How Schmedley the Rat saved Christmas

Disclaimers: As far as I know, Schmedley is mine. Don't own GW...doing this for fun...
sort of.

-Begin Story-

Four of the Gundam Pilots sat around the table in the main dining hall of one of Quatre's estates. They had just finished a lavish Christmas Eve meal and were enjoying being gorged (well..Duo was enjoying being gorged. The other boys had all eaten a moderate amount of food).

Duo: Burp! That was great!

Heero: My complements to the chef!

Trowa: The salad was amazing!

Quatre: Ummm...my own secret recipe for the dressing!

Trowa: Grin Wink Yummy!

Duo: I don't wanna know....

Heero: That might explain....

Trowa: Saving Quatre So what's the deal with Wufei not bing here?

Duo: He's spending the evening at Peacecraft Castle. Something about wanting to give Relena a special present.

Heero: Yeah, I stuck a card for the clinic in his wallet.

All: ROTFL.

Heero: I guess I shouldn't make fun. Since they've been dating I've only been stalked by Relena 54 times in three weeks.

Duo: Do you think she'll stop if they get married?

Heero: No. But cutting back is better than what it was. I'll have to get Wufei some Viagra for Chinese New Year!

Duo: Snicker

Quatre: On that happy note, Duo has agreed to tell us a Christmas story before we retire for the evening. I've got hot chocolate on the stove.

Trowa: Concerned Cat, are you sure? You know what Duo's stories are like.

Quatre: Duo's assured me this has a somewhat happy ending.

Duo: Smiling evilly Yep! It's a story about how Christmas got saved!

Heero: You've not told me this one, either!

Duo: It's a goody!

Quatre: Why don't you guys go to the den and I'll get the hot chocolate.

Trow: I'll help!

Quatre: Thank you, my love!

*72 minutes later*

Quatre and Trowa enter the den slightly flushed and dressed in a combination of each other's clothing. They find Heero and Duo similarly adorned.

Duo: Hey Trow: You're pants are a bit short!

Trowa: Since when has priest's garb included spandex?

Heero: He's got you there, Duo!

Quatre: Seems we all had the same idea....

Duo: Yep! When Wufei's away, the boiz will play!

Quatre: Well here are your drinks, how about a story?

Quatre handed Heero and Duo a steaming beer stein filled with hot chocolate and marshmallows. Heero looked at the concoction warily.

Quatre: Don't worry, there's no 'special sauce' in the hot chocolate.

Heero: whew

All settled comfortably onto opposite sofas. Quatre curled up into Trowa's arms while Heero opened his laptop to check his e-mail during the story. Duo, after chugging about ½ of his hot chocolate stood and started.

Duo: ahem This is the story of how Schmedley the rat saved Christmas. It was Christmas Eve in 1632. Santa was very ill and delirious. There was no way he was going to be able to do his usual delivery. Now, you have to understand that Santa had never missed a Christmas delivery, so there were no back-up plans for what was going to happen. Santa was in his sick bed and saw something moving, and in his delirium pointed and said 'You there, save Christmas' and promptly fainted.

Heero: So far so good

Duo: Schmedley the rat (who at Santa's command magically became 6' 2" and decked out in Santa's uniform) looked at Santa and realized that if he didn't do what Santa commanded 1) He'd probably be out of a great gig, and 2) He'd miss the chance to fly around the world and learn how jolly old St. Nick did it all. All he said was "Eeeek," which in rat language meant "Sure thing, old man." Schmedley ran to the sleigh, which was already loaded, and climbed on board. He grabbed the reins and said "Eeeek," which meant "On Dancer, on Prancer..." yadda, yadda, yadda. The reindeer, not understanding rat-ese didn't move. Schmedley, who by now had decided that he would be known as Rat-a Clause for the evening, ran back to Santa's room and grabbed the biggest whip he could find from Santa and Mrs. Clause's collection of toys and went back to the sleigh. He mad sure the reindeer saw the whip (which was about 10 feet long with a heavy spiked ball at the end) and climbed back in the sleigh. Grabbing the reins again he grabbed the reins in one hand. With the whip in his other hand, Rat-a Claus yelled "Eeek." The reindeer, being smart enough to know that Schmedley would probably use the whip unmercifully on them took off.

