Disclaimer: see chapter 1
Part 5
Breaking through
By Random1377
Shinji was lost. Trapped behind a wall of glass - cut off from the rest of the world by a barrier of his own design.
-Why...- he whispered in his mind, -why am I not dead yet?-
When Unit 01 had refused to move, he had pulled back in on himself, refusing to accept what was happening. -Without EVA,- he thought as he receded, -I'm useless...-
He had firmly believed that they would just kill him. After all, what good was he if he could not move the purple mecha that had grown to define his existence?
He had watched the faces of his rescuers through glassy eyes as they pulled him from the entry plug, unable - and unwilling - to respond to their repeated attempts to wake him.
He had pulled further back as Misato begged him to wake up, though it hurt him to do so. -Just let me go...- he thought sadly, -can't you see that it's better for everyone this way?-
His resolve to remain cut off wavered as Asuka came to visit him the day after the angel attack.
"Hey idiot-" she began jovially, then cut off abruptly and corrected herself, "Hi Shinji..." she said softly, "you don't look so hot..."
He had tried to make his eyes move to face her then, but found that he could not... his mind had forgotten the ability with his forced shut down.
She carefully laid her hand on his, saying, "I just came here to... to say how sorry I am that I forced you to kiss me. I know that it was wrong, and I regret making you do it..."
If his body had been responding to his commands, his jaw would have dropped open at the admission.
Her next confession rocked him like nothing he had ever experienced. "Shinji, I... I'm in love with Rei..." She swallowed, her throat making a dry clicking sound, "Do you know... you're the first person I've told that?" She stared down at where her hand lay on his, her voice dropping lower, "Did you know that that's the first time I've said that out loud - even to myself? It's... harder to say than I thought." She sighed deeply, "I don't know if what I feel is 'bad'... but right or wrong, I'm going to ask her now if she's willing to be mine..." she paused, looking at him closely.
"I'm scared, Shinji..." she whispered after a moment, "I'm scared of what will happen if she says no... but I'm more scared of what will happen if she says yes..." The nature of his condition prevented bodily harm, as he probably would have fallen out of bed at statement. He never expected to hear those words from the Second Child. Of course, he never expected her to tell him that she loved Rei, either...
She hugged herself, and for the first time since he had retreated he wished that he had been stronger. -I should be holding her...- he thought shamefully, -I shouldn't be just lying here - she's scared! She needs me!- But try as he might, he could not find his way back... he was trapped.
"Anyway," she said softly, "I'm sorry for what I've done... and I hope that when you come back you can forgive me - because I know you'll come back, Shinji... I know you will." She leaned forward and kissed him gently on the lips, a tear falling from her eye to his before she broke away and made her exit, closing the door quietly behind her.
He tried to call out to her - willing himself to scream... but nothing came. As the door clicked closed he gave up, knowing he could not reach her now, -DAMN!- he shouted in his mind, -How could I have been so WEAK?!-
He became aware of the door opening again a short while later. -Asuka?- he thought hopefully.
It wasn't the redhead, but rather... another person that slipped quietly into the room and stood over his bed.
"So alone," a soft voice whispered from just outside of his field of vision, "so fragile..." a pale face leaned over him, a smile appearing on its lips.
Shinji did not know who the boy was, but he bore a strong resemblance to Rei... right down to his shining red eyes.
"Hello, Shinji Ikari," the boy said softly, sitting on the chair next to his bed, "we have much to discuss, you and I." He began to speak, and after a while Shinji's mind screamed in the pain of revelation... and twisted in the agony of his self imposed bonds - knowing that by the time he found his way back to control his body it would be too late...
**
Asuka came into Rei's hospital room, "Hello, Rei... it's time to wash your wounds..." she said without waiting for the other girl to speak.
"Why are you here?" Rei asked her quietly.
"I'm here because... because I did this to you... it was Unit 02's knife that hurt you." Asuka said haltingly. Admitting that she was wrong was hard enough, but to admit it when she had only done as she had been ordered nearly killed the German girl.
