Chapter 4: Cruz's Point of View
I'm walking into work wishing I could be at home enjoying the nice weather, but I know I have a job to do. I continue to walk up the stairs in the front of the 55th Precinct. I walk in and immediately head to the locker room to get ready for the day, I don't want to run into anyone until I put on the mask I normally wear, get set to do the act I normally do, the uncaring bitch act that I know so well. I'm not really like that, that is just the way I need to act around these people, I can't let myself care about them or let anyone care about me, every time I care about someone they die. I can't let that happen anymore. As I walk into the locker room I notice Bosco getting ready, I try to catch his eye but he quickly turns away. He doesn't even acknowledge my presence any more. I just think one simple look would not kill. I just would like to be able to look into his eyes, they usually tell me what he is feeling. Come on Bosco, look at me, we are alone here nobody would see. Please just look into my eyes this once. I know we can't publicly acknowledge our relationship , even though they all think they know what was going on between us. They don't know the whole story. What I don't understand is why you can't acknowledge me as a person and coworker. Mommy doesn't need to know. Saying Hi to someone is not a crime. We were friends, coworkers and lovers and now we don't even speak when others are around because they may tell mommy we are talking. I miss you Bos, I miss working with you, and I miss talking with you. I know I'm a bitch sometimes and that I can be cold and unfeeling. It is not because I have no feelings though. Sometimes my feelings are so scrambled up inside of me that all I feel is hate. I didn't even get a chance to get used to the fact that I could have feelings about someone and now your gone. I never meant to hurt you, I wasn't out to get you like mommy thinks. I miss you, I even think I love you, I just dont remember what love is like, I seem to lose everyone I love. Now I didn't even get a chance to know if it was love.
I turn as I hear the door open, I see Sullivan, Davis and Yokas walk into the room laughing. I see you look up at them and I hear Sullivan and Davis greet you. Then I hear Yokas say "Hey Bosco, getting any lately?" The room falls silent and I feel the hot stares on my back. Ouch that hurt. I hear you ask her "Wow Faith, take your Midol lately". I feel my bodies stiffen with outrage and I just want to hit her. No I will be the better person; I shut my locker and walk out of the room. As I'm walking out I hear Yokas say, "Wow can't she even take a joke." I laugh to myself and think; yeah well Yokas the joke is on you.
TBC
Let me know what you think. R&R.
I'm walking into work wishing I could be at home enjoying the nice weather, but I know I have a job to do. I continue to walk up the stairs in the front of the 55th Precinct. I walk in and immediately head to the locker room to get ready for the day, I don't want to run into anyone until I put on the mask I normally wear, get set to do the act I normally do, the uncaring bitch act that I know so well. I'm not really like that, that is just the way I need to act around these people, I can't let myself care about them or let anyone care about me, every time I care about someone they die. I can't let that happen anymore. As I walk into the locker room I notice Bosco getting ready, I try to catch his eye but he quickly turns away. He doesn't even acknowledge my presence any more. I just think one simple look would not kill. I just would like to be able to look into his eyes, they usually tell me what he is feeling. Come on Bosco, look at me, we are alone here nobody would see. Please just look into my eyes this once. I know we can't publicly acknowledge our relationship , even though they all think they know what was going on between us. They don't know the whole story. What I don't understand is why you can't acknowledge me as a person and coworker. Mommy doesn't need to know. Saying Hi to someone is not a crime. We were friends, coworkers and lovers and now we don't even speak when others are around because they may tell mommy we are talking. I miss you Bos, I miss working with you, and I miss talking with you. I know I'm a bitch sometimes and that I can be cold and unfeeling. It is not because I have no feelings though. Sometimes my feelings are so scrambled up inside of me that all I feel is hate. I didn't even get a chance to get used to the fact that I could have feelings about someone and now your gone. I never meant to hurt you, I wasn't out to get you like mommy thinks. I miss you, I even think I love you, I just dont remember what love is like, I seem to lose everyone I love. Now I didn't even get a chance to know if it was love.
I turn as I hear the door open, I see Sullivan, Davis and Yokas walk into the room laughing. I see you look up at them and I hear Sullivan and Davis greet you. Then I hear Yokas say "Hey Bosco, getting any lately?" The room falls silent and I feel the hot stares on my back. Ouch that hurt. I hear you ask her "Wow Faith, take your Midol lately". I feel my bodies stiffen with outrage and I just want to hit her. No I will be the better person; I shut my locker and walk out of the room. As I'm walking out I hear Yokas say, "Wow can't she even take a joke." I laugh to myself and think; yeah well Yokas the joke is on you.
TBC
Let me know what you think. R&R.
