Disclaimers: I'm sure everyone has figured out that it doesn't belong to me by now
Notes: Told from Fox's and Skids' points of views
/Thoughts/
~Reading something~
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point of view change
~*Little Love Letter*~
I yawned as I finally crossed the line into consciousness, having drifted halfway between sleep and awake for what seemed like forever now. I probably should have woken myself up a while ago, but I really hadn't had the energy to do such. Besides, it wasn't like I had anything better to do. I winced as I sat up, both hearing and feeling my back crack. That couldn't be a good sign.
I blinked as I noticed the dirty-blonde head resting on my mattress. I smiled slightly and rested a hand on his head, feeling a little bit better about waking up now. Smiling I leaned down to press my forehead to the top of his head.
"I guess this proves even you're human, huh?" Collin reached up to bat my hand away in irritation, grumbling and burying his face deeper into the covers. I laughed and sat back up. He was so cute when you woke him up…sometimes. So long as he wasn't feeling particularly sleep-deprived it was amusing. If he was still tired he'd kill you without feeling a shred of remorse.
"Of course I'm human, what the hell else would I be?" he whined, sitting up. He still looked sort of dazed, but it was cute. I wouldn't dare tell him that, but I could very well think it to myself. He wouldn't have to know anything about it. "Here," I blinked as a small piece of paper was pushed towards me on the bed, a small blush creeping up on Collin's face.
Blinking I picked it up to glace at the bent corners, and the generally bad-shape of it. "You've been quiet ever since we took the damn thing, so…I figured maybe you'd stop being mad at me if we put it back." I blinked and opened it up carefully. Yep, that old letter. What did it take to make Collin understand I wasn't mad at him?
"I wasn't mad at you, but I still think we should put it back." Collin just sighed and continued to stare at the floor as if there was something interesting there. Unless something had happened last night I wasn't aware of I was pretty sure there was nothing there worth staring at. "Mm. Thanks for caring, though," I finished with a smile, resting my hand on his head again. I felt like I was belittling him like a little kid, but it was the best I could do at the moment. I couldn't exactly reach over and hug him or anything, he was too far away.
I was a bit surprised when Collin climbed onto my bed with me, leaning his head against my shoulder. "Uh…are you alright?" This was the first time Collin had actually done anything without me having to bore him or tease him to death first. Maybe things were actually starting to go somewhere. A guy can hope, right? I mean, I really like Collin, but for some reason that seems to escape him even now. It's hard to do much of anything when one of you is way too shy and, well, kind of inexperienced, and the other…well, the Foxman.
"Yeah, I just thought you were mad at me." I smiled and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, enjoying the feeling. I wish we could do this sort of shit without having to scare him into thinking I was mad at him. I mean, what had given him that idea in the first place? I hadn't thought I acted any differently, especially not towards him if anything.
"Come on, we'll drop this letter off by his house and then we can go do something, alright? You don't have plans, do you?" Collin shook his head slowly and stood up, raking his hair back with his fingers and sighing. I couldn't hold back a yawn myself as I climbed out of bed, leaving the comforting warmth behind me. Worst part about waking up was actually getting out of bed. Until then your body still holds that vague hope that you might get back to sleep.
Walking over to my desk I grabbed a pencil as Collin no-doubt headed for the bathroom before me. I might as well make use of this time, right? Although my body was still saying I should just go back to sleep I really didn't want to humor that idea at the moment. Running fingers through my hair I instead settled on writing them both an apology, folding over it so that it wasn't visible until opened. I didn't want Collin making fun of me. Maybe now this guy could end up as lucky as Collin me…or not. Maybe I would just make his life even more miserable, but at least I was trying to do the right thing…that counts for something, right?
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"Hm. The movie doesn't start for a while so let's just hang around over there," I suggested happily, dragging Cyanide along with me. He hadn't seemed too energetic when I'd gotten over to his house, but that was to be expected. Either I was imagining things or he was starting to grow ever more distant as the days went by…even when he was around he wasn't quite…all there, I guess. I mean, we used to hang out and play around all the time, now even when he was over he was so quiet. What was wrong with him?
"Alright," he agreed as I turned to head towards a small bench somewhere on the outside of the park I'd spotted. We weren't that far from the theater, so we could stop by here for a while and hang out. Maybe things would be a little better off if I got Cyanide outside and tried to talk with him instead of just my room. Outside was much more…relaxing…than my place.
"So, what's up?" I asked as we both sat down, leaning back and relaxing. We'd been walking for quite a while now, but that was all right. I actually liked walking. My legs were protesting, though. Cyanide just sighed and shrugged, leaning back to look up at the sky through the trees above us. I was starting to get mad, this was ridiculous. Cyanide was definitely avoiding me; there was no doubt about it in my mind anymore. "Come on, I'm your best friend. Do you think you can't tell me what's wrong?" I was well aware I was being slightly hypocritical, but at least I didn't act like this around my friends. If I did I would expect them to do the same thing I was doing. At least…I would expect it if they were my close friends.
"I already did. Can we talk about something else…please?" I sighed and nodded. I really didn't want to change the subject, but I was well aware that Cy wasn't going to tell me if I demanded it from him. I really couldn't think of what in the world he could be so upset about, but he said he'd already told me. Was he still upset about the whole Ronnie thing? That was the only explanation I could come up with, really.
"Alright then, what do you want to talk about?" Again Cyanide shrugged. I would have given up at that point had he not been my best friend. You got used to these sorts of things after a while, you know? Cyanide's always been kind of stubborn when he's upset. You just have to stick it through and try your best to help your friends when they're upset, though…even if they won't tell you exactly WHY they're upset.
