Chapter 30
CONTINUED. . .
* As the final chapter opens up we are at an area where there is a small news crew covering the scene just off the manhatten harbor shoreline where the massive explosion from Metal Gear John took place. There are plenty of people around, but none of them are citizens, just a bunch of police men, firemen, and a large clean-up crew.
In the small news coverage group, there's a female reporter, a camera- man, and several other technical support guys as well as a driver in a news van. The female reporter is doing a live report on the whole incident. *
Camera man: And we're on in three. . .two. . .one.
Female Reporter: Hello! I'm Finkwinkle Urnsteine, and I'm here reporting live on the shore of the Manhatten Harbor where, in late-breaking news, there's been a massive explosion in the waters near the Big Shell off-shore facility which was just recently taken over by terrorists. We're here with an expert who can hopefully give us the details.
* She gives the microphone to a short, balding, chubby police man standing beside her. *
Female Reporter: Sir, what exactly has happened here?
Policeman: What has happened here? In a word, madness! A few no-good thugs get ahold of something that goes boom and then take over a large off- shore facitlity and have a little accident. Makes me sick! Every day I work my ass off cleaning scum off the streets and now in a time of despair, I get called out of the doughnut shop and have to go and take care of scum that's not on the streets and on some clean up rig.
Female Reporter: You stopped the terrorists?
Policeman: Of course. Went in there, stomped over everyone in my way, went up to the head-hancho of the operation and demanded he stop!
Female Reporter: What happened then?
Policeman: He denied my offer and jumped into this giant mechanized thing!
Female Reporter: And what exactly was this giant, mechanized, thing?
Policeman(begins to blush and answers silently after a short pause): . . .a toilet.
Female Reporter(giggles): A toilet! You saved the world from a toilet?
Policeman: But a very large one. And it was made of metal.
* The reporter begins to reply but is interrupted by several loud shouts and a noise. A bulldoser has just uncovered a giant piece of Metal Gear John's metal and the crew is pulling someone out from the wreckage. The news crew begins to walk swiftly toward the scene, and the female reporter has to walk backwards as she looks into the camera and talks. *
Female Reporter: It would appear that some of the rescue workers have uncovered someone alive. We will now go over to them and get the detaAAAAIILLLS!
* The female reporter, running backwards, not looking where she was going, trips on something. She gets up, smiles at the camera, and continues walking, this time facing the right way.
When the crew gets to the scene, we see Rosie being helped up by some of the workers. They begin to pull and tug at her shirt to get her up, but they can't quite pull her up so Rosie pushes their faces flat in the mud as she uses them to get herself up and out of it. The female reporter quickly thrusts the microphone in Rosie's face. *
Female Reporter: Hello sir. What is your name and how did this happen to you?
Rosie: Watch it bitch! I'm no guy.
Female Reporter: Oh I'm so sorry I mistook you-
Rosie(cutting in with a sassy voice): My name is Foxy Rosie O'donell and I'm a whole lot of woman!
Raiden(from somewhere no one can see him): Yeah. A WHOLE lot!
Rosie: Watch it half-pint!
Female Reporter: Who was that?
* Rosie turns around to show Raiden stuck to her back. Rosie squeezes really hard and Raiden sort of pops out. *
Female Reporter: Who are you two?
Rosie: We're the ones who destroyed Metal Gear and uncovered a massive conspiracy about the Patriots! The truth behind this country!
Raiden: Yeah, after we destroyed Metal Gear John and defeated the terrorist leader a piece of debris from metal gear hit us. Good thing someone called a rescue crew.
Female Reporter(scowling at the policeman): So you didn't really save the world?
Policeman: * coughs nervously* ahem. . .not exactl. . .hey! We're still on for Friday night Right!?
Female Reporter: In your dreams.
* The Female Reporter turns back to Rosie. *
Female Reporter: So now that you've saved the world, how do you feel?
* Rosie's stomache begins to growl. *
Rosie: Like I could gulp down a bucket of lard.
Female Reporter: Interesting. I think it would be appropriate to ask you if you have anything to say to the people watching this at home.
Rosie: I'd just like to ask everyone to visit my website at www.tastytreats.pork and sign my guestbook. If you become an honorary member you get to "see my webcam."
Female Reporter(with a disgusted look): Okay.
* The Female Reporter turns to the camera.as Raiden and Rosie begin to walk away. *
Female Reporter: So there you have it. Two seemingly ordinary people saved the lives of countless civilians by bringing down a giant toilet. I'm Urnstiene Finkwinkle reporting live on the scene. Back to you Ralph.