"I do not require assistance..." Rei said, rising from her bed laboriously and moving into the bathroom.
Hesitating for a minute Asuka followed, coming up short as she found the other girl taking off her clothes and removing her bandages. She turned away, saying, "You might as well let me help you... I'm not going to leave."
The sound of Rei slipping into the water told Asuka that it was ok to turn around. Rei lay in the tub, her arms crossed over her chest.
Asuka knelt by the side of the tub, "Lean forward," she said quietly, taking the big medical sponge that had been set within easy reach and dipping it in the water. Rei did as she was instructed. Asuka turned away as the water slid off of the blue haired girl's pale skin. After a deep breath, she turned back and began to carefully wash the girl's injuries, being as gentle as she could.
The only indication of pain Rei made was an occasional breath, sharply indrawn. After a moment of silence she spoke quietly, "Why are you here... Pilot Souryu?" she asked again, her voice hollow.
Asuka blew her breath out, sending her hair flying, "I... don't know..." she said after a brief pause. "Mostly I'm here because I... wanted to see if you were ok..."
Rei considered this for a minute, "You said that you do not feel anything for me..."
"I was wrong..." Asuka whispered.
Rei turned to her, eyes wide. Asuka took a deep breath and leaned forward, "What do you feel for me, Rei?" she asked, halting a few inches from the other girl's face.
Rei met her eyes steadily, "I do not know the emotion that I feel... it is unfamiliar," she said slowly, "but it is a... good feeling..."
Asuka nodded, drifting closer still, "Rei... if you don't stop me, I'm... I'm going to..." she trailed off, pausing centimeters from Rei.
Rei's voice trembled only slightly, "I... will not stop you... Asuka..." She whispered.
Asuka closed her eyes, and the final distance between them.
When Asuka's lips gently touched hers, Rei's body shivered. She had not expected the redhead to be so careful. Slowly, she brought her hand up out of the water and touched Asuka's face, leaving a damp trail across her cheek.
Asuka gingerly reached out and copied her move, touching Rei's jaw with shaking fingers. After a moment they parted.
Asuka looked into her fiery red eyes with her own icy blue ones, "Rei... is this wrong?" she said quietly. Her hand had not left Rei's face.
"I do not know... but it feels very nice..." Rei replied. Asuka whimpered softly, feeling the last of her inhibitions fall away as she was drawn into another damp kiss. She put her arms carefully around Rei's pale body, being mindful of Rei's cuts.
-I feel so warm...- Asuka thought, tilting her head so she could feel more of Rei's tender mouth against hers, -like Misato said... I feel safe...- She pulled Rei to her tighter.
Rei let herself be held, ignoring the minor flare of pain. She tilted her head to the opposite side, feeling Asuka's mouth open and her tongue questioningly press against her lips. She opened them, letting the redhead explore her mouth. -I do not care if this is right,- Rei thought as she ran her hands through Asuka's flaming red hair, -right or wrong, I will be with her... she is mine!- the sudden, possessive thought took her off-guard and she opened her eyes, drawing back slightly.
Asuka backed away instantly, "Did I... do something wrong?" -Maybe this isn't right after all...- she thought.
Rei shook her head, "No... you did not..." she reached out and touched the other girl's shoulder, feeling her tremble, "I was merely going to ask if you would be my..." she blushed, knowing how absurd it sounded, "girlfriend..."
Asuka's trembling intensified, "I don't... know... I don't know if this is right..." she put her hands to her head, all of her confidence gone, "I don't know, Rei..."
"Asuka..." the blue-haired girl spoke quietly, but firmly, "what we feel and what we have done is not accepted by our society," she shook her head, "does that make it automatically wrong?" she embraced the girl once more, "I know that I feel... right, when I am with you. I do not care if others do not approve... I only..." she took a deep breath, "I only want you to be with me."
