Disclaimers: Boy Meets Boy still doesn't belong to me, nor do I really wish for it to, since I would screw it up…
Notes: Told from Cyanide's and Collin's point of view
~*Little Love Letter*~
I sighed as I reached a hand out to grasp my bedroom door handle, trying to think of a good excuse why NOT to go over to Skids' house today. Maybe I could not feel well, or my sisters could make me take them out to the mall, or…I could stop being such a wuss and just go over there. I hadn't wanted to lose my friend, why was I letting this ruin the friendship we'd shared for over nine years now? I had been afraid Skids would grow distant from me, but now I realized I was the one growing distant from Skids…that, at least, I could control.
Tightening my hold on the door handle I made up my mind. I couldn't let things stay like this, pulling Skids and me apart…as friends, of course. He was my best friend; I was NOT going to let this come between our friendship. It was all I really had left now, after all. I would have no one to blame but myself if Skids and I stopped being friends. Besides, Skids was fairly good at catching me in my lies…whenever it came to avoiding people, at least. It just wasn't worth the trouble to ACTUALLY take my sisters to the mall.
Surprisingly they all pretty much left me alone as I left, and I was sort of surprised. It being a weekend and a generally shitty day outside, I would have figured they would have wanted me to drive them somewhere. Instead they continued about playing with their toys as if I didn't even exist, which was all right by me.
Opening the door outside I was not at all comforted by the faint roll of thunder I heard off in the distance. Great, just what I DIDN'T need! For a split second I almost considered using that as my excuse for getting out of seeing Skids, but it was gone almost as soon as it came. I could just hope it didn't start raining until I got to Skids'. My day was bound to suck enough as it was.
As was my luck I wasn't very far from Skids' house when it started to rain, but it was a hard rain. I could at least take comfort that some people, Faith being foremost in my mind, weren't around to tell me I was attracting lightning wherever I walked. I was almost completely soaked when I reached Skids' place, and I pushed my hair back from where it had fallen in my eyes and stuck to my wet forehead. Sometimes I really hated the rain, today being one of those times.
Skids blinked as he opened the doorway, looking completely clueless for a few moments before finally shaking his head and smiling.
"I was starting to think you weren't going to come. It finally started raining, huh?" He teased as I walked inside, shutting the door behind me as if I wasn't in an obviously foul mood. "Thanks for coming over, though, you know I get really lonely sometimes."
"Yeah, sorry about that," I offered in apology, removing my soaked jacket and setting it on top of my bag. "I hate it when my hair's wet," I whined, pissed off that I was going to have to deal with it the rest of the day. Skid just laughed and sat down on the edge of his bed; at least he was having fun…
"It can't be that bad. So, what do you want to do today, since we can't really go anywhere," he changed the subject, motioning for me to sit down as well. I sighed and sat down next to him, leaning back on the palms of my hands and staring up at the ceiling. This was…easier, I guess, than I thought it would be. I wasn't as uneasy as I would have thought. I jumped as something on Skids' dresser moved, noticing the spiders crawling around up there. I hated those things…
"I don't know, really. I was kind of thinking that you'd have some sort of an idea." I hadn't really planned ahead at all, really. I was just stopping by to hang out; we really didn't have to do anything. This was actually kind of nice, just sitting here, although I wasn't sure how quickly I would get bored of it.
I continued to brush bangs back from my face as the silence stretched, eventually growing even more and more uncomfortable. And to think that I had started out enjoying this. However, as it stretched on more and more unnerving thoughts started to float into my head.
/Why doesn't he like me? Did he even read it all? Is he just being shy? Are you imagining all this? Is he as uncomfortable as I am? Did he know to start with? Why isn't this bugging him?/
"You know, I have a hair-dryer if it really bugs you that much," Skids offered after a while, surprising me. I guess I'd been expecting the silence would stretch on forever. I nodded slightly and stood up, walking into his bathroom and grabbing the hairdryer, plugging it in harshly. I didn't think he had any hair spray or anything, so it was going to have to stay down, but dry was better than nothing.
