And now that the world isn't ending
Its love that I'm sending to
you
It isn't the love of a hero
And that's why I fear it won't
do...
'Hero' by Chad Kroger
"What?!" Spike near-shouted into the room, eyes wide.
"Him?" Buffy asked, incredulously. Giles stared, Cordelia looked bored, Xander began laughing,
"Spike.... A Champion... Saviour of the--"sob,"--world." he doubled over, hands on his knees as if trying to stop himself falling to the ground.
"A little un..orthadox.." Giles managed to say.
"That hairdresser's nightmare?" Cordelia added, not to be left out.
"I am not a.... I'm not a sodding hero." Spike protested.
"Right!" Buffy agreed, "He's useless actually. And formerly evil."
"Formerly? I'm evil! Bad! I'd rather be... be.."
"Destroying the world!" Buffy finished, "Not saving it."
"Yeah" Spike said, his eyes shifted to the girl in front of him, speaking adamantly about his lack of scruples, "Yeah.... Carnage and the like." His eyes shifted to Xander who'd given up the fight and fallen to the floor in silent mirth.
"Nope." Insisted Kat, "You're the guy I was sent after."
"But... he's a Vampire." Buffy stated.
"Yeah... And?"
"That doesn't... bother you at all...?"
"Nope." Kat said again, hands falling to her hips and elbows popping out, "Now can we get down to the nitty-gritty... I didn't come here to watch men who should be out of that phase pee their pants..." she glared at Xander then shifted her gaze to Spike, expression changing to a smile, "So if you'll just come with me..."
"Nu uh." Buffy stepped between the woman and Spike, arms akimbo also, "He's not going with you."
"Okay... I'll humour you..." the woman said, "Why not?"
"Because there is no way Spike could save the would better than I could." Buffy snapped.
"Anything he can do you can do better, you can do anything better than him?" the woman half-sang, half-said before her eyes narrowed and she asked, "That right chickie?" then off their horrified looks she frowned, "You guys never seen musicals?" blank faces stared back at her for a long while before Spike piped up softly,
"No she can't..." which made Kat smile brilliantly, and Buffy turn to glare at him, still not getting it. He shrugged at his sort-of-girlfriend and continued to Kat, "...But Irving Berlin aside... What actually needs doing to save the world.... Do I have to be a sacrifice? Is that what this is? Vampire sacrifice needed because they're not as important as humans?"
"...That I could deal with..." Buffy conceded, and looked at Kat for an answer.
"Nope." she said again as if it was her favourite word, "Courage, battles, that's what's going to save the world. No death required. In fact generally being alive at the end of it is a sure sign of success... Or undead, in your case."
"Why do you need him?" Buffy asked, "You said alive, so it can't be because he's a Vampire... So what is it, is it because he's a pain-in-the-ass, because he's part of an old demon line, because..."
"I'm stunningly attractive?" Spike finished.
"No." Kat grinned and winked at Spike, "Well, maybe the last one."
Xander was back on his feet and watching the three-way conversation, well-aware that neither him nor the other two vaguely normal people were in on this one. Why was Buffy even bothered that Spike was the one needed? Shouldn't she be happy, he got to redeem himself and she got to stay away from danger. That should have been a good thing. Granted it was probably a great big trap, but Xander wouldn't complain if it was... might be fun in an oops-he's-dead kinda way. It couldn't be that she was worried for him, could it? The bleached-wonder wasn't that bad a fighter... if the apocalypse was better averted by him that Buffy, how hard could it be? Not that he'd choose to fight it anyway. Probably sit back and toast marshmallows as the world burned.
Buffy glared at the woman flirting with her sort-of-boyfriend. She hadn't dumped him yet, he was still taken officially. Then again she had been planning to... what harm was it. Why should she care? It was the principal of the thing. Yes. It was sad when jealousy made her like Spike more, if that was what it was. Could you be jealous without loving the person? Could she love a killer, or care about who he slept with? He didn't kill. Not directly. But it was the same thing. And he couldn't tell the difference. It was for you... Yeah, that makes me feel better.
