Authors Notes: Here's the next chapter. It never took me as long to post this time, thankfully. Thank you to everyone who has been reading and reviewing, it's appreciated very much. Arigatou gozaimasu! ^_^

I hope this chapter is okay.

Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon. Please do not sue.

Hate before Love: Chapter four

The golden haired boy walked further and further away from his Digimon companion. Lost in the deep reaches of his thoughts, he had no idea to where he was going. He was supposed to be finding the plant for Hikari, but it's where-abouts for the moment was unknown. This mountain he was on was extremely dangerous seeing that Taichi had almost fallen off and got killed. Groaning, he tried to shake the horrible thought off. How would he have reacted if Taichi had fallen off the cliff? Would he be happy? Happy that the person in his own mind that he claimed to hate most was dead?

No, not even he was that cold.

The thought frightened him. Not just the thought of Taichi dying but the thought of saving him as well...

In the past, he had saved him many times, the same with Taichi to him. But now all of a sudden it seemed different. This time it wasn't a Digimon who threatened to destroy Taichi's life but a normal circumstance that could have easily have happened in the real world.

Strangely this made Yamato more aware of the dangers of dying. He tried not to think about death much, although the subject had played upon his mind a couple of times. Sometimes he convinced himself he wasn't afraid of death, sometimes he made himself believe that he was. Mostly he believed that it was normal human consciousness that made him feel this way. No human knew what happened after death. The theories of life and death have being subject of much discussion since probably the beginning of history.

When he first came to the Digital world he was afraid. The thought of being transported to a whole New World seemed impossible. Only could such a thing happen in books, television and our own imagination. Even though he was scared, he put his little brother's emotions before his own. Takeru was only eight years old. Although the youngster was happy to spend so much time with his brother, he missed his mother. When they had first came to summer camp, he had cried a lot, leaving it up to Yamato to comfort him. When he was first transported to the Digital world, he had cried even more. But unlike the rest of the children, Takeru was able to take the fact that they had really been transported to a different reality.

The life of a young child almost seemed tempting, for when one is at a young age, they don't' need to accept reality. Their imaginations run freely, and to them almost anything is possible. Although such a questioning theory had just come to him, Yamato could not remember being like this as a child. Even when he did live with his parents he was different. It almost seemed that since birth, he was truly emotionally detached from the world. Takeru was his only reason for living, and the younger boy had already been taken away from him once before. And sadly, now it was happening again.

Fuck life…

Letting a huge sigh escape, he began to wonder whether this world was better than the one he had back in the real world. Probably not, both were hell to him. Yet, just now this world seemed to be taking the lead. Ever since Hikari had got poisoned, a strange and frightening feeling at came over him. And the root of the problem just happened to be Taichi. He let out a huge sigh of annoyance and continued to walk further and further away.

Thank you Yamato. You saved my life…

Why? Why had he blushed? Why couldn't he have just replied 'whatever' as usual? It's what he always said when he wanted to hide his emotions. Why hadn't he of done it? Mentally he scolded himself, remembering the strange look Taichi had gave him after he blushed. Why was he thinking like this? In the past he had convinced himself that he hated Taichi, and now he was acting like he had -

Goddamnit, get a hold of yourself, Ishida! If Taichi had any idea that you were thinking like then he would smash your face right in! And if I don't-"

Suddenly Yamato felt the ground fade below him, realising that he had just walked straight off the edge of the cliff. "Ahhhhhh!" Quickly he managed to grab on to a small branch preventing him from falling to a bloody death. "Shit!"

"Yamato?!" Instantly Gabumon dropped the fruit and berries he was carrying and rushed to his partner's aid. Slowly the branch started to break away from the cliff with Yamato's weight. The dog-like creature jumped to the edge digging his claws into Yamato's hand to make sure he had a good grip of him. Yamato cried out in pain as the claws fiercely dug into his flesh. Using all of his strength, Gabumon was able to pull his partner up. "Yamato are you alright?" asked Gabumon in great concern.

