Disclaimer: see part1.
Part 4
Tap, tap, shatter...
By Random1377
Shinji sat on his bed, unmoving. 'Shinji, your sync score is the lowest it's ever been... what's going on?' Misato's frustrated words trickled through his mind, a cruel reminder of just a few months ago, when she had said, 'You're number one!'
He rolled onto his side, facing the wall. His SDAT player sat on his dresser... for once offering no solace. "What IS wrong with me?" he whispered, looking at the device sorrowfully, "Why do I have to be feel this way?"
Again he turned over, his mind wandering aimlessly. Asuka... Rei... Misato... Touji... all of them, locked behind a wall of glass. Asuka, because he did not know what she wanted from him... Rei, because she did not ever speak to him.... Misato, because she was always at work and never had time for him... and Touji... Touji because he had nearly killed him.
He wondered briefly if Kensuke or Hikari would talk to him, but he discarded the notion, "They wouldn't understand..." he said, his voice growing thick with emotion, "I'm... I'm all alone..."
When the angel alarm sounded, he almost didn't get out of bed, "Better to just stay here and die..." he whispered bitterly, "no one understands me, what do I owe them?"
He knew that they would eventually come for him. Heaving a deep sigh, he finally rose to his feet as Asuka burst into his room. She met his eye awkwardly, "Come on... we have to get to NERV..." she said, trying to keep her voice even.
"I'm coming..." he said, his voice devoid of emotion. Something flashed across Asuka's face, -Regret?- Shinji thought, -No... she wouldn't regret it... she took what she wanted, what would she regret?-
Asuka's cell phone rang, "Yes? Yes, Misato, we know..." she paused, listening, "Ok, we'll be there." She hung up and turned to Shinji, "Come on, Misato is going to pick us up, but we have to get as close as we can... Rei's already on her way..."
Shinji's eyes narrowed minutely, "Rei? Don't you mean 'Wondergirl'? or 'First'? Since when do you call Ayanami 'Rei'?"
Asuka frowned, "There's no time for this, Shinji, we HAVE to go!"
Shinji continued to scowl, but finally brushed past her, muttering, "Fine... let's go die... that won't be so bad, will it?"
-What is wrong with him?- she thought, following as he moved quickly towards the door, -He can't still be mad that I kissed him - it's been a week!- She would not get the chance to find out for quite some time.
**
In the back seat of Misato's car, Shinji's mind floated, detaching from the world around him as he thought of the people in his life, and how they mistreated him. Each thought coming like a gentle tap against the delicate glass that was his psyche.
He walked like a zombie through Headquarters and dressed in his plugsuit. He then went to the EVA cage, riding the elevator with Asuka and Rei in silence. He broke from his silent contemplation as the two girls got in, observing how they positioned themselves as far away from one another as possible. He sighed sadly, -Some things will never change...- he thought, turning away from Asuka's downcast face.
When they were not looking, Asuka stole glances at her other two pilots, both of whom seemed lost in their own thoughts, -DAMN,- she thought, -how did things get so fucked up?- She wanted to talk to both of them. She was not ready to admit that she had done anything wrong, but the silence and tension between them was thick enough to touch... even Rei looked on edge.
Rei tried to force all thoughts but those of the upcoming battle from her mind... but she could not suppress the memory of the redhead's rage, -I was... wrong to believe that she and I shared similar emotions,- Rei thought, feeling foolish, -and Shinji... something is bothering him, but how can I assist him if I cannot first solve my own problems?-
So they rode in silence, each wanting to reach out to the others... each trapped behind the barriers of their heart.
**
Rei launched first, engaging the snake-like angel... or rather, falling before it.
"REI!" Misato yelled, watching in horror as the white being broke through the pale girl's AT field and slammed into Unit 00's midsection, fusing with it.
Sitting in his entry plug, Shinji listen to the frantic discussion in the command center with a feeling of detachment, "So..." he whispered, "Rei will be the first to die..." had anyone been around to hear him, they may have been surprised to hear the note of relief in his voice as he considered: "Then I can die next..."
