he said softly "Is everything alright?" he tried again.
The girl shook her head as tears leaked out of the corners of her blue-green eyes.
"Want to talk about it?" the monk asked gently, removing his mask and coming to sit next to the girl.
Another shake of the head.
"Are you sure?" Chichiri pressed, knowing the girl well enough by now to know that she did want to talk but didn't want to be in the way. All she needed was a little reassurance and compassion to be able to open up to someone.
"Yes…I mean no, I mean…aw hell I don't know…" she said softly. "I just don't know if I could handle telling you what I did." the girl admitted as tears slipped down her cheeks.
" It's like a friend of mine once told me, 'if you cannot bring yourself to say the words, then the words will always hold power over you. The story will control you and hold you in the past, instead of you controlling it.'" Chichiri told her gently "Is that what you want Kyari? To let your past control you?"
"N-no." the girl sobbed brokenly "It's just that… it's just so hard to talk about it after so long…"
"I understand, but I know you're strong enough to overcome this. I'm right here to help you through this and I promise that I'm not about to laugh at your fears or mistakes." the monk reassured her "I'm also not going to look at you any differently, no matter what you tell me." he added, sensing that this was the real reason the peacekeeper was so reluctant to open up to him.
The girl looked up sharply and gave Chichiri a watery half-smile, nodding mutely in response. "Alright." she whispered, seeming to fall back into the darkness that was her own private hell "Here goes nothing…" she took a deep breath and began her story " It was eleven years ago. I was six. Me and my little sister were out by the park playing and laughing… we got into a fight over a toy or something like that and all of a sudden I got so mad at her I felt like I was gonna explode! I remember every bad feeling I'd ever had surface and become like fire… every tear, every time I'd been hit by my dad, every time I was so scared all I could do was cry…" Kyari choked on the words but forced herself to keep going "All burning inside me and it was all her fault! Her fault for being younger, her fault for being weaker, her fault for being the goddamn favorite! It was all her fault and in that moment something inside me snapped, like a twig under your shoes… I felt this horrible power surge through me and all I could think was 'Kill it! Get it out of your life forever! Make her pay for all those times she did something wrong and then you got blamed…all those times you cried yourself to sleep all alone 'cause Mom was in the next room drinking and Dad was God-knows-where doing God-knows-what…" next thing I knew I was on the grass, with her beneath me and I was yelling ' It's your fault! Your fault! Your fault! Your fault!'… Each time I said that I punched her, harder and harder until I felt her go limp under me. Then I kept going, driving my little fists into her face…her stomach…anywhere that I could reach…" the peacekeeper's hands clenched into hard fists as the pain flowed through her and tears flowed freely down her face. She cut herself off unable to continue her horrifying tale, burying her face in her hands as sobs racked her small body. All of a sudden strong arms were holding her in a gentle embrace while Chichiri's voice whispered "It's alright… just let it out…shhh… it's okay I've got you…it's okay…"
Kyari flung herself at the monk and buried her face in his kesa crying and shaking as she tried to finish her story "I-I k-kept hitting her a-and…a-and when I finally got my sanity back…I saw that she was…was… and her face was frozen into that horrified stare…God those eyes! Those eyes!" the girl trailed off again, tightening her hold on Chichiri, and took a deep shuddering breath " Then I ran…I don't know for how long but I never went back. Never." At last she couldn't take anymore as wave after wave of remorse flowed over her and memory after memory flashed across her mind and she pulled away from Chichiri. She stared at her hands in horror, as yet more tears poured down her face. She balled her hands into fists again and smashed them into her knees over and over sobbing. Tears blinded her and so she felt rather than saw Chichiri's hands grasp her wrists and stop her. The magician pulled her back into his arms and hugged her fiercely but gently enough to let her breath and move, tears standing in his own eye at how much this was costing her, "It's okay Kyari, it's over now… You don't have to tell me anymore. It's alright…" he murmured into her hair " Shhh… it's okay…"
"I didn't mean to… I didn't… honest…" she wept, voice soft and childlike "I loved her so much…I'd never want to hurt her and yet…and yet." she trailed off and buried her face deeper into the folds of Chichiri's kesa, letting the monk hold her and send waves of comfort to her. "The first thing I tried to do was end it all there and then…" she turned over her left hand to show Chichiri a small scar right next to the vein in her wrist and then touched the thin line under her eye "but I couldn't so instead I cried. For hours and days I cried and screamed and re-lived it all… the screams and tears and blood…'till the day I could push it all back and forget…" the peacekeeper trailed off, voice finally giving out. She crushed her face into the soft folds of Chichiri's cloak, shoulders shaking, face burning with shame and regret.
"It's okay…it's all over. You're safe now." the monk whispered softly as a solitary tear found it's way down his cheek and into her hair. "I've got you. Shh…"
The peacekeeper drew in a deep breath and collapsed in his arms, unable to stay conscious any longer.
*******And so ends chapter ten. Sorry if it was too angsty or melodramatic or whatever but I had to show people why Kyari is the way she is, all cynical and stuff. Tell me what you thought and see you next chapter.
~Tenshi Kitsune~ *******************************
