Something About Piccolo…

Sometimes we all just snap. Sometimes perfectly normal people just go boom. This is the story of Piccolo, and how he handled his stress.

Piccolo is a trademark character of DragonBall Z, which was created by Akira Toriyama. I do not own Piccolo, (although I do wish!) and I definitely do not own DragonBall Z. Now that that's all done, may I start the story?

Chapter one- The beginning...

It was a nice spring day, birds were chirping, and the sun shone brightly upon Kame House. All the Z fighters were gathered there to celebrate something. It remains unknown. All of the Z fighters prefer to leave that day in the dark corners of their minds.(VERY dark corners, may I add.) For this was the day that Piccolo would finally lose his marbles. Go off his rocker. Well, anyway, Trunks, Goten, Pan, Marron and Piccolo were all gathered in the living room, talking. Well, actually, Pan was chatting away with her uncle Goten, Trunks and Marron were flirting, and Piccolo was frowning. As usual.

"Aww, c'mon, Pic-man, don't look so mad! We're all here together, for once, try to enjoy it!" Goten said cheerily, slapping Piccolo playfully on the back. Piccolo started to frown even more.(if that was possible, this is just what they're telling me) His turban caught fire.

"HOW... MANY... TIMES... MUST... I... TELL... YOU!!!! DO NOT call me Pic-man! Further more, I am under much stress at this time! I am TRYING to enjoy this moment of 'quality time', although I think I may just get enough of this already!!!!!" He started to smoke at the ears. Goten's eyes bugged out.

"Whoa, yo Pic-man, you don't look so good. You look kinda GREEN!" And that was when it happened. When Piccolo officially lost his mind.

"I am ALWAYS green, you numbskull!" Goten backed away. Videl came in to see what was going on.

"Piccolo, I am getting very worried about you. You are unusually talkative, and you are often smoking at the ears. Is there something you would like to tell us?" Videl looked genuinely worried about her extremely stressed-out green friend. Marron rested her head on her hand.

"It's obviously stress. The patient also seems to have a slight case of mental problems." Everyone stared at Marron. Goten bugged out.

"Well, Marron, it seems as though you aren't as much of a useless dumb blonde as we all thought you were!" said Pan cheerfully. Marron glared. "Well, Pan, it seems as though you aren't as much of a genius as we all thought you were, if you just figured that out!" said Trunks, rushing to defend Marron. But it was no use. The two girls started to fight. You would think that Piccolo would have immediately broken up the catfight, but instead he just sat there.

And he started to laugh. First it was just a giggle. Then it was a laugh. Then he was cracking up. He threw his head back and laughed so hard, that Marron and Pan actually stopped fighting. They all just stared at Piccolo, watching him scream like a green banshee. Trunks crept slowly and cautiously up to Piccolo. He tapped him on the shoulder. Piccolo grabbed his hand and threw Trunks across the room just as Vegeta walked in. SLAM! Trunks smashed into his father like a cat into a wall! Vegeta stood up, wiping the dust off of his clothing. Bits of plaster littered the floor like trash litters a creek. Vegeta frowned.

"You... YOU IDIOT! WHY IN THE NAME OF KAMI DID YOU THROW MY SON ACROSS THE ROOM!? I'LL BE WILLING TO BET THAT HE DIDN'T EVEN DESERVE IT, EITHER!" By the way, Vegeta already snapped. He snapped even before DragonBall Z became popular.

Piccolo just kept laughing.

******************************************************************

"Vegeta you idiot!" screamed Dende.

"Can you not sense his ki rising? He is happy! Too happy!" Dende knew that to ask Vegeta to think sensibly was asking a bit much, but it was worth a try.

as I said before, Vegeta already snapped. So when I mentioned how Vegeta thinking correctly being too much to ask, that's what I was referring to.

******************************************************************

Vegeta and Piccolo were fighting so hard; it was almost as if one thought the other was Cell! And I could be right. They both were mental enough by now.

