Chapter 5: Shabby's Birthday

Disclaimer: I don't own Slayers or anything besides myself. :(

~*~

Ahh...Slayers world, a nice and happy world rules over by a nice and happy lord.

Somewhere in the sea of chaos...

L-sama: Die! Die! Die! Mwahhaahhahaahah!!!

Ahem, I mean a nice but crazy lord.

"What did you say??!!"

Author: Eeeks! Mercy, L-sama!!!

Anyway, the sun is shining brightly, the birds are singing and chibi Garv is skipping merrily on a street. Then he saw Dynast playing with a yo-yo and sucking on an ice-cream.

"Hey, little brother!!"

Dynast looked up and saw Garv waving to him.

"Why are you so happy?" Dynast asked suspiciously.

"I don't want to tell you!" Garv stuck out his tongue and blew a raspberry. Dynast gave him a yo-yo. Garv grinned.

"Plus the ice-cream."

Dynast scowled and thrust the ice-cream at Garv.

"It's Daddy's birthday tomorrow and I'm buying him a present!" Garv said happily, showing Dynast the few coins he had in his palm.

"Oh." Dynast nodded. "NANI!!!???" he screamed when what Garv said hit him.

"You mean you forgot? Hahaha, everyone will have a present for daddy except you! Haha!" with that, Garv skipped away. Dynast stared after him.

"I don't believe this. To think that moron actually remembers and I forgot!?" he moaned and turned out his pockets. Empty....

"Hmm, think Dynast think, you're a genius, think!!" Dynast muttered to himself, pacing up and down the street. Then he decided to look for the others to see what they're going to give Shabby.

~*~

Zelas hummed happily as she stirred her mixture. Dynast walked in.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm making a cocktail for daddy!" Zelas said as she dumped an entire bottle of wine into her mixture.

"Will you pay me if I help you?" Dynast asked.

"Hmm...All right. Taste this." She said, pouring a little of the mixture into a cup. Dynast stared into the bubbling, smoking liquid and took a sip. Zelas sweatdropped when she saw his face turn white, then blue, then red, then green and finally white again.

"Blaaaaarrrrghhh!!" he choked and dashed to the toilet. Gagging sounds could be heard coming from it. Zelas blinked. Ten minutes later, Dynast staggered out of the bathroom, using the walls to help him walk.

"Ze-Zelas, what did you put in that...drink?" Dynast asked.

"Nothing much. Just some assorted wine, brandy and cognac, coffee powder, a bottle of blueberry jam and peanut butter and a little red paint for the scarlet colour daddy loves..."

Dynast gagged again.

"And some bleach and milk for taste, soap powder to make it froth and bubble and finally some of this!" Zelas smiled and showed her brother a bottle. Dynast snatched it from her and read the label.

"Powerful poison, death to any humans within five seconds...." Dynast muttered. "Poison??!!" he screeched. "Are you trying to kill me and daddy??"

"But I, but I can't read, you know I can't!" Zelas protested. "Anyway it's not that bad ne?" Zelas said as she poured a glass for herself and drank the whole cup. She blinked again.

*BONK* Sound of someone hitting the floor could be heard. `` Dynast looked at Zelas body on the floor and shook his head, deciding to look for Dolphin instead.

"Luckily I'm a mazoku, not human or else I'll be dead by now." ~*~

Dolphin was cutting something when Dynast entered the room.

"What are you doing?" he asked curiously.

"I'm making a necklace for daddy!" she said cheerfully, holding up a badly made paper necklace that looked more like a dog's collar.

"Come Dolphin, let me show you something." Dynast said and led her to the garden whenall of a sudden it started to rain. Dynast held the necklace in the rain then tugged it gently. The paper broke into two. Dolphin stared at it, then at Dynast, then at it, then...

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

Dynast winced. Leaving Dolphin bawling in the rain, he crept silently away.

~*~

"..."

"..."

"What are you doing??" Dynast asked Phibby who was staring at Vrabazard, who stared back at him.

"They're having a competition. If Phibby loses, he has to tell us Shabby's deepest darkest secret. If Vrabby loses, we have to tell him daddy's most embarrassing secret." Valwin told him.

"So Phibby plan of telling daddy Ceipheed's darkest secret for his birthday present..." Dynast mused. Suddenly, a call jerked him out of his thoughts.

"Marbles!! Rare golden marbles!!! Ten for 1 gold piece!!!"

Phibby blinked. "Marbles!!" he squealed and dashed over to the vendor. Dynast, Vrabazard and Valwin stared at him. With a start, Phibby realised what he had done and decided to sneak away.

"No! You lost! Tell me Shabby's darkest secret!" Vrabazard yelled and blocked the path of the raven-haired boy.

