Disclaimer: I don't own Abby, Carter or any of the ER 'gang'
Tears Form Behind My Eyes
*1 Month Later*
Abby stood in the same spot she'd stood in a few weeks earlier. Hse remembered the look in Susans eyes, the tone of her voice.
'What do you mean he's gone?'
'He left, he said he was going home'
'Why, why would he just up and leave?'
'He found out'
'About what?' Stupid question, she knew exactly what had driven him away.
Susans head fell
'I thought he already knew'
'You told him? Susan, how could you?'
'Hey, don't get angry with me'
Luka walked through the doors to meet the approaching ambulance
'Can you to help?'
The touch of someones hands on her back brought her back from her daydream
She turned to find Luka beaming down at her
'You Ok?'
She took a long drag from her cigarette and nodded
'What are you doing tonight?'
'Um, nothing, why?'
'I thought we could go out for dinner'
'I don't know, I'm not really in the mood'
'Some other time then'
She smiled back at him
'You know, we should we go out'
'When do you finish?'
'Eight'
'Ok'
She stamped out her cigrette and walked back inside.
She didn't want to go out but it was part of her duty as the girlfriend to go. She hadn't been fulfilling that role lately. Last week was the first time they'd gone out in over a month, since Carter had resurfaced only to dive again. She hadn't enjoyed the meal at the random restaurant he'd chosen let alone the sex afterwards - throughout it she felt that she was cheating on Carter, afterwards she felt cheap and dirty. She'd cheated on Luka with Carter but now, for the first time she felt like she'd betrayed Carter with Luka.
The irony of the whole situation confused her when she couldn't sleep, that and those two days that had changed everything.
Sometimes she cursed Carter for coming back just then, a week either way could've made the difference, but no, he had to come back when she had been so vunerable, so unsure of how she felt.
But then there were other times, other nights when she found her self justifying her actions. If she was honest she knew that something would have eventually happened, if not when he came to visit but when he came back, there was too much between them to ignore. They hadn't realised it before and even if they did they'd acted upo it.
But that night, that night he told her something she wanted to hear; her reaction shocked her, she usually thought about what she was going to do before she doing it, most of the time she thought too much, but no this time, and look where it had go her.
*A few hours later*
She stood in front of the mirror and gazed at her reflection. She had decided to make an outright effort to look good and enjoy herself - she'd spent too much time lately being miserable.
She smoothed down her shirt once more and gave a satisfied smile. She walked into the bathroom and carefully pulled the rollers out of her hair making sure she didn't diffuse any of her newly created curls. She pulled a few items of make up out of her bag after deciding to go for the 'natural' look. She was just applying her eyeliner when the doorbell rang, her hand slipped and she poked herself in the eye.
'Shit'
She grabbed some tissue off the nearby roll and walked to the door.
As she opened the door a forced smile spread across her face
'Hi'
'Hi. Whats up with your eye?'
'Long story' She convinced herself that he didn't want to hear how incompetent she was at applying make up. 'So, where are we going?'
'I thought we could have Italian'
'Sounds good. Let me get my coat'
She walked back into her room and wndered how much more of the forced conversation she could take.
'Abby?'
'Yeah'
'Your coats out here'
'Oh' She blushed as she re-emerged from the bedroom.
'Have we got a reservation?'
'Eight'
'We better go then'
She returned from the bathroom to find her food at the table.
She sat down and began to eat.
A waitress arrived at the table with a jug of water
'Water?'
'Is that Ok?'
'Yeah but you can drink if you want to, don't let me stop you'
'Your not, I have an early shift tomorrow'
He was lying, she knew he was lying, he was giving up alcohol for her. He'd brought her out to an expensive restaurant, trying to force the conversation without alcohol and what did she do, she hated him for it. She hated him for being a good person and making it more difficult that it already was. He didn't deserve to be sat here oblivious to the lie that she was living, he didn't deserve to be lied to constantly, he didn't deserve her. He trusted her and as far as he was concerned nothing was wrong, their relationship was perfectly healthy.
He'd brought her to an expensive restaurant with romantic lighting and jazz music playing in the background. She looked around, at every table there was a couple, some blissfully unaware of the romantic setting as they held hands and gazed into each others eyes, others obviously only on theyr 2nd or 3rd date - the chemistry that had got them through first dates was evident but the intimacy of a full time relationship wasn't quite there and then ther was herself and Luka, while she constantly lied to him he remained clueless.
'Abby?'
She looked at him, she looked in his eyes. He looked back at her, the look he gave her killed her - his eyes filled with passion and love and everything she didn't feel for him.
'Abby? Are you sure you're Ok?'
She couldn't do it anymore
She pushed her chair back and grabbed her jacket
'No' she whispered
'Why?'
'Luka, I cant do this anymore'
'Do what?'
'This, it's a lie'
'Since when? Would you mind telling me what this is about?'
'I cant lie to you anymore'
'Are you seeing someone else?'
Did he need to know? What good would it do?
'I'm not seeing anyone else'
'Well, whats this about then?'
'I don't love you. I, I, love.'
'You love who Abby? Yourself? That's all you care about'
She couldn't believe it, she couldn't believe he'd said that. She didn't want to look a t him. She stormed out of the restaurant trying not to see the pairs of eyes following her.
'Abby wait' He ran to her 'Im sorry, I didn't mean that'
'Yes you did'
'Look, Im sorry, please, cant we talk about this?'
'And say what Luka, theres nothing left to say'
'Yes there is, I need to know what happened. One minute we were fine and then, then.'
She saw it hit him, she watched his face contort.
'.then Carter came back.'