**
In Unit 00, Rei's body arched as the angel merged with her mecha. She felt the world slide away as the angel's mind touched hers.
She found herself standing at the edge of a pool. Another 'Rei' stood in the water, her head down. "Do you not want to become one with me?" the other Rei asked.
"No, I am I... you are you..." She replied calmly, "I wish to remain myself."
The other Rei smiled, "It is already too late... I am becoming one with your... robot," she formed the word with peculiar smile on her face, "once that is complete, you and I shall become one." The air around her became hazy, "Does this make it easier to accept?"
Rei gasped as the other girl's form shifted and flowed, her countenance becoming Asuka's.
"This is your desire, is it not?" the apparition said in Asuka's voice, "I know that you would like to be close to this Lillim..." her voice dropped, "I can BE this for you... you will never know shame while bound to me..."
Rei's voice dropped into a whisper, "No... it would be false. I would not be able to believe that you are her, as she has told me that she... feels nothing for me ..."
She felt something hit her leg, and was pulled back to reality with a jerk. She looked down, "A... tear?" she said in confusion, "Am I the one who is crying?"
**
"Unit 01," Gendou's calm voice commanded, "launch immediately," he ignored Misato's open jaw, "spread your AT field as you reach the surface and fire a volley into the enemies back. Retrieve Unit 00's entry plug at all cost. Launch."
"Yes." Came Shinji's flat response.
All eyes were on the monitor as Unit 01 shot to the surface and its elevator opened... and the purple machine stood still.
"SHINJI! What are you DOING?!" Misato yelled, "Rescue Rei!"
"He CAN'T," Maya yelled, turning from her computer, "his sync ratio is less than ten percent!"
"Shinji?" Misato said quietly, opening a video com-link.
"It... it won't move..." Shinji whispered, his head down, "it just won't move..." he kept repeating himself over and over, his voice lifeless.
"Pull him back in," Misato ordered sadly, "he's just a target out there. Asuka, launch now."
"Yes ma'am." Asuka's voice replied as her Unit rose, -What am I going to do? Shinji always saves the day...- she frowned, wondering just when that thought had stopped being a way to tease him and become the truth. She shook her head, "I can do this..." she said to herself.
She leapt from the elevator, finding the target easily and bringing her rifle to bear. As she raised her AT field, the other end of the snake whipped around to face her... then charged forward almost faster than she could track. She twisted Unit 02 to the side frantically, barely avoiding the thing, but losing her rifle in the process.
"Bastard," she whispered, "no one fucks with me." She engaged her progressive knife, waiting for the snake to come back around. When it did, she dodged to the side, holding the knife out and smiling as a deep cut appeared in the glowing white matter.
Her smile fell away as Rei screamed.
"Rei!" Misato yelled, "Asuka, you have to find a way to get Rei separated from the angel, you're killing h-"
"No," Gendou's voice cut in, tense but level, "the angel is the priority... destroy it at all costs." -I am... sorry, Rei.- he thought, angry at letting himself show his emotions so openly.
"But-" Asuka was cut off as the angel rushed her again. "Not so fast," she said, grabbing it as it passed.
"Angel is merging with Unit 02," Maya shouted, "it's going into her hands!"
Asuka looked down at her gloves, horrified to see them suddenly bulging with veins. With great difficulty, she tore Unit 02's hands away (along with some of the angel's flesh), listening as Rei screamed again.
"Asuka," Ritsuko came on, "concentrate on spreading your AT field around your hands only. By putting it into such a confined area, it will prevent the angel from getting through, and you can then hold it while you cut it with the progressive knife."
"I can't do that!" Asuka said, sidestepping as the angel tried once more to ram her, "No one has that kind of control over-"
"If you don't she'll die." Came the flat response.
"Understood..." Asuka said, keeping her voice even. She focused on her hands, willing the AT field to concentrate there. After a second, the EVA's hands were coated with the telltale octagonal pattern.
