WARNING: This fic deals with domestic violence. Please do not read if you think you will be upset by such issues.

Angry All The Time
Chapter 6/?
A 7th Heaven Fan Fic by Lucky Star

Simon offered to go to the store to pick up something for dinner, since Victoria hadn't been planning a mean for five extra people. I watched them at the door, Victoria shifting the baby from shoulder to shoulder, her body rigid with, her tone reluctant to let him go.

I looked away, turned my attention to the children. Rory Anne and Autumn seemed to be settling in together, though Rory Anne naturally took the follower position, allowing Autumn to make all decisions about what to play. I felt a swift current of anger course through me in Kevin's name.

I wouldn't trade my babies for anything, but how could I have been so blind all those years? Why did I stay? Why did I put up with the abuse? Why did I let him bully me and repress my children?

Vincent hadn't relaxed yet, though I could tell he was trying. He just needed time to get used to things, and who could blame him for that? He was merely a product of the life he had been forced to live because of his self centered father.

Kevin. I felt a shiver coming on and couldn't suppress the spasm. I rubbed my arms and pulled my sweater closer around myself.

Victoria shut the door on Simon's back. She bent her head against the doorframe for a moment, until he started the car and pulled out of the driveway. I saw myself, in my mind's eye, doing the same thing every morning, every time Kevin left the house.

She sighed before she turned around, and pushed a hand through her hair with a little smile. A self conscious smile. A tentative smile. I smiled too, and stood up with a hand in my hair.

I didn't want to think Simon could ever raise his hand to his wife, but that is exactly what my mind screamed. She reminded me so much of me, like she was waiting always for the assault.

Another shiver passed through me and I rubbed my arms. I couldn't help second guessing myself and the decision to come here. Panic filled me and I thought I had to get the children out, get out of here before Simon gets home.

I couldn't focus enough on any one thought to really make a decision. I sat down in one of the kitchen chairs and took a deep breath. I couldn't breathe and the room started spinning.

Simon abusing Victoria. Kevin. The children. Kevin Jr wants to be called Vincent. Caroline hates me. Both of Brian's front teeth are loose. Even Rory Anne knows her father hits me.

Too many thoughts. Too much to focus on. I felt myself slipping, falling, going under. Blackness.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

"I'm fine. Really." I struggled against gravity to sit up. My head ached, my body felt heavy, but other than that I felt fine. Physically.

"What happened?" A child I didn't recognize asked. She had long blonde hair in a ponytail, and bright blue eyes. Simon's daughter. Autumn.

"I think I passed out, that's all."

"You did pass out," Victoria stated. "Go on, kids. Autumn, take your cousins to the play room."

Autumn easily influenced Rory Anne, and Brian went only because I gave him a look to say he better. Caroline refused to go with the babies anywhere, and Vincent wasn't about to leave my side. I looked up at him and tried to give an encouraging smile. He just squeezed my hand and kissed my cheek.

I don't think I would have had the courage to leave without him. I'm not even sure I would have been able to endure life with Kevin without Vincent.

"I think you should lay on the sofa, Mom," Vincent told me. I nodded, what else could I do? He and Victoria helped me up and Vincent chased Caroline off to one of the chairs.

"I'm really okay."

"People don't pass out when they're okay," Vincent stated sounding very motherly.

"Do you want something to eat?" Victoria asked and headed to the kitchen without waiting for an answer. "Maybe your blood sugar is low. You probably haven't been eating properly being on the road and all."

It was more than that, but I couldn't say anything in front of Caroline and Vincent. She brought me a pack of peanut butter crackers. I sat up to eat them, even though I didn't want to.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Simon kissed Victoria when he came in and I saw her flinch away from him. He held onto her arm and whispered something in her ear. I saw the look of agony that crossed her face, and I wanted to confront Simon right then and there. I wanted to tell him I would kill him if he laid a hand on her again.

He brought steaks for dinner, and after the little moment he tormented his wife, he went out to light the grill. Victoria watched him from the kitchen window, almost as if she longed to go out there with him.

I should have pulled her aside, away from the kids, to talk to her. I don't know why I didn't. Maybe fear. I knew she wouldn't admit anything, just as I had assured several people things were just fine with Kevin and me.

We ate, and the dinner table talk was pleasant enough. Simon showed an interest in all my kids, especially Vincent. The two of them talked about airplanes and Vincent's dream to be a pilot someday.

"I'm going to be a cop like my dad," Caroline announced.

"Is that so?" Simon turned his attention to my oldest daughter. "Why do you want to be a cop like your dad?"

"Because my dad helps take bad people off the street. I want to be just like him."

Simon leaned in, his eyes intent on my little girl. "Does your dad tell you about his job?"

Caroline shrugged and took a bite of steak.

Simon studied her for a long, tense moment, then backed off and turned to Brian. "What about you, Brian? What do you want to do with your life?"

Brian shrugged and looked down at his plate.

I felt again that stab of hate run through me. I wanted to go outside and scream my curses to Kevin. How dare he destroy me and my children like this. Brian is afraid to look at his uncle, afraid to speak, because Kevin often refused to listen to the children, and at times forbade them all to speak around him.

So help me God, Kevin, I'll kill you if you ever try to touch me or my children again. I stabbed my meat with a little too much force because of the thought and the anger I felt toward my husband.

I felt a horrible, sinking feeling that he was watching me. Kevin. I could see his eyes, staring at me, demanding something of me without telling me what.

I looked up and found Simon looking at me. He smiled, his eyebrows arching like fuzzy caterpillars above his eyes. I returned his smile then focused on my plate.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

End chapter six. Please R/R and let me know what you think. Thanks! Lucky Star (JjsLuckyStar@aol.com)