Non Sum Qualis Eram part 12
By Ecri
See Part One for Disclaimer and Spoilers.
The Four Seasons Hotel
Newport Beach, Orange County, CA
The Vice President's Room
Carolyn Hoynes sat on the bed carefully removing her jewelry. Her husband was in the next room getting ready for bed. The ubiquitous Secret Service was scattered through the hotel. Two Agents stood outside their door.
Her thoughts flew back to that moment when she'd known something was wrong. She'd waited near the hotel doors as John and Sam worked the rope line, shaking hands, smiling, and campaigning. She was barely paying attention until she heard running. Looking up, she saw someone in a tux fall into someone else, then her agents had closed around her and hustled her into a separate car. She demanded to know how her husband was, but they had no information. It wasn't until she saw him at the hospital that she'd been sure.
Quietly, trying to keep her husband from hearing her, she sobbed. She didn't know how long she cried, but eventually she felt her husband's arms around her, and she found herself clinging to him once again.
"It's okay, Carolyn. I'm fine."
She nodded, still sobbing. "I know."
He held her, and they talked until she was calmer. "I'm sorry," she whispered.
"For what?"
"Crying."
"Don't be sorry for that. We're all fine, and we'll all stay that way."
She laughed. "You know, John, you make it hard not to believe you."
"Then believe me."
"I mean, lately, since you've been Vice President, you're so much moredetermined. And patient."
"Patient? I don't think anyone's ever called me that."
"That's because you've never been that before. You've changed."
"In a good way?"
"Only ever that, my love. Only ever that! You have a new confidence about you. You seem so much morecomfortable with yourself."
"I suppose I am." He thought about it briefly, but then turned his attention back to his wife. "And I am fine!"
She laughed and hugged him, rejoicing that she had not lost him.
**
The Next Day
Hoag Hospital
Orange County, CA
Abbey Bartlet knew how to take advantage of the privileges of her office, unofficial though it was. As First Lady and as a doctor, she knew precisely whom to talk to and what tone to use to get what she wanted. Right now, she wanted to see Sam's doctor, but she recognized that Donna and Josh couldn't care less about that. They wanted to see Sam.
Her agents, of course, had called ahead, and they were met at the hospital entrance by one of Hoynes' men. He instantly greeted the First Lady, spoke in hushed tones to her senior agent, and led the way down the halls, up the elevators, and down still more corridors to Sam's room.
Two agents guarded the private room. Josh wasn't sure what he'd expected, but the sight of Sam sitting up, deep in conversation with his mother, his father, and the Vice President hadn't been it.
"Sam!"
"Josh!" He sat up a little straighter when he saw Abbey and Donna enter. "Donna, Dr. Bartlet, you didn't all have to come."
Abbey laughed, glad to see Sam looking so well. "Actually, you're lucky my husband didn't come. He considered bringing the entire staff, but we couldn't quite figure out how to explain that expenditure."
Sam saw his parents smiling at Abbey's words, and realized he'd forgotten to introduce them. "Oh, Dr. Bartlet, this is my mom, Olivia Seaborn, and my dad, Norman Seaborn."
Abbey stretched her hand across the bed. "It's a pleasure to meet you. You've raised a wonderful son."
"We like to think so." Norman Seaborn smiled, still astonished at the life his son had made for himself.
Abbey smiled and took Sam's wrist in her hand so she could take his pulse.
Sam smiled. "I'm fine, ma'am."
"I'm happy to see that, Sam. Where's your doctor? I'd like to talk to him."
Hoynes stood. "He wanted to see you, too. He asked us to send for him when you got here."
Sam reached over and hit the call button. "We spoke to the President a little while ago. Josh, you need to call Leo about the budget."
"I'll call later." He laughed at the look Sam gave him. "Don't look at me like that! We just flew across the country thinking you were d"Josh stopped, swallowing hard as the word caught in his throat.
"I'm okay, Josh. The doctors told me what they were worried about, but the tests came back negative. The blade was clean."
"Relatively clean, yes." Dr. Farrell stood in the doorway, and held out his hand to Dr. Bartlet and Donna. "I'm Dr. Farrell. It's a pleasure to meet you."