When finally I was happy with the state of my hair I sighed and glared at myself in the mirror, leaving the hair-dryer on so Skids wasn't aware I was stalling for time. This was stupid; I shouldn't be here, not right now. I was already upset enough what with the whole Ronnie thing and now with Skids…but I was here now and slowly it was eating away at my sanity. There had to be something seriously wrong with me, how else could I explain it?
After a few minutes the whirring sound grated on my nerves even more than silence and I shut it off, feeling the lack of warmth against my skin almost immediately. Sighing I unplugged it and put it away, collecting my thoughts as best I could before opening the door and walking back over to where Skids was now lying down, staring at the ceiling with a magazine open over his chest. This was stupid…it was stupid of me to come over, to even leave that damn note in the first place.
"Hey, Skids…" I'd been fully meaning to leave that very moment…to come back when I was feeling better, but Skids spoke up before I could finish.
"Ever been so busy running from something that you make yourself feel even worse than you would if you stopped running and faced up it?" I sighed again and sat down next to him, not willing to leave my friend when he was obviously upset.
"Yeah…I know the feeling." Skids smiled slightly and looked over at me, sighing before sitting back up. "So why are you so upset?" I had a fairly good idea I knew what was bothering him, but I wasn't going to assume. I wasn't the only person in his life, and obviously he didn't care about me the same way I cared about him…maybe this hadn't really affected him all that much,
"Hm? No reason, I was just thinking. I was talking to this guy online before you came over; he was talking about a bunch of stuff like that. I don't know, guess it's a bad thing to think about while you're waiting for a friend to come over, huh? Sorry for mentioning it. I just figured you might understand…"
"Understand what? You said there wasn't a problem…"
"Not really…not anything I want to talk about anyway…just kind of felt the need to say something…" Almost unconsciously I reached out to wrap and arm around Skids' shoulders, feeling his head on my shoulder almost immediately. "I'm glad I have friends like you…although I wish you'd stop by more often. Internet is alright sometimes…but I'd prefer to talk to my real friends."
"I'll try and stop by more often, then." It was a lie, and I knew it, but I promised myself that I would try to stop by every once in a while despite the pain it caused. I could live with it if it made Skids feel better…
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"You're pouting," I observed as I walked into the living room to grab a paper I'd been meaning to proofread for class. Fox just turned around to glare at me over the back of the couch.
"I'm not pouting. Just because I'm quiet doesn't mean I'm upset." I shook my head and walked over to the couch, leaning against it casually.
"I'm smarter than that, I wasn't just talking about the fact that you were quiet." Even I was smart enough to tell when my best friend was upset. I said best friend because it wasn't a dating thing…I'd been able to do this for as long as I could remember.
"Why would I be?" I shrugged and reached over to place my paper on the table. This wasn't going to go anywhere until I finally guessed what it was Fox was thinking about. He sure as hell didn't seem like he was going to tell me.
"Are you mad at me?"
"Why in the world would I be mad at you?" I shrugged again, decided I was sick of the motion, and settled on giving him a strange look instead.
"I don't know. Why don't you tell me?" Fox just rolled his eyes and turned to actually sit facing me on the couch, sitting on his knees. Normally I would tell him to stop that before he broke it but I didn't feel like it at the moment. Too lazy.
"There's nothing to tell." I didn't believe that for an instant. Any moment Fox spent watching TV instead of flirting with me was a sure sign that he was preoccupied with something. Homework, school, playing solitaire on the computer…watching TV by himself was a definite signal, though.
"Are you still upset about that stupid letter?" I remembered vaguely the small argument Fox and I had over that stupid letter. If I didn't know better I would have said that he felt bad about doing it, but I really didn't care. I mean, we've done worse before…in my opinion at least…
"I wasn't upset about that stupid letter to start with…" It only took a few seconds for Fox to give up; sighing and brushing bangs back from his eyes. "Okay, so maybe I am a little upset about it." I smiled a little bit at my victory but I was still a little upset myself, since Fox must have been mad that I made him do something that he thought was so cruel.
