Authors Notes: I finally managed to post the next chapter. Sorry if there are lots of spelling mistakes or grammar errors, I was actually off school sick today and decided to type it up from my notebook. Gomen for any mistakes. Hope you enjoy.
Disclaimer: Unfortunately I do not own Digimon. (It's probably a good thing that I don't or it'd be such a crappy series.)
Chapter five: Pain
For hours they walked further and further up the winding mountain paths. Gabumon's prediction had came true, a storm was heading. And if the storms in the Digital world were as bad as the Digimon made them out to be, then they were definitely in trouble. Still Taichi pushed on; nothing was going to him from saving Hikari. Yamato admired the brunette for this. It also proved that he was wrong about Taichi, he didn't just care about himself. Regret came upon him as he remembered all the horrible things he had said to him in the past. He sighed and griped his folded arms tightly around his thin body. The wind blew harder and the coldness was becoming severe. He envied Gabumon for having that fur coat. His mind wandered back to the determined boy ahead. He began to wonder if they hadn't been so different, would they have gotten to know each other better in the past? Who knows, maybe they would have ended up as really close friends. The thought brought a smile to his face, but it vanished as fast as it had came as he was struck by reality. Such a thing could have never happened. He couldn't have friends…
He placed his hand down his collar and took out his crest. He stared at it, examining the symbol over and over in his mind. How he loathed this crest. Friendship…
Why was it that everyone else got a crest that actually suited their personalities? There was Koushiro, the smartest kid Yamato had ever met in his entire life. He knew just about everyone there was to about computers and technology. His Crest of Knowledge definitely suited him. The cautious Jyou had a great sense of responsibility, and for this he had gained the crest of reliability. Mimi who although was whiney and annoying at times, had a very kind and sincere personality. This earned her the Crest of Purity. Hikari represented the crest of Light throughout her personality, as well as her name. Sora definitely deserved her Crest of love. She was always concerned about the others, and became extremely worried in case anyone got hurt. Even though Yamato found her annoying at times, he also thought of her as sister. Then there was his little brother Takeru. The child always seemed to be filled with so much happiness, so optimistic, always looking on the bright side of things. Truthfully, Yamato couldn't think of anyone better suited for the Crest of Hope.
And finally there was Taichi, and of course no one could argue about him not living up to his Crest of Courage. Taichi had to be the most brave, athletic and adventurous person he had ever known. The brunette was bursting with so much energy and confidence. Yamato doubted that he would ever admit it, but at times, he was jealous of Taichi. He was able to make friends so easily, and just about everyone (excluding evil Digimon) seemed to like him. He deserved the Crest of Friendship so much more than he did. Takeru loved him so much that he probably wanted Taichi as his brother from now on. This reminded him of the deep anger he held towards the brunette for trying to take his little brother away from him.
A giant wave of confusion washed over him. He hated Taichi, yet now he was beginning to like him. But what worried him the most was the fear that his fondness for Taichi might be changing into something. He refused to believe such a thing, but a voice at the back of his mind continually taunted him from trying to escape the thought. But such a thing couldn't be true, could it? It made no sense at all. If someone had suggested the thought a few days ago, he would have shouted at them so much that his voice would probably end up damaged afterwards. He had been having strange feelings about Taichi for awhile now, but before he was always able to shake them off. Now he found that the thoughts wouldn't leave them. He could no longer ignore that fear. And Yamato had a strong feeling that it would remain with him for a very long time. Slowly the memory of Myotismon appeared before him. He remembered just how tightly he had held Taichi's hand when Angemon and Angewoman were about to strike their arrows at them. Both of them were frightened, there was no denying that. But still, they stuck together. He remembered that one of smile Taichi had gave him.
Hey, don't worry Yamato. Hikari, Takeru and the Digimon wouldn't even think about doing this if they knew there was a chance we could get killed. We've just got to have faith. We have to believe in them.
Yamato nodded and gave the brunette a small smile in return. Yeah you're right! Both held hands finally prepared for what was about to come. As the arrows drew nearer a strange and wonderful sensation rose up from within him. It sparked in his hands until finally it consumed his whole body. He could hear the blood pumping through his veins, but his heart remained the loudest. Suddenly he realised that it was not only his own heart he was hearing, but Taichi's too. Both were beating together. Back then Yamato had dismissed this as nothing more than side effects caused by the two angelic Digimon, but now he was sure it was something else. It was love.
