Chapter seven: Why me? Why me?
I scowled and stomped downstairs. I was greeted with a roomful of starving males. Vegeta was out cold, resting over Trunks' shoulder, Gohan was holding Goku back and Cartman, half covered in duct tape, was fighting his way through the tightly bound group.
Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli were all standing around the door as I entered. I noted that none of the food had been touched, evidently Aisling had done a good job of terrifying them.
I mean, hey, she was taught by the best. The cat suddenly appeared, purring with the volume of a lion, winding herself around my ankles. I paused and then lifted her gently into my arms, ignoring her singed fur; I would cause pain and suffering for that later.
"Aragorn, Frodo, Sam, you're with me" I said, leaving no room for argument. They stared at me in confusion until I turned and left the room again.
When I reached the sea of bags, I gently set the cat down and did my best not to trip as she followed me religiously through the plastic maze. I picked my way through and snatched up four bags containing meat.
"Go get the girly looking purple haired one" I said to Sam. The little hobbit stared at me for a moment, then turned and shakily left the room. I heaved the bags through to the small clear space and dumped them on the table. "Get those ones, with the vegetables in them" I directed Aragorn, imagining Frodo would fall over with the weight of even one, they were full to the gunnels.
Aragorn obeyed my commands, picking his way through the bags and placing them next to the meat. I unpacked as much as I could spread onto the table and thought for a moment. I had simply gone and bought everything that looked like it would make a decent sized meal. Considering the amounts I eat, I knew I could judge for any of the humans/elves, saijins were a different problem altogether, I had five of them to deal with. And with Aisling under orders to sleep for a while I was on my own.
Taking an armload of steaks I pulled off the wrapping and laid them out on the bench.
"Uh.the.little.guy. said you.wanted me?"
I looked up, Trunks was standing awkwardly on the other side of the plastic sea. I sent him a stern glare, knowing full well his part in Aisling's slight breakdown. Hell, if he'd done that to me the guy wouldn't be walking straight ever again. He shifted nervously under my glare. Probably imagining the things going through my head.
Boy, you have no idea.
"Use your ki to cook this lot" I pointed at the meat, laid out on the table, and scowling at the amount of juices I would have to force Sam to wipe up. Trunks nodded blankly and extended his hand. Aragorn stared and Frodo cowered as blue light enveloped the raw steaks and they began to sizzle. I watched closely, hoping the bench wouldn't be too badly burnt. I was lucky, Trunks fried them quick enough, there was no major damage, nothing Aisling's non domestic parents would notice anyway.
When they were bubbling and spitting I waved my hand at Trunks, who lowered his arm and stared nervously at the floor, trying to avoid the stare of Frodo and Aragorn, who were looking at him as if he was Lord Sauron himself. Sam suddenly re entered the room. Apparently following the smell of steak. I scowled warningly at him and moved to the cupboard to get out the platters. Being the people they are Aisling's parents tend to throw business parties, and they like to do it in style. Thus a lot of decorative plates and such. Luckily for me, several of them were huge.
I slapped the steaks in two piles on the platters and beckoned Frodo, he looked at them hungrily, and I remembered he was a hobbit, and how much hobbits like to eat. I handed him one heavy platter and leaned over the plastic sea to give the other to Aragorn
"Take those into that room there, through that door over there, and put them on the table. And if you destroy anything it'll be your balls" I said darkly.
They both gulped, so I assumed they knew what I meant. I jerked my head at Sam "Wipe that up while I do the rice" he scurried to do my bidding, staring longingly after the departing lackeys. I jabbed him in the back and tossed a cloth at him. Knowing what was good for his future children, he did as he was told.
Pulling out the large wok that never got used, I filled it with water and set it on the stove to heat up while I searched for the three sack sized packets of rice. Heaving them onto the now clean bench, I ripped the top off one and poured about a quarter into the now warm water.
"Trunks, get your ass over here and boil this" I barked. People tell me I'm a commanding sort of person. People don't tend to argue with me when I'm in control. Apparently I'm mean, and I don't think of other people's feelings.
Meh, probably.