* The camera takes us back to Rosie and Raiden who walk near a group of police cars. The police are putting hand-cuffs on Johnny and are loading him into a police car. Rosie and Raiden walk up to him. *
Rosie: So, I guess this is it. I'll have to say, I'll miss shooting gaurds, peeking around corners, and kicking your ass. Yep, it's not easy keeping this fabulous body in shape. I have to train it by taking down big Metal Gears and fighting terrorists. But I guess I'll have to let myself grow more flabby or something because this is getting too easy. There's no challenge you know?
Johnny: Don't get cocky. We'll meet again some day. It's only a matter of time until I escape from this stupid prison they're putting me in.
Rosie: And when you do, I'll be there, ready to put an end, once again, to whatever sick and twisted plots your mind can come up with.
* The policeman shoves Johnny's head into the car, shuts the door, and drives off. When it gets about a block away, Johnny sticks his head out the window and shouts. *
Johnny: This is only the begging! I'll be back some day! You just wait! I'll be unstoppable!!!
* Just then a boat comes to shore, back from the big shell, carrying a crew of men surveying the wreckage. They seem to have found the containers which house the genetically altered scabies. Rosie and Raiden walk over to that area. The one who seems to be in charge walks up to them and shakes their hands. *
Bob: Hello, I'm Bob, the supervisor of this clean-up operation. You guys must be the ones who stoped the terrorsits.
Rosie: Yep.
Bob(pointing to the scabies): Do you happen to know what the hell these things are?
Rosie: Just your average group of fleas.
Bob: Fleas?
Rosie: Yep. Johnny was a. . .very. . .lonely. . .man.
Bob: Really?
Rosie: I also collect fleas.
Bob(looking at her curiously): You don't say.
Rosie: Yeah, and since I saved the world and all, I would really like it if I could keep 'em. Y'know? As a suvinere.
Bob: Well I don't see why not.
Rosie: Great. I'll be taking them then.
* After the people leave, Raiden turns to Rosie and asks. . . *
Raiden: Rosie, why do you want those scabies?
Rosie(with a satisfied look on her face): Well, me and Otacon have to get back to Philanthropy headquarters down in Kansas. And, well. . .let's just say I'm broke, I'm hungry, and it's gonna be a long drive.
Raiden: ROSIE!!!
CONTINUED. . .
* As the final chapter opens up we are at an area where there is a small news crew covering the scene just off the manhatten harbor shoreline where the massive explosion from Metal Gear John took place. There are plenty of people around, but none of them are citizens, just a bunch of police men, firemen, and a large clean-up crew.
In the small news coverage group, there's a female reporter, a camera- man, and several other technical support guys as well as a driver in a news van. The female reporter is doing a live report on the whole incident. *
Camera man: And we're on in three. . .two. . .one.
Female Reporter: Hello! I'm Finkwinkle Urnsteine, and I'm here reporting live on the shore of the Manhatten Harbor where, in late-breaking news, there's been a massive explosion in the waters near the Big Shell off-shore facility which was just recently taken over by terrorists. We're here with an expert who can hopefully give us the details.
* She gives the microphone to a short, balding, chubby police man standing beside her. *
Female Reporter: Sir, what exactly has happened here?
Policeman: What has happened here? In a word, madness! A few no-good thugs get ahold of something that goes boom and then take over a large off- shore facitlity and have a little accident. Makes me sick! Every day I work my ass off cleaning scum off the streets and now in a time of despair, I get called out of the doughnut shop and have to go and take care of scum that's not on the streets and on some clean up rig.
Female Reporter: You stopped the terrorists?
Policeman: Of course. Went in there, stomped over everyone in my way, went up to the head-hancho of the operation and demanded he stop!
Female Reporter: What happened then?
Policeman: He denied my offer and jumped into this giant mechanized thing!
Female Reporter: And what exactly was this giant, mechanized, thing?
Policeman(begins to blush and answers silently after a short pause): . . .a toilet.
Female Reporter(giggles): A toilet! You saved the world from a toilet?
Policeman: But a very large one. And it was made of metal.
* The reporter begins to reply but is interrupted by several loud shouts and a noise. A bulldoser has just uncovered a giant piece of Metal Gear John's metal and the crew is pulling someone out from the wreckage. The news crew begins to walk swiftly toward the scene, and the female reporter has to walk backwards as she looks into the camera and talks. *
Female Reporter: It would appear that some of the rescue workers have uncovered someone alive. We will now go over to them and get the detaAAAAIILLLS!
