Author's note: Hello all. This is the first fanfic I've posted on this site and hopefully not the last, because it will be if anyone thinks I'm too horrible. Anyway, I love constructive criticism, and welcome it with open arms, but please, don't flame.

Disclaimer: Buffy, Spike, Giles, Willow, Dawn and Xander and the whole wonderful idea for the Slayer and, okay everything but Gollum, yeah, all Joss. Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy rock. No I'm not any of them, because if I was Joss, I would be sitting under Anna's Christmas tree. Gollum is owned by JRR Tolkien, an inspirational and awesome writer if there ever was one, and I praise him.

Buffy was patrolling in the graveyard.a pretty boring, ordinary and incredibly slow night. Most people wouldn't consider being attacked by a vampire a "pretty boring, ordinary and incredibly slow", but Buffy wasn't most people. Hey, she'd died three times, and didn't consider it all that exciting or incredible. She didn't consider the countless times she should've-died-and-didn't all that exciting or incredible either. Come to think of it, nothing was incredible or cool anymore about being the slayer. All she wanted to do was sleep most of the time, and think philosophically so she could sound wise the times that she occasionally did talk to her friends. She'd grown distant lately, and she knew it. Last night, she turned down Spike coming patrolling with her, one of the other stupidly random things she enjoyed. She didn't have to save his ass all the time, and he screamed out funny British words as he fought, and sometimes Buffy found herself saying them when she was alone. It wasn't the same with Giles, he was too polite (so he didn't swear in British very often, so the only times he did, he was angry and not funny) and always getting hit in the head, and again, Buffy would have to save his ass.

Buffy hated thinking about her friends as weighing her down, but the thoughts just popped into her head sometimes. She shook her head and told herself she didn't mean it.

"Hello Slayer." A dark figure jumped in from behind a tree.

"Oh blood- Oh. Hi Spike." Buffy stammered out.

"What were you just 'bout to say?" He asked, raising his brow devilishly.

"Nothing, nothing. Why are you here?"

"Well, it's like my backyard, you know. Got a cozy little crypt in the corner, and this is almost like my garden."

"Oh yeah, I could just stop and smell the death."

"Yeah well, it's an absolute art. Harvesting all this blood, laying it in rows.ripe for the picking."

"Oh. That's pleasant."

"Believe me, luv. I know." Buffy liked that name. She knew it was another funny British thing, but she'd never heard Spike call anyone in the Scooby Gang that but her. Dawn was "lil' bit", Will was "Red", and he had a few choice words for Xander, too. Nobody else was luv."Slayer?"

"Oh! Wait, what?"

"You were bloody staring at me like I'd grown a horn. You've been a little off lately.anything wrong?" He looked genuinely concerned, with his big blue eyes.no. Not this again. She couldn't like him.not Spike. Not again.

"No. I'm.fine."

"Yeah.right then."

"Well, I guess there's nothing out here.I'm gonna head back."

"I'll come. Got nothing else to do. It's a little odd, the nothing attacking lately."

"Yeah."

"It's gotta be boring to be the Slayer when there's nothing to slay, I'll bet."

"Yeah."

"Got anything else in your vocabulary, pet? Besides yeah?"

"Yeah.er, mm hm."

"Well, that's bloody interesting. I can have a conversation with a tape record- Oh bloody hell!" Something had jumped Spike from the top of the gates, and was clinging to his head, so Spike couldn't see. Buffy tried to sustain a giggle, because the thing didn't look like it could hurt a fly. It had bulgy green eyes, and its fingers were long and spindly, like they'd been through a war. It looked more scared than scary. Spike was still trying to get the thing off his head, so Buffy took one swift kick and the thing went flying. Spike dove, and pinned its arms and legs. It struggled and tried to bite him, but two seconds growling in game face had it frozen in fear.

"No!.Gollum does nothing.did nothing.we hurtses no one. We is lost, do not hurt us weary traveler.Point the way home.home nice, we has left precious at home. Nice fisshes, wiggly and warm.none here, that we can find.you have fissh? We is hungry for nice fisshes."

"Spike, maybe you should use some of the training you got with Drusilla right about now."

"Hey, when Dru talked, she just saw things. I half knew what she meant. Unscramble what he means, and I can sweet talk him into a cage."

"Did that work for Drusilla?"

"Well, I put Dru in a cage for different reasons but-"

"SPIKE!"

"Sorry, but I can get him into a cage, I think I'll need fish though, pet."

"That's what it sounds like."

"Fissh? Fissh to feed us.oh, you a nice orc, nice orc."

"What in bloody hell is an orc?"

"An ugly, ugly one, like your other face.It growls and hurts us, when we does nothing.do we precious? No, we don'ts do nothing.yet it hurts us."

"Right. Now why do you think I'm an orc?

"You growls and have a mean face with bad eyesies.it scares us."

"Well, this has been a nice chat. Listen, come to my house, and we'll have lots of fishes in the BASEMENT." Buffy hinted to Spike.

"I'll go make sure all the windows are boarded.so none of the fish get stolen." The little thing seemed quite content with this answer and decided to walk behind Buffy, while Spike ran ahead.