"Doctor, what did you mean by relatively clean'?" Olivia Seaborn's fright was clear on her face.
Abbey took a step closer to the doctor and peered at the chart he held in his hand.
"It didn't seem to be purposely contaminated with any viruses or anything like that, but it wasn't sterile either. We don't foresee any complications, but we are giving him some antibiotics along with the painkillers. We plan to release him tomorrow."
"Tomorrow?" Sam's face fell at the thought that he'd be stuck in the hospital another day.
"I'm sorry, Mr. Seaborn, but we need to make sure there are no complications. You lost a lot of blood, and we want to be sure the antibiotics are working."
"You listen to the Doctor, Sam." Olivia fussed with his blanket. "You stay as long as they think it's necessary.
Sam took his mother's hand and held it until she looked him in the eye. "I'm okay, mom."
Olivia nodded, and, impulsively hugged her son.
Josh was carefully studying Abbey Bartlet, who was still scrutinizing Sam's chart. He wasn't sure why, but he had to hear it from her that Sam would be all right. He didn't notice, but Hoynes and Donna were also both staring at Dr. Bartlet.
Abbey's attention was divided between Dr. Farrell's words, and the chart she held in her hand. Only when she paused to flip the page did she become aware of the stares of three of the occupants of the room. She almost laughed, but she had long ago grown accustomed to this. It was how Jed and the girls would look at her whenever a doctor gave an opinion on the health of someone they loved. She took a moment to peruse the chart, and then she looked up at the three who stared at her. She gave them a small smile and a nod, and spoke to Sam, but her words were for the others. "Well, Sam, I have to say, I agree with Dr. Farrell. You did lose a lot of blood, and they do have to be certain you don't come down with any infections, and the painkillers you're on would make it very hard for you to continue with your normal routine."
She took a step closer to the bedside and looked Sam squarely in the eye. "You gave us a scare, and it's good to know that you're okay. Now, rest. The doctor will likely be lessening the dose of your painkillers so that you can leave tomorrow and not fall flat on your face."
"He's fallen flat on his face without the help of painkillers." Josh's relieved smile seemed contagious as the others looked at him.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Sam sounded indignant, but his smile took the edge off the words.
"Oh. Did I say that out loud?"
"Yes!"
Josh smiled. "Sorry."
"No you're not!"
"No. I'm not. Sam, you're notgraceful."
"I'm going to remember you said that, Giselle."
Donna's laughter caught Sam's ear, and he glanced over at her. "Did you come to keep him in line?"
Donna nodded. "The President wasn't sure he could find his way home without me."
"How did you..." Josh stared at his assistant once again considering the idea that she had otherworldly powers.
She smiled. "CJ told me."
"It's good to see you, Donna." Sam's eyes stayed transfixed on the young woman for a few moments longer than normal. He wrote that off as an effect of the drugs.
Donna did the same, ignoring the fact that his attention made her heart skip a beat.
**
The Oval Office
December 27
Charlie waited for a pause in the conversation and then got the President's attention. "Mr. President, Mr. McGarry would like to see you. It's about an old friend."
The President's eyebrows raised slightly. "Thank you, Charlie. Gentlemen, if we're about finished?"
The small group of economic advisors stood, gathering their notes and laptops. The usual chorus of goodbyes and thank yous followed them from the room.
Once they'd gone, the President nodded at Charlie. "Send them in, Charlie."
"I hope you have more than the last time." Jed Bartlet glared at Ron Butterfield and Leo McGarry, as they walked into the room, but as soon as he saw the look that passed between the two men, he knew he wasn't going to like whatever it was they were about to tell him. "Oh, it can't be that bad! Has Russia asked us to give back Alaska? The Louisiana Purchase is being challenged in court?"
"Sir, I have details regarding yesterday's incident."
"And"
"The Secret Service has determined that the assailant was attempting to kill the Vice President in the last way still available to him."
"What does that mean?"
Leo cleared his throat. "There was a plot foiled a several hours earlier, which would have resulted in the Vice President's Motorcade being trapped in a tunnel rigged with explosives. They intended for the entire thing to come down on his headduring rush hour."
