Chapter 7: Mazokus on Stage

Disclaimer: Hansel, Gretel and Slayers do not belong to me, so don't sue.

A/N: Thank you to all who have reviewed and more thanks to those who gave suggestions. I've seriously considered your suggestions but decided to think of my own instead. Thank you!!

~*~

The mazoku chibis had been attending a drama school for a few years.(I know they're like only 3 or 4 but maokus tend to age slower ^^) And now their school decided to stage a play during New Years Day, staring the five mazoku chibis.

"I can't believe that the school actually chose them!!" Shabby said excitedly to Ceipheed.

"I pity the school." Ceipheed muttered under his breath.

"What!?' Shabby asked.

"Nothing."

~*~

"Welcome ladies and gentlemen, to the annual school play. This year, we'll be having a play titled, Hansel and Gretel. Please put your hands together to welcome our young stars!!!"

After the clapping subsided, the curtain drew apart to reveal a small hut and Vaalwin beside it. She bowed to the audience and started speaking.

"One upon a time, long long ago, many centuries back...."

"We get the idea!" a voice hissed backstage.

"But I've forgotten what to say!!" Vaalwin sniffed. A small groan could be heard.

"Ah , I remember. One upon a time, long long ago, many centuries back, there lived a very very very..."

"Just continue!" The voice hissed again.

"Don't hurry me!!!!' Vaalwin wailed. ". One upon a time, long long ago, many centuries back, there lived a very very very very very poor woodcutter, his wife and two children in a little hut."

The woodcutter and his wife appeared. Followed by his two children.

Audience:

"Wooo! It's Phibby and Garv! And Dynast and Dolphin!!" Shabby squealed.

Stage:

"Why must I be your wife! I can't believe I have to wear a dress!" Garv demanded to Phibby, while scowling down at his dress.

"As if I want to marry you! Be happy that you don't have to wear a bra!" Phibby retorted.

"I'd commit suicide if I had them as parents." Dynast whispered to Dolphin.

Vaalwin: Now one night, Garv whispered to Phibby while they're in bed.

"I can't sleep in a dress!"

Phibby snickered.

"Don't talk nonsense!" the voice hissed.

"Oi, I have a plan" Garv told Phibby.

"All you plans suck!" Phibby snorted. "Damn this bed, it's so hard! What is it made of? Stone!?"

"Go according to the lines!!" the voice hissed from backstage.

"I can't bring myself to call him 'dear'!!" Garv whined. "Anyway, at dawn tomorrow, we'll dump the kids in the woods and go back home ourselves." He told Phibby, his 'wife'.

"Yeah, good riddance." Phibby agreed.

"I said, go. According, to. The. Lines. That. We. Gave. You!!" the voice growled.

"Whatever." Phibby muttered.

"I told you my plans are good!" Garv boasted.

"I only agreed for the sake of this play!" Phibby answered.

Unknown to them, their kids Hansel(Dynast) and Gretel(Dolphin) overheard them.

"See, I told you, I'd rather commit suicide then be their kids." Dynast told his sister who sniffed loudly.

"Why must they dump us in the woods?" Dolphin wailed. "Why can't they dump us near the beach?"

"I give up." The voice moaned.

"Whatever. Anyway, I won't let them get their way. I'd rather die then let Garv and Phibby win." Dynast said firmly.

Vaalwin: Next day...

"WAKE UP! WE'RE GOING TO THE FOREST TO COLLECT FIREWOORD!!" Garv screeched. Dynast and Dolphin jumped.

"For God's sake, must you scream like that!?" Phibby rolled his eyes.

"You sound like a girl." Dynast told him.

"He is a girl." Dolphin giggled. Garv shot him a look.

So, they walked to the forest.

"Oi, Hansel why do you keep turning back!?" Garv asked Dynast.

"None of your business!" Dynast snapped back. The voice moaned again.

Vaalwin: However, unknown to the two old folks, Hansel had created a trail using small pebbles. The old man and his wife went to chop wood, and left the two children alone. Night fell and no one came.

"I'm scared!!!" Dolphin sniffled.

"Ha, thanks to me, the brilliant, creative and not to mention good looking Dynast has left a trial of pebbles!!" Dynast grinned.

Vaalwin: (rolls her eyes) So the little brats erm I mean kids followed the trail and went back home. When the wife opened the door....

"I thought we dumped you in the forest!?"

"Go away." Dynast snorted and kicked Garv in he shins.

"Itaii!!!"

"Hey what are you doing here!?' Phibby demanded.

"This is also my house. If I don't remember wrongly, our names are written in the legal documents too!" Dolphin glared at Phibby and showed him a stack of documents.

"Damn."

Vaalwin: After some days, the woodcutter's wife said to the woodcutter.

"We have to dump those brats in the forest tomorrow!" Garv told Phibby who was complaining about the bed again.

"Couldn't we just kill them and get the insurance money!?" Phibby asked.

"That's a great idea! Too bad we have to follow the damn plot."

Vaalwin: So the next day, the woodcutter brought his family to the forest again. This time, Dynast dropped bread crumbs because he had thrown all the pebbles at the old cat. Night fell once again and no once came to pick the children up.

"No, fear, Dynast is here! Hey, where's the bread crumbs trail!?"

"Bread crumbs? I ate them." Dolphin blinked innocently and licked her lips.