"I-I think so." The boy managed to stutter, almost completely out of breath.

"I'm sorry, Yamato." The Digimon stated sadly.

Yamato gazed at his partner in confusion. The Digimon had just saved his life, why the hell was he sorry? Suddenly he traced Gabumon's eyes towards his hand. It was bleeding. I guess I was so startled by the fall that I forgot all about it. "Gabumon don't be sorry! You just saved my life."

"But still…."

"Gabumon don't be stupid, it's only a little cut, it'll heal sooner or later." The Digimon conjured up small smile. Yamato gave his partner a caring smile and tightly he hugged him. "Thanks Gabumon. Hey, and don't bother saying sorry." Chuckled Yamato, well aware of Gabumon's intentions.

"I suppose we better head back to Taichi and Agumon, and give them some of the food we gathered."

Suddenly Yamato went silent. Taichi…

Gabumon gave a small frown. "Yamato is something wrong?"

"Huh? No, um nothing's wrong…" the blond boy replied, coming out his thoughts.

"Anything I can do to help?"

No one can help me.

"No I'm fine." Gabumon was not dense; he could easily tell when something was bothering his partner. He had known Yamato for so long now, yet sometimes he felt that he barely knew him at all. The boy was always so distant. Didn't Yamato realise that he would never judge him? He wanted to help him. He wanted to help him, more than anything in the entire world, but Yamato never did give him such a chance. He did this to everyone, always hiding his true his emotions. But no matter what, Gabumon always felt that it hurt him the most. Perhaps the pair would never be as close as he had first hoped. Maybe everything he did to try and help his partner was pointless. Yet, still he would try to reach out to his partner, before the boy cracked.

He would be there no matter what.

"We'd better hurry up and get back to Agumon and Taichi. I imagine Taichi would want us to hurry up."

"Yeah. I guess." Quickly, the blond boy helped his partner pick up the food and then started walking back.

Yamato gazed at Gabumon sadly. He felt somewhat guilty for not telling him the truth. He wanted to, it was just…

He let out a small sigh. He doubted that Gabumon had any expert advice in the partner. It was pointless. Maybe when he got back with the other chosen, he could ask Sora about it…

Mentally he slapped himself for even thinking such a thing. She would probably think he was a weird demented freak or something. Taichi was one of her very best friends and if she was to tell him that he like him then….

A shiver ran up his spine. He didn't even want to think about what would happen. Taichi would go crazy at him and kick his ass so much that he wouldn't ever be able to walk again. But then again, knowing how strong Taichi was, he would probably do a lot worst. Truthfully, Yamato wouldn't blame him if the brunette were to do such a thing.

Why couldn't I have just fallen off the mountain?

************************************

"We're back!" cried Gabumon, signalling their return.

Instantly Agumon got up and rushed towards them. "Finally, I thought you'd never get back. Where's the food?" He yelled impatiently.

Slowly Taichi gazed up until his gaze met Yamato's, who was already staring at the brunette. Quickly they turned way realising that they were both staring at each other. The blond boy sighed and went over and sat across from Taichi, resting his back against a rock. Unlike Gabumon and Agumon who had already started feasting away on the food, he had strangely lost his appetite.

"You'd best eat something Yamato." spoke Taichi, slightly nervous. "If we want to find that plant, then we'll need all our strength."

Deciding that it was best not to argue, Yamato picked up a piece of fruit. As he started nibbling on it slowly, he suddenly noticed that Taichi was gazing in the other direction. He stopped eating, and instead stared at the apple-like fruit. Why had Taichi suggested that he eat? Was it because he was concerned about him? Could it be that Taichi actually thought he was an okay person?

No… It wasn't anything of these things. Yamato refused to believe it. Taichi had probably suggested it again because of his little sister. If he were tired and weak, he would just be keeping Taichi back from finding the medicine for his sister. That was the reason why the brunette had wanted him to eat, so he could keep up his strength. He let out a sigh and dropped the fruit. This is pointless….