"What is this threat to humanity?" Buffy asked, stressing the last word on purpose, "When is it coming? Why can only he save us?"
"Because he's done it before." Kat said simply.
"What?" Both blondes shrieked at the same time, then not put off by the symmetry they both added, "When?"
"A few months ago." Kat offered, then looked at them expectantly, when they all showed they'd gone back to staring she sighed again, deeply, "We sent a monster out... into this world... well actually it kinda escaped... but forget that detail. He killed it when it should have been impossible. Passed the test. He's our guy."
All eyes turned to Spike expectantly but he just shrugged, when they kept staring he scowled.
"I've killed demons, yeah... But none that was 'specially hard. Not that I couldn't..."
"You can't tell me you've forgotten." the woman's eyes were wide, "Big guy... fleet of foot, fur and fang? Sometimes a little scaly around the... well... everywhere..."
"Sounds like the demon I killed before the summer." Buffy said, eyeing Kat.
"Kakeaner?" Giles asked weakly, inserting himself into the conversation.
"That's what you--we called him." Buffy agreed.
"No, sweetie, you must be thinking of another..." she shot a glance at Giles, "...evil man... This demon was killed by... Spike here." she said the Vampire's name as if she was translating it and wasn't sure she had the word right.
"How do you know this, any of this?" Buffy snapped, knowing now that this woman before her must be wrong, "Why are you so sure it was him who killed it?"
"Because I was told so."
"Who told you?"
"The...Who I work for."
"And who is that?" Buffy asked, the feeling of interrogation clearly being lost on Kat who was smiling pleasantly at the Slayer as if she was a child to be indulged every now and then.
"I'm not allowed to say--" she raised a hand when Buffy's mouth opened again, "--I'm really not. I don't even know if I could say... literally."
"We can assume you're... coming from the powers?" asked Giles tentatively.
"You can assume that." Kat with uninflected confirmation.
"What do that sodding powers want with me?" Spike asked, getting annoyed that the conversation seemed to be travelling away from him and sure that the two women would decide what he was doing without even asking his opinion, "I'm a Vampire. Something they want to wipe out? Hence the Slayer here. What am I supposed to do for them?"
"I'll show you." Kat said simply.
"Why are we here?" Cordelia asked, lurching to one side violently as one of her heels slipped on a tree root. Xander caught her arm and helped her to straighten,
"Because they are." Xander nodded ahead to the group of four who were talking in hushed, though frustrated, voices. Buffy was holding onto Spike's arm, but not in an affectionate way, more in a possessive way. Katharos was being kinda open with her flirting, if he wasn't so unattractive and well... dead... Xander would almost think that the woman's whole plan had been to get Spike. Giles was walking with the three, oblivious to the tension or pretending to be, and submitting random questions.
"No, I mean, why are we here."
"Sometimes people just like to act as if they care... Its the funniest thing Cordelia... Besides, Buffy told us to come, and like the good little minions we are we obeyed. Not our fault Ms. Mysterious decided to go walkabout in the woods, or that the anti-soul pulled a Bernie Laplante."
"Oh as if he's turned good now." Cordelia snorted, pulling out of Xander's grip to squeeze between two trees, "Apart from the sex I doubt there's anything good about him."
"Apart from the what?" Xander spluttered, popping through the trees and narrowly avoiding falling into a bush, "The...?"
"Guys!" Buffy called from up ahead, clipping their conversation, "We've not got all day! We're here... apparently." They'd stopped and were standing in a clearing, mostly dark except for the centre where the moonlight actually managed to meet the grass and turn it into a dark shade of green. Conversation seemed to have halted to wait for the lagging two to arrive. Either that or someone had said something bad, because the silence was hardly comfortable.
"We're here..." Xander said finally after they'd been standing there for a while, just in case no-one had noticed. Buffy nodded an acknowledgement to him so he fell silent, fitting in with everyone else. It appeared everyone was waiting for the stranger to start speaking, and finally Kat took the hint. She stepped out of the group and gestured to the air at her side like a game-show hostess,
"Observe..." she said, waving her arms, "There appears to be nothing here but if you'll all just..." she made a shooing motion, "Walk around me and look at this space of air from the other side..." off their stares she snapped, "Oh please, I had to listen to your bimbo whining, now just do as I God-damn-well-say."
