Chapter 29
Continued. . .
* The scene opens up on top of Federal Hall. Raiden, sleepy eyed, wakes up to see he's on a roof-top with his nemesis Cheeseburger. *
Cheeseburger: Are you awake yet jack? Good!
Raiden: Where am I?
Cheeseburger: Federal Hall. The place where our forefathers celebrated our freedom or something.
Raiden: Celebrated? What were the parties like back then?
Cheeseburger: How should I know? I'm not that old. Ask Ocelot.
Raiden: . . .
Cheeseburger(pointing down at the ground from the rooftop): You see them Jack?
* Raiden looks down and sees a terribly shocking scene. Thousands of mentally screwed people from the assylum are running around the city causing havoc. Sweet Tooth runs around rubbing his burning head on people, setting them on fire. A big group of them has formed a circle around some random guy and are taking turns poking him. And to top it all off, Brittany Spears is on top of a building with a karioki machine singing. *
Raiden: Outrageous!
Cheeseburger: Yeah, I thought having Brittany Spears in the assylum was a bit. . .overkill, but Fat Bastard demanded it.
Raiden: Isn't she a little slim for him? Maybe you two should go out instead. It's usually a custom for swine to breed within their species.
* Once again, Raiden has outraged Cheeseburger with a terrible insult. Cheeseburger runs toward Raiden and is about to dive on him, when Rosie jumps in front of him from out of nowhere, dressed in sumo-wrestler's clothing(she did, of course, have a top on, lest both of them would have jumped off the building and killed themselves right there from the mere sight and the story would end right here). *
Cheeseburger: Finally you come out from hiding. Guess we'll see who's the better clone of Big Bertha.
Rosie: Talk is cheap! Let's settle this right now, once and for all!
* Rosie lunges foreward letting out a battle cry. She puts both hands in a crushing grasp on Cheeseburger's shoulders and begins to sumo-wrestle with her. Rosie begins to get the upper hand, so Cheeseburger uses her tentacles to try and lift Rosie. It doesn't quite work, so she begins to gouge at her eyes with her fingertips.
Rosie retaliates with a swift punch to the face, knocking Cheeseburger down. Cheeseburger gets back up and the two lunge foreward at each other. Just then the camera freezes and swivels slowly around the two sumos, a prelude to what looks to be a massive clash of fat. The camera comes back to speed, two hit each other and bounce in different directions. Cheeseburger falls off the roof-top with a trail of debris following her and crashes through a Wendy's restaurant roof. Raiden walks over to Rosie who lays on the floor, apparently knocked out. *
Raiden: Rosie, can you hear me?
Rosie: No
Raiden: Rosie, I know you're awake, we need to go and make sure Cheeseburger's dead.
Rosie(breathing heavily): I've. . .done. . .my. . .part. I. . .can't. . .breath. Knocked. . .breath. . .out.
Raiden: Damn! Okay I'll go Rosie. But you owe me.
Rosie: Give the bitch a punch for me!
Raiden: I will.
* Raiden gets down from the rooftop somehow and enters Wendy's. He notices an erie silence. There's no one in sight and, except for a giant hole in the roof, and debris under it, there's no sign of Cheeseburger. Raiden walks slowly past several tables, then he hears a sort of wheezing sound from back in the kitchen behind the counter of the restaurant. *
Raiden: Why don't you come out and fight me? We're on your turf after all! You have the advantage you know!
* There's no answer, but there's still a wheezing sound accompanied be wet, slobbery, sounds and groaning. Raiden enters the kitchen and notices miriad boxes of cheap flour used in most of their products. Most of them are almost completely empty, with holes ripped in them. Then, suddenly, from behind one of the shelves up comes Cheeseburger, giant and green, with pulsing veins and blood-shot eyes. *
Cheeseburger: WWWHHHAAAAARRGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!! CHEESEBURGER MAD!!! CHEESEBURGER MAKE RAIDEN PAY!
Raiden: What the hell!?
* Raiden has little time to think of a plan because Cheeseburger jumps over the cabinet and knocks Raiden out of the building and into the streets where they go about brawling. Mega-cheeseburger lands a few good blows that send blood splattering about from Raiden's mouth. *
Raiden: Ughhh!!!
Cheeseburger: WHAAAAAAHHHHHHUUUUUU!!! BLONDIE NOT SO TOUGH NOW!!! I SQUASH BLONDIE'S PUNY LITTLE A. . .
* Just then Rosie comes down on the brute from the roof-top, killing it. *
Rosie: That's no way to talk to a lady.
Raiden: What are you talking about?
Rosie: Nothing.
Raiden(eyeing Cheeseburger): It's like the Hulk's bigger sister.
Rosie: Yeah, and the world will certainly be a better place with her out of the way.
Raiden: And you didn't even have to blow yourself up!
Rosie: Yeah, I'll say everything went just fine, all things considered.
* Just then Rosie and Raiden's codec beeps. *
(codec beeps)
Otacon: Rosie? Raiden? Are you there?
Raiden: We're here Otacon.
Rosie: Both of us.
Otacon: So you didn't blow up the Metal Gear.
Rosie: Oh, I blew it up allright. Not with the suit.
Otacon: Great, I've got all the hostages ashore. And I've called the police and a clean-up crew to get the town put back together again.
Raiden: Won't the retards still be in the city?
Otacon: Oh, they won't be hard to catch. Just lay out a few box traps with spoons, knives, shiny things. . .
Rosie: Well, in that case, we've got to go and get some things done Otacon.
Otacon: I understand. Otacon, out.
(codec goes offline)
* The scene draws away from the two heroes, showing a brilliant sunset. *
TO BE CONTINUED. . .
