* Raiden lays on the bench, naked, in a cold room alone. He looks around
wondering how long he's been asleep. Suddenly, a figure in stealth
camoflage leaps over with an inhuman swiftness and slices the ropes with
its sword. Raiden gets up cautiously, and looks around. The figure is
nowhere to be seen. Suddenly, he gets a call from his codec. *
(codec beeps)
Colonel: Raiden. Are you there?
Raiden: Yeah. But I'm naked, and that damn bench put splinters in my ass!
Colonel: Get over it! Why, back in 'Nam, I had to do all kinds of hard core stuff like Raid Fox-holes, and torch beaver dams!
Raiden: Beaver dams?
Colonel: Yeah! Them Charlies liked to hide out there.
Raiden: Colonel, maybe we should get back to the mis. . .
Colonel: I mean, war veterens today don't get enough respect!
Raiden: What do you want me to do?
Colonel: I don't know. Visit a memorial, build a shrine. . .
Raiden: I'm gonna go now.
(codec goes offline)
* Raiden exits the room, looks around to survey his new environment, and then gets another call from the codec. *
(codec beeps)
Raiden(in an annoyed voice): What is it this time?
Colonel: Don't you sas me boy! Shorten ass hairs and and tropical sasafras plants with pruning shears!
(codec goes offline)
* Raiden continues sneaking around and gets yet another call. . . *
(codec beeps)
Colonel: I hear it's amazing when the sweaty, purple, obese, dinosaur on PBS does a tripple sow-cow on hari kari rock. I need hemmoroid cream! 61!!!
(codec goes offline)
* Raiden finally makes his way to the place where you meet Snake and get all your items back in the game. He notices how quiet it is. Too quiet. . . Raiden hears a groaning noise and looks up at the ceiling. He backs away just in time as Rosie falls through the ceiling from one of the vents. *
Rosie(landing on the floor): Ughh!
Raiden(looking down at her): Rosie!
Rosie(getting up): Don't worry, I'm okay.
Raiden: Rosie, why did you and the ninja do that to me?
Rosie: Don't like it? Get over it. It was necessary for us to get inside here or something.
Raiden: . . .
Rosie: Anyway, here's your gear. Hurry up and get dressed!
* Raiden gets dressed and they decide to call Otacon on the codec to make sure she's getting those hostages out safely. Rosie activates her codec. *
(codec beeps)
Rosie: Otacon, do you read me?
Otacon: Loud and clear.
Rosie: How are you doing with the hostages?
Otacon: I've got several of them boarded on the chopper.
Raiden: Otacon, the colonel's last codec message was strange.
Otacon: How so?
Raiden: I don't know. It just didn't make sense. It had no point.
Rosie: Uhh. . .I think that was me.
Raiden: Whaa. . .!
Rosie: I was drunk at the time, so I decided to play a prank call on Raiden.
Otacon: Why were you drunk?
Rosie(with tears running down her eyes): Jesus Christ Otacon! You expect me to die for my country by putting on an explosive suit and not even let me have one last drink!?
Otacon: No! It's okay, I'm sorry Rosie.
Raiden: Wait a minute. How did your face look exactly like the Colonels'?
Rosie: Did you know our codec is basically an enhanced version of Instant Messenger?
Raiden: No, I didn't know that.
Rosie: That's right, it has some really realistic looking emoticons.
Otacon: In any case, we'd better get back to the mission. We've all got a lot of work to do.
Raiden and Rosie: Right.
(codec goes offline)
* The two go out to the place that looks like a long, huge hall where you have to fight all those gaurds. Rosie looks up at the ceiling with an expecting look. *
Raiden(in an annoyed voice): Oh not again!
Rosie: You can come out now.
* Raiden flinches preparing himself to be hit by a sword, but instead someone big repels down from the shadowy ceiling dressed in a dark sneaking suit. The figure is coming down at a steady pace when the rope snaps while she's about half-way down and he/she falls to the floor with a MASSIVE crash, effectively putting an end to her stealthy descent. *
Rosie: I tought her that one.
* The figure gets up and takes off her black mask. It's Rossane! *
Raiden: Rossane! Rosie, what is this?
Rosie: I thought we could use some help, so I brought along my old partner in crime.
Raiden: That's right, me and Rosie go waaay back.
Rosie: That's right, we made our own little special task force called "Lean, Agile, and Really Destructive."
Raiden: L.A.R.D.?
Rossane: That's right.
Raiden: You call yourselves L.A.R.D.?
Rossane: . . .