"I don't see why…"
"It's just…that would make me feel so bad if I was in his position, knowing I poured my heart out to the person I love and instead two jerks got it instead. He probably thinks his friend just doesn't like him…I would really hate to be in his position…"
"Fox…think about hat-boy's personality for a while, he probably wouldn't have read it all anyway." This was stupid. This was incredibly stupid…so why was it starting to bother me even the tiniest bit. I didn't really care about this other guy, and definitely not about hat-boy.
"And if he did…"
"Look, what will make you feel better and forget about this stupid letter? I'm not sorry about the whole letter thing, but I AM sorry I made you upset, all right?" Fox just looked at me strangely for a while before smiling and pressing a finger to his lips. Even I wasn't relationship-ly stupid enough not to know what he wanted. "Be serious," I demanded as I felt my cheeks heat up slightly.
"I am being serious. It'll make me feel better," he offered with that sexy smile of his, leaning forward slightly. It was really strange…being actually kind of attracted to Fox. I definitely hadn't thought Fox would be the first person to actually take me out on a date. I mean, I didn't even like girls…let alone boys.
"Fine, but only because I'm your friend and I want you to feel better. You know this shit makes me feel funny…" a single finger was placed between us as I leaned forward, and I blinked as Fox stared back at me from only a few inches away, feeling my cheeks grow even hotter.
"Don't kiss me as your friend, that'll just make us both feel bad…at least I'LL feel bad…about it later. Kiss me as my…boyfriend, I guess…that just sounds so strange coming from me, huh?"
"Why…you never do this before, either?" I was well aware of Fox's finger on my lips as I spoke, and it felt so very awkward…it was kind of freaky, almost.
"Nope. You're the only guy. Feel special?" I smiled ever so slightly and brushed Fox's hand away, leaning forward to kiss him quickly. Afterwards he smiled and took my hand in his, making me feel kind of uneasy all of a sudden. "I feel better now," he offered, letting go of my hand as I grabbed my paper and headed back to my room.
I didn't know why but I always felt so strange when I was around Fox as of late. I couldn't even begin to explain why…it had all started when we started dating. I figured that uneasy feeling I'd been having since the whole gay thing would go away after that, but instead it turned into something else. Maybe it was just because I was afraid of making myself look like an idiot around Fox, who'd done these sorts of things before. He really was a nice person once you got down to it, but I was a jerk no matter which way you looked at it. Sure, I had my nice moments, but Fox had his cruel moments as well.
"Hey, what's that?" I jumped as I felt Fox tugging on the pages I was holding in my hand. "Let me see it," he practically begged, leaning over to read over my shoulder. "People I care about…why are you writing a paper about that sort of stuff?" I would have pulled the papers away from him if I weren't so afraid that they'd rip. I really didn't want to take the time to print them out again just so I could edit, fix, and reprint them.
"Because. I really don't know, either…just let go." Fox just leaned in closer until I could feel his bangs against my cheek, which was burning up by this point. Sometimes Fox could be really embarrassing. I heard Fox laugh softly as he let go, but it wasn't a cruel sort of laugh like mine normally was…he actually sounded happy.
"You actually wrote about me, I feel honored." I allowed myself a tiny smile as Fox leaned forward to kiss my cheek softly. "You can go back to work now, I won't bother you." I nodded and left, stopping at the door.
"If you ever feel bad about something like that again…tell me. I don't like seeing you sad, alright?" I practically demanded, closing the door behind me before he could answer. I really didn't want to hear his answer at the moment…he'd be lying if he said 'okay,' anyway.
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YIP! Yet another chapter done and ready to be posted and ignored. Oh well, I enjoy getting these ideas out of my dreams and onto virtual paper.
-_- I hate the way Collin turned out but I just can't seem to find out exactly WHAT is wrong with it, so I can't really go back and fix it.
Reviews would be greatly greatly greatly appreciated…