It took awhile to get the terrible twosome to literally stop busting each other's brains out. When they finally had, all was quiet. Videl sighed, and went back to work in the kitchen, cooking up enough food to feed 6 starving Saiyans, 1 hungry android, and 5 dying of hunger female earthlings. (And Krillin.)

Chapter One part two- Piccolo's driving lessons

Notes from me: Basically this chapter is more of a sick kind of humor. No, no, no, not hentai, it just has to do with death, horror, and the sort. I include a lot of author's notes in this one, to explain certain things. Uh, mostly you'll be okay as far as rating goes, excepting all you sissies out there who are afraid of life, and things like the Boogey man. Anyway, Enjoy! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

After a few days of Quality Time with Dende, Piccolo and Vegeta seemed to calm down a bit. Dende decided that they could go back to Kame house, just as long as they promised to behave like grown men. (And Nameks) Then Dende had an Idea. Started out to be just a musing, then a thought, then, finally, an actual Idea. He walked over to Piccolo and Vegeta.

"Hey guys, how's about I get you two driving lessons?" asked Dende, somewhat slyly. Piccolo growled. Vegeta snorted.

"What?! Such folly!? We can fly! Have you gone mad? And you call us stupid!" shrieked Vegeta. Dende rolled his eyes.

Ò...Ó

The reason Dende wants to get Vegeta and Piccolo driving lessons is b/c, at one time, Dende let Vegeta go back down to Earth. Once he reached the Pacific Ocean, he repeatedly bashed into a rock.

Finally, Bubbles gave into Dende's argument, and decided to give the terrible twosome driving lessons. Bubbles was pretty smart, for a monkey, so he of course knew how to drive. Right away, the two crashed into a wall. King Kai growled disapprovingly. Bubbles choked Piccolo with his tail, then bashed Vegeta on the head continually with a piece of broken plaster. *Eventually* it broke off. Dende slapped himself, then looked at his elbow. Hmmm. He started to get Ideas. Vegeta, Piccolo, and Bubbles watched as the short Namek stuck out his elbow, yelling and screaming something about being able to fly soon. Then the trio realized that Dende was trying to Kiss his elbow! Bubbles put his hand over his eyes, giggling. Piccolo stared at Bubbles in fascination. He had never seen a monkey giggle. Who has? Meanwhile, Vegeta was giggling. Piccolo turned his attention to Vegeta in fascination. He had never seen Vegeta giggle. Who has?

Just then, King Kai came out. He was wearing a bright yellow Speedo. He had a bag with him. In it held suntan lotion, his book, 'Trunks' guide to getting what you want', and a teletubbies towel. He, of course, donned his usual sunglasses. Piccolo stared.

"Don't get any Ideas Piccolo!" yelled Dende. He knew exactly what Piccolo was thinking, firstly because he could read peoples' minds, and secondly because of the expression that Piccolo had on his face. Piccolo grumbled. King Kai walked regally to the edge of the clouds, then opened up his chair, sat down, and pulled out his book. He looked very pleased with himself. Piccolo squirmed. Then he broke into a sprint, grabbed the towel, and jumped off the edge of the clouds screaming,

"OOGA BOOGA!!!" Vegeta, Bubbles, Dende, and King Kai watched in fascination, then horror, as Piccolo stripped himself of his turban and cape, and wrapped the towel around his waist, in a sort of loincloth fashion. They watched in horror as Piccolo danced like Tarzan on top of a bunch of cars. Dende slapped himself, then went back to trying to Kiss his elbow. Vegeta smiled, then turned to King Kai. He pounced, and grabbed the book. With the book under one arm, he jumped off the edge of the clouds screaming, "Miss Mary Sunshine!!!". King Kai whimpered as he watched the Saiyan prince of planet Vegeta hit himself with the book.

