Disclaimer: I don't own Abby, Carter or any of the ER 'gang'
You're My Shooting Star
She looked down at her feet
'Do you love him?'
For the first time she realised she did and she wasn't afraid of saying it
'Yes'
'For how long?'
How long had she known? When he'd left? That phone-call? When he'd come back? Or maybe shed always loved him, but when did she realise it? That morning - the morning she lay naked in her bed next to him, she could have watched him for hours.
'I don't know, when he came back I suppose'
She could see him thinking.
'Did you sleep with him?'
'Excuse me?'
'Did you sleep with him?'
She could see the anger in his eyes once again
'Does it matter?'
Silence again
'Was I just something to fill in the time?'
'No Luka, I just, I'm sorry'
'Yeah, me too'
His tone was icy as he turned and walked back inside.
She didn't know what to do let alone how to feel.
She wanted Carter to come back and take everything away. She wanted him to put his arms around her waist and tell her everything would be OK. She wanted him to sit by the river and listen to him laughing. She wanted to talk to him, tell him how she felt, tell him everything.
But she couldn't, he didn't want to know her, he ignored her calls and messages, he didn't want her anymore.
So she sat on the El and watched Chicago rush by.
---
She didn't need to hear the alarm outside to know it was time to get up - the bird outside was unusually chirpy.
Her head throbbed, her muscles ached but she felt numb. She got up and walked into the bathroom. The reflection in the mirror looked dead, dead on the inside. Her eyes looked lifeless - she remembered looking in the mirror after waking up with Carter, her eyes had sparkled, her skin had glowed and she couldn't help but smile.
Now it was different, she never smiled anymore. She never did anything anymore, she went to work, she ate, she slept, she went to work.
She needed him to make her laugh, she needed him to tell her that it would be Ok - even if she couldn't see how, hearing him say it would change everything.
It wasn't like last night, she didn't want him, she needed him. But he didn't want to know, she'd betrayed him, she'd betrayed Luka, she'd betrayed herself.
She poured herself a coffee - they say if you drink, more than five cups you're a day you're addicted to it - it was just another one of her vices behind her self denial and drinking.
She was amazed at how well she'd coped with it all, she'd barely drunk anything for a month but before the up came the down. The night he'd left she'd gone out and drank bottle after bottle - she didn't want to but she had to, there was nothing left to hold on to.
Why was she doing this? She poured the rest of her coffee down the sink. Why was she making out that Carter was the miracle cure for everything? He wasn't there now, when she needed him, he'd left her, without saying goodbye, without giving her a chance to explain and now she couldn't explain because he wouldn't let her.
She walked into the ER; it was unusually quiet. Chuny was flirting with Simon (Carters replacement) at the admit desk, Susan was on the phone and Malik was cracking a joke to Haleh. Abby walked into the lounge, she considered pouring herself a cup of coffee but declined - her shift hadn't even started yet.
'Hi Abby'
Lily.
'Hi. Where is everyone?'
'Weavers in a meeting with Romano, Lukas in Curtain 1.'
'He's on today?'
'Only for another hour then Chen takes over. Everything Ok?'
'Yeah thanks'
'I better go'
'Yeah me too'
---
'You sure you're Ok?'
'Susan I'm fine but, um, me and Luka broke up'
'Really? Why?'
'Don't act so surprised'
'Sorry but it was kind of inevitable'
'I know; honestly I'm surprised it lasted this long'
'Me too. So, have you spoken to Carter recently?'
'Um, no, he wont answer my calls or respond to my messages. Have you?'
'Only briefly'
'When?'
'Well once last week and again last night'
'What did he say?'
'Abby! I don't want to get caught up in this'
'You already are'
'Do you blame me?'
'What'
'Do you think it's my fault?'
'No, I didn't mean that but you're already involved'
She just sipped her coffee
'So, did he say anything about me?'
'He's angry Abby'
Her stomach lurched
'That's understandable'
'But you know, he loves you, he came back and told you so'
'What are you saying?'
'He came back here to tell you so maybe you should, you know'
'Are you saying I should go out to Atlanta and tell him?'
'Well, yeah'
'You've got to be kidding'
'Does he know how you feel?'
'Well, yeah'
'Did you tell him?'
She never did tell him, she always avoided the issue.
'Weaver would never give me the time off'
'Abby your nurse manager - you make the schedules'
'Yeah but.'
'Do you want to be with him or not?'
'I do'
'Well, stop making excuses and go'
'What would I say?'
'You're hopeless, you'll figure it out'
---
It always amazed her how coffee at home tasted so much better than the coffee from public places. It was nearly midnight, she could've been sat at home watching late night reruns of Fear Factor - she'd seen them before but she'd spent so much time in front of the TV recently that it wasn't surprising. Shed spent a lot of time doing nothing - she'd wallowed in her self-pity and wondered why he'd gone. So here she was, doing something, standing on Platform 2 of Union Station.