"But!"

"No buts!" Vrabazard said firmly.

"Fine!" Phibby grumbled and whispered into Vrabazard's ear.

"Wahahahahahaha!!!"

~*~

"Da da da da da..." someone sang as that person danced around.

Ceipheed, L-sama and Lei goggled. "Shabby!?? What are you doing??"

The person froze. "What...."

"Wahahahahahah!!! Shabby, to think that you have such a hobby!!!" Ceipheed burst out laughing.

"I can't believe that I created him" L-sama chortled.

"Shabby, I can't believe that you actually collect barbie dolls!!" Lei shook his head. Then the three of them collapsed on the floor, giggling crazily.

"How...How did you know!?" Shabby wailed, hugging his barbie doll, while Ceipheed took pictures.

L-sama giggled.

~*~

"PHIBRIZO!!!" a distant yell jerked Phibby our of his daze. He gulped.

"Looks like Ceipheed and the rest found out."

"Yeah, you're in deep shit." Dynast said, walking into the nursery. Then Garv followed, sobbing.

"What are you crying about??" Dynast frowned.

"The ice-cream melted!!" Garb sniffed.

"Duh!"

"I broke the yo-yo!!"

"Nani!? That's my favourite!" Dynast shouted. "It won't even break even if you throw it on a wall! How did it break??"

"I...I threw it down a cliff." Garv wailed.

Dynast and Phibby facefaulted.

"Even I would die if I were thrown down a cliff....A yo-yo will never survive." Phibby muttered.

"And worse, I...I bought this!" Garv sobbed, showing them a toy sword.

"So?" Dynast asked, bored.

"What do you mean by SO?!" Garv wailed. "It can light up too!"

Phibby rolled his eyes. "Impress me by giving me showing me the real sword of light."

Then Dolphin walked in, sniffing, Zelas behind her, still quite drunk.

"Ya! Ya! Little birdies...Come to mummy!!" she sang and giggled madly.

"Hey, I should be the insane one!!" Dolphin frowned.

"Ok, now we've got nothing for daddy. What are we going to do!!??" Phibby demanded.

"Make him a card?" Dolphin suggested.

"Too mushy!" Garv wrinkled up his nose.

"Let's bake him a cake!!" Dynast said.

"We don't know how!!" Zelas pointed out, after wakening up from her drunken stupor.

"I know how!" Dynast snapped and pulled out a thick cooking book that was almost as tall as he is.

"All right, let's go! Kitchen ahoy!!!" Phibby yelled and grabbed Garv's sword, waving it around.

"Aye aye sir." The rest muttered.

"I can't hear you!!"

"AYE AYE SIR!!"

~*~

"Erm, step one, pour in the flour." Dynast muttered, his head buried in the pages.

"Pour in the floor!!!" Phibby crowed and banged Garv's sword on the kitched table. Zelas and Garv pulled out a large bag of flour and dumped everything inside the mixing bowl.

"Then, add the butter and milk."

"Butter and milk!!!" Phibby yelled. "Hurry, mates!"

Dolphin appeared from the refrigerator, slabs of butter in her arms. She dumped the butter into the mixing bowl. The Garv came back, dragging a cow with him.

Cow: Mooooooooo

Somewhere...

"Hey! Who took my cow!?"

Kitchen...

"Dammit, get this big fat animal to hold still while I milk it!!" Garv growled.

Phibby poked the cow in the ribs. "Hold still or ya'll walk thy plank!!"

The cow twitched.

"Moooooo!! Mooo moooo moooo mooooooooo!!!"

"What did it say?"

"It says Phibby is a spoilt brat." Zelas interpreted.

"Nani!?" said person yelled. "Walk thy plank, overweight cow!!!"

The cow lost it. It rammed around the kitchen, breaking plates, crashing cupboards and practically destroying everything in sight.

"Kill it!!!!!!" Dolphin screamed.

"The sword's broken!!" Phibby hollered.

"My sword!!!" Garv wailed.

"And then stir it thoroughly." Dynast said, oblivious to what is happening around him. "Hey, are you listening!?"

1 hour later...

"I hate cows." Zelas muttered. The kitchen basically was ruined. But by some miracles, the mixing bowl is still intact.

"What do we do now?" Dolphin asked.

"Mix the flour, butter and milk thoroughly." Dynast sighed. " Add in eggs."

Garv appeared with a rooster in his hands.

Rooster: Cock a doodle doooooo

"It's not laying any eggs!" Garv wailed.

"That's a rooster you moron!!" Phibby snapped.

½ hour later...

"There goes another egg!" Dolphin muttered as an egg dropped on the floor.