Yes, he loved Yagami Taichi…
For the first time ever, he had finally admitted it to himself. He gripped his Crest even harder as tears began to well up in his eyes. How could this of happened? Was such a feeling created just for the purpose of torturing him? Why the hell did life have to be fucking unfair? He had been distancing himself from others for so long now that he knew nothing of kindness and love. Two days ago he had convinced himself he hated him, now he loved him. Oh, the confusion of life had him tightly wrapped around its little finger.
He took a deep breath and quickly wiped his tears away. If Taichi and the Digimon saw him crying it would just draw attention and questioning, and that was the last thing he wanted right now.
Yamato had now come to a firm decision. He would leave. If he didn't he might accidentally blurt out his true feelings by mistake, then all hell would break loose. Nobody needed him anyway. Nobody wanted him. After all, when he and Taichi rejoined the others, things would return to normal wouldn't they? Taichi would be leading the others then he would disagree with one of Taichi's plans, then of course they would fight until the other chosen couldn't take anymore and finally tried to break the fight up. This was routine he definitely did not want to go back too. So it was decided, as soon as they found the medicine for Hikari he would leave.
Taichi I wish you could know the truth….
Taichi had been walking slightly ahead of Yamato, along with Agumon. The thought of what happened earlier stuck in his mind. It had embarrassed a lot, but the way Yamato had spoke to him, it was so different.
Yamato, he does care about me, doesn't he? The way he held me, the way he comforted me when I was crying, it really was as if he cared about me. But is this true? Yamato, he's so hard to figure out. I've been with him for months now, yet I barely know anything about him. Who is the real Ishida Yamato? And how does he feel about me?
He gazed around slowly, noticing the sad look plastered upon Yamato's face. It wasn't unusual for the blonde boy to look this way, but still it bothered Taichi.
Does that mean you're never happy?
Look Taichi it doesn't matter what I feel. It doesn't matter…
Taichi swallowed nervously. How could someone possibly be sad all the time? Life was too short to waste it all on depression. Taichi bit his lip, thinking of what he had just thought. It actually was a bit hypocritical of him, after all if it weren't for Yamato he would probably still be crying right now. Taichi knew there had to be a reason for Yamato to act the way he did. He was quite sure it had to do with his parent's divorce. He does always want to be with Takeru.
At that moment, Taichi regretted saying all the bad things he had said to Yamato. He just wasn't used to someone disagreeing with him all the time. None of the others did. He and Yamato argued about it a lot. Maybe he wasn't as good a leader as he thought he was.
You've got responsibilities as the leader of the Digidestined to look out for everyone. While you're way up here, the others are back there and could have been in trouble!
The memory shot through him like a bullet puncturing his heart. It was all his fault that Hikari got hurt. If he had paid more attention then she may have escaped the battle without a scratch!
Why the hell did I act so stupid?! Why didn't I look more carefully?! It should have been me that got hurt in battle, not her! Yamato was right the first time. I do act like I don't care. And now the storms coming and I have no fucking chance of finding that goddamn flower!
"I hate this! It's not fair!" he screamed in total rage, falling down to his knees. He was a monster. He only cared for himself. He didn't even deserve to be the leader anymore. He was just as bad as all those demonic Digimon he had fought in the past. "I don't want to be like that! I'm not fucking like that!"
"Taichi what's wrong?!" cried Agumon, frightened by his partners sudden breakout.
"Noooooo! I hate this! I hate this! I don't want to be like this! I don't want anybody to get hurt! I don't want my little sister to die!"
Yamato instantly rushed up the pathway to Taichi. He was overcome with shock as he looked down upon the brunette. "Taichi!" He gasped loudly for breath and leapt down by Taichi's side. "Taichi! Taichi, what's wrong?!" he asked worriedly.
"What's wrong?! Everything's wrong, that's what! You were right, Yamato! You were right!" he sobbed hysterically.
"I was right? What was I right about Taichi?! Taichi!" he cried almost in tears himself.
Taichi raised his head and looked straight into the blonde's eyes. "That-that I don't care! That I'm heartless! Everything you said was true."
Fear washed over him at Taichi's words. He was acting like this because of him. Because of all the horrible things he had said in the past. This was all his fault. "Taichi don't say that! It's not true! They're just lie! They're all lies! I-I just didn't know what I was saying, that's all. Everybody says things they don't really mean."
"No, you were right. You're always right about everything! I was so caught up in stopping the Dark masters that I caused my sister's own death!" A loud horrifying scream escaped his lips, and instantly he grasped hold of his head. The world around him was spinning. "I hate this! I hate this! I hate this!"