Continued. . .
* The scene opens up on top of Federal Hall. Raiden, sleepy eyed, wakes up to see he's on a roof-top with his nemesis Cheeseburger. *
Cheeseburger: Are you awake yet jack? Good!
Raiden: Where am I?
Cheeseburger: Federal Hall. The place where our forefathers celebrated our freedom or something.
Raiden: Celebrated? What were the parties like back then?
Cheeseburger: How should I know? I'm not that old. Ask Ocelot.
Raiden: . . .
Cheeseburger(pointing down at the ground from the rooftop): You see them Jack?
* Raiden looks down and sees a terribly shocking scene. Thousands of mentally screwed people from the assylum are running around the city causing havoc. Sweet Tooth runs around rubbing his burning head on people, setting them on fire. A big group of them has formed a circle around some random guy and are taking turns poking him. And to top it all off, Brittany Spears is on top of a building with a karioki machine singing. *
Raiden: Outrageous!
Cheeseburger: Yeah, I thought having Brittany Spears in the assylum was a bit. . .overkill, but Fat Bastard demanded it.
Raiden: Isn't she a little slim for him? Maybe you two should go out instead. It's usually a custom for swine to breed within their species.
* Once again, Raiden has outraged Cheeseburger with a terrible insult. Cheeseburger runs toward Raiden and is about to dive on him, when Rosie jumps in front of him from out of nowhere, dressed in sumo-wrestler's clothing(she did, of course, have a top on, lest both of them would have jumped off the building and killed themselves right there from the mere sight and the story would end right here). *
Cheeseburger: Finally you come out from hiding. Guess we'll see who's the better clone of Big Bertha.
Rosie: Talk is cheap! Let's settle this right now, once and for all!
* Rosie lunges foreward letting out a battle cry. She puts both hands in a crushing grasp on Cheeseburger's shoulders and begins to sumo-wrestle with her. Rosie begins to get the upper hand, so Cheeseburger uses her tentacles to try and lift Rosie. It doesn't quite work, so she begins to gouge at her eyes with her fingertips.
Rosie retaliates with a swift punch to the face, knocking Cheeseburger down. Cheeseburger gets back up and the two lunge foreward at each other. Just then the camera freezes and swivels slowly around the two sumos, a prelude to what looks to be a massive clash of fat. The camera comes back to speed, two hit each other and bounce in different directions. Cheeseburger falls off the roof-top with a trail of debris following her and crashes through a Wendy's restaurant roof. Raiden walks over to Rosie who lays on the floor, apparently knocked out. *
Raiden: Rosie, can you hear me?
Rosie: No
Raiden: Rosie, I know you're awake, we need to go and make sure Cheeseburger's dead.
Rosie(breathing heavily): I've. . .done. . .my. . .part. I. . .can't. . .breath. Knocked. . .breath. . .out.
Raiden: Damn! Okay I'll go Rosie. But you owe me.
Rosie: Give the bitch a punch for me!
Raiden: I will.
* Raiden gets down from the rooftop somehow and enters Wendy's. He notices an erie silence. There's no one in sight and, except for a giant hole in the roof, and debris under it, there's no sign of Cheeseburger. Raiden walks slowly past several tables, then he hears a sort of wheezing sound from back in the kitchen behind the counter of the restaurant. *
Raiden: Why don't you come out and fight me? We're on your turf after all! You have the advantage you know!
* There's no answer, but there's still a wheezing sound accompanied be wet, slobbery, sounds and groaning. Raiden enters the kitchen and notices miriad boxes of cheap flour used in most of their products. Most of them are almost completely empty, with holes ripped in them. Then, suddenly, from behind one of the shelves up comes Cheeseburger, giant and green, with pulsing veins and blood-shot eyes. *
Cheeseburger: WWWHHHAAAAARRGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!! CHEESEBURGER MAD!!! CHEESEBURGER MAKE RAIDEN PAY!
Raiden: What the hell!?
* Raiden has little time to think of a plan because Cheeseburger jumps over the cabinet and knocks Raiden out of the building and into the streets where they go about brawling. Mega-cheeseburger lands a few good blows that send blood splattering about from Raiden's mouth. *
Raiden: Ughhh!!!
Cheeseburger: WHAAAAAAHHHHHHUUUUUU!!! BLONDIE NOT SO TOUGH NOW!!! I SQUASH BLONDIE'S PUNY LITTLE A. . .
* Just then Rosie comes down on the brute from the roof-top, killing it. *
Rosie: That's no way to talk to a lady.
Raiden: What are you talking about?
Rosie: Nothing.
Raiden(eyeing Cheeseburger): It's like the Hulk's bigger sister.
Rosie: Yeah, and the world will certainly be a better place with her out of the way.
Raiden: And you didn't even have to blow yourself up!
Rosie: Yeah, I'll say everything went just fine, all things considered.
* Just then Rosie and Raiden's codec beeps. *
(codec beeps)
Otacon: Rosie? Raiden? Are you there?
Raiden: We're here Otacon.
Rosie: Both of us.
Otacon: So you didn't blow up the Metal Gear.
Rosie: Oh, I blew it up allright. Not with the suit.
Otacon: Great, I've got all the hostages ashore. And I've called the police and a clean-up crew to get the town put back together again.
Raiden: Won't the retards still be in the city?
Otacon: Oh, they won't be hard to catch. Just lay out a few box traps with spoons, knives, shiny things. . .
Rosie: Well, in that case, we've got to go and get some things done Otacon.
Otacon: I understand. Otacon, out.
(codec goes offline)
* The scene draws away from the two heroes, showing a brilliant sunset. *
TO BE CONTINUED. . .