* Rosie suddenly has a shocking sensation in her nostrils. One she's never experienced before. The whole room seems to dance in front of her, playing tricks on her eyes as the unmistakable feeling of scabie DNA transformation begins. She grips her head and leans foreward, towards the ground, in agony, as she feels a massive splitting headache. *
Raiden: Rosie, what's wrong?
Rossane: Ah, don't worry kid. This happens to us a lot.
* Rossane reaches in her back pocket and pulls out a gas-x, and bends down closer to Rosie. *
Rossane: Here, take this.
* Rosie looks up at Rossane from her hunched-over position and lets out a massive, roaring, burp that propels a strange, blue, gasseous substance out of her mouth. *
Rosie(with a dissoriented look): The kids right. There's something happening.
* Rosie's head suddenly shoots straight up with her nostrils flared as she looks down the hall. *
Rosie: Someone's here. I can smell 'em!
Rossane: Rosie don't be ridiculous!
Raiden: No! This is what Otacon was talking about! Rosie's developing scabie-like powers!
Rossane: Oh really! I saw this on Spiderman!
Rosie: We've got to do something. They're coming fast.
Rossane: In that case, here. Take this.
* Rossane hands Rosie a strange looking weapon. *
Rosie(with a look of gleeful sadness in her eyes): Thelma?
Rossane(pulling out another one): That's right, and I've got Louise right here.
Raiden: I don't understand. What the hell are those?
Rossane: Just standard equipment. M27A5 suppository rifles.
Raiden: Suppository rifles! What kind of. . .
Rosie: Shhh!!! Everyone, they're coming.
* Just then, armed troops come from down the halls with Jerod leading them and a cascade of laser sights find their ways on each of our heroes bodies. *
Jerod: I should have known you two annoying pigs would be out here causing mayhem!
* Raiden peeks out from behind Rosie's body and waves as a sign of recognition. *
Jerod: Okay, three!
Soldier(with a look of relief): Thank god that huge crash wasn't one of the metal gear units falling over like it sounded!
Raiden: This is just great! Why the hell did that fat bitch have to use a rope? She could have just came in with you Rosie!
Jerod: Enough! It doesn't matter anyway! We've allready completed our plans and have a metal gear unit ready! There's nothing you can do! We are now unstoppable! MUAHAHAHAHHAHAH!!!
* Evil Jerod laughs as thunder booms, and lightning flashes in from the windows. *
Jerod(motioning toward the arsenal soldiers): Now, kill 'em!
TO BE CONTINUED. . .
(codec beeps)
Colonel: Raiden. Are you there?
Raiden: Yeah. But I'm naked, and that damn bench put splinters in my ass!
Colonel: Get over it! Why, back in 'Nam, I had to do all kinds of hard core stuff like Raid Fox-holes, and torch beaver dams!
Raiden: Beaver dams?
Colonel: Yeah! Them Charlies liked to hide out there.
Raiden: Colonel, maybe we should get back to the mis. . .
Colonel: I mean, war veterens today don't get enough respect!
Raiden: What do you want me to do?
Colonel: I don't know. Visit a memorial, build a shrine. . .
Raiden: I'm gonna go now.
(codec goes offline)
* Raiden exits the room, looks around to survey his new environment, and then gets another call from the codec. *
(codec beeps)
Raiden(in an annoyed voice): What is it this time?
Colonel: Don't you sas me boy! Shorten ass hairs and and tropical sasafras plants with pruning shears!
(codec goes offline)
* Raiden continues sneaking around and gets yet another call. . . *
(codec beeps)
Colonel: I hear it's amazing when the sweaty, purple, obese, dinosaur on PBS does a tripple sow-cow on hari kari rock. I need hemmoroid cream! 61!!!
(codec goes offline)
* Raiden finally makes his way to the place where you meet Snake and get all your items back in the game. He notices how quiet it is. Too quiet. . . Raiden hears a groaning noise and looks up at the ceiling. He backs away just in time as Rosie falls through the ceiling from one of the vents. *
Rosie(landing on the floor): Ughh!
Raiden(looking down at her): Rosie!
Rosie(getting up): Don't worry, I'm okay.
Raiden: Rosie, why did you and the ninja do that to me?
Rosie: Don't like it? Get over it. It was necessary for us to get inside here or something.
Raiden: . . .
Rosie: Anyway, here's your gear. Hurry up and get dressed!
* Raiden gets dressed and they decide to call Otacon on the codec to make sure she's getting those hostages out safely. Rosie activates her codec. *
(codec beeps)
Rosie: Otacon, do you read me?
Otacon: Loud and clear.