Yamato's mouth widened in shock. He had never seen anyone act this way before, and out of all the chosen children, he thought he would never see Taichi like this. Tears pored down his face. No, this wasn't Taichi. Taichi would never act like this. It couldn't be the fearless leader he knew, it just couldn't be. Yamato felt helpless, he was never good at comforting people. He didn't have much experience in the matter.
Long ago he had told himself if that people didn't bother about him, then why should he take pity upon the weak? He had held all his feelings of sorrow and pain inside himself for so long, pushing it down into the deepest hole possible. He hated emotions. They destroyed him. He looked back to Taichi still sitting sobbing on the ground hysterically.
I hate it! I hate it! I hate it!
He searched desperately in his mind for a way to help Taichi. But what could he do? He knew that his words would be meaningless to Taichi. Taichi hated him. He couldn't ignore this fact. But still he couldn't ignore the fact that he was developing feelings for him. Could he ever tell him? Would fate let him tell him? He wished for a sign. The thought of not being in control of his own life frightened him.
What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?
Tell him, Baka…
Yamato's eyes widened. He looked around quickly and gazed at the Digimon. They were tending over Taichi. Neither of them had said anything. Again Yamato looked around him. There was no sign of life. Am I going insane? That voice, it was so strange… It sounded strange…. It felt strange…What in the hell was it? The blond boy bit his lip; it was now or never. The voice was telling him to admit love to someone that just a day ago he thought he hated. Such a thing seemed absurd yet at the same time it made since. What ever that weird voice was, it was helping him. All right, it is now or never, Ishida.
He waited a few more moments trying to see if the voice would perhaps return and tell him something else, but of course it never did. He cursed his luck. He looked back to Taichi, still crying. He could hug him, he could make the brunette feel better again, but this was only in his imagination. The tanned boy was so beautiful, so innocent, so carefree and happy. Opposites attract. Yamato had never believed this phrase before. He believed that someone the exact opposite from him would never understand, that they would just annoy the living hell out of him, and for awhile this was true.
I want to be happy just like Taich. But Taichi isn't happy right now so… what do I want to be now?
"Ta-Tai-Tai…chi…"
The brunette never responded, still lost deep inside his own self-pity.
Slowly Yamato bent down closer to him and tried his best to speak a bit louder. "Taichi there's something I need to tell you…"
Taichi glanced up and blew his nose into his arm hoping to soften the loud sobs coming from him. "What-What is it?"
Yamato bit his lip. He had no idea were to start, neither could he believe that he was actually doing this. The little colour that had once belonged to his cheeks was gone leaving him looking deathly pale. "Ta-Taichi, I-I"
"Yamato what's wrong?" Taichi asked quietly beginning to worry that there was now something wrong with the blond also.
He squeezed his eyes shut tightly together as he slowly inhaled a deep breath. "Taichi, I think I love-"
Suddenly the ground below them started to shake. The ground began to crack as piles of rocks were hurdled over the side of the mountain.
"Yamato! What's happening?!" cried Taichi in panic.
"I think it must be an earthquake, either that or it's an-"
"Ahhhhh!" Before he could finish he was interrupted by two loud screams. Immediately both boys turned around only to see their Digimon being thrown off the mountain.
"Gabumon!"
"Agumon!" The ground below them too broke in half. Both boys were thrown up into the air, landing back down on another boulder. Yamato cursed loudly and forced himself up, remembering Taichi and the Digimon. "Taichi!"
The brunette was awakened to the sound of his companion's voice. "Yamato…" Slowly he sat up, feeling like he had just got the shit beaten out of him. Yamato quickly ran towards him. "Taichi get up, we have to get out of here!"
Taichi blinked, still disorientated about things from the fall. He immediately gazed around his surroundings trying his best to get a better grasp of what was getting on. He frowned. "Where's Agumon?" He was alarmed by a sudden thud. His eyes widened in horror as avalanche of snow started flowing down from above. Seeing Yamato, he started to run towards him. "Yamato!"
The blond boy held out his pale hand. "Taichi!" Taichi reached out take his friends hand, but the harsh snow hurdled them away before Taichi could make that final reach. Both screamed, and at that moment, Yamato felt his heart shatter into a million pieces.
Taichi…I'm sorry…"
Suddenly all was black…
Authors Notes: I'm really unsure of this chapter so sorry if it sucks. Oh cliff-hanger, aren't I the evil one? If any one wants me to e-mail them with updates on this fic just tell me and I'll be happy to do so. Thank you very much for reading. ^_^
