WARNING: This fic deals with domestic violence. Please do not read if you think you will be upset by such issues.

Angry All The Time
Chapter 5/?
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star

Simon didn't have to show me the pictures of his kids from his wallet. Mom and Dad had dozens of them lying around.

"This one is my favorite," He smiled and handed me a frame off the kitchen counter. It showed two precious little girls dressed in white angel outfits, the older one holding her baby sister. I wanted to cry because I still couldn't think of their names.

Kevin kept my contact with my family at a minimum. He refused to allow long distance phone calls and often intercepted the calls from my family. I looked at Simon and wondered if he had any idea what hell I lived in, what hell I had run from.

"Autumn is such a great kid. She's in preschool this year." He beamed, absolutely glowed with pride. I nodded. Autumn. The older one is Autumn. She must be about the same age as Rory Anne.

I looked down, and a tear plopped onto the glass. Simon set the picture down and once again gathered me in his arms. Victoria really got lucky with him, I thought, and felt a little relief at least I remembered his wife's name.

"What is it, honey?" Simon asked softly. The voice he must use with Autumn sometimes, I thought.

I shook my head and looked up at him. "Simon, I can't remember the baby's name."

The corners of his mouth twitched. "It's Isabel. We call her Bella."

"How old is she?"

"Four and a half months."

I gnawed on my bottom lip trying to keep the tears at bay. Of course it didn't work, it never worked, and I buried my face in my hands.

Simon patted my shoulders and assured me it would be all right. "I'll take you and the kids to my place tonight, Luce," he offered. "Mom and Dad won't be home until tomorrow sometime."

I nodded. "Thank you, Simon. Thank you for being here." It was luck that had him drop by to check on the house when I happened to be there. Maybe God was still watching out for me, after all.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I leaned against the column on the back porch watching Simon with my children. He ran with them around the yard, tossing an old soccer ball between them, his steps wide and awkward when he ran, deliberately off balance so he wouldn't over run them. Brian and Rory Anne loved it, their giggles a sure sign.

Caroline tried not to look at him too much, and the rosy tint to her cheeks betrayed her face of indifference. She had a crush on him, I could tell, as only a mother can tell.

Vincent regarded Simon from a safe distance, seeming to check him out. More than once when he glanced at me, I nodded and smiled. He could trust Simon, I wanted him to know. Simon would never hurt him, or me, as his father had done.

I almost laughed out loud when I realized I felt a little sorry for Kevin. I felt sorry for him because he could have had all this, and he missed it. He stifled it and denied it and cheated himself out of it.

I closed my eyes and thought of him. Kevin. My husband. Wondered where he was, and how he was dealing with my disappearance. I hadn't completely convinced myself I had seen the last of him, and I lived in fear of him showing up here in Glen Oak.

I thought of the day I met him, in the airport in Buffalo. He had seemed so cocky and arrogant, standing there in his police uniform, his stance conveying the power. He had the power that day, he could have had me arrested and thrown in jail on terrorist threats. I wondered, as I had wondered many times over the years when I felt drawn back to that fateful day, what made him let me off the hook? What did he see in me that made him want to go out with me?

What made me want to go out with him? I'd seen the hardness in his eyes, right from the start. I justified it with the fact he was a cop. Cops have to have a certain amount of emotional detachment to do their job, I thought. Must be hard day after day to see the things a cop sees. Especially in a big city like Buffalo.

Even as I got to know Kevin better, I held on to that thought. He had to be cold and hard and unemotional to maintain his job.

He said loved me. He told me almost every time I saw him or talked to him on the phone. And I believed him. I loved him, too. I wanted to marry him. I thought marrying him would help him calm down inside.

I realized that the day my father had open heart surgery. Faced with the possibility of losing my dad, I realized just how much Kevin needed me. It wasn't about me or my fears like he thought. I wanted to help him.

I tried to tell Kevin I was ready then, ready for him to ask me, ready to commit my life to him forever. I should have paid attention to his reasons when he rejected me that day.

I shivered with a sudden gust of air. My hands rubbed opposite arms in an attempt to fight a chill. I blinked and came back to the present. My brother, Simon, playing ball with my children in my parent's yard.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Victoria appeared in the doorway the moment we pulled up. Simon drove my van and left his car at Moma nd Dad's. Little Autumn clung to her mother's leg until she saw her father climb out of the driver's seat. She tore across the yard as fast as her little legs could carry her. Simon knelt and caught her in his arms.

"How's my princess?"

"Good. Bella cried a lot."

"Did she?" I opened the side door of the van to let the kids out, and couldn't hear the rest of the conversation between Simon and his daughter. I tried not to watch, but curiosity caught me peering out the window as Simon carried Autumn to the porch. He put her down beside Victoria, kissed Victoria's cheek, and took the baby from her.

I couldn't hear the words, but I knew he was asking her how her day was. She looked tired. I didn't have to be close to see the dark circles under her eyes.

"Come on, Luce!" Simon called.

I pulled Rory Anne out of her seat and kept her in my arms. I wanted a shield, I guess, when I approached Victoria. Not that I had to hide from her, more like hiding from myself.

"Oh Lucy! It's so good to see you!" Victoria came toward me. We met halfway up the walk to the front door and embraced in a hug despite Rory Anne in my arms.

"It's good to see you too, Victoria. You look good." Truthfully, she looked like hell. She looked like I felt. Inside.

She nodded and smiled and stroked Rory Anne's hair. Rory Anne grunted and buried her face in my shoulder. Damn Kevin for making my baby skittish around strangers. Damn Kevin for making my brother and his wife strangers to my children.

"You look great too. Come in, come in. I have the guest room all ready for you and I'm sure we can figure something out for the kids."

"Daddy? Who is that?" Autumn asked. Simon knelt to her level to talk to her. I wanted to hear what he said to her, but Victoria had already started toward the house. I followed.

The house entry hall was beautiful, and cluttered with toys. Kevin would never allow that. Once when he came home before I could get everything picked up, he kicked me until I thought I couldn't breathe. I had laid in our foyer for hours, afraid to move, afraid I had broken ribs or worse.

Kevin. Where are you? I thought. Are you coming here, to Glen Oak, to find me? I hated to think some part of me wanted that, wanted him to come after me. I wanted him to apologize for the hell he put me through, for the hell he created for my children.

Well, I had news for him. I would never forgive him for what he's done. Never.

"Lucy?"

"Hmmm?" I blinked, realized I had my hands clenched. I flexed my fingers and reached down to comb my fingers through Rory Anne's hair. When did I put her down? I didn't remember putting her down.

"You okay?"

"Oh. Yeah. I'm fine. Sorry." I picked Rory Anne up again. She lay her head on my shoulder and stuck her thumb in her mouth.

Victoria reached out, intending to stroke Rory Anne's hair, but Rory Anne perceived the move as a threat. She screamed and dug her finger nails into my shoulder.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

End chapter five. Please R/R and let me know what you think! Thanks! Lucky Star. (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com)