"Would a messenger of the Powers really blaspheme?" Xander wondered out loud.
"Look." Buffy propped her hands against her hips again, "You've done nothing so far to make us believe you're working for good. In fact most of your actions have been swinging towards the dark side. So you'll forgive us for not jumping to it when you give an order. Ask nicely and maybe... maybe... we'll take a look." then as an afterthought she added, "And don't call me a bimbo."
"Okay." the woman said through gritted teeth that somehow made a smile, "Would you please walk around me... and take a look already."
Buffy decided that was as much politeness as she was going to get and so she led the group around Kat. She was supposed to be chosen by the Powers, and this woman was apparently an adversary of them. Shouldn't she show a little more... respect? Obediently Buffy looked at the space of air between the woman's arms from the other side of the clearing, fully expecting to see nothing. Instead she saw a wide white circle. It was shimmering and wriggling slightly at the edges as if it wanted to touch Katharos's arms, but didn't. Other than that it looked perfectly cylindrical, as if someone had drawn it in the air. It was three feet by three feet and just hovered in the air as if they were in a cartoon and someone had rubbed a big hole in the background.
"What the--" Buffy began to say.
"Its a portal." Kat explained, anticipating the question.
"A portal to... where?" Giles asked, feeling a strong urge to give his glasses a good cleaning.
"To Hell." the brunette answered simply.
"I knew you were evil!" Buffy crowed triumphantly, pointing as well for effect and taking a little leap of the ground in excitement.
"Why do you think that?"
"Well... because you opened a portal to Hell..!"
"I didn't open it."
"Oh please, we were all here... we saw it! You held out your arms and... Hell appeared!"
"It was there all along... It just can't be seen from the other side... which is why I asked you to walk around."
"That was just you distracting us while you--" Buffy broke off as Spike wandered around Kat again, eyes fixed on the space between her arms.
"She's right luv, you can't see it from here." he confirmed.
"Oh well... Just because you didn't open it now doesn't mean you didn't do it before!"
"...I opened it then I brought the Vampire here to shut it? Please, doesn't it stand to reason that if I had enough power to open it then I'd be able to close it as well?" she rolled her eyes and stepped away from the portal, arms falling to her sides. It stayed where it was, a blank in the idyllic scenery.
"I'm here to shut... that?" Spike asked doubtfully, moving back around to his Slayer's side.
"Yep." Kat confirmed unhelpfully.
"When David Suchet gets all exposition-y its the best part of the film... in real life... not so fun." Xander whispered to his girlfriend, and Cordelia nodded, their twin bemused expressions almost comical.
"How?" Spike began to ask, before Giles butted in with well-meaning curiosity.
"What does it do? I mean... if you didn't open it, who did? And for what purpose?" He added with a nod to Spike, "And indeed... how is it to be closed?" then with a glance from Buffy, "And why can only Spike do it? It hardly sounds like a job that requires battling."
"Questions." Kat raised a hand to her mouth and faux-yawned, "Boring. But I suppose I'd hardly be fair not to tell you seeing as you came all this way on your little human legs. And I guess when I answer them you'll all leave me alone with Spike here." she said the last with a wink towards the Vampire that caused Buffy's expression to darken. Kat shrugged, "Fine. Firstly it sucks anyone who touches it into Hell."
