Disclaimers: Still not mine. Still don't wish it were. Just wanna own Cyanide, Collin, Fox, and Skids. That would be VERY nice.

Notes: Told through Cyanide's point of view.

/Thoughts/

'Other side of the phone'

~*Little Love Letter*~

            I sighed as I stared up at the ceiling, waiting for anything…ANYTHING that resembled sane human contact. Even my sisters were being calm and normal at the moment, but that was all right. I wasn't about to go down there and demand they be annoying or anything. Peace and quiet was definitely livable. Only problem was, being alone and bored out of your mind wasn't exactly the most entertaining of activities.

            I answered the phone happily as it rang, hoping that maybe there would actually be something to do today. I had considered calling Skids up but ever since last time I had problems even picking up the phone to call him. Things were just getting worse and worse between us. I couldn't I say I hadn't been expecting it, though. That's why I'd been so afraid to mention it in the first place.

            "Hello?" I asked, hoping against hope that maybe 'the group' would be getting together and…I don't know, seeing a movie? Anything was good at the moment.

            'Hey, Cy?' Great. Skids. Just whom I didn't need to talk to at the moment…but he sounded kind of upset. I couldn't help but wonder at what was wrong with him. If there was something wrong I would be more than happy to help him out, that's what friends were for.

            "What's up?" I asked in a worried tone, genuinely concerned. Skids never sounded upset, no matter what was bothering him. Well…not in the time I had known him anyway. That was a long time, so I was pretty sure he was good at hiding what upset him…even I wasn't stupid enough to think that nothing bothered him. Even he was human, after all.

            'Well, I was wondering if you could come over here for a while. Harley and 'Sheequa are, so…it can be like a big get-together, alright?' 'Get-together?' that just sounded strange…and he was definitely trying to sound cheery. Maybe when I got over there we could deal with this…hopefully. I really wanted to help him out. Not Harley, not 'Sheequa, not this mystery friend, ME.

            "Alright. I'll be over there in a minute." I could feel Skids nod from the other end of the phone and without even saying good-bye with both hung up. Strange. There was a dark sort of atmosphere hanging in my room now. It was almost suffocating…if you could suffocate on a bad feeling, that is. I was starting to get this feeling that you could.

            The walk to Skids' seemed longer than normal, but maybe it was only that I was walking slower than I usually did. However, that bad feeling had followed me the entire time, and my breath was as short as if I'd been running. Was I really letting this come between so much that I was actually this afraid to see him? I was being ridiculous, if this is what it had come to.

            /Come on Cy! There are other people here, it'll be fine!/ I tried to reassure myself, but even before I knocked on the door Skids opened it for me. He looked so…serious. There was definitely something going on. Something I was sure I didn't want to know about, but at the same time I did. I couldn't just let my friend face it by himself, could I?

            "Sorry about lying to you about everyone being here, but…I didn't think you'd come any other way," Skids offered as he shut the door behind me. When had I come inside? It wasn't anything important, though, I'd probably just been thinking too hard to pay attention to what my body was doing. If I didn't stop that I might get in big trouble... "I mean…it's like you've been avoiding me recently, you know?"

            "I'm sorry, but…I'm just a little confused." Skids nodded slightly, looking pale as he walked around the room, moving things and looking like a general wreck. "Just tell me what's wrong. You look so…depressed." Skids stopped in his movements suddenly and took a deep breath, walking over to sit down next to me on his bed. I felt his hand cover mine slightly and my cheeks grew hot almost immediately. This wasn't what I'd been expecting at all.

            "Um…well. We found out today, from the specialist we sent you to…" Specialist? What specialist? This wasn't making sense… "It was when you fainted the other day during practice, you wouldn't remember it." Fainted? Oh, that was right…there had been a time not too long ago that had happened. I'd almost completely forgotten about it. "He…well…" Skids hand was tightening around mine as he spoke, but for some reason my brain just couldn't put two and two together. I jumped as something splashed against my hand, catching sight of the trail of a single tear on Skids' cheek before he wiped it away harshly. Why…why was Skids crying all of a sudden?