The President digested this information as well as he could. That sort of accident would have killed more than just the Vice President and his entourage. At rush hour, those roads would have been "Wasn't Sam going to be in Hoynes' car?"
"No, sir." Leo insisted. "He wasn't going to be in the car. He was going to be in the car right behind the Vice President's." Leo could barely get the words out. The explosives were meant to go off when Hoynes' car was in the middle of the tunnel. Sam's car would have been trapped or destroyed as well. Since Ron had briefed him, his overactive imagination had supplied image after image of Sam Seaborn trapped, dying, and bleeding under the debris and rubble of a collapsed tunnel, the younger man's words echoing in his mind. "Tunnels and Bridges. That's my nightmare."
Leo clenched his eyes shut for a moment thinking about Sam living that nightmare, then swallowed hard at the thought that living' might have been an inappropriate word if the attack had gone as planned.
Bartlet saw his Chief of Staff's reaction, but restrained himself from asking about it.
"And wefoiled that, did we?"
Ron Butterfield nodded. "Three men were apprehended. They carried enough explosives to take out the tunnel three times over. The man on the rope line was only in place to act if the other three failed."
"And he would know they failed when the Vice President made it to the dinner."
"Yes, sir."
"So, Sam just got in the way."
"Yes, sir."
"Who was it?"
"Pardon me?"
"Who was trying to kill Hoynes?"
Ron restrained himself from glancing at Leo, but they both answered in unison. "Qumar."
The President allowed that to sink in, while he fixed himself a drink. "So, have they claimed responsibility?"
"No, sir. The conspirators are claiming sole responsibility."
"But we don't believe them."
"No, sir. We suspect the Qumari government is behind this, especially in light of the information Lord Marbury passed along to the Vice President." He paused, knowing how his President would respond to his next words. "Sir, we believe you should cancel the trip you've scheduled to Orange County. We believe they settled for the Vice President because you were secure in Washington."
"No."
"Sir?"
"We're not canceling. I will not change my plans just becauseI'm not changing my plans.
Ron took a half step closer to the President, and the look in his eyes drew the President closer as well. "Mr. President, we will be stepping up security around you, your family, and the Vice President and his family. Here's a memo, sir, detailing the full changes." He handed the president a 15-page memo. "If you insist on going to Orange County"
"And I do."
"Then security will have to reflect our new concerns."
"You think the Qumari are gunning for me."
"We'd rather play it safe, sir."
Bartlet had been President long enough to take this seriously. "All right. Do what you need to do. What about my staff?"
"Sir?"
"My staff? CJ's been stalked once before. Sam got in the way, and would likely have been killed in the event that they'd taken the tunnel they'd intended to take. Josh has been shot, Charlie had been shot atwhat about security for them."
"If you order it, sir, we can get something in place."
"There was an implied but' at the end of that."
"It's not normally done, sir."
"Do it. If the budget won't allow for it, I'll pay for it myself."
"That's not"
"Ron, I'm done discussing this. I want them safe."
"Yes, sir."
**
Office of the White House Communications Director
Toby had done it, and in record time. Thanks to Sam Seaborn, he'd finished the Inaugural speech. If there were no major policy shifts, he wouldn't have more than a bit of polishing to do. Of course, that meant they'd probably trash the entire speech, but for now he was done.
The next task, however, was the budget. He was still working on the tax-deductible tuition, but his mind was stuck in Orange County. It was about forty minutes past the time when Josh had promised to call. He picked up his phone and dialed CJ's extension.
"CJ, have you heard from Josh?"
"Hello, to you to, Toby. I'm just fine, thanks."
"I don't have time for that. Have you heard from Josh?"
"No. I'm sure he'll call." She paused. "You wanted to go, didn't you?"
"What?"
"Just like you wanted to run his campaign. You wanted to be there at the hospital."
"I'm sure you did, too."
"Ah, we're not talking about me."
"Why exactly are we talking about me?"
"Toby, drop the act. I've known you too long."
"I'm going to call Josh."
"If he's in the hospital, his cell will be off. Toby, it's never too late. If you think it over, you'll come up with a way to be there."
"I'm hanging up."
