* Ocelot is sitting in his private quarters depressed. He throws back his
head and gulps down yet another bottle of alcohol. His vision is too
impared by now to see what kind, but once he realizes, he spits it out
because that particular bottle really wasn't alcohol at all, but instead
worchestershire sauce. Johnny walks in. *
Johnny: What a mess. Ocelot, are you drinking?
* Ocelot turns his head and drools worchestershire sauce down his chin as he gurgles the word "no" *
Johnny: Ocelot, you only drink when you're depressed. What is it?
Ocelot: Well, today's a really special day for me and no one noticed.
Johnny: How so?
Ocelot: It's my birthday.
Johnny: Really! Well, I know just what might chear you up.
* Johnny leads Ocelot out of his quarters, and into the room with the round table where they plot there sinister plans. The room is very dark. When Johnny turns on the lights, Cheeseburger, Jerod, and Richard jump out from under the table and yell "surprise!" Ocelot is so shocked that, because of his old age, he passes out and falls onto the floor, only to be finally revived later. In the mean time he has a dream. We are taken to a colorfull place, a field from the looks of it, filled with roses and colorful bunnies. *
Ocelot(standing above the lusch valley and looking down at the sight): Whhhhoooaaa!
* A giant bunny jumps in front of Ocelot. Ocelot stares at it with bewilderment. The thing looked to be about 20 ft tall! The bunny stares at Ocelot blankly and craps a huge rainbow out of it's ass. *
Ocelot: So that's where they come from!
* Ocelot gazes longingly at the sight, whishing he was a bunny rabbit. Suddenly a huge toilet falls from the sky and crushes the rabbit. Ocelot looks up at the toilet in awe. *
Ocelot: Metal Gear John!?
* The toilet's lid opens up to form the words as it talks. *
MGJ: Yes, it is I.
Ocelot: But I thought they couldn't talk. . .
* Ocelot rubs his head with a despared look on his face. *
Ocelot: The world seemed so much simpler five minutes ago.
* Ocelot looks over at the toilet and sees him popping a toilet bowl cleaner tablet in it's mouth. The toilet flushes itself and then lets out a long sigh. *
Ocelot: You're taking pills?
MGJ: I need them to ease the pain.
Ocelot: Pain?
MGJ: Yes. You see, toilet's not feeling well lately. Toilet used to be used for simple purposes. But now there are people who want to use me to flush down the Manhatten Harbor.
Ocelot(faking confusion): Gee, I wonder who would do such a thing.
MGJ: Only an evil and sinister person. Well, now that I've aquired an "ass rainbow" from this bunny rabbit, I think I should use it to get out of here.
* The giant toilet opens up its lid and shoots a rainbow off in the distance. It then rides it all the way there shouting "farewell Ocelot! 'Till the next time you pass out!"
Johnny(patting Ocelot on the face): Ocelot, are you awake?
Ocelot: Yeah.
Johnny: You had us worried. In your old age, surprises must be too much for you. We're going to have to be more carefull in the future.
Richard: But we remembered your birthday and wanted you to feel special!!!
* Ocelot looks over at his cake. He basically sees about a hundred candles with a little sliver of icing under it. *
Jerod: Ah man, lighting this thing's gonna take forever.
Johnny: Let Cheeseburger do it.
* Jerod holds up a lighter near Cheesburger. She takes in a huge gulp of air and then rips a huge nasty fart that ignites once it reaches the flame. But it's a bit overkill as it procedes past the candles and lights Ocelot's pony tail. Ocelot screams, as shear terror mounts in his eyes. *
Ocelot: OH MY GOD! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!!!
* Ocelot runs around with his flaming pony tail bouncing up and down, while the others try to think of something to do. Jerod whips a subway sandwich out the back pocket and squirts the mayonase at Ocelot's pony tail. It does the job, effectively putting out the fire on Ocelot's pony tail, and leaving it steaming, and charred black. *
Johnny(running over to Ocelot): Are you OK?
Ocelot: I think so.
* Johnny glances over at Cheeseburger with a look of disgust on his face as she licks up the spilt mayonase on the floor. . .