The rice took ten minutes to boil under Trunks' power, when it was done I took the full wok and heaved it into the dining room. Frodo was staring hungrily at the meat and even Aragorn's masked features were betraying his hunger. I was starving, I hadn't actually eaten any of the junk food I had brought back, instead I left most of it for Aisling and the rest hidden away in a specific location.
We had used it for years to hide our contraband goods, liberated from numerous locations. If I say any more I'll have to kill you. So I was as ravenous as any of them, more so in fact, seeing as I had not had breakfast the day prior, nor lunch, and only a few morsels from the time the fellowship attacked our stores of food. And considering the stress Aisling and myself had been under, I had been burning a lot of energy. Trunks followed me, with a large stack of plates in his hands.
It took ten minutes to semi set the table, basically I threw knives and forks on the table, glad there was a cloth, (Aisling's mother would skin us alive if we left a scratch on the polished wood) and set a bunch of plates down. Three more trips, filling up every large bowl and container I could find with rice, and I was set to feed at least the fellowship and the South Park kids.
"Get your mates" I said the Frodo. He stared at me blankly. I scowled and kneaded my knuckles against my eyes "The round kids, and the hobbits and co."
He stared at me "Co?"
"JUST GO GET THE FUCKEN FELLOWSHIP OF THE GODDAM ONE TWELVE-CARAT RING!!!" I roared.
The fixtures shook. Frodo bolted.
I sat down, shaking slightly. Aisling had had her minor breakdown. I guess it was time for my major one. I sat silently in the chair, my back stiff, my arms around myself. And began to tremble. I stayed that way until my trembling escalated to violent shaking. All the while I stared straight ahead, inwardly fighting to keep control of myself.
My trance was broken by the sound of a phone ringing.
Oh dear god, they'd been outside.
The neighbors.
A/N: MWUHAHHAHAAAA!! I love being mean to the characters. Kudos to Kaibun for her character Aisling, and letting me mess with her so much. I fear I will pay dearly for it in the end.
Here's the deal. In primitive speech just in case. You no review. I no post.
I scowled and stomped downstairs. I was greeted with a roomful of starving males. Vegeta was out cold, resting over Trunks' shoulder, Gohan was holding Goku back and Cartman, half covered in duct tape, was fighting his way through the tightly bound group.
Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli were all standing around the door as I entered. I noted that none of the food had been touched, evidently Aisling had done a good job of terrifying them.
I mean, hey, she was taught by the best. The cat suddenly appeared, purring with the volume of a lion, winding herself around my ankles. I paused and then lifted her gently into my arms, ignoring her singed fur; I would cause pain and suffering for that later.
"Aragorn, Frodo, Sam, you're with me" I said, leaving no room for argument. They stared at me in confusion until I turned and left the room again.
When I reached the sea of bags, I gently set the cat down and did my best not to trip as she followed me religiously through the plastic maze. I picked my way through and snatched up four bags containing meat.
"Go get the girly looking purple haired one" I said to Sam. The little hobbit stared at me for a moment, then turned and shakily left the room. I heaved the bags through to the small clear space and dumped them on the table. "Get those ones, with the vegetables in them" I directed Aragorn, imagining Frodo would fall over with the weight of even one, they were full to the gunnels.
Aragorn obeyed my commands, picking his way through the bags and placing them next to the meat. I unpacked as much as I could spread onto the table and thought for a moment. I had simply gone and bought everything that looked like it would make a decent sized meal. Considering the amounts I eat, I knew I could judge for any of the humans/elves, saijins were a different problem altogether, I had five of them to deal with. And with Aisling under orders to sleep for a while I was on my own.
Taking an armload of steaks I pulled off the wrapping and laid them out on the bench.
"Uh.the.little.guy. said you.wanted me?"
I looked up, Trunks was standing awkwardly on the other side of the plastic sea. I sent him a stern glare, knowing full well his part in Aisling's slight breakdown. Hell, if he'd done that to me the guy wouldn't be walking straight ever again. He shifted nervously under my glare. Probably imagining the things going through my head.
Boy, you have no idea.