---
Heehee. There we go. Another chapter down. Hope you enjoyed it. Hna xXx
You're My Shooting Star
She looked down at her feet
'Do you love him?'
For the first time she realised she did and she wasn't afraid of saying it
'Yes'
'For how long?'
How long had she known? When he'd left? That phone-call? When he'd come back? Or maybe shed always loved him, but when did she realise it? That morning - the morning she lay naked in her bed next to him, she could have watched him for hours.
'I don't know, when he came back I suppose'
She could see him thinking.
'Did you sleep with him?'
'Excuse me?'
'Did you sleep with him?'
She could see the anger in his eyes once again
'Does it matter?'
Silence again
'Was I just something to fill in the time?'
'No Luka, I just, I'm sorry'
'Yeah, me too'
His tone was icy as he turned and walked back inside.
She didn't know what to do let alone how to feel.
She wanted Carter to come back and take everything away. She wanted him to put his arms around her waist and tell her everything would be OK. She wanted him to sit by the river and listen to him laughing. She wanted to talk to him, tell him how she felt, tell him everything.
But she couldn't, he didn't want to know her, he ignored her calls and messages, he didn't want her anymore.
So she sat on the El and watched Chicago rush by.
---
She didn't need to hear the alarm outside to know it was time to get up - the bird outside was unusually chirpy.
Her head throbbed, her muscles ached but she felt numb. She got up and walked into the bathroom. The reflection in the mirror looked dead, dead on the inside. Her eyes looked lifeless - she remembered looking in the mirror after waking up with Carter, her eyes had sparkled, her skin had glowed and she couldn't help but smile.
Now it was different, she never smiled anymore. She never did anything anymore, she went to work, she ate, she slept, she went to work.
She needed him to make her laugh, she needed him to tell her that it would be Ok - even if she couldn't see how, hearing him say it would change everything.
It wasn't like last night, she didn't want him, she needed him. But he didn't want to know, she'd betrayed him, she'd betrayed Luka, she'd betrayed herself.
She poured herself a coffee - they say if you drink, more than five cups you're a day you're addicted to it - it was just another one of her vices behind her self denial and drinking.
She was amazed at how well she'd coped with it all, she'd barely drunk anything for a month but before the up came the down. The night he'd left she'd gone out and drank bottle after bottle - she didn't want to but she had to, there was nothing left to hold on to.
Why was she doing this? She poured the rest of her coffee down the sink. Why was she making out that Carter was the miracle cure for everything? He wasn't there now, when she needed him, he'd left her, without saying goodbye, without giving her a chance to explain and now she couldn't explain because he wouldn't let her.
She walked into the ER; it was unusually quiet. Chuny was flirting with Simon (Carters replacement) at the admit desk, Susan was on the phone and Malik was cracking a joke to Haleh. Abby walked into the lounge, she considered pouring herself a cup of coffee but declined - her shift hadn't even started yet.
'Hi Abby'
Lily.
'Hi. Where is everyone?'
'Weavers in a meeting with Romano, Lukas in Curtain 1.'
'He's on today?'
'Only for another hour then Chen takes over. Everything Ok?'
'Yeah thanks'
'I better go'
'Yeah me too'
---
'You sure you're Ok?'
'Susan I'm fine but, um, me and Luka broke up'
'Really? Why?'
'Don't act so surprised'
'Sorry but it was kind of inevitable'
'I know; honestly I'm surprised it lasted this long'
'Me too. So, have you spoken to Carter recently?'
'Um, no, he wont answer my calls or respond to my messages. Have you?'
'Only briefly'
'When?'
'Well once last week and again last night'
'What did he say?'
'Abby! I don't want to get caught up in this'
'You already are'
'Do you blame me?'
'What'
'Do you think it's my fault?'
'No, I didn't mean that but you're already involved'
She just sipped her coffee
'So, did he say anything about me?'
'He's angry Abby'
Her stomach lurched
'That's understandable'
'But you know, he loves you, he came back and told you so'
'What are you saying?'
'He came back here to tell you so maybe you should, you know'
'Are you saying I should go out to Atlanta and tell him?'
'Well, yeah'
'You've got to be kidding'
'Does he know how you feel?'
'Well, yeah'
'Did you tell him?'
She never did tell him, she always avoided the issue.
'Weaver would never give me the time off'
'Abby your nurse manager - you make the schedules'
'Yeah but.'
'Do you want to be with him or not?'
'I do'
'Well, stop making excuses and go'
'What would I say?'
'You're hopeless, you'll figure it out'
---
It always amazed her how coffee at home tasted so much better than the coffee from public places. It was nearly midnight, she could've been sat at home watching late night reruns of Fear Factor - she'd seen them before but she'd spent so much time in front of the TV recently that it wasn't surprising. Shed spent a lot of time doing nothing - she'd wallowed in her self-pity and wondered why he'd gone. So here she was, doing something, standing on Platform 2 of Union Station.
---
Heehee. There we go. Another chapter down. Hope you enjoyed it. Hna xXx