We are then taken back to the computer room where our heroes are formulating a strategy for fighting the metal gears. Well, two of them are anyway. Otacon and Raiden are conversing over their strategy while Rosie O'donell sits in a chair reading a special JC Penny "Big Girl's" edition catalog. Suddenly her stomach grumbles. *
Rosie: Uh-Oh.
* Otacon pretends to ignore Rosie *
Rosie: Guys. . .Guys. . .I think I'm hungry.
* Otacon still ignores Rosie. *
Rosie: I'M HUNGRY DAMNIT!!!
Raiden(motioning toward the parrot): Rosie, why don't you go play with Elton's bird over there?
* Rosie looks over at the parrot and a smile forms on her face. She walks over to the parrot, licking her lips. But when she reaches into the cage it just pecks her in the face. *
Otacon: Rosie! Get over hear!
Rosie(walking over to them): What is it?
Otacon: We've got a strategy for defeating Metal Gear John. It's only weakness is it's insides. We have to drop a huge bomb in it.
Rosie: But it's like, eleventy hundred feet tall! How the hell are we supposed to get up there?
Otacon: Remember, you've got scabie DNA inside you. Your powers may have developed to where you can jump really high now.
Raiden: Even despite her weight problem?
Otacon: Yeah.
Rosie: So, I jump inside. Then what?
Otacon(showing a suit): You'll be wearing this explosive suit. Once you're in, we'll detonate it.
Rosie: But won't that kill me?
Otacon(while walking over to the parrot's cage and taking the bird out.): Yeah. Guess you'll really have to take on for the team this time, eh?
Raiden: Listen Rosie, you'll go down in history! You will have saved the world from the Patriot's control! You'll be a hero!
Rosie: Yeah, I guess I will!
Otacon(with the parrot on his hand): Sure you will. Now, let's go save the world!
* The three heroes walk out of the room. in slow-mo, in true legendary fassion. Cool music really sets the mood at this moment and gives the trio an exit of legendary status. Then Rosie opens her mouth and burps, completely ruining the moment. *
(The tension mounts as the three heroes take on an unstopable enemy. How will they fare? Will I decide to kill Rosie? Will I get another review? Tune in some time later to find out. . .)
Johnny: What a mess. Ocelot, are you drinking?
* Ocelot turns his head and drools worchestershire sauce down his chin as he gurgles the word "no" *
Johnny: Ocelot, you only drink when you're depressed. What is it?
Ocelot: Well, today's a really special day for me and no one noticed.
Johnny: How so?
Ocelot: It's my birthday.
Johnny: Really! Well, I know just what might chear you up.
* Johnny leads Ocelot out of his quarters, and into the room with the round table where they plot there sinister plans. The room is very dark. When Johnny turns on the lights, Cheeseburger, Jerod, and Richard jump out from under the table and yell "surprise!" Ocelot is so shocked that, because of his old age, he passes out and falls onto the floor, only to be finally revived later. In the mean time he has a dream. We are taken to a colorfull place, a field from the looks of it, filled with roses and colorful bunnies. *
Ocelot(standing above the lusch valley and looking down at the sight): Whhhhoooaaa!
* A giant bunny jumps in front of Ocelot. Ocelot stares at it with bewilderment. The thing looked to be about 20 ft tall! The bunny stares at Ocelot blankly and craps a huge rainbow out of it's ass. *
Ocelot: So that's where they come from!
* Ocelot gazes longingly at the sight, whishing he was a bunny rabbit. Suddenly a huge toilet falls from the sky and crushes the rabbit. Ocelot looks up at the toilet in awe. *
Ocelot: Metal Gear John!?
* The toilet's lid opens up to form the words as it talks. *
MGJ: Yes, it is I.
Ocelot: But I thought they couldn't talk. . .
* Ocelot rubs his head with a despared look on his face. *
Ocelot: The world seemed so much simpler five minutes ago.
* Ocelot looks over at the toilet and sees him popping a toilet bowl cleaner tablet in it's mouth. The toilet flushes itself and then lets out a long sigh. *
Ocelot: You're taking pills?
MGJ: I need them to ease the pain.