"What's wrong?" came Taichi's voice, holding a small tone of concern.

Yamato bit his lower lip and titled his head in the other direction. "Nothing. Nothing's wrong."

The brunette shrugged and went back to eating. "You can't be sad about nothing all the time." He stated with his mouth full of food. A few moments pasted, and yet again there was silence. As usual, this made Yamato feel extremely uncomfortable. He turned back around and picked up the fruit he had dropped. As he was about to put it in his mouth, he suddenly noticed the serious look plastered upon Taichi's face. He frowned slightly. It was strange to see Taichi looking so serious like that. It wasn't like he was never serious or anything though…

But still, the look on his face made him seem like a completely different person. He didn't deserve to be sad. Taichi…

Without thinking, Yamato started to ask Taichi what was wrong. "Ta-Taichi?"

Taichi was awakened from his thoughts. "Huh?"

"I-I…Well are you alright? I mean you really don't seem yourself, I was just wondering what was wrong…"

The brunette shook his head. "It's nothing."

Yamato gazed at him sadly. "Hikari-chan?"

"Yeah. Hikari, and just some other stuff too."

Other stuff? Wondered Yamato.

"I'm not sure of anything anymore…."

Yamato gave him a sympathetic smile. "Don't worry I'm sure we'll find that herb. We'll find it somehow." He said, hoping to put Taichi's at rest.

"You don't know that Yamato. Nobody knows that. Maybe God is the only one who knows, and he certainly won't help us. And even if we do find it, will be able to make it back in time to get it to her?"

"I…"

"Wh-What if the other's get attacked? What if their Digimon aren't strong enough. They…They can only evolve into ultimate. What if everyone gets killed? Hikari, Takeru, Sora…everybody! It's all my fault… All of this happened because of me. If only kept better watch of her, then - then she wouldn't have…."

Yamato felt both guilt and sorrow weigh up on him. He had never seen the chosen children's fearless leader act like this before. It frightened him. It frightened him a lot. He didn't want the brunette to act this way, he wanted him to be happy and optimistic like he always was. He reminds me of myself…

Suddenly the blond boy was overcome with a desperate urge to sweep Taichi into his arms and hold him tightly. He wanted to nurture him and say that everything would be all right in the end. Unfortunately such a thing could never be, and knowing this left Yamato feeling worthless and pathetic.

Tears began to fill Taichi's eyes. Yamato could take this no longer. "Taichi stop talking like that! It's not your fault! You can't be responsible for Hikari all the time! It's that goddamn Digimon's fault not yours!"

"Of course it's my fault! I'm her big brother. I'm supposed to watch over her and protect her. I'm the one who let her get hurt!"

"You can't watch over her every single second."

"I know that but… I just wanted to move on. I was so busy leading everybody else that I didn't even notice her trailing behind. You should have seen her Yamato. The moment I heard her scream I rushed back to find her. That huge Digimon was coming towards her and she screamed out my name, that's when she…"

"Taichi…"

"I mean you would have never led that happen to Takeru."

Yamato frowned. He hadn't even been watching Takeru at the time Hikari got attacked. But then again, Takeru didn't even need him anymore. Yamato got up and placed his hand on Taichi's shoulder. "We all make mistakes-"

Taichi shook in off angrily. "Not mistakes that end up killing people!" Taichi buried his face into his knees. Yamato was slightly hurt to the way Taichi had reacted, but then again, he himself knew that he would have probably reacted in the same way if it was him in Taichi's position. He had always hated people feeling sorry for him. Ever since his parents had gotten a divorce, he had learnt to take care of himself. He no longer wanted or needed anybody's help. After all, if one spends most of his life alone, why start depending on others all of a sudden?

"Ta-Taichi. I'm really sorry."