"That was an autographed copy, too. Oh well! I'm sure Goku will get me another one. He knows Trunks well, after all." And with that, he turned, and went back inside. Bubbles, meanwhile, was hiding behind a tree, safe from all short Nameks who were screaming and trying to Kiss their elbows…

*******************************

BACK ON EARTH

*******************************

Piccolo was having the time of his life, if not that then the end of it. For the first time, he was listening to the Beach Boys, and wearing a Teletubbie towel as a loincloth. Old ladies hit him with their purses, young ladies gasped and leaned to be sure that they had seen what they thought that they had seen, young boys laughed and pointed, men turned away, and old guys ran to the states in horror, not forgetting to stop at the nursing home to check out the babes.

Piccolo danced, Piccolo ate (wherever he wanted) and he sang along to that Beach Boys song that's always on the radio in the summer. He soon met up with Vegeta, who, instead of going Super Saiyan, had gone Super Psycho. Vegeta bashed everyone on the head with King Kai's book who dare criticize them, and Piccolo flashed them. So, after the first person, people learned good and well not to criticize them.

They reached Studio Ghibli soon enough, even though that wasn't their destination, and decided to have lunch with Miyazaki, and put in their own touch to Princess Mononoke. However, as Miyazaki wasn't there, they decided to renovate the whole damn thing.

***************

THE NEW PRINCESS MONONOKE

***************

San: Ashitaka, you suck.

Ashitaka: So do you, sweetheart.

San: I think you should go join the Salvation Army, since that's where you seem to have gotten your clothes from.

Ashitaka: Same to you, sweetheart.

San: You know that you have a bad word in your name?

Ashitaka: So do you, sweetheart.

San: What the hell was that shit?

Ashitaka: Same to you, sweetheart.

San: Yo, are you some kinda freak or something?

Ashitaka: I am a retarded Pikachu that is trying to get your phone number so I can sleep with your toilet.

San: Whatever.

Ashitaka: Same to you, sweetheart.

San throws Ashitaka AKA retarded Pikachu off cliff, where he is grossly devoured by crabby lady Eboshi, and then spat out and sent to the basement of hell, where he is made to sit through a never-ending tape of one of his own lectures about killing boars ahem! Bores and mating with bloody slugs.

Piccolo and Vegeta high fived each other, then made copies of the illegitimate tape, and sold them to the public.

*************************

BACK AT KAME HOUSE, PAN IS GIVING A SPEECH ABOUT AMERICAN FREEDOM

*************************

"And so, aside from the fact that you are allowed to put pink plastic flamingos in your front yard, American freedom is awesome. I would like to thank Uncle Goten for making it possible for me to journey there, and I hope that you all take time off from your incredibly boring lives to see it." Pan got off the stool, then sat down. No one clapped. Grandma Chichi spoke up, however.

"Did you by any chance bring back a plastic pink flamingo?" she asked. Pan shook her head. Grandma Chichi scowled, then picked up her purse, and whacked Pan with it. Marron and Trunks decided to head back to the hotel they were staying at, (Marron has moved in with Trunks now) and Goten flew off to go get something to eat. Everyone else just sat there. Pan lightly shook her mother. She closed her eyes, then fell asleep. Pan sighed, then walked out. Everyone slept peacefully, with images of Piccolos and Vegetas in loincloths dancing through their heads.

************************

PICCOLO AND VEGETA DECIDE TO SEE A RATED X MOVIE

************************

"Ooh…" breathed Vegeta. They were both gripping the armrests on their chairs, and breathing in deeply. Their eyes were wide. Then, a blonde came on to the screen.

"Isn't that Marron?" Piccolo asked, his eyebrows knit in concentration. Vegeta's eyes widened even more, and Piccolo turned away.

"Ma-Marron is… A WHORE?!" Screamed Vegeta. Just then Trunks and Goten entered the theatre…

****

Well, there's the end of Chapter One. I plan on having this be at least 30 chapters, so watch out!