Chapter 22: Escaped Words

          Brenda crept out into the darkness of the house, careful not to wake Jax. She threw a coat over her clothes and, as quietly as she could, opened the door. The wind whipped her in the face and blew its hardest, as if it was trying to prevent her from leaving.

          "I have to go," Brenda said in an undertone to herself. "I have to see Jason."

                                                ****

          Jason followed Courtney to the loft, moving as fast as he could on crutches, but Courtney still beat him there and already had her door locked to prevent him from just entering.

          "Shit," Jason mumbled, jiggling the doorknob. He knocked on the door. "Courtney, please, just let me explain," he shouted. No answer. "Courtney, come on."

          After a few minutes of talking to the door, Jason fished his cell phone out of his jacket pocket and dialed Courtney's home number.

          "I'm sorry," an automated voice spoke. "But the number you have dialed is out of service or unable to be reached. Please check your number and try again."

          "Damn it," Jason cursed. Courtney must have unplugged her phone or something. He leaned against the door.

          "Courtney," he said, hoping that she could hear him. "Just listen to me. What I did with Brenda was wrong and probably my biggest mistake. But it only made me realize that I loved you even more then I ever could."

          The door opened suddenly, and Jason fell slightly forward. Courtney stood in front of him, her tear-streaked face unpleasantly glaring at him.

          "That is the worst excuse there is," she cracked. "You know, I don't think I have ever felt this betrayed before in my life."

          Jason's head hung low. "I know, but I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking."

          "I do," Courtney said, beginning to cry again. "You were thinking of Brenda."

          She shut the door, leaving Jason in the hallway alone. He leaned back against the wall and slid down slowly to the floor.

          "Shit," he mumbled again.

                                                ****

          Brenda sat at Jason's door, waiting for him to return home. She had considered just going inside, but she figured her and Jason were on such loose terms already that she shouldn't push things any further. She glanced down at her hand and the sparkle of her engagement from the light caught her eye.

          She slowly removed the ring off her finger and studied it. It was probably the possession that she had ever wanted most in her life for a long time, but she wasn't satisfied with it.

This was the ring that was supposed to end her hell of a life and begin her romantic fairy tale. This was the ring that was supposed to prepare her to being bonded together with Jax for the rest of her life. This was the ring that was supposed to bring her happiness.

          She couldn't do it. She couldn't marry Jax. She didn't want to be wearing this ring. She wasn't ready to settle down.

                                                ****

          Jason was awakened by the shouts of people off in a distance. His eyes opened, and he found himself outside of Courtney's, sitting in the hallway. Wrapped around him was one of Courtney's old blankets, and he wondered when, or if, she had come out. Also his crutches were picked up and leaned against the wall across from him.

          He looked under Courtney's door, and, in the crack, he saw darkness. It was late, and she must have gone to bed. He gave up for the night and headed back home.

                                                ****

          Brenda had had some regrets about getting engaged to Jax, but she had never actually convinced herself that she didn't want to do it at all. And the reason, which had always been there in the back of her mind, was crystal clear.

          She didn't end their marriage, had dreams about him, and everything. There was physical attraction, yes, but Brenda recently found herself just gaping at him and enjoy the little things about Jason, like the way his eyebrows wrinkled, or how his eyes always flashed, or even the way she just said her name.

          He made her heart race, her stomach knot up, and her voice go mute. He was the romance that she had dreamt of and waited forever for. He made her feel like she was intoxicated. He made her feel like she was on top of the world and that nothing could go wrong.

          "I love Jason," Brenda breathed. She immediately regretted saying it aloud. Saying it aloud gave her second thoughts. Yes, she and Jason had slept together, but he was with, and apparently in love with, someone else. Brenda was just the "other woman" that he would joke about with his pals when he was a married man. Then his friends wouldn't believe him, and Jason would be "the man"; they would all pat him on the back, saying "Way to go, man".

          She still couldn't help but smile. She tried to blame it on the myriad drinks she had earlier with Jax as a celebration of her return, but she knew alcohol couldn't conjure these feelings- she had to have them to begin with.

          Half of her wanted to scramble out of here, but the other half tore at her to stay. She pulled her coat tighter over her body as shivers went up her spine. She wanted to be just someone watching in on Brenda, and not really be herself.

          Bing.

          Brenda' head jerked up at the elevator. Someone was coming out. She watched the lights click on as the elevator came to a stop. Her breath quickened and she swallowed.

          Jason walked out of the elevator, and his eyes fell on her.

          "How long have you been here?" he asked quietly.

          Brenda felt her cheeks grow warm, and she shrugged. "I don't know, a while."

          Jason nodded in approval, and then he asked the question Brenda hoped he wouldn't.

          "What are you doing here?"

          Brenda stood up from the floor and shuffled her feet nervously. "I'm here because there's something I need to tell you."

          "Okay," Jason seemed satisfied with this answer.

          Brenda didn't know what to say next, so she changed the subject. "So, where were you at?"

          Jason furrowed his brow at her change of conversation. Still, he answered, "Over at Courtney's." Brenda felt her heart breaking into minute pieces.

          "Oh."

          Jason cleared his throat. "What did you want to tell me?"

          She laughed timidly. "God, this is going to sound so stupid. I can't even say it."

          "It can't be that bad, what is it?"

          Brenda didn't think. She didn't know what she was doing. It was as if someone else was controlling her body without her consent.

          "Jason, I…..I love you."

 
          She looked at Jason, and she could tell by his shocked expression that what she said was the last thing he had expected to hear.
 
I said I love you
I said I care
When I tell you I love you
It means I always will be there
I'll never leave you
I ani't goin' nowhere        
When I tell you I love you
Cross my heart I will be there
 
Open up your heart
Don't be afraid to love again
We can take it slow
You should know I understand
Baby, take your time
And I don't care how long it takes
'Cause I promise you, I'm here for you
From here and now, forever girl I
 
I said I love you
I said I care
When I tell you I love you
It means I always will be there
I'll never leave you
I ani't goin' nowhere
When I tell you I love you
Cross my heart I will be there
 
And I will be there
(And I will be there for you)
Forever sincere to you
(Girl, I always care for you)
I just wanna share my life with you
Right here, right now forever girl I
 
I said I love you
I said I care
When I tell you I love you
It means I always will be there
I'll never leave you
I ani't goin' nowhere
When I tell you I love you

Cross my heart I will be there

A/N I made Brenda drunk and a little tipsy because I wasn't sure if she would normally say this. Now, I am going to say this here: do NOT act like these characters. By writing this I am not telling you to go out and have sex for "just one night" nor am I telling you to shoot someone when you get frustrated, or get drunk to drown your sorrows. These characters have all made some stupid mistakes, and I am not, in anyway, promoting what they are doing.

Okay, I got that off my back, so if you are reading this, go ahead and review.