The brunette bust in sobs. He began to say something that Yamato wasn't quite able to make out. Tears began to fill Yamato's eyes. Quickly he wiped them away, still refusing to let anyone see him cry. Tightly, he grasped on to Taichi's arms and pulled him up.

"Don't think like this! You shouldn't think so negative! Do you really think sitting here crying about it is going to help Hikari get better? If you really care about her then you'll stop crying and blaming yourself and go and keep searching! You have to be strong, I guess. Her life is depending on you, you know."

His soft tears still continued to run down his cheeks. "But…but…I just feel so useless!"

"Please stop crying." He pleaded softly. Taichi gazed at him, confused by the way he was acting towards him. Noticing Taichi's questioning stare, Yamato wrapped his arms tightly around the brunette, brining him towards his chest. "It'll be alright, I promise. Shhhh….calm down…" As he cradled the other boy in his arms realisation struck and it was only then that Yamato realised what he was actually doing. What was Taichi going to say?! He could just imagine the horrified look on Taichi' face, which was definitely something he didn't wish to face. He shut his eyes tightly expecting Taichi in a few moments to grab his collar and whack his fist against his jaw.

Taichi…

But a few moments passed and the outburst he was expecting from the other boy never came. Slowly he opened his eyes. Taichi was still sobbing into him. The brunette was now clinging tightly on to Yamato's shirt, seeming unwilling to let go. Yamato blushed, he had never seen this side of Taichi before. The same person that had let the rest of the chosen children into fierce and violent battles now seemed as weak and as innocent as a new-born kitten.

"Taichi, it will be all right. It will definitely be all right. I promise." Slowly Taichi lifted his head and gazed curiously into the blonde's eyes. They were different, different from any time before. No longer were there any barriers surrounding his true persona. He looked different. Everything about him seemed different. But perhaps nothing was different. Perhaps nothing had really changed at all. Maybe he had been this way all along, yet he was to blind to see. Was this really Yamato?

"Ya-Yamato…" he stuttered quietly.

"Taichi, are you alright now?" Yamato asked, still worried.

"I-I" Suddenly the brunette realised the situation and the position he was in. Immediately he shot up, his face red in embarrassment. How could he let his so-called rival see him in such a pitiful state?! "Yam-Yamato! I um…I uh…I'm really sorry. I didn't mean for you to see me like this. I just…"

The other boy gave him a small sympathetic smile. "Don't worry about it, it's fine. I was a little surprised but I'm glad you're all right now. I guess everyone gets like that once in awhile."

"Not you." The brunette stated as he wiped his tears away.

"You would be surprised." Replied Yamato, only half kidding.

A small smiled curved around Taichi's lips. He stared deep in the blond boy's beautiful blue eyes and got up. "Arigatou Yamato. That's twice you've helped me out, including saving me from falling off a cliff to my death. In other words, you're an alright guy Ishida."

Yamato blushed slightly, but as soon as he realised, he quickly covered the bottom of his face with his hand pretending he was wiping the bottom of his nose. "No-No problem. I…uh…mean thanks." Taichi had called him an 'alright guy'? Did this mean that he didn't hate him after all? Yamato felt a spark of joy rise inside him, but yet again his pessimism took over. Perhaps Taichi had said that only to be polite. Maybe he had just said as away thank him for saving him. His heart wanted to believe that Taichi really did like him, but then again…. Damn. Why do emotions have to be so fucking confusing?

There was a few moments silence between the two, each too scared and embarrassed to say anything. Suddenly Taichi noticed that Yamato's normally pale skin had reddened quite a bit. Was he blushing?! And if so, what was causing him to? All of a sudden Taichi felt his face do the same. Perhaps Yamato really wasn't as cold and stubborn as he had stereotyped him to be. Perhaps deep down the blond had a kind and caring side. Yes. Taichi knew this was true, and he was determined to see more of this side of Yamato.

