Chapter 5 - The End of Something Beautiful
Another two weeks passed the same as before, slowly and painfully. Asha didn't tell Alec about what Logan had discovered about her and Logan spoke to no one, not even Max. Max herself had buried herself in work, arranging the transgenic 'army', rostering guards, raids and so on. She did anything to keep her mind off Logan, not wanting to dwell on what could never be. Alec spent every spare moment he had with Asha. He had never really made the effort to get to know a girl, but now that he actually knew Asha he found her someone with a great personality and a contagious laugh, something he found very attractive, not to mention she was gorgeous. On the Saturday night of the second week Alec decided to surprise Asha with a special dinner in her room. He made sure that he escorted her to her room then sat her down at the table opposite her, just smiling at her as she gazed around curiously.
"What did you cook me?" Asha asked sweetly and Alec reached over to tap her nose and Asha giggled.
"Ah, that's a surprise my dear," Alec said in a posh English voice and Asha pouted at him folding her arms under her chest mockingly.
"Spoilsport!" she grumbled cutely and Alec reached over to take her hand in his much to Asha's surprise. He had never done anything like that before. Sure he had taken her hand to lead her places but not like this. Asha blushed a little but tried to remain cool and collected. The last thing she wanted to do was look like a naive school girl in front of the experienced Alec. Alec gestured out of the door for Joshua to bring in the dinner that Alec had cooked himself. Joshua shuffled in winking at Alec as he put the tray on the table in front of the couple then he stood there grinning proudly, a white towel draped over his arm. Alec jerked his head towards the door but Joshua stared at him blankly.
"What?" Joshua asked and Alec jerked his head towards the door and Joshua nodded in understanding.
"Ahhh.Asha and Alec, get busy!" he said happily and Alec actually blushed as he pointed to the door.
"Something like that, now get out," Alec said and Joshua edged towards the door then left giving Alec the thumbs up as he did so.
"Was it you who taught him about 'getting busy'?" Asha asked Alec teasingly as she heard the door close, curious to see what Alec had cooked up for her. Whatever it was, it smelt delicious and she couldn't wait to try some.
"Yeah, now I need to teach him appropriate moments to say it," Alec agreed laughing and Asha laughed with him still painfully aware of his hand covering hers.
Alec pulled his hand away to serve the dinner and Asha tried not to look too disappointed as he did so. They ate their meal slowly, taking their time, as they talked and laughed about the kids in the hospital and Joshua's latest antics. They were both careful not to mention Logan and Max, and even now Asha didn't know what Alec thought about her not taking Max and Logan to see father. She didn't dare ask him because she didn't want to know his answer. When the dinner was over they fell silent and Alec reached over to recapture her hand possessively. Asha shivered with delight as Alec moved around her and leant over to kiss her neck lightly. Asha stood up and turned so that Alec could bring her into his arms and Asha tilted her head upwards waiting for Alec's lips to claim hers, she didn't have to wait long. Alec couldn't resist kissing her while her face was upturned towards him so innocently, and Asha let out a soft moan of pleasure as one of Alec arms encircled her waist and the other moved to gently caress her face. Alec manoeuvred Asha over to the bed, and so caught up in the moment Asha lay back on the bed as Alec crawled on top of her still kissing her. Suddenly Asha came to her senses. This wasn't how she wanted it to be. Asha wanted to be able to see the man that she was about to make love to. She didn't want it to happen like this, not like this. Asha pushed Alec off her and Alec fell beside her on the bed breathing hard.
"What's wrong?" he asked her in a concerned voice and Asha gave a deep sigh.
"I want our first time to be perfect, I want to be able to see you," Asha said and Alec leant over towards her and started caressing her face tenderly.
"Asha it doesn't matter to me," he told her surely and Asha pushed his hands away knowing if she let him touch her like that she wouldn't be able to say no to him.
"Well it matters to me," Asha said snappily and Alec pulled away from her sitting up so he could stare down at her frowning.
"Why?" he asked and Asha sat up and searched blindly for Alec's hand which she found after a few tries.
