TITLE: "Average Joe"
Part 1
AUTHOR: Elise D.
FEEDBACK: Gimme gimme. Just be gentle.
SUMMARY: Season Seven, Spike heads to L.A. to visit some old friends.
SPOILERS: Spoiler free, do I get a cookie?
RATING: PG-13.
DISCLAIMER: Nobody buys me good presents, so I steal other peoples.
"Are you sure about this?" Xander asked, helping Spike load the last of his bags into the car.
"Not really, but I've got nothing to lose at this point," Spike replied with a shrug. "We might get reinforcements out of the deal, and hey, I'm sure the idea that I got a soul should piss him off good and proper. I can't lose for winning."
"Unless of course, he just stakes you on sight," noted Xander dryly.
"Oh, well there is that, but he's old and I'll be on me toes the entire time. It'll be a kick."
"Yeah, kick the Spike," muttered Xander as he walked back into the house shaking his head.
Buffy had been watching from the porch with interest. Not just at the buddy-buddy scene between her best friend and the vampire, but also the fact Spike seemed so damn nervous about leaving to see Angel, of all people.
"Yanno, you don't have to go. We have this technology called the telephone, so if things get hairy, we don't need to take as long to contact people. It's wacky but true." She said, folding her arms over her chest as she stood next to him.
Spike just shrugged his shoulders, and began re-arranging the bags in his back seat.
"It's no big thing, Slayer. I need to get the hell out of the house for a while. I'll be out of the First's grasp, have myself a nice break from the teenager hormones here, and I can annoy the hell out of Angelus. Sounds like a bloody good vacation, by all accounts."
"Sure. If you think for an instant he'd listen to you."
"Oh he will. I've got a few tricks up my sleeve that'll get his undivided attention," he said, smiling to himself.
"Those methods wouldn't include hired torturers and hot pokers, would they?"
"Ah, heard about that then, did you?" said Spike sheepishly. "No, just run of the mill revelations to knock him on his bum for a few. Honestly, it'll be fine."
Buffy sighed. She knew there was no point in trying to convince Spike this was a bad idea, so the hell with it. They could use the help, and she really didn't want to be the one asking Angel. Dirty tactics to get other people to do her bidding, but she didn't technically ask, so she wasn't going to get all guilt-ridden over it.
"You packed blood?" she asked, peering into the rear seats.
"Yep, a whole cooler full, courtesy of Dawn. I'm all set, actually."
"Oh, okay. Good then. Just as long as you've got everything you need."
"Well...actually, there is one more thing I need, if I could ask a tiny favor of you."
Buffy stared at him with a skeptical look on her face.
"Don't push it buster, no good luck kisses or gropes." She said, causing Spike to laugh.
"Actually, I was going to ask that Red maybe give the lovely Cordelia a heads up. Not telling the poof of course, I can't spoil all my fun. It would be nice to have a back-up though."
"Oh. Umm, ha, of course. I'll do it in a sec, don't worry," said Buffy, her face reddening slightly at the stupidity of her statement.
"But now that you mention it, a little good luck hug wouldn't go down too badly at all," Spike said, jokingly.
Buffy stared at him for a second, a small smile playing along her mouth before she decided to heck with it, and wrapped him in a tight embrace.
"Just be careful, okay? We need you here, and we're pretty much used to having you around," she said as she released the surprised vampire.
"Erm, okay. Yes, I'll be careful, don't worry, and I'll be back with the cavalry in no time," Spike said, before getting into the passenger seat, and winding the window down.
"Don't miss me too much!" he hollered through the window, as the cab pulled away, leaving a bemused Buffy shaking her head at the curb.
Pulling alongside the Hyperion, Spike had a sudden panicked change of heart. The bastard would stake him as soon as he set eyes on him; this was insanity. Especially now that he's covered in Buffy smell…By George, he thinks he's got it. Just enough ammo to infuriate the wanker, and then he'll fess up about the soul, and piss him off enough to drop his guard. Not that he'd hit him or anything, just strategically place himself out of harm's way. Or stakes way, really. Okay.
Spike smirked to himself as his plan came together, this was going to be a good time.
Spike strolled into the deserted lobby, and felt kind of deflated. Well, if no one was around, how could he make an entrance? Typical. Just as he was about to turn tail and call for another cab when a mousy girl came scurrying out of an office.
"Umm, hi! Can I help you?" she asked, full of pep and goodness. A year ago it would of made him cringe, but now? God help him, he actually smiled.
"Hello cutie. I'm here to see an old friend of mine, got a business proposition. Angel about?" Spike said, peering to the stairs and balconies above.
"Oh! Oh, a friend of Angel's! Well hi! I'm Fred," she gushed.
"Pleasure to make your acquaintance love," he said. "The name's Spike."
That was the wrong move, obviously. The color drained from her face, as she backed up towards the counter.
"Charles, could you come out here for a second please," she called, her whole body tensed for attack.
"Yeah, what's up?" asked Gunn, shuffling out of the office.
"There's a friend of Angel's here to see him. Says his name is Spike," she said, gesturing with her head to the vampire. Oh dear. The emphasis she put on his name was a clear indication that someone had been telling tales, and apparently not Willow. God, he could strangle Buffy for forgetting to pass on the message. Typical.
In the blink of an eye, Gunn had a loaded crossbow aimed at Spike, causing the vampire to arch an impressed eyebrow at the boy's speed. Good to see Angel was running with a strong team. They were going to need it back in Sunnyhell.
"I've heard of you," said Gunn, staring coldly at his target. "Some sort of big bad, with a taste for blood and a cocky attitude. Yeah, heard all about you."
Cocky didn't begin to describe it, thought Gunn. Spike simply smiled at the panicked crew, and made himself comfy on the couch in the lobby, his legs stretched out before him, as if he didn't have a care in the world.
Gunn kept the crossbow leveled at Spike's chest, while Fred looked around nervously for some form of divine intervention. And look, here he comes now, all pompous and constipated-looking. This should be a hoot, thought Spike.
"It's okay, Gunn. Spike here is what we like to call "impotent" thanks to the government sticking a chip in his brain. He can't hurt any living thing," said Angel with a sneer.
Gunn mulled it over. Kinda brilliant, which was unusual for the government. Then again this was in Sunnydale, where he gathered a lot of unconventional stuff went down. He lowered the crossbow as Angel approached, while Spike just smiled smugly.
"See, that's the thing. Damn shoddy American technology. It has this habit of dying on a bloke. Long story short, haven't got the thing any more," he informed the group as he folded his hands behind his head with a triumphant smile.
Quick as a shot, the crossbow was back up, and Angel was advancing. Okay, this was getting too close for comfort. Well, so much for the smartass approach.
"Now then, hold yer horses! It gets better, it does. Something better than the chip, I swear," he managed to get out before Angel hauled him out of the chair by his collar.
"There's nothing you could tell me now that would help you," spat Angel, taking a deep breath. "You reek of Buffy, and you just announced you don't have a leash. What could I possibly hear that would stop me from staking you? Huh? HUH?" Angel asked, as he shook the delinquent vampire by his scruff.
"Got..got..a…got a…" Spike managed to squeak out.
"Soul! That boy's got soul, a soul actually" announced Lorne, making his way down the stairs. "It's practically screaming in its pain and torment. It's…."
"A lie!" growled Angel, tightening his hold on Spike's neck.
"No, I was going to say it's poetic, actually, I can see it from here. It's glowing…effulgent," stated Lorne, causing Angel to drop Spike with shock.
