Author notes: I'am not sure when this is set properly after luka and Abby break up.

She had actually done it after several failed attempts she did it properly she managed to kill her self well I suppose anyone who jumped in front of the el would die. But why was now any different from when she was six years old. She didn't care that was cold comfort now she really had no one Eric had a family now and luka was long gone and carter didn't care about her so why would anybody care that she was drinking. Why stop there why does anybody care she was alive. Once Richard had a drop of emotion for her now he had his teacher and a kid. God she was such a loser walling in her own self pity one part of her said get a grip and pull your self together but the other part told her just to end it. She looked at her watch she should really get to bed she took another swig of vodka and by some miracle managed to get into bed with out falling over she quickly got into bed and let the blankets create a nest around her alcohol filled body.

****3 hours later****

Her alarm was drilling into her head forcing her to open her eyes to the cruel light of day. Great another day in the life of Abby Lockheart.she got up had a shower and a cup of coffee (with a special ingredient) and left for another day of her life.

****At the ER****

She walked quickly into the lounge not wanting to face the usual

"You o.k. Abby you look bad" Or "Are you o.k."

"Hey Abby"

Oh god she hadn't seen carter lurking in the corner reading the newspaper

"Hi"she said not realising how horse her voice was

"Are you o.k."

Here it comes she thought.

"yep I'm just great"

"If you say so"

And with that he left the lounge.

.................................. WILL CONTINUE ASAP