Asuka's eyes widened as Rei spoke. When she finished, the redhead pulled away and said quietly, "If... if I do become your... girlfriend..." she met the girls crimson eyes with great difficulty, "would you... want me to sleep with you? Because I don't know if I'm ready for that, or-"
Rei cut her off, shaking her head, "I think that this is what the Americans call 'putting the cart before the horse'. You are concerned about events and feelings that are yet far off." She put a hand on the other girl's shoulder, "I will not ever make you feel pressure to do anything..." she blushed, "I... do not even know if it is possible for us to... unite..."
Asuka smiled... a small smile, but it was more than Rei had hoped for, "From what I've heard, it's... different," she said timidly, "than when a man and a woman... it's just different." She finished in a rush.
Rei nodded, "Do not worry about that... I will not expect it from you now, or ever..." she met the other girl's eyes, "though I admit it sounds... interesting..." she leaned forward, taking Asuka's face in her hands, "Asuka..." she said in a very formal tone, "will you be my girlfriend?"
Asuka's trembling stopped, "Yes, Rei... I will." By unspoken accord, they kissed once more. Then Rei rose from the tub and Asuka helped her reapply her bandages and dress, trying to look away as much as possible as she was still embarrassed to see her naked.
Then they sat together on Rei's bed and talked for hours. They talked about the people in their lives, and how they would react, deciding to keep their affair a secret as long as they could. They talked about EVA, and their fears. They talked about school, and friendships... and they talked about themselves, finding similarities they never knew existed. They talked about Shinji, each of them hoping he would be alright.
Finally it was time for Rei to sleep, and for Asuka to go home. They kissed one last, slow time... and bade each other goodnight, each thinking that they had finally broken through the barriers inside... and that things could only get better from this point.
For a short time, they were right...
Continued...
Author's notes: before anyone asks - no, I do not plan to make this a Yaoi fic as well... :P
Thanks to my pre-readers on this one, Katie Dawber, JobFaust, Lord DeathScythe,
Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com
Part 5
Breaking through
By Random1377
Shinji was lost. Trapped behind a wall of glass - cut off from the rest of the world by a barrier of his own design.
-Why...- he whispered in his mind, -why am I not dead yet?-
When Unit 01 had refused to move, he had pulled back in on himself, refusing to accept what was happening. -Without EVA,- he thought as he receded, -I'm useless...-
He had firmly believed that they would just kill him. After all, what good was he if he could not move the purple mecha that had grown to define his existence?
He had watched the faces of his rescuers through glassy eyes as they pulled him from the entry plug, unable - and unwilling - to respond to their repeated attempts to wake him.
He had pulled further back as Misato begged him to wake up, though it hurt him to do so. -Just let me go...- he thought sadly, -can't you see that it's better for everyone this way?-
His resolve to remain cut off wavered as Asuka came to visit him the day after the angel attack.
"Hey idiot-" she began jovially, then cut off abruptly and corrected herself, "Hi Shinji..." she said softly, "you don't look so hot..."
He had tried to make his eyes move to face her then, but found that he could not... his mind had forgotten the ability with his forced shut down.
She carefully laid her hand on his, saying, "I just came here to... to say how sorry I am that I forced you to kiss me. I know that it was wrong, and I regret making you do it..."
If his body had been responding to his commands, his jaw would have dropped open at the admission.
Her next confession rocked him like nothing he had ever experienced. "Shinji, I... I'm in love with Rei..." She swallowed, her throat making a dry clicking sound, "Do you know... you're the first person I've told that?" She stared down at where her hand lay on his, her voice dropping lower, "Did you know that that's the first time I've said that out loud - even to myself? It's... harder to say than I thought." She sighed deeply, "I don't know if what I feel is 'bad'... but right or wrong, I'm going to ask her now if she's willing to be mine..." she paused, looking at him closely.