Rosie: How are you doing with the hostages?
Otacon: I've got several of them boarded on the chopper.
Raiden: Otacon, the colonel's last codec message was strange.
Otacon: How so?
Raiden: I don't know. It just didn't make sense. It had no point.
Rosie: Uhh. . .I think that was me.
Raiden: Whaa. . .!
Rosie: I was drunk at the time, so I decided to play a prank call on Raiden.
Otacon: Why were you drunk?
Rosie(with tears running down her eyes): Jesus Christ Otacon! You expect me to die for my country by putting on an explosive suit and not even let me have one last drink!?
Otacon: No! It's okay, I'm sorry Rosie.
Raiden: Wait a minute. How did your face look exactly like the Colonels'?
Rosie: Did you know our codec is basically an enhanced version of Instant Messenger?
Raiden: No, I didn't know that.
Rosie: That's right, it has some really realistic looking emoticons.
Otacon: In any case, we'd better get back to the mission. We've all got a lot of work to do.
Raiden and Rosie: Right.
(codec goes offline)
* The two go out to the place that looks like a long, huge hall where you have to fight all those gaurds. Rosie looks up at the ceiling with an expecting look. *
Raiden(in an annoyed voice): Oh not again!
Rosie: You can come out now.
* Raiden flinches preparing himself to be hit by a sword, but instead someone big repels down from the shadowy ceiling dressed in a dark sneaking suit. The figure is coming down at a steady pace when the rope snaps while she's about half-way down and he/she falls to the floor with a MASSIVE crash, effectively putting an end to her stealthy descent. *
Rosie: I tought her that one.
* The figure gets up and takes off her black mask. It's Rossane! *
Raiden: Rossane! Rosie, what is this?
Rosie: I thought we could use some help, so I brought along my old partner in crime.
Raiden: That's right, me and Rosie go waaay back.
Rosie: That's right, we made our own little special task force called "Lean, Agile, and Really Destructive."
Raiden: L.A.R.D.?
Rossane: That's right.
Raiden: You call yourselves L.A.R.D.?
Rossane: . . .
* Rosie suddenly has a shocking sensation in her nostrils. One she's never experienced before. The whole room seems to dance in front of her, playing tricks on her eyes as the unmistakable feeling of scabie DNA transformation begins. She grips her head and leans foreward, towards the ground, in agony, as she feels a massive splitting headache. *
Raiden: Rosie, what's wrong?
Rossane: Ah, don't worry kid. This happens to us a lot.
* Rossane reaches in her back pocket and pulls out a gas-x, and bends down closer to Rosie. *
Rossane: Here, take this.
* Rosie looks up at Rossane from her hunched-over position and lets out a massive, roaring, burp that propels a strange, blue, gasseous substance out of her mouth. *
Rosie(with a dissoriented look): The kids right. There's something happening.
* Rosie's head suddenly shoots straight up with her nostrils flared as she looks down the hall. *
Rosie: Someone's here. I can smell 'em!
Rossane: Rosie don't be ridiculous!
Raiden: No! This is what Otacon was talking about! Rosie's developing scabie-like powers!
Rossane: Oh really! I saw this on Spiderman!
Rosie: We've got to do something. They're coming fast.
Rossane: In that case, here. Take this.
* Rossane hands Rosie a strange looking weapon. *
Rosie(with a look of gleeful sadness in her eyes): Thelma?
Rossane(pulling out another one): That's right, and I've got Louise right here.
Raiden: I don't understand. What the hell are those?
Rossane: Just standard equipment. M27A5 suppository rifles.
Raiden: Suppository rifles! What kind of. . .
Rosie: Shhh!!! Everyone, they're coming.
* Just then, armed troops come from down the halls with Jerod leading them and a cascade of laser sights find their ways on each of our heroes bodies. *
Jerod: I should have known you two annoying pigs would be out here causing mayhem!
* Raiden peeks out from behind Rosie's body and waves as a sign of recognition. *
Jerod: Okay, three!
Soldier(with a look of relief): Thank god that huge crash wasn't one of the metal gear units falling over like it sounded!
Raiden: This is just great! Why the hell did that fat bitch have to use a rope? She could have just came in with you Rosie!
Jerod: Enough! It doesn't matter anyway! We've allready completed our plans and have a metal gear unit ready! There's nothing you can do! We are now unstoppable! MUAHAHAHAHHAHAH!!!
* Evil Jerod laughs as thunder booms, and lightning flashes in from the windows. *
Jerod(motioning toward the arsenal soldiers): Now, kill 'em!
TO BE CONTINUED. . .