"The angel is keeping the plug from ejecting," Misato said, her voice hard, "Ritsuko thinks that if you... hurt it enough, it will concentrate on surviving and let her go."
"Understood." Asuka whispered, "I'm sorry... Rei..." She willed her Unit forward, knife at the ready, and engaged the angel.
For every cut that she made, Rei cried out... her voice getting weaker and weaker. Asuka fought back tears, -I'm so sorry...-
Finally, Maya yelled, "The plug is ejecting," Asuka's elation turned to dread as Maya spoke again, "Her heart just stopped!"
"Shock her." Ritsuko's cool reply came.
Asuka did not hear the rest of the conversation. She attacked the angel with a savagery that surprised everyone watching... slicing and chopping at it until she saw a brief flash of glowing red. With a scream, she plunged the knife forward, seeking the elusive core and finding it. The angel detonated, taking a piece of Unit 00 as it exploded and hurling Unit 02 back several hundred feet to land face down.
Asuka made no attempt to bring Unit 02 back to its feet. She just lay there, too shocked to move, "Rei..." she whispered, "Rei I'm sorry... I couldn't save you..." she put her hand to her mouth, a quiet sob escaping her, "I was wrong... I was wrong to push you away..." She began to cry, knowing that she would never get to tell her how she felt.
"Asuka!" Misato's voice cut through to her finally, "It's ok... come home now."
"It's NOT ok!" she screamed, rubbing away her tears frantically (she would be damned if she let anyone see her crying), "I failed! Rei's DEAD because I-"
"Rei is alive..." Misato said gently, "she's on her way to the operating room now, but they said she should be just fine... you saved her, Asuka..."
Asuka felt her spirits rise, but she heard the hesitation in the older woman's voice, "What is it, Misato? What aren't you telling me?" The silence on the other end of the link made her feel cold.
"Well..." Misato began slowly, "she's cut badly. Apparently, since the angel was so tightly integrated with Unit 00... it affected her... and Unit 00 may not be salvageable." She paused, "Also... Shinji's... unconscious... they can't wake him up..."
"What?! I thought he got pulled in before anything happened to him!" She was now confused. It felt like every possible emotion had run through her in the last five minutes.
"He was..." Misato's voice had an odd quality to it, Asuka realized it was because she was holding back tears, "when the catapult came back down, Unit 01 was slumped forward... and Shinji wouldn't answer. When we force-ejected the plug we found him just... staring. He won't respond, Asuka... the doctor's say it's too soon to know, but..."
"But what, Misato?" Asuka prompted.
Misato took a deep breath, "But his mind may be shattered." Asuka closed her eyes as the purple-haired woman went on, "He's always been... fragile, and he's been declining recently. Not being able to move Unit 01 must have been the final straw."
Asuka let the news sink in, finally bringing Unit 02 to its feet, "Misato..." she knew what she must do now... what felt right, "when can I visit Rei?"
Misato's stunned silence was the only response for a full minute, "Rei?" she asked wonderingly. She regained her composure fast (she wasn't head of operations for nothing), "Umm... tomorrow, I would guess, if the doctors say it's alright... but, what about Shinji?"
Asuka flinched, "I... will visit both of them, but you said Shinji is catatonic, right? Will it really help if I visit him first?" It hit her that she was becoming defensive, but that she did not care... it was quite liberating.
"Yes, Asuka..." Misato could sense that something was wrong with this whole discussion, but could not put her finger on what it was... so she went on the offensive, "it really will. So do it." Her tone softened, "I know this was a hard fight for you, come back home, ok?"
"Ok, Misato..." Asuka said quietly, "I will." She willed Unit 02 forward, thinking as the giant red machine moved of the things she wanted, and needed, to say to Rei. And the things she hoped to hear in return. Though she still felt a sense of unease and vague shame, she was determined to find out where her happiness lay... even if it was in the arms of another woman.
Continued...
Big time thanks goes out to my pre-readers on this chapter: Little Washu, Lilith, and Author X. You guys are cool!
Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com
Part 4
Tap, tap, shatter...
By Random1377
Shinji sat on his bed, unmoving. 'Shinji, your sync score is the lowest it's ever been... what's going on?' Misato's frustrated words trickled through his mind, a cruel reminder of just a few months ago, when she had said, 'You're number one!'
He rolled onto his side, facing the wall. His SDAT player sat on his dresser... for once offering no solace. "What IS wrong with me?" he whispered, looking at the device sorrowfully, "Why do I have to be feel this way?"
Again he turned over, his mind wandering aimlessly. Asuka... Rei... Misato... Touji... all of them, locked behind a wall of glass. Asuka, because he did not know what she wanted from him... Rei, because she did not ever speak to him.... Misato, because she was always at work and never had time for him... and Touji... Touji because he had nearly killed him.
He wondered briefly if Kensuke or Hikari would talk to him, but he discarded the notion, "They wouldn't understand..." he said, his voice growing thick with emotion, "I'm... I'm all alone..."
When the angel alarm sounded, he almost didn't get out of bed, "Better to just stay here and die..." he whispered bitterly, "no one understands me, what do I owe them?"
He knew that they would eventually come for him. Heaving a deep sigh, he finally rose to his feet as Asuka burst into his room. She met his eye awkwardly, "Come on... we have to get to NERV..." she said, trying to keep her voice even.
"I'm coming..." he said, his voice devoid of emotion. Something flashed across Asuka's face, -Regret?- Shinji thought, -No... she wouldn't regret it... she took what she wanted, what would she regret?-
Asuka's cell phone rang, "Yes? Yes, Misato, we know..." she paused, listening, "Ok, we'll be there." She hung up and turned to Shinji, "Come on, Misato is going to pick us up, but we have to get as close as we can... Rei's already on her way..."
Shinji's eyes narrowed minutely, "Rei? Don't you mean 'Wondergirl'? or 'First'? Since when do you call Ayanami 'Rei'?"
Asuka frowned, "There's no time for this, Shinji, we HAVE to go!"
Shinji continued to scowl, but finally brushed past her, muttering, "Fine... let's go die... that won't be so bad, will it?"
-What is wrong with him?- she thought, following as he moved quickly towards the door, -He can't still be mad that I kissed him - it's been a week!- She would not get the chance to find out for quite some time.
**
In the back seat of Misato's car, Shinji's mind floated, detaching from the world around him as he thought of the people in his life, and how they mistreated him. Each thought coming like a gentle tap against the delicate glass that was his psyche.
He walked like a zombie through Headquarters and dressed in his plugsuit. He then went to the EVA cage, riding the elevator with Asuka and Rei in silence. He broke from his silent contemplation as the two girls got in, observing how they positioned themselves as far away from one another as possible. He sighed sadly, -Some things will never change...- he thought, turning away from Asuka's downcast face.
When they were not looking, Asuka stole glances at her other two pilots, both of whom seemed lost in their own thoughts, -DAMN,- she thought, -how did things get so fucked up?- She wanted to talk to both of them. She was not ready to admit that she had done anything wrong, but the silence and tension between them was thick enough to touch... even Rei looked on edge.
Rei tried to force all thoughts but those of the upcoming battle from her mind... but she could not suppress the memory of the redhead's rage, -I was... wrong to believe that she and I shared similar emotions,- Rei thought, feeling foolish, -and Shinji... something is bothering him, but how can I assist him if I cannot first solve my own problems?-
So they rode in silence, each wanting to reach out to the others... each trapped behind the barriers of their heart.
**
Rei launched first, engaging the snake-like angel... or rather, falling before it.
"REI!" Misato yelled, watching in horror as the white being broke through the pale girl's AT field and slammed into Unit 00's midsection, fusing with it.
Sitting in his entry plug, Shinji listen to the frantic discussion in the command center with a feeling of detachment, "So..." he whispered, "Rei will be the first to die..." had anyone been around to hear him, they may have been surprised to hear the note of relief in his voice as he considered: "Then I can die next..."