Toby did hang up, but he spent the next hour going over Donna's latest Sam memos.
**
Seaborn for Congress Campaign Offices
December 27
Angela hung up the phone and looked at the expectant faces gathered around her desk. "He's being released tomorrow."
The relief in the room was expressed in every possible way from timid smiles to exuberant cheers to group hugs. Angela watched the celebration for a moment, glad for the time to compose her own erratic thoughts before turning back to business.
"Okay, people, we have some work to do. We need to cancel today's activities and reschedule them. We need to lighten tomorrow's load slightly without Sam realizing we've done it, and we need to release a statement from this office saying how well he's doing." In moments, the efficient Sam Supporters had divided the labor and scattered to their tasks.
Abigale strolled down the hall to Will Bailey's, while Michelle headed for Scott Holcombe's office.
Michelle waited a moment for Scott to hang up the phone. When he did, she stepped inside his office. "Scott"
Scott whirled around in his chair with a look like a terrified child on his face, as he slid papers into his desk as if worried she might have seen them.
Michelle's eyes narrowed as she watched him. "We're rescheduling Sam's day. Anything I should know before I do that?"
"Oh, uh, no. It's fine."
She nodded, and headed back to her desk, wondering what she had almost seen.
Meanwhile, Abigale stood in the doorway of Will's office as he typed on his laptop. "Will, we need a statement for the press."
Will looked up reluctantly. "What was that?"
"We've been getting a lot of calls from the press about Sam's condition and what that means for the campaign."
"I'm working on that now."
"So when they call, can we say a statement is forthcoming?"
"Sure. Whatever you need to say." He spoke distractedly, his attention already on his computer screen.
Abigale turned to head back to her desk wondering if Elsie might have been a better person to ask. Without Sam here, the office definitely lacked the positive attitude. She changed direction and headed towards the volunteer area that Sam had gotten them all to call the bullpen. They needed to generate some positive presence out there. The campaign wasn't going to take the day off.
**
Hoag Hospital
Orange County, CA
Mr. and Mrs. Seaborn had left about 10 minutes ago, and, to Sam's surprise, they'd claimed they were going to get coffee. Josh watched the Vice President follow Abbey and Donna out of the room, and he knew they were all leaving to give him a minute with Sam. He didn't know if he looked especially needy right now, but Donna's insistence that she should call CJ and Toby, followed by Dr. Bartlet's sudden recollection that she had to call her husband, and Hoynes need to check in with his office, left him alone with Sam.
"So," he began, not sure what to say. Last night, he'd been possessed by a desire to be sure Sam was all right. He could not have stayed in D.C. even if it meant defying the President. Now, face to face, he could think of nothing to say.
"Sothanks for coming out here, Josh."
"I had to."
Sam caught his eye and searched intently for meaning. Nodding, he agreed. "I know."
"Sam" again he faltered, not sure what to say. Hiding behind his profession, he launched into an analysis of Sam's latest polls. "Your numbers are up. The people of Orange County are feeling particularly patriotic today, and, once it was announced that you'd got in harms way to protect the Vice President, your numbers really rebounded"
"I figured they would. Josh, is there something you're not telling me?"
"No. YesI don't even know." He looked intently at his friend. Sam just sat quietly bearing the scrutiny, sensing that Josh was working through something.
"Why are you doing this?" Josh blurted out the question, knowing he sounded whiny and not caring in the least.
"Doing what?"
"Running for office."
"The widow"
Josh waved away his friend's words. "No, not the story you've been telling. I want the real reason."
Sam shifted slightly and settled back against his pillow. "That's what Toby asked. He says it's because I need to do it. He says I should have done it a long time ago."
"I don't care much what Toby says. I want to know what you think."
"Josh, I thinkI think he's right. I should have done this a long time ago. Do you know that I've always wanted, all my life, to work in the White House? Do you know that I always imagined that one day I would work for the President? Work fornot be president."
Josh waited for him to continue.
"You and I always used to talk about backing the Real Thing. I thought we'd found him"
"We did."