            "I don't want you to die!" He screamed suddenly, and I could do nothing more than sit in stunned silence as Skids hugged me tightly, burying his face in my shirt and trying his hardest to keep from crying. I could feel him shaking, though, and slowly I wrapped my arms around him, feeling the need to comfort him. I should have been the one needing comfort at the moment, but this felt just fine as it was… "You're one of my best friends, you can't leave me. That's just not shibby." How many times had I dreamt of holding him like this in different situations? I couldn't quite be happy anymore, though. I was too scared…

            "Come on, what proof is there? I fainted once, what's the big deal, huh? Come on, this guy probably just wants to rake in the money from us," I attempted with a pathetic and faltering smile, but to tell the truth I wasn't so sure of myself, either. I'd been feeling rather strange recently, and everyone had seemed to act so differently around me as of late. I couldn't help but wonder if my sisters knew, and that was why they were so quiet nowadays. That would explain it…

            "There are other things, too, you know. It's just…I don't want to think about it right now." I nodded slowly, understanding the feeling. I didn't really want to think about these sorts of things right now either; it scared me more than I'd ever let Skids see.

"I'd better be going then. I…guess I'll see you around," I offered pathetically, moving my hands to rest on Skids' shoulders. This wasn't anything like what I'd expected at all, but that feeling of dread was now laughing at me for ignoring it, growing thicker by the second.

"Stay over tonight…please?" Skids almost demanded, tightening his hold on me. I nodded slowly and let go of him, meaning to slide down and sleep on the floor as was normal. Skids pushed me down on his bed instead, however, catching me slightly off-guard. "You can have my bed tonight I…I'll be fine on the floor." I just nodded slowly, feeling the heat rise up to my cheeks as I grew increasingly aware of Skids' hands on my shoulders, his pretty eyes staring into mine, so full of sadness. I felt so horrible knowing that I was the cause of his distress, and it took me forever to get to sleep that night.

            "Cy! Cy, come on, wake up already!" I blinked and opened my eyes slowly, glancing up into the worried eyes of my friend. Everything was way too white here...had I fainted again? Dammit, that had been happening way too frequently as of late. I was starting to get worried, although that wasn't to say that I had been perfectly calm to start with. It was hard to think of a time where I wasn't more than a little bit paranoid, where the slightest headache made me edgy. It was so damn annoying. It was sure to be an inconvenience to the band, too, but Harley had said they'd keep me as long as they could. I was glad for that, I didn't want to have to stop playing for anything…short of Skids, of course. I'd do anything for him.

            "Hey." Skids smiled happily and took one of my hands in his, holding onto me tightly. He still looked so scared, though…he always looked scared or sad nowadays, that was the worst part about it, knowing how much I was upsetting my friends…Skids especially. "Everyone's always so edgy recently, it's depressing." Skids just nodded his head slightly and sighed. My friends were always so worried about me, I felt so loved... However, there was still something had been bugging me ever since I'd found out about this whole thing… "Hey Skids, did you not want to go out with me because of all this…or do you really not like me. I…I just have to know, whatever the answer is. I can't…die…uncertain." I held tighter to Skids hand as I spoke, biting my lip as I waited. I hated even thinking about what would happen to him after I died.

            "What do you think? There's nothing not to like about you…although you can be a little depressing sometimes." I smiled at that, glad to know that Skids really did love me. That was a better feeling than anything else…at least now when I died I could die happy…somewhat. I still had to face the reality that I was responsible for that sad look in Skids' eyes. "I really wish things could have been different, you know. Everyone thinks we'd be cute together…except maybe Harley," he offered with a laugh, leaning closer to me with every word he spoke. "And don't say that word. It scares me…" I could only just feel his lips against mine before the whole moment was shattered in a second by a piercing scream, pulling me away from that bitter-sweet experience.~~~~~

            I sat up quickly as my alarm went off, turning to glare at my alarm clock as it continued to ring in the background. That had been one of the single scariest moments of my short-lived dream-life. Realistic dreams really sucked sometimes…this time being one of them. Some people say that dreams are symbolic, but I sure as hell hoped not. I didn't want to die.