**
In Unit 00, Rei's body arched as the angel merged with her mecha. She felt the world slide away as the angel's mind touched hers.
She found herself standing at the edge of a pool. Another 'Rei' stood in the water, her head down. "Do you not want to become one with me?" the other Rei asked.
"No, I am I... you are you..." She replied calmly, "I wish to remain myself."
The other Rei smiled, "It is already too late... I am becoming one with your... robot," she formed the word with peculiar smile on her face, "once that is complete, you and I shall become one." The air around her became hazy, "Does this make it easier to accept?"
Rei gasped as the other girl's form shifted and flowed, her countenance becoming Asuka's.
"This is your desire, is it not?" the apparition said in Asuka's voice, "I know that you would like to be close to this Lillim..." her voice dropped, "I can BE this for you... you will never know shame while bound to me..."
Rei's voice dropped into a whisper, "No... it would be false. I would not be able to believe that you are her, as she has told me that she... feels nothing for me ..."
She felt something hit her leg, and was pulled back to reality with a jerk. She looked down, "A... tear?" she said in confusion, "Am I the one who is crying?"
**
"Unit 01," Gendou's calm voice commanded, "launch immediately," he ignored Misato's open jaw, "spread your AT field as you reach the surface and fire a volley into the enemies back. Retrieve Unit 00's entry plug at all cost. Launch."
"Yes." Came Shinji's flat response.
All eyes were on the monitor as Unit 01 shot to the surface and its elevator opened... and the purple machine stood still.
"SHINJI! What are you DOING?!" Misato yelled, "Rescue Rei!"
"He CAN'T," Maya yelled, turning from her computer, "his sync ratio is less than ten percent!"
"Shinji?" Misato said quietly, opening a video com-link.
"It... it won't move..." Shinji whispered, his head down, "it just won't move..." he kept repeating himself over and over, his voice lifeless.
"Pull him back in," Misato ordered sadly, "he's just a target out there. Asuka, launch now."
"Yes ma'am." Asuka's voice replied as her Unit rose, -What am I going to do? Shinji always saves the day...- she frowned, wondering just when that thought had stopped being a way to tease him and become the truth. She shook her head, "I can do this..." she said to herself.
She leapt from the elevator, finding the target easily and bringing her rifle to bear. As she raised her AT field, the other end of the snake whipped around to face her... then charged forward almost faster than she could track. She twisted Unit 02 to the side frantically, barely avoiding the thing, but losing her rifle in the process.
"Bastard," she whispered, "no one fucks with me." She engaged her progressive knife, waiting for the snake to come back around. When it did, she dodged to the side, holding the knife out and smiling as a deep cut appeared in the glowing white matter.
Her smile fell away as Rei screamed.
"Rei!" Misato yelled, "Asuka, you have to find a way to get Rei separated from the angel, you're killing h-"
"No," Gendou's voice cut in, tense but level, "the angel is the priority... destroy it at all costs." -I am... sorry, Rei.- he thought, angry at letting himself show his emotions so openly.
"But-" Asuka was cut off as the angel rushed her again. "Not so fast," she said, grabbing it as it passed.
"Angel is merging with Unit 02," Maya shouted, "it's going into her hands!"
Asuka looked down at her gloves, horrified to see them suddenly bulging with veins. With great difficulty, she tore Unit 02's hands away (along with some of the angel's flesh), listening as Rei screamed again.
"Asuka," Ritsuko came on, "concentrate on spreading your AT field around your hands only. By putting it into such a confined area, it will prevent the angel from getting through, and you can then hold it while you cut it with the progressive knife."
"I can't do that!" Asuka said, sidestepping as the angel tried once more to ram her, "No one has that kind of control over-"
"If you don't she'll die." Came the flat response.
"Understood..." Asuka said, keeping her voice even. She focused on her hands, willing the AT field to concentrate there. After a second, the EVA's hands were coated with the telltale octagonal pattern.