"Use your ki to cook this lot" I pointed at the meat, laid out on the table, and scowling at the amount of juices I would have to force Sam to wipe up. Trunks nodded blankly and extended his hand. Aragorn stared and Frodo cowered as blue light enveloped the raw steaks and they began to sizzle. I watched closely, hoping the bench wouldn't be too badly burnt. I was lucky, Trunks fried them quick enough, there was no major damage, nothing Aisling's non domestic parents would notice anyway.
When they were bubbling and spitting I waved my hand at Trunks, who lowered his arm and stared nervously at the floor, trying to avoid the stare of Frodo and Aragorn, who were looking at him as if he was Lord Sauron himself. Sam suddenly re entered the room. Apparently following the smell of steak. I scowled warningly at him and moved to the cupboard to get out the platters. Being the people they are Aisling's parents tend to throw business parties, and they like to do it in style. Thus a lot of decorative plates and such. Luckily for me, several of them were huge.
I slapped the steaks in two piles on the platters and beckoned Frodo, he looked at them hungrily, and I remembered he was a hobbit, and how much hobbits like to eat. I handed him one heavy platter and leaned over the plastic sea to give the other to Aragorn
"Take those into that room there, through that door over there, and put them on the table. And if you destroy anything it'll be your balls" I said darkly.
They both gulped, so I assumed they knew what I meant. I jerked my head at Sam "Wipe that up while I do the rice" he scurried to do my bidding, staring longingly after the departing lackeys. I jabbed him in the back and tossed a cloth at him. Knowing what was good for his future children, he did as he was told.
Pulling out the large wok that never got used, I filled it with water and set it on the stove to heat up while I searched for the three sack sized packets of rice. Heaving them onto the now clean bench, I ripped the top off one and poured about a quarter into the now warm water.
"Trunks, get your ass over here and boil this" I barked. People tell me I'm a commanding sort of person. People don't tend to argue with me when I'm in control. Apparently I'm mean, and I don't think of other people's feelings.
Meh, probably.
The rice took ten minutes to boil under Trunks' power, when it was done I took the full wok and heaved it into the dining room. Frodo was staring hungrily at the meat and even Aragorn's masked features were betraying his hunger. I was starving, I hadn't actually eaten any of the junk food I had brought back, instead I left most of it for Aisling and the rest hidden away in a specific location.
We had used it for years to hide our contraband goods, liberated from numerous locations. If I say any more I'll have to kill you. So I was as ravenous as any of them, more so in fact, seeing as I had not had breakfast the day prior, nor lunch, and only a few morsels from the time the fellowship attacked our stores of food. And considering the stress Aisling and myself had been under, I had been burning a lot of energy. Trunks followed me, with a large stack of plates in his hands.
It took ten minutes to semi set the table, basically I threw knives and forks on the table, glad there was a cloth, (Aisling's mother would skin us alive if we left a scratch on the polished wood) and set a bunch of plates down. Three more trips, filling up every large bowl and container I could find with rice, and I was set to feed at least the fellowship and the South Park kids.
"Get your mates" I said the Frodo. He stared at me blankly. I scowled and kneaded my knuckles against my eyes "The round kids, and the hobbits and co."
He stared at me "Co?"
"JUST GO GET THE FUCKEN FELLOWSHIP OF THE GODDAM ONE TWELVE-CARAT RING!!!" I roared.
The fixtures shook. Frodo bolted.
I sat down, shaking slightly. Aisling had had her minor breakdown. I guess it was time for my major one. I sat silently in the chair, my back stiff, my arms around myself. And began to tremble. I stayed that way until my trembling escalated to violent shaking. All the while I stared straight ahead, inwardly fighting to keep control of myself.
My trance was broken by the sound of a phone ringing.
Oh dear god, they'd been outside.
The neighbors.
A/N: MWUHAHHAHAAAA!! I love being mean to the characters. Kudos to Kaibun for her character Aisling, and letting me mess with her so much. I fear I will pay dearly for it in the end.
Here's the deal. In primitive speech just in case. You no review. I no post.