Trowa: Leave it to Duo to add S&M to a Christmas story. How're you holding out, Cat?"

Quatre could only answer with big eyes and by clutching closely to Trowa.

Trowa: He's ok so far.

Duo: Good. It's not that much longer.

Heero: I'll have something from an e-mail to tell you after he's through.

Duo: Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah! Schmedley and the reindeer made their way around the world and delivered all of their toys. Their final destination was in London. After he had delivered his last toy, Rat-a Clause was about to go up his final chimney and get back into his sleigh when he heard the slightest sound from inside the room where he was. He looked around and saw the cutest young rat child he had ever seen. The young rat named Cindy snicker walked up to Schmedley and said "Eeeek!" which meant "Santa, why don't you give gifts to the young rats?"

Heero: Duo, can you do direct translation without the "Eeeks"?

Duo: I guess so. Anyhow, Rat-a Clause looked at Cindy the rat and said "I don't deliver gifts to young rats 'cause rats know the real meaning of Christmas and don't need a commercialized version. That, plus we get to feast for weeks on the extra food that gets thrown out by the wasteful humans." As he was doing this, Schmedley was itching at one of his fleas. He then got the most wonderful idea. "I'll tell you what Cindy! Just because you were so nice, I'll give you some pets in a moment!" Schmedley then walked into another room and talked to his fleas and explained the idea of Christmas to them and asked if they would become Cindy's pets. The fleas, being moved by Schmedley's request agreed. Rat-a Clause then returned to Cindy and said "They've agreed." All of Schmedley's fleas then jumped (because fleas can't fly) over to Cindy who said "Oh, Santa, this will be the best Christmas ever!" Rat-a Clause then sent Cindy back to bed, flew up the chimney, climbed into the sleigh and along with the reindeer returned to the North Pole. Once there, Schmedley returned to regular size and ran to his hovel to celebrate the day with all of his rat buddies.

Trowa: Didn't Santa thank him?

Duo: Well, once Santa found out that is was Schmedley who did the deed, his first thought was 'My God, what have I done?' and then he did go and thank Schmedley personally. It wasn't until preparing for Christmas 1633 that Santa realized just what had happened.

Quatre: Wh...which was???

Duo: smiling Schmedley's fleas were the cause of the outbreak of the plague in London that became known as the 'Black Death.'

Quatre: Ooooooh. Clutching Trowa tighter And how's there a happy ending to all of this?

Duo: Well, 1) Santa instituted a plan for such emergencies (although, amazingly enough, he's never missed a Christmas since), 2) There'd be no story of Rudolph if it weren't for Schmedley, and 3) Santa's work load was much lighter for several years.

Quatre: I...I...I see, I think. Thanks for the story, Duo.

Trowa: Checks Quatre's heart beat You know, I think Quatre will be fine by tomorrow morning, Duo.

Duo: Wonderful.

Heero: Your story might help to explain the e-mail.

Duo: How's that?

Heero: There's been an accident at Castle Peacecraft!

Duo: gulp

Heero: Apparently Relena and Wufei decided to make out under the Christmas tree.

Trowa: And?

Heero: The tree happened to have several rats tied to it and they pulled it over and then attacked the two.

Quatre: brightening a bit And?

Heero: The two of them will be fine, but they will be scarred for life and Relena will be a vegetable from where the rats bit them. Oh, and it looks like Wufei won't be fathering any children.

Duo: under his breath I was hoping they'd wait so we'd get the message in the morning.

Heero: What was that?

Duo: I was saying that I was hoping you'd not find out until morning.

Heero: Why? death glare

Duo: Merry Christmas. That's my big gift to you.

Heero: suddenly beaming It's the best gift ever!

Duo: Really? Well then, happy holidays!

They boys all went to their rooms and made out like bunnies for the rest of the evening and well into the night!

-End Story-