It was Yamato who spoke up, breaking the silence as each of them had finished their thoughts. "Hey, did you see where Gabumon went to?"

Taichi gazed around himself trying to spot him. It then occurred to him that Agumon was no where in sight either. "No. But I can't see Agumon either. Man, don't tell me they went off for more food."

"That would be the most likely explanation."

The brunette sighed quietly. "And I thought Agumon was going to go on a diet."

"We'd better go find them." Yamato suggested, beginning to grow worried.

"Yeah." Agreed Taichi. Quickly they ran off.

A few minutes later they came across their Digimon who were standing near the edge of the cliff. Gabumon was the one standing nearest to it. "What are you guys doing?" Taichi asked curiously. "Yamato and I were put worried about you two." Agumon signalled for his partner to be quiet, and then turned back to Gabumon. Taichi stared in confusion.

"What's going on?" asked Yamato who had just arrived.

Gabumon turned around to face them, his face containing great worry. "A terrible storm is heading this way."

"Nani?! A storm?!" cried Taichi in a alarm.

"Yes and it is approaching very quickly."

"Gabumon, how do you know this?" his partner asked in concern.

"To be honest, I'm not very sure. I think it's because I am a Digimon related to ice and the coldness. I just have this strange feeling inside of my that something dangerous is approaching."

"Are you sure it's a storm."

The Digimon nodded. "Yes, I'm quite certain. And since we are in the mountains the snow will be extremely hazardous."

"Great, just great!" Yamato groaned in annoyance. He folded his arms and turned his gaze back to the Digimon. "So what do you suppose we do?"

"I think it would probably be best if we took shelter in a cave until the storm clears."

"What?! What we need to do is keep on looking for that medicine for Hikari. We can't just wait somewhere for the storm to pass, that could take hours!" yelled Taichi in anger. "I don't know about you guys, but I'm going to find that goddamn herb if it kills me! I won't let Hikari down any longer."

Yamato gave a small sympathetic smile. "Taichi…"

"Well I'm going now. You don't need to come, I'll find that plant myself if I have too." Taichi stated before running off.

"Taichi! Wait!" Suddenly he stopped at the sound of Yamato's voice, knowing what the blond would probably say. "Look Yamato, I know that your probably thinking that I'm just being stubborn and stupid and about how reckless it is for me to run off when a giant storm is coming, but my sister's life depends on me and-"

"Taichi that's not what I was going to stay." Said Yamato, interrupting Taichi before he could any further.

The brunette blinked for a few moments. "It wasn't?"

"No. I just wanted to tell you that I'm coming with you. I know how much you care about Hikari, and I don't want her to die either. Hey after all if it were Takeru in this situation, I'd be doing the same thing."

"Yamato…"

"Hey, I'm coming too!" agreed Agumon happily. "No storms going to stop the all mighty Agumon!"

Taichi smiled. "Thanks buddy."

"How about you Gabumon? Are you coming with us?" questioned Yamato.

The Digimon still looked slightly uneasy, but managed to conjure up a small smile. "I still think it's dangerous but…Of course I'll go! What kind of Digimon would I be if I didn't? Besides it's my job to protect you Yamato, no matter what. Where ever you go, I go!"

Yamato smiled. "Thank you."

"Alright! Let's go!" shouted Taichi, enthusiastically.

And so they headed off…

Authors Notes: Sorry about the last sentence, I know it really sucks. I couldn't really think of something better to write at the time, unfortunately. The quote "It will definitely be all right." Which Yamato says when trying to comforting Taichi, is from the anime Cardcaptor Sakura. Sakura says this a lot and I was just recently reminded of it so basically I couldn't resist not using it. I love Cardcaptor Sakura, such a great anime! ^_^ Of course definitely not referring to the English dubbed version …. *shudders*

I hope this chapter was all right, and I promise to try and get the next chapter posted as soon as possible. I still have to update my other story 'Shadows from the past', but hopefully I can get both updated quite soon.