Sam shifted uncomfortably, trying to keep from making too sudden a move with his right arm. The drugs were wearing off and he felt a dull throbbing. He was close, but he lied. Sam thought, burying that thought deep inside because it felt so disloyal, somehow, not to back this man for whom he had forsaken not one, but two lives. He'd given up on his life in New York, and, though now he knew it had not been the right life for him, he had given it up at the time with no more recommendation than Josh's goofy grin. He had only recently begun to understand that he'd also given up a life of his own in Washington, DC. He had lived for this presidency. He had no life of his own. Every waking and sleeping moment was consumed by his job, and no matter how hard he worked, he still didn't think he was doing enough. "Non sum qualis eram," he whispered, partially to Josh, but mostly to himself.
"What does that mean?" Josh wondered why he was surrounded by men who liked to quote things in Latin.
"I am not what I once was."
Josh let out a breath of air almost in a hiss and repeated his question, feeling for all his education, like an idiot next to this man. "What does that mean?"
"When I first started to work for The President"
"When he was Governor?
Sam nodded and continued. "I was thrilled to be writing the words he would speak. Nothing excited me more than knowing that I was helping to craft his message." Sam smiled, his eyes still focused on some distant memory, and Josh was surprised at how familiar that look on his friend's face was. He knew that Sam. He remembered that Sam. It surprised him that he had not known until this moment how much he missed that Sam.
Sam sat in his bed attached to a monitor, and an IV drip, with a gash in his arm that had taken 22 stitches to close. Yet, the look in his eyes was for Josh. He was staring into Josh's eyes as if willing him to understand what he was saying. "I was astonished, amazed, and more than a little excited to be able to see a speech take shape and then to hear him deliver those wordsmy words...I was happyI was grateful to be allowed along for the ride." Sam smiled, his eyes focused on some memory where he could clearly see his own elation at being the President's speechwriter.
"And now?" Josh asked, slightly afraid of the answer.
"NowI'm not grateful anymore. I mean, I'm grateful for the opportunity, but I no longer feel like I'm being allowed to play with the big kids." He looked away briefly, but turned back to Josh. "I don't want to write words for other people."
"Even if the 'other people' is the President?" Josh's voice rose a few octaves and decibels.
"It's not enough anymore. I want to fight for the things I believe in. I want to be the one making the calls. I don't want to find the Real Thing, or work for the Real Thing, Josh, I want to be the Real Thing."
Slowly, Josh allowed a smile to spread across his face that rivaled the one that had pulled Sam out of that meeting all those years ago. "That I can understand."
**
Old Ebbets
December 28
Leo McGarry hated business lunches masquerading as casual lunches. He'd been sitting here talking over old times with a guy he hadn't seen in years and pretending to be interested in pictures of his grandkids, when they both knew they were here for another reason.
Finally, Leo took charge of the meeting. "Now, Sean, what was this all about? You didn't call me up out of the blue to swap campaign stories and show me pictures of your grandkids."
Sean leaned forward. "I know. This isn't like me, butyou know I've been working for the DNC. I just got back from LA."
Alarms went off in Leo's head. This had something to do with Sam?
Sean noticed the reaction and plunged into the heart of the matter. "Leo, you know that kid who works for Sam Seaborn?"
"Will Bailey?"
"NoScott, something?"
"Scott Holcombe."
"That's it. If I were you, I'd look into that boy's background."
"Sean, what are you trying to say?"
"I don't think your Sam Seaborn knows whose company Holcombe keeps."
"You can't give me more than that?"
"I wish I could. I will give you one name. I saw him with several people, but I only knew one by sight. The other two, looked familiar, but, well" He laughed a hearty laugh and tapped two fingers against his forehead. "The memory isn't what it used to be."
"But the one you recognized?"
"Oh, yeah. I know for a fact that I saw Scott Holcombe having drinks with Kevin Khan. Now, whether it was casual or something else, I couldn't say, but I thought you should know."
"Why not tell Sam?"
"I don't know Sam. Would you trust the word of a stranger on a thing like this?"
Leo considered. "No. Probably not."
"Well, I better get going, Leo. It was good to see you again. Let's not make it so long next time."
"Yeah. Sure." Leo stood and shook the man's hand, then he headed straight back to the White House. He had a few calls to make.
**
To Be Continued
