Something About Piccolo

Chapter Three: And Now For Something Completely… Random.

***

Well, now that we've gotten this far, we might as well turn up the heat. Yes, I know it's hot enough for those of you who live on the sun, but as I live in a small unassuming town in the middle of nowhere in January in North America, I have full right to turn up the heat. Besides, I'm the authoress of this fic.

Ah, the illusion of control.

For this illusion was what drove Dende to believe that he was the master of his own body. Oh, how wrong he was…

***

"Ahhhh! Stupid elbow, I am in control!" Screamed Dende. It was midnight. King Kai was snoring in his master suite (AKA the old Janitor's closet) Bubbles was curled up in a pear tree (after a rather nasty fight with a partridge) and Vegeta and Piccolo were nowhere to be seen.

Dende hopped around. "If you do not bend, I shall break you! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111111"

*Crack*

"OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW"

***

That night, Ubuu woke up to something strange.

"OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW"

He shot up.

"Is something the matter? Whoever you are, I shall save you!" He got out of bed in his pink lacy thong, tied a towel around his neck in a cape sort of fashion, and jumped out the window screaming, 'MISS MARY SUNSHINE AND OOGA BOOGA FOREVER!'

***

By this time, the poor elbow had had enough of this. It jerked around and elbowed Dende in the mouth. Dende's face lit up. Suddenly, a stage appeared out of nowhere, and on it was Dende, in a feathery pink boa and sparkling turquoise high heels. His legs had elongated, and he was wearing a lot of makeup.

So pretty baby, you're driving me crazy!

Every single day

I love you

Sweet, sweet kisses

It's all I wanted from you!

I need you

Sweet kisses

I like you

So pretty baby, you're driving me crazy!

Every single day

I love you

Sweet, sweet kisses

It's all I wanted from you!

I need you

Sweet kisses

I like you

So pretty baby, you're driving me crazy!

Every single day

I love you

Sweet, sweet kisses

It's all I wanted from you!

I need you

Sweet kisses

I like you

So pretty baby, you're driving me crazy!

Every single day

I love you

Sweet, sweet kisses

It's all I wanted from you!

I need you

Sweet kisses

I like you

So pretty baby, you're driving me crazy!

Every single day

I love you

Sweet, sweet kisses

It's all I wanted from you!

I need you

Sweet kisses

I like you

So pretty baby, you're driving me crazy!

Every single day

I love you

Sweet, sweet kisses

It's all I wanted from you!

I need you

Sweet kisses

I like you

So pretty baby, you're driving me crazy!

Every single day

I love you

Sweet, sweet kisses

It's all I wanted from you!

I need you

Sweet kisses

I like you

So pretty baby, you're driving me crazy!

Every single day

I love you

Sweet, sweet kisses

It's all I wanted from you!

I need you

Sweet kisses

I like you

"Awfully repetitive, don't you think?" Dende gasped, the music stopped. He pursed his sparkly purple lips. Ubuu, Vegeta, and Piccolo were sitting in the third row of ten rows of folding chairs.

"Oh please, don't stop, you were turning me on!" Piccolo said. Dende's eyes sparkled.

"Really?"

Vegeta and Ubuu nodded along with Piccolo. Dende burst into tears of joy, and started up a new song

Hey Baby Hey Baby Hey

Boys say, girls say,

Hey Baby-

"Oh no not that one!" Ubuu cried. Desperate to make them happy, Dende switched the song. Suddenly his outfit changed to a white lacy top, a see through red skirt, and black high heels.

You're really lovely

Underneath it all

You want to love me

Underneath it-

"SHHUUUUUTTTTT UPPPP!"

Once again, Dende changed the song. His outfit changed to a tight pink sweatsuit, and he had blonde pigtails.

Sometimes I run

Sometimes

Sometimes I hide

Sometimes I'm scared of you *ooohhhh ooh ooh*

But all I really want is to hold you tight

Treat you right

Be with you day and night

Baby all I need is time

I'll just hang around and you'll see

There's nowhere I'd rather be

If you love me, trust in me--

"This song is too sappy." Vegeta said loudly. Dende changed the song again, but this time--

Oh baby baby, how was I supposed to know

--Dende was wearing a schoolgirl outfit, with the same blonde pigtails.--

That something wasn't right

Oh pretty baby, I should have let you know

And now you're out of sight

My loneliness is killing me

And I

I confess, I still believe--

Ubuu, Vegeta, and Piccolo were running out of there like bats out of hell.

"Hey waits boys!" Dende called weakly. But it was too late… They were already safe inside a WAWA

**************************************************************************************

PICCOLO, VEGETA, AND UBUU TAKE REFUGE IN A WAWA

**************************************************************************************

Dende's first song rang in their heads as the three refugees huddled together behind the Icee machine.

So pretty baby, you're driving me crazy!

Every single day

I love you

Sweet, sweet kisses

It's all I wanted from you!

I need you

Sweet kisses

I like you

So pretty baby, you're driving me crazy!

Every single day

I love you

Sweet, sweet kisses

It's all I wanted from you!

I need you

Sweet kisses

I like you

So pretty baby, you're driving me crazy!

Every single day

I love you

Sweet, sweet kisses

It's all I wanted from you!

I need you

Sweet kisses

I like you

So pretty baby, you're driving me crazy!

Every single day

I love you

Sweet, sweet kisses

It's all I wanted from you!

I need you

Sweet kisses

I like you

So pretty baby, you're driving me crazy!

Every single day

I love you

Sweet, sweet kisses

It's all I wanted from you!

I need you

Sweet kisses

I like you

So pretty baby, you're driving me crazy!

Every single day

I love you

Sweet, sweet kisses

It's all I wanted from you!