The group took a collective step backwards, Giles felt his back hit a tree, Cordelia stumbled and was again caught by Xander who she pushed off quickly. Satisfied that she'd gotten their attention and guaranteed some silence, Kat continued,
"Its not what we call a actio-portal. An active portal. Those are the ones that pull things into them and grow. Consume. This is just a... passive hole-in-the-air. Problem being that things can get dragged into it if they touch it, or thrown out occasionally... Like the thing that Spike killed." she raised a hand before Buffy's mouth had even opened, "Shh! As for who did it, I don't know... I'm not sure anyone does, just a random act of evil. To close it someone needs to go inside and petition someone in there to do it... Portals to Hell can only be opened from the outside and closed from the inside. Those are the rules. And" she said quickly as more mouths opened to ask questions, "The reason the Vampire is the best candidate is because he managed to slay some of the hell-spawn that tumbled out here. Its proof that he can take it inside." she pretended to wipe her brow, "Now wasn't that nice and boring... The rest of you can run along now... We've got work to do..." she said, indicating herself and Spike.
"I don't think so." Buffy said, pressing a hand to Spike's chest to stop him from walking forward, "He is not going in there until we've found out more about this place. And he's not going in there alone."
"Buffy..." Giles began to protest.
"No. Giles. I'm the Slayer. I'm the one that saves the world. I'm the one who dies for good. Who risks everything. And more to the point, I'm the one that killed that beast she keeps talking about."
"How do you know?"
"Oh come on, it matches her description and everything. And didn't you say it was like a thing from... what's-his-face's book, or poem, or something, about Hell?"
"Dante's Divine Comedy."
"Yeah."
"Well, I suppose it makes sense but... Buffy, you can't go into the place. Let Spike go he..."
"Is expendable?" Buffy finished.
"Yes." Giles confirmed her choice of the perfect word. Spike frowned but said nothing. They could discuss it until the cows came home, he was not going through that shining circle of white light and that was final. Neither was Buffy if he had anything to say about it.
"Good example!" Kat clicked her fingers, then off their looks explained, "Dante... he documented everything quite well... romanticised everything a bit you understand, but he was a writer."
"You mean..." Giles gasped and frowned all at the same time, "He actually..?"
"Oh yeah." Kat said, perfectly blasé.
"But he lived in Italy..."
"Creative geography." Kat explained with a shrug, "You can open a portal pretty much anywhere." she sighed before admitting, "I guess its not really Hell."
"But you said..." everyone began to say something and Kat waved them off.
"I chose a phrasing that was close enough for you to understand. Its a place of evil, where the dead go... Ergo Hell. But really its more like hell, without the capital H. Its really just another dimension rather than a place to put bad Christians."
"An evil dimension." Buffy stated.
"That's what I said blondie." Kat confirmed, "Dante found a portal to it and managed to escape and write about his adventures. Everyone thought it was fictional. Heck, even he did. Drove him half mad. But that was a long time ago... We thought the spell to open the portal had been lost but... Hey, lookie, not so gone as we thought."
"I'll close it." Buffy said shortly. There was something about it not being the 'real' hell that made it less intimidating. It was like her calling school a hellhole... Except for that really was built on top of one. It wasn't that it wasn't scary, the thought of going to another dimension was a little too sci-fi for her to usually comprehend, but now here it was. She was the Slayer, and it was her duty to save people. It wasn't like the portal could be left hanging open. Besides, if it would give her a chance to take a break from everything. She wasn't running away, she was saving the world. It wasn't her fault that it felt the same.
"Buffy... please... don't make your mind up yet... there's planning to do, and research."
"I want it closed now." Kat snapped, silently accepting that Buffy shutting it would be better than no-one doing the deed.
"No!" Giles stood firm, "If Buffy is to do it, we can't send her in blind. She needs to know about everything. We need time."
"We haven't got time!"
"You said it wasn't doing anything, just sitting here... Surely there is no danger in that for a few days. This part of the forest is nicely secluded."
"Fine!" Kat stamped her foot, "I'll give you three days." she held up three fingers, "And I'll meet you back here at midnight on the third, and I expect you ready!"
"You're talking as if..." Kat disappeared, "...you're going somewhere." Buffy finished lamely.
"Nice trick." Xander commented.
"We'd better get to researching." Cordelia deadpanned, everyone stared and she shrugged, "That's as enthusiastic as I get, live with it."
"I'm not comfortable with this Buffy" Giles said, turning to his Slayer.