"Because I want you to see how much I care about you," Asha said her voice husky and Alec stared at Asha for a few moments. She cared about him. For the first time in his life someone cared about him. She knew what he was, she knew where he had been and still she cared.
"I already know, I don't have to look into your eyes to see how much you care for me," Alec whispered and Asha bowed her head sorrowfully.
"I want it to be perfect Alec," she said slowly and Alec pulled her hand to his lips tenderly.
"It will be," he promised her but Asha pulled her hand away.
"No it won't," she argued back and Alec narrowed his eyes at her as horrible thoughts came flooding into his mind.
Sure she cared about him but did he care about her? Alec didn't want to break her heart but he knew that he would, it was inevitable, and somewhere along the road he was going to mess up and hurt Asha. He didn't want to do that, not to her, because.oh God. He loved her. He had grown to love her, but it was too dangerous for her to be with him. He needed to push her away from him so she wouldn't get hurt, he didn't want to love, he always let down the people he loved and he swore to himself he would not do that to Asha.
"Are you sure you're not just pushing me away because you want someone else?" Alec asked coldly moving away from her and Asha cocked her head to the side confused at Alec's change in attitude.
"Like who?" she asked in bewilderment and Alec pulled the remnants of his strength to continue pushing Asha away from him.
"Logan," Alec said spitefully and Asha shook her head immediately.
"Alec I just told you, I care for you very much," Asha said reaching out for Alec but he walked to the door and faced the door as he spoke his parting remark that chilled Asha to the bone.
"Forget it Asha norms and trans don't mix, I keep telling Max that, now its time for me to follow my own advice, we could never be together," Alec told her then he opened the door and left closing the door softly behind him leaving Asha wondering exactly what she had done wrong. Was it because she wanted them to wait? Yes that must have been it, he hated her because she wasn't the kind of girl he was used to. The kind that would sleep with him at the drop of a hat. She was naive to think that he had changed from the arrogant jerk that she had known those few weeks ago. He didn't love her. But Asha couldn't help it if she loved him.
Logan was pacing his office. It was Sunday and he had just talked to Alec who had told him shortly that Asha still hadn't regained her sight and Logan was beginning to get worried. It had been two weeks already, she should have been able to see already. He picked up the phone and called Dr. Carr's number.
"Logan what's the problem?" Dr. Carr asked immediately when Logan identified who was calling.
"It's Asha," Logan said simply and Dr. Carr heard the worry in his voice.
"I'll be right over," Dr. Carr assured Logan and Logan put down the phone then wandered to the gate to await Dr. Carr's arrival.
"Dr. Carr I thought you said her eyesight would return in a few days, it's been two weeks," Logan reminded Dr. Carr who sat at Logan's desk a perplexed look on his face. He had just examined Asha. Her wounds had all healed and as far as he could tell she should have been able to see weeks ago. Max was sitting in a chair in the corner, arms folded and eyes cold.
"Physically there is nothing to incapacitate Asha's vision," Dr. Carr said rubbing his forehead tiredly and Logan frowned.
"So what are you saying?" Logan asked confused and Dr. Carr shrugged.
"Well my best guess is that something psychological is affecting Asha, making her not want to be able to see," Dr. Carr said simply and Logan raised an eyebrow at him.
"What?" he asked not quite understanding and Dr. Carr tried to think of another way to put it.
"Well maybe something has happened to Asha that makes her mind fear what she would see if she chose to see," Dr. Carr explained and Max finally moved for the first time since the conversation began.
"What could possibly be affecting her so much that she doesn't want to open her eyes?" Max demanded standing up and Dr. Car looked over at her and shrugged.
"I don't know, has anything happened lately? Anything to put stress on her?" Dr. Carr asked and Max and Logan shared a guilty glance that Dr. Carr observed at a loss for words.
"Stupid question, well, Asha won't be able to see until she freely chooses to herself," Dr. Carr finished quickly and Logan shook Dr. Carr's hand respectfully.
"Thanks," he said sincerely and Dr. Carr smiled.
"No problem, anytime you need me just call," he reminded Logan who patted him on the back.
"You're a true friend," he said and Dr. Carr smiled wider appreciating the compliment.
