"She Really Did"

By; Foolinq Love

Sitting on the cot, many thoughts ran through my brain as I waited for her arrival. The only thing I remember was that soft smelling detergent streaming from the running washer. The sound of rummaging clothes calmed through my eardrums like a pulsing beat. Hearing the turning of the brass doorknob, my crystal hues danced to the door. It slowly cracked open and she slowly placed a boot-clad foot in. The rest of her curvy, luscious body followed and I heard the door click behind her. Golden locks fell against her bare shoulders for she wore a black shirt with the arms falling under the shoulders. Red pants hung from her hips, swaying along as she stepped closer. She grabbed the stool and sat upon it, looking down on me with her emerald pools filled with emotions I couldn't read. I gazed up, in a trance and waited for her words.

"I thought Spike. I thought about you and me and us. I remembered all those things I told you last year, about how I could never love you. Sometimes, I wish I regretted them when I had the chance. Others, I'm happy I told you. I just can't help thinking back to what we had last year. That constant sex game that drove both of us crazy. I remember the things you'd do to me that drove me crazy and actually made me stay in your arms longer." She swallowed and glanced around. She was running in bleeding circles and I wasn't pleased with it.

"I always wondered what it would be like if I didn't end it. Or if I told everyone about the things I felt with you. It scared me though. I was scared it wouldn't be the same. But if I did tell everyone and if I let it continue, where would we be?" She paused, allowing her words to sink in. "I thought about that and realized that we'd eventually be stuck. No where to go. We'd be stuck in this relationship full of sex. We couldn't do normal things or get married because we're not normal. Maybe that's why I didn't tell everyone. Maybe that mixed in with the fact I made it clear I didn't want you before. But Spike, I did end it."

I looked at the floor. We weren't normal. She was the Slayer and I was a vampire. If our relationship continued, we would have been stuck. I looked back at her, knowing what all these words would boil down to. "So this means that you don't love me, eh?" I asked her even though I knew the answer. My digits fell together as I watched her with penetrating eyes.

Slowly, she shook her head. "I am in love with you. For some crazy, whacked-up reason I'm in love with you. I can't hide the fact that I've felt for you. But because of our conditions, I didn't think it could work. I mean, you did try to kill me and all my friends when we first meet." I shrugged with a simple nod. Hey, the girl was right. She was the Slayer and at a point, I wanted her dead. Then, I grew used to her and liked having her around. That's when my love began to grow and flourish.

"Remember when I was invisible?" she asked, leaving room for me to answer. I did so with a small, "Yeah." And then she continued, "I was all over you. Doing whatever you pleased. The reason I was like that was because I was free of all the stress that comes along with being Buffy. I guess if I didn't have all that stress, I could be your little Harmony-whore. But, I do have it and I couldn't live in that world forever." She paused for a long time, letting all her words sink to the floor before a sigh expelled from her untainted tiers. "I guess I'm done."

"Slayer, I loved you for a while and you rejected me. All I've wanted from you is just a chance, the smallest bit to be your man. I got that chance and now, I'm aimin' for more. Buffy, I want to be with you now. I want there to be a real us. You love me and I love you. It's black and white. Short and simple. So answer me. Will you?" I looked deeply within her forest greet orbs, searching for that answer I implored for. Her eyes became wide and she looked as if she was shocked at my question. She exhaled into the basement air and glanced around.

Her gaze finally returned to me. "Spike. . .I love you, but this will never be. If we were under different circumstances, hell, I'd be with you in a minute, but we're not. I just wanted to tell you I loved you before the heavy artillery jumped in and the battle began. Now that I have that off my chest, I just thought we could be friends and do that whole friendly love, Will and Xander type deal." I jumped up and glared down upon her beautiful body.

"Bleeding hell woman! I give up so much for you and you just want to be friends! You're out of your soddin' mind! I don't want to be friends. Slayer, you're insane if you think that's going to suit me just fine. And what's this about 'heavy artillery?'" She looked down at the floor after my outburst. She looked so sad, like a baby without it's mother. It made me slowly begin to crumble into a pool of pity and remorse for my words, but I didn't show it. I stood up strong like the vampire I was and glared down upon her fragile looking body.

"Angel's coming." That's all she needed to say and I understood. Nothing else would need to be explained. I sat back down and spread apart my arms, beckoning for her to fall over in them. She practically toppled from the chair into my lap where she clutched upon me. She didn't sob, or speak. We just held onto each other. The battle was going to begin and so were those hard good-byes. This was the first. It was the beginning of the end.

The rest of the byes took place from then until the day Angel arrived. The moment he stepped foot inside the house, the battle began. Buffy and I never really talked openly about our past like that again. We had one last time at it though. She held my hand and looked into my eyes, telling me she loved me. That was actually the last thing she said to me. That she loved me.

Maybe I did see that she loved me and she always gave me those looks, but I didn't really know it until she flat out told me. I had been brought to believe that she hadn't. I was obsessed with her and she silently felt the same about me. It's odd to find out how someone feels when you don't have that much time left. That's what drove me mad. At least I had the memories of that final night installed in my head. But, now I know that she loved me. She really did.