"The angel is keeping the plug from ejecting," Misato said, her voice hard, "Ritsuko thinks that if you... hurt it enough, it will concentrate on surviving and let her go."
"Understood." Asuka whispered, "I'm sorry... Rei..." She willed her Unit forward, knife at the ready, and engaged the angel.
For every cut that she made, Rei cried out... her voice getting weaker and weaker. Asuka fought back tears, -I'm so sorry...-
Finally, Maya yelled, "The plug is ejecting," Asuka's elation turned to dread as Maya spoke again, "Her heart just stopped!"
"Shock her." Ritsuko's cool reply came.
Asuka did not hear the rest of the conversation. She attacked the angel with a savagery that surprised everyone watching... slicing and chopping at it until she saw a brief flash of glowing red. With a scream, she plunged the knife forward, seeking the elusive core and finding it. The angel detonated, taking a piece of Unit 00 as it exploded and hurling Unit 02 back several hundred feet to land face down.
Asuka made no attempt to bring Unit 02 back to its feet. She just lay there, too shocked to move, "Rei..." she whispered, "Rei I'm sorry... I couldn't save you..." she put her hand to her mouth, a quiet sob escaping her, "I was wrong... I was wrong to push you away..." She began to cry, knowing that she would never get to tell her how she felt.
"Asuka!" Misato's voice cut through to her finally, "It's ok... come home now."
"It's NOT ok!" she screamed, rubbing away her tears frantically (she would be damned if she let anyone see her crying), "I failed! Rei's DEAD because I-"
"Rei is alive..." Misato said gently, "she's on her way to the operating room now, but they said she should be just fine... you saved her, Asuka..."
Asuka felt her spirits rise, but she heard the hesitation in the older woman's voice, "What is it, Misato? What aren't you telling me?" The silence on the other end of the link made her feel cold.
"Well..." Misato began slowly, "she's cut badly. Apparently, since the angel was so tightly integrated with Unit 00... it affected her... and Unit 00 may not be salvageable." She paused, "Also... Shinji's... unconscious... they can't wake him up..."
"What?! I thought he got pulled in before anything happened to him!" She was now confused. It felt like every possible emotion had run through her in the last five minutes.
"He was..." Misato's voice had an odd quality to it, Asuka realized it was because she was holding back tears, "when the catapult came back down, Unit 01 was slumped forward... and Shinji wouldn't answer. When we force-ejected the plug we found him just... staring. He won't respond, Asuka... the doctor's say it's too soon to know, but..."
"But what, Misato?" Asuka prompted.
Misato took a deep breath, "But his mind may be shattered." Asuka closed her eyes as the purple-haired woman went on, "He's always been... fragile, and he's been declining recently. Not being able to move Unit 01 must have been the final straw."
Asuka let the news sink in, finally bringing Unit 02 to its feet, "Misato..." she knew what she must do now... what felt right, "when can I visit Rei?"
Misato's stunned silence was the only response for a full minute, "Rei?" she asked wonderingly. She regained her composure fast (she wasn't head of operations for nothing), "Umm... tomorrow, I would guess, if the doctors say it's alright... but, what about Shinji?"
Asuka flinched, "I... will visit both of them, but you said Shinji is catatonic, right? Will it really help if I visit him first?" It hit her that she was becoming defensive, but that she did not care... it was quite liberating.
"Yes, Asuka..." Misato could sense that something was wrong with this whole discussion, but could not put her finger on what it was... so she went on the offensive, "it really will. So do it." Her tone softened, "I know this was a hard fight for you, come back home, ok?"
"Ok, Misato..." Asuka said quietly, "I will." She willed Unit 02 forward, thinking as the giant red machine moved of the things she wanted, and needed, to say to Rei. And the things she hoped to hear in return. Though she still felt a sense of unease and vague shame, she was determined to find out where her happiness lay... even if it was in the arms of another woman.
Continued...
Big time thanks goes out to my pre-readers on this chapter: Little Washu, Lilith, and Author X. You guys are cool!
Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com