In the side room both Alec and Asha had been listening to the conversation in the office not speaking to each other. They hadn't actually spoken to each other since yesterday and the disastrous dinner. Alec was feeling guilty but tried to ignore it by reverting to his old self while Asha seemed to disappear inside herself.
"You heard what was said in there, what's going on with you? The Asha I used to know would have wanted to face the world head on, not hide behind an impairment," Alec finally spoke to Asha who looked up slowly.
"You don't know what your talking about Alec," she replied stiltedly and Alec looked at her worriedly. She seemed so deflated, he heard no hope in her voice, just nothingness.
"Don't I? I may not have known you very well before all this but I saw what you could do, what you did with the S1W all those times you risked your life without thinking of the consequences, where did that girl go?" Alec asked and Asha smiled ruefully as she pondered his question.
"She was weighed down by guilt and regret," Asha said softly and Alec's thoughts immediately went to the one person he knew meant the world to Asha.
"Logan," Alec said decidedly and Asha shook her head.
"Yes.no.I don't know.Max," Asha finally decided and Alec took a step towards her not expecting that Max was why Asha hadn't wanted to see.
"What about Max?" Alec asked and Asha smirked cynically.
"I feel so guilty, father told me never to reveal who he was and where he lived to anyone, not even the transgenics, and here we are, I know he has the cure but I can't help Max because it would be disobeying my father," Asha said dejectedly and the old jealousy in Alec began to fire up. Suspicions that had been lurking in the back of his mind began to surface, taunting him, telling him that he was second choice for Asha because she couldn't have Logan.
"Are you sure it's not more like you don't want to help Max? Then you could have Logan for yourself," Alec interjected snidely and Asha lashed out and happened to score a hit square across Alec's jaw with a strength that Alec hadn't been expecting and he had to stumbled back a few steps into a wall from the force of the blow. Asha seemed positively furious with rage at his lewd suggestion.
"How dare you? I would never even think about doing that, that's a horrible thing to say," Asha growled at him and Alec lifted a hand to rub his sore jaw.
"Well you're doing it by protecting the person who has abandoned you," Alec said and Asha shook her head.
"He didn't abandon me," she said and Alec laughed harshly.
"He abandoned all of us," Alec told her shortly and Asha moved away from him.
"I could never go against his wishes," Asha said after a few minutes and Alec frowned at her.
"Why not?" he asked in wonder and Asha pressed a hand to her mouth.
"He's my father Alec, its not right," Asha reminded Alec whose frustration was at its peak.
"Well then open your eyes so you can see us die right before you because that's what's going to happen if you don't help us," Alec threatened and Asha bowed her head remorsefully.
"I don't want to open my eyes, I don't want to see the disappointment in Max and Logan's eyes, I don't want to see your pity because you imagine me in love with a man who's been more like a brother to me than anything else, I don't love him, I love." Asha wanted to tell him. She wanted to say his name and confess to him all that she felt. But she couldn't. Not when she knew for a fact he didn't feel the same way. Alec looked at Asha and was glad she couldn't see how hard it was for him to act indifferent towards her. All he wanted to do was to pull her close to him and take away her pain but he didn't want to risk hurting her.
"Asha, Max and Logan could never be disappointed in you, they.no.we are all your friends, in our eyes you won't see anything but love," Alec said in a soft voice and Asha turned from him.
"I wish I could believe you," Asha said wistfully and Alec shook his head. Why wouldn't she believe him? Had she been hurt so many times she couldn't believe a word anyone said to her? Perhaps they weren't so different after all.
"Well believe what you want, you will anyway," Alec said standing up and moving to the door and Asha looked in his direction her face wryly amused.
"It sounds like you think I'm stubborn," she said smiling and Alec shook his head at her.
"If you could see my face you'd know," Alec said snidely and Asha was crushed.
"Don't go all high and mighty on me, not you Alec, you stood by me through all this, please be there for me," Asha pleaded and Alec stared down at her cute upturned face that was looking for a friend in this new world.
"I'm not turning against you, I'm turning human, you should try it sometime," Alec told her then he strode from the room leaving Asha to sit curled up in the chair feeling sorry for herself.