I need you

Sweet kisses

I like you

Actually, that was just the radio playing.

-_-;

Chapter Three Part Two-Ubuu, Vegeta, and Piccolo See Dende Again

*Piccolo is watching TV*

"This is the report on Raven's awesome fic, 'Something About Piccolo'! hosted by SSJGohan, Meghan and Carolyn! Come on up, Meghan and Carolyn!"

"You idiot! It's Megan and Caroline! Plus, it's NOT SSJGohan! It's SSJGoten! Get it right!" *audience boos*

*Raven scratches the back of her head son-style*

"Oh, right. Sorry! Anyway, here they are!"

Fzzt!

"Og, the TV is sick!" Piccolo lamented. Ubuu walked in.

"No it isn't." He turned it back on. "… That's us on TV!" Ubuu cried.

***After a few days of Quality Time with Dende, Piccolo and Vegeta seemed to calm down a bit. Dende decided that they could go back to Kame house, just as long as they promised to behave like grown men. (And Nameks) Then Dende had an Idea. Started out to be just a musing, then a thought, then, finally, an actual Idea. He walked over to Piccolo and Vegeta.

"Hey guys, how's about I get you two driving lessons?" asked Dende, somewhat slyly. Piccolo growled. Vegeta snorted.

"What?! Such folly!? We can fly! Have you gone mad? And you call us stupid!" shrieked Vegeta. Dende rolled his eyes.

Ò...Ó

The reason Dende wants to get Vegeta and Piccolo driving lessons is b/c, at one time, Dende let Vegeta go back down to Earth. Once he reached the Pacific Ocean, he repeatedly bashed into a rock.

Finally, Bubbles gave into Dende's argument, and decided to give the terrible twosome driving lessons. Bubbles was pretty smart, for a monkey, so he of course knew how to drive. Right away, the two crashed into a wall. King Kai growled disapprovingly. Bubbles choked Piccolo with his tail, then bashed Vegeta on the head continually with a piece of broken plaster. *Eventually* it broke off. Dende slapped himself, then looked at his elbow. Hmmm. He started to get Ideas. Vegeta, Piccolo, and Bubbles watched as the short Namek stuck out his elbow, yelling and screaming something about being able to fly soon. Then the trio realized that Dende was trying to Kiss his elbow! Bubbles put his hand over his eyes, giggling. Piccolo stared at Bubbles in fascination. He had never seen a monkey giggle. Who has? Meanwhile, Vegeta was giggling. Piccolo turned his attention to Vegeta in fascination. He had never seen Vegeta giggle. Who has?

Just then, King Kai came out. He was wearing a bright yellow Speedo. He had a bag with him. In it held suntan lotion, his book, 'Trunks' guide to getting what you want', and a teletubbies towel. He, of course, donned his usual sunglasses. Piccolo stared.

"Don't get any Ideas Piccolo!" yelled Dende. He knew exactly what Piccolo was thinking, firstly because he could read peoples' minds, and secondly because of the expression that Piccolo had on his face. Piccolo grumbled. King Kai walked regally to the edge of the clouds, then opened up his chair, sat down, and pulled out his book. He looked very pleased with himself. Piccolo squirmed. Then he broke into a sprint, grabbed the towel, and jumped off the edge of the clouds screaming,

"OOGA BOOGA!!!" Vegeta, Bubbles, Dende, and King Kai watched in fascination, then horror, as Piccolo stripped himself of his turban and cape, and wrapped the towel around his waist, in a sort of loincloth fashion. They watched in horror as Piccolo danced like Tarzan on top of a bunch of cars. Dende slapped himself, then went back to trying to Kiss his elbow. Vegeta smiled, then turned to King Kai. He pounced, and grabbed the book. With the book under one arm, he jumped off the edge of the clouds screaming, "Miss Mary Sunshine!!!". King Kai whimpered as he watched the Saiyan prince of planet Vegeta hit himself with the book.

"That was an autographed copy, too. Oh well! I'm sure Goku will get me another one. He knows Trunks well, after all." And with that, he turned, and went back inside. Bubbles, meanwhile, was hiding behind a tree, safe from all short Nameks who were screaming and trying to Kiss their elbows…***

"Wow, I didn't know I used to be so… stressed!" Piccolo breathed. Ubuu laughed.

"I think we all liked the stressed out Piccolo a lot better than we like you now." Vegeta snapped, looking up from, 'The Girl Next Door'.

Nowadays, Piccolo had it worse than Goku. He would walk around naked on the streets, eat cockroaches for breakfast, and hug trees.

Oh, he wasn't relaxed anymore… HE WAS INSANE I TELL YOU! INSANE!!!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA! aha.

"This is Rabid Fanboi speaking. We have breaking news. The animators for DBZ have experienced sudden heart attacks due to too much McDonalds. From now on, Raven shall be the animator!"

***Vegeta looks like he's Goku with hair gel, Piccolo looks like the green giant, and Ubuu has an odd mohawk… thingy….***

[A/N: Despite the fact that so far this is nearing its eleventh page, it remains 1,853 words. My goal is for this chapter to be as long as my first chapter, which was 2003 words. Here's to 2003!]

***End of Chapter Three***

Dende: Not if I can help it!

***Appears in a pink feathery boa and sparkly turquoise high heels***

So pretty baby, you're driving me crazy!

Every single day

I love you

Sweet, sweet kisses

It's all I wanted from you!

I need you

Sweet kisses

I like you

So pretty baby, you're driving me crazy!

Every single day

I love you

Sweet, sweet kisses

It's all I wanted from you!

I need you

Sweet kisses

I like you

***

Well, this chapter has reached 2003 words! Finally! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!! Ha ha haha ha ahahahah ahhhh… 2003 words…