Ocelot: Pain?
MGJ: Yes. You see, toilet's not feeling well lately. Toilet used to be used for simple purposes. But now there are people who want to use me to flush down the Manhatten Harbor.
Ocelot(faking confusion): Gee, I wonder who would do such a thing.
MGJ: Only an evil and sinister person. Well, now that I've aquired an "ass rainbow" from this bunny rabbit, I think I should use it to get out of here.
* The giant toilet opens up its lid and shoots a rainbow off in the distance. It then rides it all the way there shouting "farewell Ocelot! 'Till the next time you pass out!"
Johnny(patting Ocelot on the face): Ocelot, are you awake?
Ocelot: Yeah.
Johnny: You had us worried. In your old age, surprises must be too much for you. We're going to have to be more carefull in the future.
Richard: But we remembered your birthday and wanted you to feel special!!!
* Ocelot looks over at his cake. He basically sees about a hundred candles with a little sliver of icing under it. *
Jerod: Ah man, lighting this thing's gonna take forever.
Johnny: Let Cheeseburger do it.
* Jerod holds up a lighter near Cheesburger. She takes in a huge gulp of air and then rips a huge nasty fart that ignites once it reaches the flame. But it's a bit overkill as it procedes past the candles and lights Ocelot's pony tail. Ocelot screams, as shear terror mounts in his eyes. *
Ocelot: OH MY GOD! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!!!
* Ocelot runs around with his flaming pony tail bouncing up and down, while the others try to think of something to do. Jerod whips a subway sandwich out the back pocket and squirts the mayonase at Ocelot's pony tail. It does the job, effectively putting out the fire on Ocelot's pony tail, and leaving it steaming, and charred black. *
Johnny(running over to Ocelot): Are you OK?
Ocelot: I think so.
* Johnny glances over at Cheeseburger with a look of disgust on his face as she licks up the spilt mayonase on the floor. . .
We are then taken back to the computer room where our heroes are formulating a strategy for fighting the metal gears. Well, two of them are anyway. Otacon and Raiden are conversing over their strategy while Rosie O'donell sits in a chair reading a special JC Penny "Big Girl's" edition catalog. Suddenly her stomach grumbles. *
Rosie: Uh-Oh.
* Otacon pretends to ignore Rosie *
Rosie: Guys. . .Guys. . .I think I'm hungry.
* Otacon still ignores Rosie. *
Rosie: I'M HUNGRY DAMNIT!!!
Raiden(motioning toward the parrot): Rosie, why don't you go play with Elton's bird over there?
* Rosie looks over at the parrot and a smile forms on her face. She walks over to the parrot, licking her lips. But when she reaches into the cage it just pecks her in the face. *
Otacon: Rosie! Get over hear!
Rosie(walking over to them): What is it?
Otacon: We've got a strategy for defeating Metal Gear John. It's only weakness is it's insides. We have to drop a huge bomb in it.
Rosie: But it's like, eleventy hundred feet tall! How the hell are we supposed to get up there?
Otacon: Remember, you've got scabie DNA inside you. Your powers may have developed to where you can jump really high now.
Raiden: Even despite her weight problem?
Otacon: Yeah.
Rosie: So, I jump inside. Then what?
Otacon(showing a suit): You'll be wearing this explosive suit. Once you're in, we'll detonate it.
Rosie: But won't that kill me?
Otacon(while walking over to the parrot's cage and taking the bird out.): Yeah. Guess you'll really have to take on for the team this time, eh?
Raiden: Listen Rosie, you'll go down in history! You will have saved the world from the Patriot's control! You'll be a hero!
Rosie: Yeah, I guess I will!
Otacon(with the parrot on his hand): Sure you will. Now, let's go save the world!
* The three heroes walk out of the room. in slow-mo, in true legendary fassion. Cool music really sets the mood at this moment and gives the trio an exit of legendary status. Then Rosie opens her mouth and burps, completely ruining the moment. *
(The tension mounts as the three heroes take on an unstopable enemy. How will they fare? Will I decide to kill Rosie? Will I get another review? Tune in some time later to find out. . .)