Another two weeks passed the same as before, slowly and painfully. Asha didn't tell Alec about what Logan had discovered about her and Logan spoke to no one, not even Max. Max herself had buried herself in work, arranging the transgenic 'army', rostering guards, raids and so on. She did anything to keep her mind off Logan, not wanting to dwell on what could never be. Alec spent every spare moment he had with Asha. He had never really made the effort to get to know a girl, but now that he actually knew Asha he found her someone with a great personality and a contagious laugh, something he found very attractive, not to mention she was gorgeous. On the Saturday night of the second week Alec decided to surprise Asha with a special dinner in her room. He made sure that he escorted her to her room then sat her down at the table opposite her, just smiling at her as she gazed around curiously.
"What did you cook me?" Asha asked sweetly and Alec reached over to tap her nose and Asha giggled.
"Ah, that's a surprise my dear," Alec said in a posh English voice and Asha pouted at him folding her arms under her chest mockingly.
"Spoilsport!" she grumbled cutely and Alec reached over to take her hand in his much to Asha's surprise. He had never done anything like that before. Sure he had taken her hand to lead her places but not like this. Asha blushed a little but tried to remain cool and collected. The last thing she wanted to do was look like a naive school girl in front of the experienced Alec. Alec gestured out of the door for Joshua to bring in the dinner that Alec had cooked himself. Joshua shuffled in winking at Alec as he put the tray on the table in front of the couple then he stood there grinning proudly, a white towel draped over his arm. Alec jerked his head towards the door but Joshua stared at him blankly.
"What?" Joshua asked and Alec jerked his head towards the door and Joshua nodded in understanding.
"Ahhh.Asha and Alec, get busy!" he said happily and Alec actually blushed as he pointed to the door.
"Something like that, now get out," Alec said and Joshua edged towards the door then left giving Alec the thumbs up as he did so.
"Was it you who taught him about 'getting busy'?" Asha asked Alec teasingly as she heard the door close, curious to see what Alec had cooked up for her. Whatever it was, it smelt delicious and she couldn't wait to try some.
"Yeah, now I need to teach him appropriate moments to say it," Alec agreed laughing and Asha laughed with him still painfully aware of his hand covering hers.
Alec pulled his hand away to serve the dinner and Asha tried not to look too disappointed as he did so. They ate their meal slowly, taking their time, as they talked and laughed about the kids in the hospital and Joshua's latest antics. They were both careful not to mention Logan and Max, and even now Asha didn't know what Alec thought about her not taking Max and Logan to see father. She didn't dare ask him because she didn't want to know his answer. When the dinner was over they fell silent and Alec reached over to recapture her hand possessively. Asha shivered with delight as Alec moved around her and leant over to kiss her neck lightly. Asha stood up and turned so that Alec could bring her into his arms and Asha tilted her head upwards waiting for Alec's lips to claim hers, she didn't have to wait long. Alec couldn't resist kissing her while her face was upturned towards him so innocently, and Asha let out a soft moan of pleasure as one of Alec arms encircled her waist and the other moved to gently caress her face. Alec manoeuvred Asha over to the bed, and so caught up in the moment Asha lay back on the bed as Alec crawled on top of her still kissing her. Suddenly Asha came to her senses. This wasn't how she wanted it to be. Asha wanted to be able to see the man that she was about to make love to. She didn't want it to happen like this, not like this. Asha pushed Alec off her and Alec fell beside her on the bed breathing hard.
"What's wrong?" he asked her in a concerned voice and Asha gave a deep sigh.
"I want our first time to be perfect, I want to be able to see you," Asha said and Alec leant over towards her and started caressing her face tenderly.
"Asha it doesn't matter to me," he told her surely and Asha pushed his hands away knowing if she let him touch her like that she wouldn't be able to say no to him.
"Well it matters to me," Asha said snappily and Alec pulled away from her sitting up so he could stare down at her frowning.
"Why?" he asked and Asha sat up and searched blindly for Alec's hand which she found after a few tries.