"Too bad." she snapped back, "You're my Watcher, remember? You're supposed to want me to save the world!"
"Are things so bad that you want to die?" he asked, "Because going into that hell dimension is the best attempt at suicide I've ever seen."
"So glad you have faith in my abilities. That's really a moral-booster. I'm doing this to save the world, a world that I want to live in."
"Buffy...." Giles sighed and shook his head. After a long moment he looked up and said a few words before turning and walking away into the woods, "Non omnes possumus omnia."
"What?" Buffy questioned, but he was already too far gone, or too far annoyed, to answer.
"I guess that was a stirring 'lets go sit on out butts until they go numb'" Cordelia commented before stalking off after Giles, after throwing Buffy an appeasing look Xander followed his girlfriend.
Spike watched the Slayer warily, they were alone for the first time since the night before and he knew this was where he'd see whether the last few hours had been an act. How truly angry she was with him. When she didn't move, he decided to, walking up and placing a hand on her shoulder. She tensed but didn't shrug it off.
"He said..." Spike leant in and spoke to her ear, his other hand mimicking the motions of the first on Buffy's other shoulder, "'We all cannot do everything.' Its was Latin. Virgil." finally the Slayer moved, ducking out from under his hands, but instead of running away she turned to face him. He didn't try to push his luck by touching her again so soon.
"When did you learn Latin?" she asked, voice tired.
"A... while ago." he demurred. She accepted the answer with a nod.
"You're not really going to go in there..." Spike half-asked. He had intended it to be an order, but it appeared that his vocal chords weren't as stupid as his brain and had turned it into a question.
"Have to."
"No, you don't."
"If not me, who else?" she said, before breaking into a smile, "Its not like you're going to do it."
"I... could..." Spike said slowly.
"Oh, love the enthusiasm. Its okay Spike, you're not a hero. Or a being of good. It would be... irresponsible of me to send you there."
"You wouldn't be sending me anywhere, I'd be going of my own free will."
"And how long would that last out in a hell-dimension. That place would be like Disney Land for you, without the annoying fur costumes."
"Buffy..." Spike reached out a hand to touch her arm but she dodged it.
"Don't." she took a step backwards and held a hand up when he tried to follow her, "Just don't Spike, okay? I haven't decided about last night yet. Its all... too soon." she sighed, "I don't love you. You don't love me. Why is it so hard to let you go?"
"Are you sure that--"
"Perfectly. Crystal. Absolutely sure. Is it just lust? Is that why I stay with you?"
"I don't know luv.." Spike found his hands fidgeting, and set them about the task of raiding his pockets for anything interesting.
"What kind of person does that make me... Controlled by lust..."
"You need me." Spike said between half-closed lips that were now fixed over an unlit cigarette.
"I don't. I shouldn't. I can't." she shook her head, "I'm not that kind of person anymore. Angel I needed. Needed for him to hold me, protect me. But I can't be held anymore, Spike. Can't pretend the world isn't happening, however much I want..."
"It all comes back to the poof, doesn't it?" Spike spat, unable to keep his emotions in check, "Always about Angel. If its not that you're still in love with him, its that you've been damaged by loving him. Dammit!" he batted at the cigarette that had fallen from his mouth onto his clothes until it was smouldering on the ground, "Look, Slayer, I... Its in your hands now. Us. As well as the world. I didn't put that pressure there, you did. And you don't want me to take it away. And that's fine, but you can't juggle all the balls, sooner or later one is going to drop."
"Let me worry about that."
"Fine... Fine... You better get home, mum'll be worrying."
"Mom..." Buffy thought about the woman sitting at home, staring out into the night, thinking about walking out amongst the demons to find her daughter. Unsafe. Unknowing, "I'm going to have to tell her."
"Tell her what?"
"That I'm the Slayer, of course, how else do I explain my vacation to hell?" she pressed a hand to her forehead, "I need to tell her..." and suddenly all her resolve crumbled. The Slayer didn't need protecting, but Buffy did. Giles had said that love would make her stronger, but she didn't know if she loved him or not. Could she really fall into his arms and ask for him to tell her what to feel.
