A Very Gundam Christmas

Chapter Two

Here we go to the mall, tally-ho!



After a grueling morning of fights over the bathroom, a very burnt breakfast courtesy of Duo complete with tofu-turkey leftovers(it was the only thing left in the house, much to their dismay) they were finally ready to go to the mall. They grabbed their wallets and headed out to the van.

"Now, who's driving?" Said Quatre. "Yeah, my lisence is still suspended." said Heero. "I don't like driving when we're all in the car." Said Trowa. "Why don't we let Wufei drive? He's pretty good at it!" said Duo. "I was going to drive anyway, you bunch of pansies. I'm the only one with skills." Stated Wufei. "Give me the damn keys."

Reluctantly, Heero gave Wufei the keys. They all knew they were in for a rough ride.

"Alright then, let's go and get this over with." Said Wufei. "Everyone get in."

Driving down the interstate



"Would you slow the hell down? I swear we're doing 90 mph!!!" screamed Trowa.

"Actually, we're doing 110 mph. And shut up, I hate backseat drivers." Said Wufei.

"Well, I would like to live to get to the mall," said Duo.

"Aw man, carsickness..." moaned Quatre.

"Omae o korosu, Omae o korosu..." Chanted Heero in a mantra-type way with his knuckles turning white from the death grip on his seat.

All of the Gundam pilots with the exception of the driver started to pray that they would live as Wufei cut in front of a semi.

"Watch where you're driving you fat *bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeppppppppp* (A/N- We dare not repeat what Wufei said. Just know that it was mean and contained many four letter words that we don't' feel like typing. Trust me, we will leave it to your own imagination to fill in the bleep.)

"What did you do that for? He had the right of way!" said Heero.

"Shut up, your licence is revoked. You sucker punched a cop that was only going to give you a warning. You have no right to critisize my driving. So sit back and enjoy the ride."

"How will I enjoy the ride if I'm dead?!" shouted Duo.

"I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF IF YOU DON'T SHUT THE HELL UP WHILE I'M DRIVING!!!!!" screamed Wufei.

Just then, a feeble old lady driving a big Cadillac (we all know that the older you get and the more your driving skills diminish, the bigger your car gets) cut Wufei off. Yup, this old lady had the audacity to cut off Wufei. Boy, is she stupid.

"Wha-, did she, ohmygod, she cut me off!" whispered Wufei. The remaining pilot's blood ran cold. They knew the Rage of Wufei was about to come out in full swing. And come out it did. In one swift manuver, Wufei swung the van to the next lane, sped up to an unlawful speed, until he was right next to the old bat. "CUT ME OFF WILL YOU, YOU OLD HONKY FUCKER? I'LL SHOW YOU!" he screamed in a frenzy. "Wufei, what are you doing man? She's old, she doesn't know what she's doing!" screamed Duo, not only in fear for their own lives, but for the old lady's. "Yeah, have mercy on her Chang! She looks like she's scared to death!" said Trowa. "SHE WILL BE DEAD WHEN I'M THROUGH WITH HER!!!!" "Don't kill the old lady! Even I wouldn't do that!" screeched Heero. Quatre moaned and stuck his head out the window and puked.

The poor old lady was scared out of her wits. She pulled over to get off at the exit. Unfourtunately for her, she was going to the same mall as the Gundam pilots. So they in turn followed her.

Which means.....

Wufei got to scare the hell out of her as they pulled into the lot.

Now, we all know that the day after Thanksgiving is the biggest shopping day of the year. So naturally, parking is not an easy task.

And who should be compeating for the same spot than Wufei and the old fart.

Watch. It gets better.

Wufei stared at the old lady with fire in his eyes. She stared at him with fear.

With one swift yank of the steering wheel, Wufei glided into the parking spot just as the old lady went for it. She rear-ended the van as her reflexes proved slow.

"Perfect. Just what I wanted." Said Wufei.

"Aw man, you just to scare the crap out of her. Leave her alone, you scared her enough." Said Duo.

Quatre squealed, "Don't hit her!"

Heero slowly peeled his hands from the seat. He was too shocked that he was alive to even speak to Wufei.

Trowa moved to try and calm the old lady, but she whacked him in the shin with her cane. She then started towards Wufei.

"Now listen here you young whippersnapper, you had no right to try and kill me on the highway back there. You need to respect your elders. Now apologize."

Wufei threw his head back and laughed like laughter was going out of style. And not just any laugh. One of those bone-chilling maniacle laughs that makes you want to run away. The old lady flinched.

"Me? Apologize to you? That will be a cold day in hell. You cut me off. You're driving a car that is the size of an tank and you can barely see over the wheel! You should apologize to me!"

"No way sonny, you were wrong for what you did! I almost had a heart attack!"

Wufei smiled. "That's what I was going for."

"Why you---" the old lady took a swing at Wufei with her cane.

"Ohmigod lady, you don't want to do that!" yelled Duo.

But it was too late. Wufei grabbed the cane and smacked the old lady upside the head. She screamed and ran back to her car and drove away. As she drove off, Wufei held the keys to her car so she left with a nice long reminder not to ever cross the path of Chang Wufei ever again. (translation: he keyed the crap out of her nice Caddy.)

"Now that our business here is finished, let's go do what we came here to do. Shop."

And with that said, the pilots headed into the mall.

Author's notes:

We're sorry if we offended any old people. But we all know what we said is true. Heck, I saw one yesterday, in a really big car. I t doesn't make any sense.

Camille: Yes, you know I was in charge of this chapter. Wufei received all the glory!!!! As he should!

Lindsey: Sorry it took so long. Yeah, Duo didn't get many lines, but he will later. We'll type more soon!

Review, review, review!!!!!!!