"Because I want you to see how much I care about you," Asha said her voice husky and Alec stared at Asha for a few moments. She cared about him. For the first time in his life someone cared about him. She knew what he was, she knew where he had been and still she cared.
"I already know, I don't have to look into your eyes to see how much you care for me," Alec whispered and Asha bowed her head sorrowfully.
"I want it to be perfect Alec," she said slowly and Alec pulled her hand to his lips tenderly.
"It will be," he promised her but Asha pulled her hand away.
"No it won't," she argued back and Alec narrowed his eyes at her as horrible thoughts came flooding into his mind.
Sure she cared about him but did he care about her? Alec didn't want to break her heart but he knew that he would, it was inevitable, and somewhere along the road he was going to mess up and hurt Asha. He didn't want to do that, not to her, because.oh God. He loved her. He had grown to love her, but it was too dangerous for her to be with him. He needed to push her away from him so she wouldn't get hurt, he didn't want to love, he always let down the people he loved and he swore to himself he would not do that to Asha.
"Are you sure you're not just pushing me away because you want someone else?" Alec asked coldly moving away from her and Asha cocked her head to the side confused at Alec's change in attitude.
"Like who?" she asked in bewilderment and Alec pulled the remnants of his strength to continue pushing Asha away from him.
"Logan," Alec said spitefully and Asha shook her head immediately.
"Alec I just told you, I care for you very much," Asha said reaching out for Alec but he walked to the door and faced the door as he spoke his parting remark that chilled Asha to the bone.
"Forget it Asha norms and trans don't mix, I keep telling Max that, now its time for me to follow my own advice, we could never be together," Alec told her then he opened the door and left closing the door softly behind him leaving Asha wondering exactly what she had done wrong. Was it because she wanted them to wait? Yes that must have been it, he hated her because she wasn't the kind of girl he was used to. The kind that would sleep with him at the drop of a hat. She was naive to think that he had changed from the arrogant jerk that she had known those few weeks ago. He didn't love her. But Asha couldn't help it if she loved him.
Logan was pacing his office. It was Sunday and he had just talked to Alec who had told him shortly that Asha still hadn't regained her sight and Logan was beginning to get worried. It had been two weeks already, she should have been able to see already. He picked up the phone and called Dr. Carr's number.
"Logan what's the problem?" Dr. Carr asked immediately when Logan identified who was calling.
"It's Asha," Logan said simply and Dr. Carr heard the worry in his voice.
"I'll be right over," Dr. Carr assured Logan and Logan put down the phone then wandered to the gate to await Dr. Carr's arrival.
"Dr. Carr I thought you said her eyesight would return in a few days, it's been two weeks," Logan reminded Dr. Carr who sat at Logan's desk a perplexed look on his face. He had just examined Asha. Her wounds had all healed and as far as he could tell she should have been able to see weeks ago. Max was sitting in a chair in the corner, arms folded and eyes cold.
"Physically there is nothing to incapacitate Asha's vision," Dr. Carr said rubbing his forehead tiredly and Logan frowned.
"So what are you saying?" Logan asked confused and Dr. Carr shrugged.
"Well my best guess is that something psychological is affecting Asha, making her not want to be able to see," Dr. Carr said simply and Logan raised an eyebrow at him.
"What?" he asked not quite understanding and Dr. Carr tried to think of another way to put it.
"Well maybe something has happened to Asha that makes her mind fear what she would see if she chose to see," Dr. Carr explained and Max finally moved for the first time since the conversation began.
"What could possibly be affecting her so much that she doesn't want to open her eyes?" Max demanded standing up and Dr. Car looked over at her and shrugged.
"I don't know, has anything happened lately? Anything to put stress on her?" Dr. Carr asked and Max and Logan shared a guilty glance that Dr. Carr observed at a loss for words.
"Stupid question, well, Asha won't be able to see until she freely chooses to herself," Dr. Carr finished quickly and Logan shook Dr. Carr's hand respectfully.
"Thanks," he said sincerely and Dr. Carr smiled.
"No problem, anytime you need me just call," he reminded Logan who patted him on the back.
"You're a true friend," he said and Dr. Carr smiled wider appreciating the compliment.
