* Rosie finally chews a hole in the wall. Otacon and Rosie go their separate ways. Otacon runs to the computer room where Emma dies in the game and Rosie goes out to help Raiden snipe for Elton John. But as she's walking along, she comes across Jerod once more. . . *

Rosie: You again! You just won't go away will you?

Jerod: The last two times we fought, you got lucky, but this time it's gonna be different!

* Jerod whips a flame-thrower out the back pocket. The flamethrower has a flame portruding out the barol, flickering, ready to receive the flamethrower fuel. *

Jerod: Time to cook this piggy!

Rosie(with a smile on her face): I wouldn't do that if I were you.

* Rosie turns around and bends over. Out of her ass comes a huge, bellowing, cloud of methane gas that ignites the flamethrower's little starter flame, which causes it to roar into a blazing inferno cooking jerod's face to a crisp. Jerod staggers over, beaten and badly burnt, and falls on the floor. *

Jerod(laying on the floor): Damn you!!!

Rosie: Looks like I beat you again. But this time It'll be for good.(* She says as she puts Jerod's head under her foot ready to squash him. *)

Jerod: Wait! Maybe we can work something out!

Rosie(smiling): What exactly do you have in mind?

. . .meanwhile. . .

* The camera takes us to the oil fence where you have to snipe for Emma in the game. Elton John begins to walk on the unsturdy, waving, walkway. After triping a few times, and with help from Raiden, who'se sniping for him, he finally makes it behind one of the struts where Raiden can't see him. Raiden uses the directional microphone to listen in. *

(camera takes us inside)

Johnny: Freeze! Who goes there!?

Elton(screaming like a little girl): Ahhh!!! Don't shoot!

* Elton looks around, not able to see the guard and wondering where he is. *

Johnny(from behind one of the stalls): It's okay. I don't have a gun anyway.

Elton: Oh.

Johnny: But I do have some crazy bowells. Better watch out!

Elton: Uhh. . .So you're letting me go?

Johnny: Well. . .Let's just say you're lucky I'm having a bowell attack.

Elton: You know, they have stuff you can use to fix that.

Johnny: They do?. . .I mean, I don't care. I like having a special ability like this. It gives me more character depth.

Elton: . . .

Johnny: Besides! Who are you to tell me what to do anyway!?

Elton: . . .

Johnny: Hey! Answer me! That's it, I'm taking you to the hostage room!

Elton: Uhh. . .Bye!

Johnny: Wait! Get back here!

* Johnny attempts to get up of the can, but is bombarded by yet another "bowell attack."*

Johnny: Damn!

* The camera takes us back to Raiden. He looks up to the place where Snake helps you snipe in the game. Rosie comes out and waves at Raiden. Then she contacts him. *

(codec beeps)

Raiden: Finally!

Rosie: Sorry, had to take care of a few things. How's Elton doing?

Raiden: He's made it past the first strut, we've got to snipe for him. But first, I need to know, what do we plan to do about the hostages?

Rosie: We'll worry about the hostages later. First we've got to snipe for Elton.

Raiden: I've got a PSG1, but what about you? You don't use guns.

Rosie(pulling out a potatoe gun): I don't use guns, but I use this.

Raiden: A potatoe gun?

Rosie: Not a potatoe gun, a potatoe launcher. And I've got 30 potatoes. And one last thing, enough with the calling me french fry thing. It's driving me nuts.

Raiden: But isn't that your codename?

Rosie: Yeah, that's what I said, but I didn't think you would be dumb enough to actually call me that.

Raiden: Okay. Raiden, out.

(codec goes offline)

* Raiden and Rosie steady their guns and take aim at the obstacles that threaten Elton John's path. Rosie fires a potatoes out of her greatly upgraded potatoe launcher, which actually shoots flaming potatoes, catching a guard on fire. He wriggles around and screams in agony before falling off the strut, all the while, Raiden is sniping with his PSG1. As Elton is walking along, something comes up from the water. It's Oprah! Oprah jumps up on the oil fence and grabs Elton, positioning himself behind him in a hostage-taking position. Raiden and Rosie contact each other by codec. *

(codec beeps)

Raiden: Rosie! It's got Elton!

Rosie: Yeah I noticed.

Raiden: You're gonna have to help me take out Oprah.

Rosie: Sorry, I'm out of ammo.

Raiden: But you said you had 30 potatoes. You've only used five shots.

Rosie: Yeah I know. The rest were duds.

Raiden Rosie, they're potatoes. How can they be duds?

Rosie: . . .Okay I ate 'em!

Raiden: This is just great!

Rosie: Well, this platform I'm laying on is really unstable. Like it's about to fall. I thought if I ate some of my potatoes, that'd take some of the weight off of the platform.

Raiden(with a really pissed look): Then you'll just gain the potatoes weight Einstien!

Rosie: Oh.

Raiden: You can't keep food out of your mouth for five minutes! I can almost hear you getting fatter!

Rosie: Really!? So that's what that strange squaking noise was!

Raiden: That's the sea gulls Rosie.

Rosie: Oh, maybe we should save Otacon's brother right about now.

Raiden: Fine!

(codec goes offline)

* Raiden and Rosie take aim. Suddenly we hear a rumbling sound come from deep within Rosie's stomach. Rosie hunches over the side railing. Rosie has a surprised, almost terrified look on her face. *

Rosie: My regurgitation-cycle wasn't due 'til next week.

* Suddenly vomit poors uncontrolably out of Rosie's mouth. The vomit poors on top of a claymore, setting it off and blowing Oprah and Elton into smitherines. Raiden and Rosie wait patiently until the smoke blows away but theres nothing left where they once stood except Elton's gay glasses. Raiden contacts Rosie. *

(codec beeps)

Raiden: Damnit Rosie!

Rosie: Ahhh. . .Got it all over me.

Raiden: You killed him!

Rosie: What am I supposed to do? Tell the vomit to hang on for a sec?

Raiden: This is just great! Elton's blown into the water and so is that disc we needed to stop Metal Gear John.

Rosie: I know, Elton's dead! Isn't it wonderfull? Let's dance!

Raiden: The last thing we need right now is an earthquake. Given the new change in circumstances, we should just go straight to Otacon. Maybe she can figure something out.

Rosie: Ok. Rosie, out

(codec goes offline)

TO BE CONTINUED. . .

author's note: Special thanks to Solid Smith and Blue Moose(these aren't real names allright)