However, while trying to think of something to say the silence stretched on even more and more uncomfortably. This was pathetic. Really, it was. Since when were best friends afraid to talk to one another? But here I was, sitting next to my best friend and completely at a loss for words. Had we really grown so far apart? I really hoped not, that would be absolutely horrible!
Cyanide blinked after a while and looked over at me, sitting up again. A small breeze blew past softly and I sighed into it, watching as Cy's hair blew with it gently (he'd been forced to leave it down since we were in such a rush). It was funny the things you noticed when you were bored, really it was.
"Come on, please tell me what's bothering you. Are you still upset about the whole Ronnie thing?" I asked after a while, growing sick of the long moments of silence that were slowly becoming normal between us. This was just stupid, if nothing else. A single eyebrow rose in question as I finished speaking. I had this slight feeling I was wrong...
"Come on, please don't do this to me…you know what I'm talking about," he managed softly, cheeks turning slightly red. What in the world? I had no idea what he was talking about if it wasn't Ronnie. My confusion must have shown on my face because Cyanide sighed and ran fingers through his hair in agitation. "That stupid letter I wrote you. I know you read it..." Letter? What letter? There was a letter I was supposed to read? When had this happened?
"What letter? Cy, you're not making any sense. I don't know anything about any sort of letter. Just tell me what's wrong already, whatever was in that letter. It can't be that stupid if it has you this upset...I'm worried about you." Cyanide's eyes grew wide suddenly and he blushed deeper, staring at me for a while before turning away and staring at the ground. What in the world…? "Come on. I don't want to loose my best friend over some letter."
"Neither do I, so just forget it. It's better left forgotten anyway. I never really wanted you to read it. That's what had me so worried." Why would he write me something if I wasn't supposed to read it? He wasn't making sense anymore…to tell the truth he hadn't made sense ever since we started this conversation…
"Were you mad at me? Are you STILL mad at me?" Cyanide shook his head and sighed again, finger tapping against the bench to some rhythm. I noticed that was something he started doing when he was thinking about something. "Tell me what was in that letter already, we're best friends. If you're not mad at me then tell me what's wrong." Cyanide's finger stopped tapping and he leaned back against the bench, staring back up at the sky like he'd been doing earlier. "Cy…?"
"Are you sure you really want to know?" I nodded slowly, hoping I didn't regret this. Was I in trouble? Was Cyanide in trouble? I really hoped not… "I like you…a lot. Happy now?"
"Shit." Immediately my hands flew to cover my mouth, regretting that I'd said that out loud. What kind of an inconsiderate jerk was I? I was supposed to be Cyanide's friend. "I'm sorry Cy, that was stupid. I'll bet that wasn't what you were hoping to hear, but…" I let my sentence hang, I couldn't think of how to finish it. Silence stretched between us again and Cyanide sighed, closing his eyes slowly. "I thought you were the hetero one…"
"So did I."
"I'm really sorry about how I reacted…I wasn't thinking...." I reached out an arm to hold and comfort him but pulled back almost as soon as I touched the fabric of his shirt. That was…cruel of me. There would be more pain involved than comfort if I did that. Cyanide liked me, and I didn't like him like that…I just felt so horrible. I'd been leading him on for so long…
"Don't worry about it. I wasn't EXPECTING much more than that, so it's alright." What the…how could I not worry? "I mean, I've already had my heart broken once…not like I can get much worse off now, huh?" With that he stood up slowly, leaving me to myself as he left, too mad at myself to follow him. This was not turning into a good day.
"Well…at least that explains why he's been avoiding you," I said aloud, not caring if the people hanging around thought I was crazy. I should have figured that out by myself. Stupid Skids! And to make things worse, all this time I'd been flirting with him! I was such a jerk! A HUGE jerk! Not to mention stupid. Now that I thought back on it, it was so very easy to see. However, everything's easier to see when you're looking for it...
I couldn't help but wonder how long Cyanide had felt this way. How far back it went. How long he'd felt that I didn't care about him because of that letter. That stupid little letter. He was sure to be in so much pain…and it was all my fault. And I thought it had hurt when he'd started dating Ronnie…or when Mik and Harley met each other. I'd never been turned down to my face before; I hadn't a clue how he was feeling…
Those were the only things I could think of as I walked back 'home,' dragging my feet the entire way, wandering here and there absently. It was already starting to get dark by the time I returned, mentally and physically exhausted. This changed everything; I could see why Cyanide hadn't wanted to tell me. I was such a moron…and I'd had myself believing I was smart there for a moment or two.
I blinked as I opened the door, hearing something crinkle beneath my feet. I knew I hadn't left anything near the doorway…I'd actually cleaned recently. Leaning over I picked it up, unfolding it slowly and blinking at the words written on the outside of the inside…if that made sense.
~Sorry about all this mess, I didn't mean to take this from you. It sort of happened by accident more than anything (I won't blame you if you don't believe me but it's the truth). I guess…well, just sorry. Got northing else to say. Hope things turn out alright (Yeah, I admit I read it)…
Foxman~
Blinking I opened it up to find a page full of Cyanide's handwriting, clenching my hands around it tightly as the letters formed words. So that's what had happened to it. Those two jerks had taken it last time they'd decided to pick on me…at least one of them had morals enough to return it, so I could take a little bit of comfort in the fact that they were human. Well…one of them was human. I could never be so sure about the other one.
Sitting down I turned on the lamp that was currently sitting on my desk and started to read, getting this feeling I would regret it later, but wanting to know the answers to my questions…
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Whee! Done, finally! I have so many other fics to write on at the moment, but I can't really bring myself to pick them back up until I finish this one. I actually like where this one is going (still, after 5 chapters, I'm kinda proud of it…which is a good thing)
Reviews would be muchly appreciated, but I'm not yet desperate enough to beg for them…