In the side room both Alec and Asha had been listening to the conversation in the office not speaking to each other. They hadn't actually spoken to each other since yesterday and the disastrous dinner. Alec was feeling guilty but tried to ignore it by reverting to his old self while Asha seemed to disappear inside herself.
"You heard what was said in there, what's going on with you? The Asha I used to know would have wanted to face the world head on, not hide behind an impairment," Alec finally spoke to Asha who looked up slowly.
"You don't know what your talking about Alec," she replied stiltedly and Alec looked at her worriedly. She seemed so deflated, he heard no hope in her voice, just nothingness.
"Don't I? I may not have known you very well before all this but I saw what you could do, what you did with the S1W all those times you risked your life without thinking of the consequences, where did that girl go?" Alec asked and Asha smiled ruefully as she pondered his question.
"She was weighed down by guilt and regret," Asha said softly and Alec's thoughts immediately went to the one person he knew meant the world to Asha.
"Logan," Alec said decidedly and Asha shook her head.
"Yes.no.I don't know.Max," Asha finally decided and Alec took a step towards her not expecting that Max was why Asha hadn't wanted to see.
"What about Max?" Alec asked and Asha smirked cynically.
"I feel so guilty, father told me never to reveal who he was and where he lived to anyone, not even the transgenics, and here we are, I know he has the cure but I can't help Max because it would be disobeying my father," Asha said dejectedly and the old jealousy in Alec began to fire up. Suspicions that had been lurking in the back of his mind began to surface, taunting him, telling him that he was second choice for Asha because she couldn't have Logan.
"Are you sure it's not more like you don't want to help Max? Then you could have Logan for yourself," Alec interjected snidely and Asha lashed out and happened to score a hit square across Alec's jaw with a strength that Alec hadn't been expecting and he had to stumbled back a few steps into a wall from the force of the blow. Asha seemed positively furious with rage at his lewd suggestion.
"How dare you? I would never even think about doing that, that's a horrible thing to say," Asha growled at him and Alec lifted a hand to rub his sore jaw.
"Well you're doing it by protecting the person who has abandoned you," Alec said and Asha shook her head.
"He didn't abandon me," she said and Alec laughed harshly.
"He abandoned all of us," Alec told her shortly and Asha moved away from him.
"I could never go against his wishes," Asha said after a few minutes and Alec frowned at her.
"Why not?" he asked in wonder and Asha pressed a hand to her mouth.
"He's my father Alec, its not right," Asha reminded Alec whose frustration was at its peak.
"Well then open your eyes so you can see us die right before you because that's what's going to happen if you don't help us," Alec threatened and Asha bowed her head remorsefully.
"I don't want to open my eyes, I don't want to see the disappointment in Max and Logan's eyes, I don't want to see your pity because you imagine me in love with a man who's been more like a brother to me than anything else, I don't love him, I love." Asha wanted to tell him. She wanted to say his name and confess to him all that she felt. But she couldn't. Not when she knew for a fact he didn't feel the same way. Alec looked at Asha and was glad she couldn't see how hard it was for him to act indifferent towards her. All he wanted to do was to pull her close to him and take away her pain but he didn't want to risk hurting her.
"Asha, Max and Logan could never be disappointed in you, they.no.we are all your friends, in our eyes you won't see anything but love," Alec said in a soft voice and Asha turned from him.
"I wish I could believe you," Asha said wistfully and Alec shook his head. Why wouldn't she believe him? Had she been hurt so many times she couldn't believe a word anyone said to her? Perhaps they weren't so different after all.
"Well believe what you want, you will anyway," Alec said standing up and moving to the door and Asha looked in his direction her face wryly amused.
"It sounds like you think I'm stubborn," she said smiling and Alec shook his head at her.
"If you could see my face you'd know," Alec said snidely and Asha was crushed.
"Don't go all high and mighty on me, not you Alec, you stood by me through all this, please be there for me," Asha pleaded and Alec stared down at her cute upturned face that was looking for a friend in this new world.
"I'm not turning against you, I'm turning human, you should try it sometime," Alec told her then he strode from the room leaving Asha to sit curled up in the chair feeling sorry for herself.