"Great, we can't get home now."

"Who wants to go back to the old pig's sty anyway!" Dolphin snorted.

Vaalwin: So the kids walked and walked until they almost die from hunger.

"Fooood..."

Vaalwin: Then they reached a house built of bread and covered with cakes, but that the windows were of clear sugar.

Somewhere:

Lina Inverse: Oooooooooohhh

Stage:

"Hey, let's eat." Dolphin cheered and broke off a bit of the wall. "Yuck! Whoever made this is a lousy cook!! It tastes just like Styrofoam."

"It is Styrofoam. Duh!" Dynast rolled his eyes.

Vaalwin: Then someone yelled from the house...

"WHO THE FUCK IS EATING MY HOUSE!?"

"SORE WA HIMITSU DESU!" the children yelled back.

"THAT'S MY TRADEMARK SPEECH!" the voice hollered.

Vaalwin: Then the door flung open and an ugly old woman stomped out.

"Who's old!?" Zelas demanded. "How dare you use my speech! I want to sue you!"

Vaalwin: Anyway, the old lady...

"Beautiful and sexy babe!" Zelas shouted. Dynast and Dolphin pretended to gag.

Vaalwin: Whatever. Anyway, the beautiful and sexy babe invited them into her house and gave them food.

"You're a terrible cook, Zelas." Dynast said.

"You're no better!" Zelas retorted.

Vaalwin: However the old woman....

"Beautiful and sexy babe!"

Vaalwin: (sigh) However the beautiful and sexy babe is actually and evil witch.

"She has always been a bitch." Dolphin muttered.

Vaalwin: She eats kiddies for dinner."

"I'd have diarrhoea is I ate them." Zelas made a face.

Vaalwin: So the next day, the old...Ok, ok, I know, stop glaring at me! The evil and beautiful and sexy witch dumped Hansel in a cage and made Gretel do her hosuework.

"This place stinks!" Dynast whined and kicked at the cage.

"My hatred for Zelas just doubled." Dolphin announced.

Vaalwin: The witch gave Dynast the best food and gave Gretel only steamed fish.

"FISH!? You know I can't eat fish!!!" Dolphin screamed at Zelas.

"Hey, hey, I was just going according to the lines." Zelas protested.

"Poor fishies." Dolphin moaned.

Vaalwin: Everyday, the witch would call Hansel to stick out his finger so that she could feel how fat he had become. However, Hansel stuck out a chicken bone.

"Eeeeeewwwwwww. This is gross." Dynast grumbled as he held the bone gingerly.

"Please, as if I can't tell the difference between a chicken bone and a finger." Zelas rolled her eyes.

Vaalwin: You're supposed to go according to the script... Anyway, the witch was quite blind did not know that it was actually a chicken bone.

"I'm such a genius." Dynast sighed.

"I'm not that stupid."

"Unfortunately you are." Dolphin piped up.

Vaalwin: Finally, the witch got so impatient that she made Gretel chop wood to boil fire, for she is going to cook Hansel immediately.

"Get into the oven to check if the temperature is right." Zelas told Dolphin.

"Haven't you heard of a thermometer!?" Dolphin snorted.

"Just go in so that we can get over with this stupid play." Zelas grumbled.

"Why can't you go in yourself?" Dolphin asked.

"Fine fine!"

Vaalwin: With that, the witch entered the oven. Gretel then grabbed the witch's keys and then shoved the witch into the oven.

"Itai!! Can't you be gentler?" Zelas yelled.

Vaalwin: And so the witch cooked in the oven while Gretel unlocked Hansel's cage and they rejoiced, hugging each other.

Dynast and Dolphin stared at each other. Then they shuddered.

"Gross" they yelled.

"I'll get the cooties." Dynast muttered.

Vaalwin: Then they went into the witch's house and took as much of her treasures as possible.

"Yuck, Zelas has such bad taste." Dolphin made a face as she held up an aluminium necklace.

"That isn't mind!!" a muffled voice answered from a certain 'oven'.

Vaalwin: And they ran out of the house and because the author no longer wishes to write, allowed Hansel and Gretel to find their home. When they reach there, they found that the woodcutter's wife was dead.

"You killed our mother." Dynast said.

"For the insurance money?' Dolphin asked.

Vaalwin: And so they lived happily ever after.

Dynast, Dolphin, Phibby: Yuck.

Hans Christen Anderson(Or is it the brothers Grimm??): Stop! Cease this rubbish immediately!!"

Author: Okie.

Vaalwin: END!

~*~

"I still can't believe I have to be killed by Phibby." Garv grumbled.

"Hey, at least you didn't have to be a witch!" Zelas retorted.

"The tarot cards say that Garv will really be killed by Phibby in future." Dolphin told them.

"NANI!? That's it, I'm not speaking to you forever!" Garv yelled stomped away.

"Good riddance to rubbish." Dynast muttered.

~*~

A/N: Now that was weird. *prays that whoever wrote Hansel and Gretel would not haunt her* Did you guys like it? Yes? REVIEW!! No? Never mind. REVIEW TOO!! T_T

By the way, I have this story entitled Inflex Revelations. It's not a Slayers fic. It's an original. Written by me and co-authored by 2 friends. I would be oh so grateful if you guys could just read the story and tell me your opinions about it. Please??? T_T Arigato! Thank you.