            Although, maybe this was my sign to stop avoiding Skids, although there really was no way to be sure. All those people that 'analyzed' dreams could just be crazy for all I knew or cared. I could try going over there if I really wanted to find out, but that was way too hard. I was still having problems with this thing; I couldn't pretend that it didn't hurt me. Every day I had to wonder if Skids was upset about this, too. He sure as hell didn't seem like he was.

            I sighed as the phone rang, trying to decide whether I should answer it or not. I really didn't want to, especially if it was Skids. Things were just not going my way in life, it seemed. Screw the bad day, bad week, bad month excuses; it was straight to the bad life excuse this time. If it were him, I'd just make up an excuse not to go over there. It had only been a day or two since last I'd visited so it wasn't like I'd broken my promise yet…although the fact that I was planning on it was bad enough.

After the first few rings, however, I gave up and got up, shivering as the blankets were removed and I was suddenly hit with the cold air of my bedroom full-blast.

"Hello?" I asked as I picked up the phone, plugging my other ear so I could actually hear over the noise in my house. I really hated this…at least our phone volume was pretty high. That was the only comfort I got when a friend called, really it was.

            'Hey Cy, what's up?' I should have known. Skids was one of the only people to call me as of late, but that was all right…I guess. It would have been okay had I not been so damn confused at the moment. I really wished I hadn't left that damn note, now that I thought back on it; it had been a stupid idea in the first place. 'Cy?' Huh? Oh, yeah…I was supposed to be talking…

            "Sorry. Some-old, same-old. How about you?" Okay, so I was lying, but Skids didn't have to know that. It wasn't anything important anyway; I'd only had a really freaky dream that morning and was still afraid to be alone in the same room with him, nothing important. Well…more fidgety and nervous than afraid, but that wasn't an important detail.

            'Same. Things around here are always so boring. Want to meet me somewhere and hang out? You promised you'd stop by more often, so we'll negotiate this time and go out somewhere, deal?' Guilt, always a bitch. I should have just kept my mouth shut back then so I wouldn't have to worry about breaking my promise. Now it hung over my head every time I thought of calling Skids and chickened out. Every time he asked me to go somewhere and I said no…which hadn't happened yet, for obvious guilt reasons.

            "Sure." I really should have said no. I should have lied and said I had something to do. I shouldn't have agreed to that, I should have stayed home. Stupid, stupid, stupid Cyanide. I really should start thinking before I act, really I should. I could have avoided so many accidents that way…writing him that stupid letter being foremost in my mind.

            'Great! Do you want to meet up at my place and leave or just meet up there? It's not supposed to rain today,' he offered in reassurance. I guess it was slightly reassuring in an 'at least he's trying' sort of way, if nothing else.

            "I don't really care." I could hear Skids laughing from the other side of the phone, even over the screaming of my sisters in the background. Well, I was glad he was happy (Really, I was). Or that he could at least pretend to be happy if nothing else. I would kill for his coping skills. Mine were slim to non and everyone knew it.

            'All right then, new compromise: I'll go over there and then we can leave, that okay?' I nodded in agreement, before finally realizing I had to speak and agreed verbally. We both said our goodbyes not too long afterwards and hung up the phone. Great…yet another doubt-filled day with Skids. I really shouldn't have agreed to this…

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WHEE! Another chapter! I dunno why but this story is a lot easier for me to write than my other stories. Maybe because I didn't leave it and just pick it back up again *thinks* Yeah, that might be the reason.

Well…at least we're getting somewhere with the plot…maybe. I'm so glad Katie helped me get off my lazy bum and write the dream sequence (although unknowingly) so I could finish off this chapter. Love ya girl ^_~

Reviews help feed my ever-deflating ego…