"I'm scared, Shinji..." she whispered after a moment, "I'm scared of what will happen if she says no... but I'm more scared of what will happen if she says yes..." The nature of his condition prevented bodily harm, as he probably would have fallen out of bed at statement. He never expected to hear those words from the Second Child. Of course, he never expected her to tell him that she loved Rei, either...
She hugged herself, and for the first time since he had retreated he wished that he had been stronger. -I should be holding her...- he thought shamefully, -I shouldn't be just lying here - she's scared! She needs me!- But try as he might, he could not find his way back... he was trapped.
"Anyway," she said softly, "I'm sorry for what I've done... and I hope that when you come back you can forgive me - because I know you'll come back, Shinji... I know you will." She leaned forward and kissed him gently on the lips, a tear falling from her eye to his before she broke away and made her exit, closing the door quietly behind her.
He tried to call out to her - willing himself to scream... but nothing came. As the door clicked closed he gave up, knowing he could not reach her now, -DAMN!- he shouted in his mind, -How could I have been so WEAK?!-
He became aware of the door opening again a short while later. -Asuka?- he thought hopefully.
It wasn't the redhead, but rather... another person that slipped quietly into the room and stood over his bed.
"So alone," a soft voice whispered from just outside of his field of vision, "so fragile..." a pale face leaned over him, a smile appearing on its lips.
Shinji did not know who the boy was, but he bore a strong resemblance to Rei... right down to his shining red eyes.
"Hello, Shinji Ikari," the boy said softly, sitting on the chair next to his bed, "we have much to discuss, you and I." He began to speak, and after a while Shinji's mind screamed in the pain of revelation... and twisted in the agony of his self imposed bonds - knowing that by the time he found his way back to control his body it would be too late...
**
Asuka came into Rei's hospital room, "Hello, Rei... it's time to wash your wounds..." she said without waiting for the other girl to speak.
"Why are you here?" Rei asked her quietly.
"I'm here because... because I did this to you... it was Unit 02's knife that hurt you." Asuka said haltingly. Admitting that she was wrong was hard enough, but to admit it when she had only done as she had been ordered nearly killed the German girl.
"I do not require assistance..." Rei said, rising from her bed laboriously and moving into the bathroom.
Hesitating for a minute Asuka followed, coming up short as she found the other girl taking off her clothes and removing her bandages. She turned away, saying, "You might as well let me help you... I'm not going to leave."
The sound of Rei slipping into the water told Asuka that it was ok to turn around. Rei lay in the tub, her arms crossed over her chest.
Asuka knelt by the side of the tub, "Lean forward," she said quietly, taking the big medical sponge that had been set within easy reach and dipping it in the water. Rei did as she was instructed. Asuka turned away as the water slid off of the blue haired girl's pale skin. After a deep breath, she turned back and began to carefully wash the girl's injuries, being as gentle as she could.
The only indication of pain Rei made was an occasional breath, sharply indrawn. After a moment of silence she spoke quietly, "Why are you here... Pilot Souryu?" she asked again, her voice hollow.
Asuka blew her breath out, sending her hair flying, "I... don't know..." she said after a brief pause. "Mostly I'm here because I... wanted to see if you were ok..."
Rei considered this for a minute, "You said that you do not feel anything for me..."
"I was wrong..." Asuka whispered.
Rei turned to her, eyes wide. Asuka took a deep breath and leaned forward, "What do you feel for me, Rei?" she asked, halting a few inches from the other girl's face.
Rei met her eyes steadily, "I do not know the emotion that I feel... it is unfamiliar," she said slowly, "but it is a... good feeling..."
Asuka nodded, drifting closer still, "Rei... if you don't stop me, I'm... I'm going to..." she trailed off, pausing centimeters from Rei.
Rei's voice trembled only slightly, "I... will not stop you... Asuka..." She whispered.
Asuka closed her eyes, and the final distance between them.
When Asuka's lips gently touched hers, Rei's body shivered. She had not expected the redhead to be so careful. Slowly, she brought her hand up out of the water and touched Asuka's face, leaving a damp trail across her cheek.