"Zelas, you have to CRACK THE EGG before you add it!!" Phibby shouted.

15 minutes later...

"Dolphin, what are you doing!?" Dynast demanded.

"Adding colour to the cake." She said, holding a bucket of paint.

"You don't use paint! You use food colouring!" Dynast sighed. Garv gave him a crayon.

Dynast:-_-

"Moron! Food colouring is edible!!" Phibby snorted.

"I eat my crayons when I'm hungry." Zelas pointed out.

"Eeeeeeeew." Dolphin grimaced.

10 minutes later...

"And we finally bake it!" Dynast said.

"Yaaaaaaay!!" Dolphin squealed and bounced around.

The five of them surrounded the bowl and pushed it towards the oven

"Hey, it's not moving!!" Grav frowned.

"Baka! You're pushing it towards us!" Dynast snapped. Garv blinked.

"Moron! You force is acting against ours!" Dynast sighed. Garv blinked again.

"Gah! Just pull, ok? Pull!"

5 minutes later...

"Is it done yet??" Zelas whined.

"You have to wait at least one hour." Phibby said.

"One hour!! I'll die before one hour arrives!" Garv wailed.

½ hour later...

Everyone: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

1 hour later...

*KAAAAAAABOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM!!!!*

Everyone: Huh??? Nani!?"

"The oven exploded!!!!!!" Dolphin screamed.

"It overheated!!" Dynast explained.

"How can you be so cool and calm at a time like this??" Garv wailed, running around like an idiot.

"Fire extinguisher! Fire extinguisher!!" Phibby muttered, searching through broken and burning cupboards.

"Mommmmmmeeeee!!!" Zelas squealed and started bawling. "We're all going to die!"

"Shut up!" Phibby growled and tried to use the fire extinguisher.

*SHHRUPP* (A/n: I don't know how a fire extinguisher sound....so don't flame me if it doesn't sound right. Heh heh, I don't know how to use one too.^^)

"Hey, watch where you're aiming!!" Dynast yelled, his body covered with white froth.

½ hour later...

"So, what are we going to do?" Dolphin asked, staring at the smoking pieces of 'cake'.

"We try to put the back together." Phibby finally said.

"Ooooh, like humpty dumpty." Zelas squealed.

"Can we use glue??" Garv asked.

"Are you crazy!?" Dynast snapped.

1 hour later...

"More icing!" Phibby ordered.

"I hope this stays." Dynast sighed as he dumped cream on the cake.

"Can we add cereals on top?" Dolphin asked.

"Yeah, and chocolate balls." Zelas said happily.

"Ice-cream, ice-cream cake!!" Garv shouted and scooped ice-cream onto the cake.

"Level it!" Phibby frowned.

"More nuts!"

"More cereal!!"

"Cookies!!!"

"Jelly!"

"Peanut buter!"

"Jam!"

"Mayonnaise!"

"Salad cream!"

15 minutes later...

"Man, this actually looks good." Phibby said as he observed the cake which was covered with so much rubbish that it doesn't look like a cake at all. Somehow, they had managed to get the cake into the living room. Then the door opened.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY!!"

Shabby's mouth dropped opened.

"You, you kids made this for me?? I'm so touched!!!" he sobbed. The five looked at each other and shrugged.

"Let's cut it!" Dolphin said excitedly.

Shabby took a knife and cut it. Just as the knife went through the cake, the cake fell apart.

"Heh. Heh heh heh." Phibby laughed nervously.

"I told you we should have glued it!" Garv hissed to Dynast.

"Erm, I'm sure it tastes nice..." Shabby sweatdropped and took a bite. He choked.

"Is it nice?" the five looked at him, their eyes wide and innocent.

"Heh heh heh, not bad." Shabby mumbled, trying to swallow what they called, cake.

"Eat the whole thing then!" Zelas said brightly and pushed the cake towards him. Shabby gulped.

"Erm, say, who wants water? I'll go get some." With that, Shabby scooted to the kitchen.

In the living room, the five looked at each other again.

"I wonder what will daddy say if he sees his kitchen." Dynast mused.

Suddenly, a loud scream sliced through the air.

"MY KITCHEN!!!" and the sound of someone hitting the floor could be heard.

~END~

A/N: Wow, that took me long enough to write. Is it funny?

Readers: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Author: Sobs....Review please. I survive on reviews. Be a nice person and review puleaseeee???

Dynast: Don't review. If you do she'll write more and I'll have to go through all that torture again.

Author: Dynast-kun! How did you get out!?" *Throws Dynast into a cupbaord.* Heh. Heh, heh, heh. Don't listen to him. REVIEW!!!T_T