* The female reporter, running backwards, not looking where she was going, trips on something. She gets up, smiles at the camera, and continues walking, this time facing the right way.
When the crew gets to the scene, we see Rosie being helped up by some of the workers. They begin to pull and tug at her shirt to get her up, but they can't quite pull her up so Rosie pushes their faces flat in the mud as she uses them to get herself up and out of it. The female reporter quickly thrusts the microphone in Rosie's face. *
Female Reporter: Hello sir. What is your name and how did this happen to you?
Rosie: Watch it bitch! I'm no guy.
Female Reporter: Oh I'm so sorry I mistook you-
Rosie(cutting in with a sassy voice): My name is Foxy Rosie O'donell and I'm a whole lot of woman!
Raiden(from somewhere no one can see him): Yeah. A WHOLE lot!
Rosie: Watch it half-pint!
Female Reporter: Who was that?
* Rosie turns around to show Raiden stuck to her back. Rosie squeezes really hard and Raiden sort of pops out. *
Female Reporter: Who are you two?
Rosie: We're the ones who destroyed Metal Gear and uncovered a massive conspiracy about the Patriots! The truth behind this country!
Raiden: Yeah, after we destroyed Metal Gear John and defeated the terrorist leader a piece of debris from metal gear hit us. Good thing someone called a rescue crew.
Female Reporter(scowling at the policeman): So you didn't really save the world?
Policeman: * coughs nervously* ahem. . .not exactl. . .hey! We're still on for Friday night Right!?
Female Reporter: In your dreams.
* The Female Reporter turns back to Rosie. *
Female Reporter: So now that you've saved the world, how do you feel?
* Rosie's stomache begins to growl. *
Rosie: Like I could gulp down a bucket of lard.
Female Reporter: Interesting. I think it would be appropriate to ask you if you have anything to say to the people watching this at home.
Rosie: I'd just like to ask everyone to visit my website at www.tastytreats.pork and sign my guestbook. If you become an honorary member you get to "see my webcam."
Female Reporter(with a disgusted look): Okay.
* The Female Reporter turns to the camera.as Raiden and Rosie begin to walk away. *
Female Reporter: So there you have it. Two seemingly ordinary people saved the lives of countless civilians by bringing down a giant toilet. I'm Urnstiene Finkwinkle reporting live on the scene. Back to you Ralph.
* The camera takes us back to Rosie and Raiden who walk near a group of police cars. The police are putting hand-cuffs on Johnny and are loading him into a police car. Rosie and Raiden walk up to him. *
Rosie: So, I guess this is it. I'll have to say, I'll miss shooting gaurds, peeking around corners, and kicking your ass. Yep, it's not easy keeping this fabulous body in shape. I have to train it by taking down big Metal Gears and fighting terrorists. But I guess I'll have to let myself grow more flabby or something because this is getting too easy. There's no challenge you know?
Johnny: Don't get cocky. We'll meet again some day. It's only a matter of time until I escape from this stupid prison they're putting me in.
Rosie: And when you do, I'll be there, ready to put an end, once again, to whatever sick and twisted plots your mind can come up with.
* The policeman shoves Johnny's head into the car, shuts the door, and drives off. When it gets about a block away, Johnny sticks his head out the window and shouts. *
Johnny: This is only the begging! I'll be back some day! You just wait! I'll be unstoppable!!!
* Just then a boat comes to shore, back from the big shell, carrying a crew of men surveying the wreckage. They seem to have found the containers which house the genetically altered scabies. Rosie and Raiden walk over to that area. The one who seems to be in charge walks up to them and shakes their hands. *
Bob: Hello, I'm Bob, the supervisor of this clean-up operation. You guys must be the ones who stoped the terrorsits.
Rosie: Yep.
Bob(pointing to the scabies): Do you happen to know what the hell these things are?
Rosie: Just your average group of fleas.
Bob: Fleas?
Rosie: Yep. Johnny was a. . .very. . .lonely. . .man.
Bob: Really?
Rosie: I also collect fleas.
Bob(looking at her curiously): You don't say.
Rosie: Yeah, and since I saved the world and all, I would really like it if I could keep 'em. Y'know? As a suvinere.
Bob: Well I don't see why not.
Rosie: Great. I'll be taking them then.
* After the people leave, Raiden turns to Rosie and asks. . . *
Raiden: Rosie, why do you want those scabies?
Rosie(with a satisfied look on her face): Well, me and Otacon have to get back to Philanthropy headquarters down in Kansas. And, well. . .let's just say I'm broke, I'm hungry, and it's gonna be a long drive.
Raiden: ROSIE!!!