"Buffy?" Spike asked slowly, not entirely sure why he felt so nervous. She'd drifted off from speaking and was now just staring off into space, "Are you... all right?"
"What? Yes. Yeah. I'm fine."
"I should take you home" Spike frowned with concern, then with confusion. Why was he being so night all-of-a-sudden? Because you're trying to get her back. Why was that so important?
Buffy blinked and looked at Spike. Really looked at him. She wanted to hold onto him and not let go. To comfort him when he cried, and touch him when he hurt. Make it better. And she wanted for him to do the same for. Make her feel better. Did she love him? Or is she being selfish. They could cling to each other for eternity, loving to be loved, holding to be held. Ultimately only doing things to receive them. Giving them back as some kind of redemption to make themselves feel like better people. But they'd still only be thinking of themselves. So much she wanted to fall into his safety, like she had with Angel. But she couldn't use him like that. Not when she didn't love him with that selfless real love that asks for nothing and gives everything. She wanted to take so many things from him and keep them for herself. But if she did, how could she be better than him? How could she be human. Good.
"No. Spike" she said slowly, drinking in his second of confusion as he tried to work out what she was saying no to. Had she really been thinking that long? "You... You can't ever take me home. We're over."
"You decided this just now?" all soft words were gone from his mouth, understanding expressions dissolving from his face.
"I just realised that... We can't be together. That's all. Please don't..." she wasn't sure what she didn't want him to do. Ask her to reconsider or pretend like it doesn't matter? What would hurt more?
"Fine." Spike was pacing, he wasn't even sure when he'd started, but he suddenly became aware of it. And he stopped in front of her. She couldn't see he was upset, "That works out fine with my plans. Should have left Sunnyhell long ago, only stayed to get a quick roll in the hay with present company, if I'd have known how hard it was to pry apart your thighs I wouldn't have bothered." he started to turn then stopped, thinking of something else to say to make her face crumble a little more, "And you'd better hope you don't need me to close this portal thing, otherwise it could be another apocalypse, and this one would be all your fault."
"Have you finished?" Buffy asked quietly.
"Yeah. I'm done." he spat before turning and walking off into the woods as if he knew exactly where he was going. Buffy watched his retreating back for what seemed like ages before she realised he'd actually gone a long time ago.
"Well that was heart-warming." Buffy turned and eyed the suddenly present Katharos. She refused to be surprised.
"Fuck off." she said, too tired to argue.
"Language! I'm scandalised!" Kat pressed a hand to her chest and opened her mouth as if she really was taken aback.
"Whatever." Buffy snapped with a roll of the eyes.
"Now I'm even more shocked. Shouldn't the Slayer be above Valley-girl slang?"
"How long were you listening to us?"
"Long enough to see how cold heroes can really be."
"It was for his own good."
"And I can see that he really appreciated that. Don't get me wrong, I think you two sucked as a couple, but if this little spat costs me one fanged Champion than I'm going to be more than a little brassed off."
"I'm still here, why do you need him?"
"Because, honey, I like him."
"He's evil."
"Really?" Katharos raised her eyebrows as if she knew exactly what was going on in Buffy's head.
"Yes. Really. And I've had about enough of being patronised for one day, so if you'll excuse me, I've got things to do." Buffy almost found herself walking off in the same direction as Spike. Old habits. Instead she walked back the same way she'd come. Kat didn't try to follow or throw as finishing barb. Maybe she wasn't as petty as she appeared most of the time. The argument had been a nice distraction, but now the Slayer was left with her own thoughts. She had to tell her mother about being a demon hunter. Had to change her mom's whole world perspective. Challenge everything she knew to be true and replace it with something frightening. Reveal that she'd been lying for over a year about everything. So how come she was more worried about what her mother would say about her being a fearless-Vampire-dater? Teenage instinct perhaps.
(Author's Note: Yep, here's another attempt at writing. Exposition galore. Thanks for the review again, dustyvamp :-) I hope this chapter didn't suck too badly.)
