Okay, there's not much to this, but it amused me at the time.  Yes, Tavia, I used your idea, so maybe you'll get a kick out of it, if no one else.  The line in question just had to be spoken by Spock, of course.  Oh, and the other idea, about chemistry, I got a story for that, too.  It'll come, eventually.  Trekker-t (I always feel inclined to add "and the MG's" to your name for some reason), a couple of good ideas.  I may use them.  I even have a funny line for the trapped in Sickbay one.  But I'll save it…

Kirk vs. Swine

            Spock, McCoy, and Kirk were standing in the middle of nowhere.  That is, the middle of a sparsely-vegetated savanna, which was in the middle of nowhere on an unpopulated planet.  Unpopulated by humanoids, that is.

            "What the devil is that?" Kirk asked, gazing across the horizon.  Something, or a large number of somethings, was stirring up a cloud of dust as it slowly, but steadily lumbered in their direction.

            Spock and McCoy turned to look, squinting into the sinking sun.

            "Huh," McCoy commented, not sounding especially concerned or interested.  "Damned if I know.  I don't even know why I'm here."

            "I believe it is a herd of wild pigs, Captain," Spock said, matter-of-factly.

            McCoy did a double take.  "A herd of—?  Spock, are you making things up again?"

            Spock turned to him and quirked an eyebrow.  "I am not, as you suggest, in the habit of concocting information, Doctor."

            "But how would we know the difference?" McCoy muttered.

            "That's enough," Kirk commanded.  "I'd prefer you stop arguing so we can do something about this herd of wild pigs headed directly for us."

            "Well, I can think of one logical solution," McCoy said.

            "What's that, Bones?"

            "Beam us the hell out of here!"

            Kirk shrugged.  "That wouldn't be very adventurous, would it?"

            McCoy frowned.  "Maybe it's just me, but I don't think I'd file getting trampled by a horde of boars under 'Adventure.'"

            Spock eyed the dust cloud, which was moving closer by the second, more warily.  "I would tend to agree with the doctor."

            "See?  He agrees with me!"

            Kirk studied them, then looked back at the pigs. "He agrees with the doctor," he murmured to himself.  "Very well.  I'll call the ship.  You can save yourselves and get out of danger."  Kirk pulled his communicator from the back of his belt.

            McCoy scowled.  "What are you talking about?  You're not planning on staying here, are you?"

            Kirk jutted his chin out in a heroic/stubborn pose.  "Someone needs to stay and protect…er, everyone."  He flipped the communicator open.  "Kirk to Enterprise."

            "Aye, Captain?" Scott's voice came from the tiny box.

            "Two to beam up.  If you can manage it, bring me up after.  Kirk ou—"

            McCoy stepped forward and grabbed the communicator before Kirk could snap it closed.  "This is McCoy.  Belay that order.  Three to beam up.  I'm enacting my medical authority, as the captain has gone temporarily insane."

            Scott sounded worried.  "Insane, Doctor?"

            McCoy scowled at Kirk as the captain tried to rip the communicator back out of his hands.  "Yes, insane.  He's decided the day's activities aren't complete until he's wrestled a few wild pigs into submission."

            "Wild…pigs?" Scott replied, likely questioning the doctor's sanity at this point.  "Aye, three to beam up."

            McCoy smugly closed the communicator and handed it back to Kirk.  "Mission accomplished, eh, Spock?"

            "Actually, our mission was not accomplished, as we beamed down to evaluate—"

            "Do you realize," Kirk interrupted sternly, "that I could have you court-martialed for that little stunt you just pulled?"

            McCoy held his hands out together, fists closed.  "So cuff me, officer."

            Kirk's reply was cut off as the transporter beam locked on to them and brought them back to the Enterprise.

            "Actually, when I said that there was a herd of wild pigs on the surface, that statement was not precisely accurate," Spock said as they rematerialized in the transporter room.

            Kirk turned to Spock in surprise.  "Really?"

            Spock nodded solemnly.  "Yes.  It was actually a sounder of wild pigs."

            McCoy stared at him.  "What's the difference?"

            Spock inclined his head slightly.  "It is simply a matter of terminology, Doctor."

            McCoy and Kirk glanced and each other, and simultaneously nodded their heads in acknowledgement, as sincere as they allowed themselves to be able a 'matter of terminology.'

            "Also, I would question the use of the term 'pig' in reference to those creatures," Spock continued.

            "Why is that?" Kirk asked hesitantly.

            Spock looked thoughtful.  "Traditionally, pigs do not live in savanna-like terrain, but rather temperate forests."

            "Or farms," Kirk interjected.

            Spock didn't reply.

            "I'm sorry, Spock," McCoy drawled.  "I didn't realize you were such an expert on swine."

            A small smile found its way to Kirk's face.  "I think I know how we can resolve this issue."

            McCoy glanced at him.  "And I didn't realize there was an issue to resolve here."

            The smile broke out into a grin.  "We should beam down and investigate!"  He flexed his arms experimentally, testing a wrestling hold on the air.

            "I would not call myself an expert; I simply have a great deal of information immediately at hand in my mind," Spock said in answer to McCoy's comment.

            "Anybody coming along?  We'll get some great scientific data!" Kirk called with a devious glint in his eyes.

            McCoy looked at his companions with wide, bewildered eyes.  "Lunatics!  I'm serving on a ship full of lunatics!"

Coming next:  That depends on what I write and how soon!