~~~***~~~
LANA:
Another day, another chance to change things, to make them better. Another chance wasted.
I sit here with Whitney, his arm around me, my fingers entwined with his. And while he whispers sweet nothings in my ear all I can do is gaze at another. Think of another.
His dark hair sweeps into eyes and I long to push it back. His blue eyes are bright as he talks with his friends, his laughter ringing out into the night. The sound reminds me more of what I don't have, but need.
Why do I have to be the nice girl? Why do I have to consider everyone else before myself? Why must I deny my feelings so as not to hurt Whitney? Why do I have the love of a man who I feel nothing for, yet only the friendship of the one I want?
All these questions, and no answers. My eyes are still locked onto Clark's face. I can't stop looking at the way he moves, the way he tilts his head, the way his perfect mouth forms words. The way he blushes at something Pete has said, and the way it looks suspiciously like he said Pete said my name.
The adorable blush creeps up Clark's cheeks as I strain to hear they're conversation. I hear nothing, but Whitney has noticed my obvious lack of attention for him. I quickly turn to look at him, hoping that he hasn't seen me staring at Clark. Again.
Doubt clouds his eyes as he looks at me, trying not to say the words again. He gulps, I know he can't help it. I give him reason to doubt me, so now all he does is question my feelings. Just like I do.
"Are you okay Lana? Are. are we okay?" He asks, looking into my eyes for reassurance.
I fake a bright, cheery smile and answer him in a soothing voice.
"Of course we are! I love you."
I can't look at him as I say it, I can't face him and lie about my feelings. He smiles, but this smile is forced, strained. He knows my words are empty. So do I. But still we cling to this hollow relationship. We both hope that things can go back to the way they were, but they never can. It's too late. We've grown apart. I don't love him. And he knows it.
But for now he is content to pretend that everything is alright, and I play along, even though all I want to do is be free of him.
I settle back in his arms and resume watching Clark.
***~~~***
LANA:
Another day, another chance to change things, to make them better. Another chance wasted.
I sit here with Whitney, his arm around me, my fingers entwined with his. And while he whispers sweet nothings in my ear all I can do is gaze at another. Think of another.
His dark hair sweeps into eyes and I long to push it back. His blue eyes are bright as he talks with his friends, his laughter ringing out into the night. The sound reminds me more of what I don't have, but need.
Why do I have to be the nice girl? Why do I have to consider everyone else before myself? Why must I deny my feelings so as not to hurt Whitney? Why do I have the love of a man who I feel nothing for, yet only the friendship of the one I want?
All these questions, and no answers. My eyes are still locked onto Clark's face. I can't stop looking at the way he moves, the way he tilts his head, the way his perfect mouth forms words. The way he blushes at something Pete has said, and the way it looks suspiciously like he said Pete said my name.
The adorable blush creeps up Clark's cheeks as I strain to hear they're conversation. I hear nothing, but Whitney has noticed my obvious lack of attention for him. I quickly turn to look at him, hoping that he hasn't seen me staring at Clark. Again.
Doubt clouds his eyes as he looks at me, trying not to say the words again. He gulps, I know he can't help it. I give him reason to doubt me, so now all he does is question my feelings. Just like I do.
"Are you okay Lana? Are. are we okay?" He asks, looking into my eyes for reassurance.
I fake a bright, cheery smile and answer him in a soothing voice.
"Of course we are! I love you."
I can't look at him as I say it, I can't face him and lie about my feelings. He smiles, but this smile is forced, strained. He knows my words are empty. So do I. But still we cling to this hollow relationship. We both hope that things can go back to the way they were, but they never can. It's too late. We've grown apart. I don't love him. And he knows it.
But for now he is content to pretend that everything is alright, and I play along, even though all I want to do is be free of him.
I settle back in his arms and resume watching Clark.
***~~~***