Okies, long time no post. Hope you enjoyed the next chapter should be up ASAP. Review as always - Hna
Tears Form Behind My Eyes
*1 Month Later*
Abby stood in the same spot she'd stood in a few weeks earlier. Hse remembered the look in Susans eyes, the tone of her voice.
'What do you mean he's gone?'
'He left, he said he was going home'
'Why, why would he just up and leave?'
'He found out'
'About what?' Stupid question, she knew exactly what had driven him away.
Susans head fell
'I thought he already knew'
'You told him? Susan, how could you?'
'Hey, don't get angry with me'
Luka walked through the doors to meet the approaching ambulance
'Can you to help?'
The touch of someones hands on her back brought her back from her daydream
She turned to find Luka beaming down at her
'You Ok?'
She took a long drag from her cigarette and nodded
'What are you doing tonight?'
'Um, nothing, why?'
'I thought we could go out for dinner'
'I don't know, I'm not really in the mood'
'Some other time then'
She smiled back at him
'You know, we should we go out'
'When do you finish?'
'Eight'
'Ok'
She stamped out her cigrette and walked back inside.
She didn't want to go out but it was part of her duty as the girlfriend to go. She hadn't been fulfilling that role lately. Last week was the first time they'd gone out in over a month, since Carter had resurfaced only to dive again. She hadn't enjoyed the meal at the random restaurant he'd chosen let alone the sex afterwards - throughout it she felt that she was cheating on Carter, afterwards she felt cheap and dirty. She'd cheated on Luka with Carter but now, for the first time she felt like she'd betrayed Carter with Luka.
The irony of the whole situation confused her when she couldn't sleep, that and those two days that had changed everything.
Sometimes she cursed Carter for coming back just then, a week either way could've made the difference, but no, he had to come back when she had been so vunerable, so unsure of how she felt.
But then there were other times, other nights when she found her self justifying her actions. If she was honest she knew that something would have eventually happened, if not when he came to visit but when he came back, there was too much between them to ignore. They hadn't realised it before and even if they did they'd acted upo it.
But that night, that night he told her something she wanted to hear; her reaction shocked her, she usually thought about what she was going to do before she doing it, most of the time she thought too much, but no this time, and look where it had go her.
*A few hours later*
She stood in front of the mirror and gazed at her reflection. She had decided to make an outright effort to look good and enjoy herself - she'd spent too much time lately being miserable.
She smoothed down her shirt once more and gave a satisfied smile. She walked into the bathroom and carefully pulled the rollers out of her hair making sure she didn't diffuse any of her newly created curls. She pulled a few items of make up out of her bag after deciding to go for the 'natural' look. She was just applying her eyeliner when the doorbell rang, her hand slipped and she poked herself in the eye.
'Shit'
She grabbed some tissue off the nearby roll and walked to the door.
As she opened the door a forced smile spread across her face
'Hi'
'Hi. Whats up with your eye?'
'Long story' She convinced herself that he didn't want to hear how incompetent she was at applying make up. 'So, where are we going?'
'I thought we could have Italian'
'Sounds good. Let me get my coat'
She walked back into her room and wndered how much more of the forced conversation she could take.
'Abby?'
'Yeah'
'Your coats out here'
'Oh' She blushed as she re-emerged from the bedroom.
'Have we got a reservation?'
'Eight'
'We better go then'
She returned from the bathroom to find her food at the table.
She sat down and began to eat.
A waitress arrived at the table with a jug of water
'Water?'
'Is that Ok?'
'Yeah but you can drink if you want to, don't let me stop you'
'Your not, I have an early shift tomorrow'
He was lying, she knew he was lying, he was giving up alcohol for her. He'd brought her out to an expensive restaurant, trying to force the conversation without alcohol and what did she do, she hated him for it. She hated him for being a good person and making it more difficult that it already was. He didn't deserve to be sat here oblivious to the lie that she was living, he didn't deserve to be lied to constantly, he didn't deserve her. He trusted her and as far as he was concerned nothing was wrong, their relationship was perfectly healthy.
He'd brought her to an expensive restaurant with romantic lighting and jazz music playing in the background. She looked around, at every table there was a couple, some blissfully unaware of the romantic setting as they held hands and gazed into each others eyes, others obviously only on theyr 2nd or 3rd date - the chemistry that had got them through first dates was evident but the intimacy of a full time relationship wasn't quite there and then ther was herself and Luka, while she constantly lied to him he remained clueless.
'Abby?'
She looked at him, she looked in his eyes. He looked back at her, the look he gave her killed her - his eyes filled with passion and love and everything she didn't feel for him.
'Abby? Are you sure you're Ok?'
She couldn't do it anymore
She pushed her chair back and grabbed her jacket
'No' she whispered
'Why?'
'Luka, I cant do this anymore'
'Do what?'
'This, it's a lie'
'Since when? Would you mind telling me what this is about?'
'I cant lie to you anymore'
'Are you seeing someone else?'
Did he need to know? What good would it do?
'I'm not seeing anyone else'
'Well, whats this about then?'
'I don't love you. I, I, love.'
'You love who Abby? Yourself? That's all you care about'
She couldn't believe it, she couldn't believe he'd said that. She didn't want to look a t him. She stormed out of the restaurant trying not to see the pairs of eyes following her.
'Abby wait' He ran to her 'Im sorry, I didn't mean that'
'Yes you did'
'Look, Im sorry, please, cant we talk about this?'
'And say what Luka, theres nothing left to say'
'Yes there is, I need to know what happened. One minute we were fine and then, then.'
She saw it hit him, she watched his face contort.
'.then Carter came back.'
Okies, long time no post. Hope you enjoyed the next chapter should be up ASAP. Review as always - Hna