Asuka gingerly reached out and copied her move, touching Rei's jaw with shaking fingers. After a moment they parted.
Asuka looked into her fiery red eyes with her own icy blue ones, "Rei... is this wrong?" she said quietly. Her hand had not left Rei's face.
"I do not know... but it feels very nice..." Rei replied. Asuka whimpered softly, feeling the last of her inhibitions fall away as she was drawn into another damp kiss. She put her arms carefully around Rei's pale body, being mindful of Rei's cuts.
-I feel so warm...- Asuka thought, tilting her head so she could feel more of Rei's tender mouth against hers, -like Misato said... I feel safe...- She pulled Rei to her tighter.
Rei let herself be held, ignoring the minor flare of pain. She tilted her head to the opposite side, feeling Asuka's mouth open and her tongue questioningly press against her lips. She opened them, letting the redhead explore her mouth. -I do not care if this is right,- Rei thought as she ran her hands through Asuka's flaming red hair, -right or wrong, I will be with her... she is mine!- the sudden, possessive thought took her off-guard and she opened her eyes, drawing back slightly.
Asuka backed away instantly, "Did I... do something wrong?" -Maybe this isn't right after all...- she thought.
Rei shook her head, "No... you did not..." she reached out and touched the other girl's shoulder, feeling her tremble, "I was merely going to ask if you would be my..." she blushed, knowing how absurd it sounded, "girlfriend..."
Asuka's trembling intensified, "I don't... know... I don't know if this is right..." she put her hands to her head, all of her confidence gone, "I don't know, Rei..."
"Asuka..." the blue-haired girl spoke quietly, but firmly, "what we feel and what we have done is not accepted by our society," she shook her head, "does that make it automatically wrong?" she embraced the girl once more, "I know that I feel... right, when I am with you. I do not care if others do not approve... I only..." she took a deep breath, "I only want you to be with me."
Asuka's eyes widened as Rei spoke. When she finished, the redhead pulled away and said quietly, "If... if I do become your... girlfriend..." she met the girls crimson eyes with great difficulty, "would you... want me to sleep with you? Because I don't know if I'm ready for that, or-"
Rei cut her off, shaking her head, "I think that this is what the Americans call 'putting the cart before the horse'. You are concerned about events and feelings that are yet far off." She put a hand on the other girl's shoulder, "I will not ever make you feel pressure to do anything..." she blushed, "I... do not even know if it is possible for us to... unite..."
Asuka smiled... a small smile, but it was more than Rei had hoped for, "From what I've heard, it's... different," she said timidly, "than when a man and a woman... it's just different." She finished in a rush.
Rei nodded, "Do not worry about that... I will not expect it from you now, or ever..." she met the other girl's eyes, "though I admit it sounds... interesting..." she leaned forward, taking Asuka's face in her hands, "Asuka..." she said in a very formal tone, "will you be my girlfriend?"
Asuka's trembling stopped, "Yes, Rei... I will." By unspoken accord, they kissed once more. Then Rei rose from the tub and Asuka helped her reapply her bandages and dress, trying to look away as much as possible as she was still embarrassed to see her naked.
Then they sat together on Rei's bed and talked for hours. They talked about the people in their lives, and how they would react, deciding to keep their affair a secret as long as they could. They talked about EVA, and their fears. They talked about school, and friendships... and they talked about themselves, finding similarities they never knew existed. They talked about Shinji, each of them hoping he would be alright.
Finally it was time for Rei to sleep, and for Asuka to go home. They kissed one last, slow time... and bade each other goodnight, each thinking that they had finally broken through the barriers inside... and that things could only get better from this point.
For a short time, they were right...
Continued...
Author's notes: before anyone asks - no, I do not plan to make this a Yaoi fic as well... :P
Thanks to my pre-readers on this one, Katie Dawber, JobFaust, Lord DeathScythe,
Feedback is always welcome at random1377@yahoo.com
