Title: Kaleidoscope
Author: riane
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I wish I owned anything remotely connected to Alias! (Preferably Sark hehehe)
Author's Notes: Read and review, since I find all your feedback hugely helpful :) Hope nobody jumps on me for not being grammatically-sane…I figured writing this way captures the way Sydney feels a lot more accurately. Let me know what you think!
Spoilers: Set after Counteragent.
******
It never did make any sense.
My life.
A kaleidoscope of colours too bright too sharp too intense to fit nicely behind my eyes. Everybody else's colours were muted and gentle and didn't cut into your flesh when things went wrong.
To everybody else, things going wrong would be getting caught in the rain in the middle of a family beach vacation. Forgetting where your car keys are before an important meeting. Finding out that you're getting a pay cut - which is better than being retrenched.
For me, things going wrong means going home to find your fiancé dead in a bathtub. Realising that your mother is a former KGB operative.
Risking your neck for the man you love, only to have him slap you in the face.
Metaphorically of course.
I sigh. Slide my finger around the rim of my coffee mug. Thinking hurts too much sometimes.
So does living.
Livingbreathingbeingseeingfeeling…
Not surprisingly, thoughts of a certain blonde creep into my consciousness. Morbid thoughts and Sark seem to go hand in hand. Like popcorn and movies. Sugar and cavities.
Sark and -
Stop. Stopstopstop. I stand up and massage my temples. Secretly relieved that Will isn't around. Where is he anyway? Francie's probably at the restaurant even at this insane hour, knowing her -
Oh who am I kidding?
I sink back down into the sofa and cover my face with a cushion. Shame. Shame on you Sydney Bristow. Agent Extraordinaire. For even thinking of him in THAT way. He's most likely an enemy of your country, has all sorts of plans for world domination/subjugation/annihilation - he was your mother's right hand man for crying out loud!
Hmph. Good Sydney. Thinking dark thoughts does wonders for stifling any kind of non-professional thoughts about insanely attractive colleagues.
I sigh again but it's a trying-to-keep-from-grinning sigh. Yes, I wasn't exactly warming towards him during that geisha episode but I suppose one's judgement does get clouded when it comes to life and death situations (antidotes, running out of time etc etc).
But he was most definitely warming towards me.
*
For once, I go into Credit Dauphine not feeling utterly depressed.
I sit on my chair and carefully glance over at Sark's desk, several stations away. He's there, right on time as always. Under normal circumstances I'd avoid him at all costs - eye contact included (oh with the exception of Scalding Glares of course) - but after discovering how cathartic Sark-fantasies can be…I can't help but wonder what the real thing would be like…aha eye contact established -
I give him what I hope is one of my most winning smiles.
And am instantly deflated by his cursory nod.
How dare he! I crush the nearest unfortunate piece of paper. After all of last night thinking about him, and and -
Sigh.
How embarrassing. Scratch that escapism route. He sure won't even flirt back, let alone kiss my troubles away. The tragic non-existent love life of Sydney Bristow. From Vaughn angst to unrequited Sark lust. Better not to think. I slide effortlessly into Mindless Automaton Office Mode and start filing paperwork.
All is well until he brushes past me, reaches out and lightly trails his finger across my cheek.
I congratulate myself for not falling over.
*
