A Slow Week for the Paranormal
It's been a slow week for the paranormal and for once I'm grateful for it. I'm grateful that for once I don't have to disprove or prod at my partner's theories. I wonder if Scully ever felt this way-tired. Maybe she too got tired of trying to chip away at Mulder's beliefs and poke holes in all his theories. Maybe one day she became too tired and just accepted that aliens do exist and that there are some things that can only be explained by grouping them under the title of "paranormal." Maybe it's easier to give in than to fight day in and out.
But still something tells me it's more than that. Dana told me that she realized that it was she who was holding herself back that she was afraid to believe. Is that it? Is that's what holding me back, the reason I feel that I have to fight Monica tooth and nail on every case? Or is it just simply that I really don't believe. That I don't like taking the easy road and just labeling something as "paranormal." But even that is not it. For when has belief in the paranormal been easy for Mulder, or Monica, or even Scully? Is it ridicule that I fear? No, that's not it. If it was ridicule I feared I would have gotten out of the X-Files Unit a long time ago. I wouldn't have cared if it stayed open or shut down forever. No I, like my colleagues, have a thicker skin than that. Although I know at times things said or done have hurt them. At times they got tired of fighting the norm, the expected. They got tired of trying to convince others that perhaps there are other possibilities beyond the realm of science.
In any event, Scully never left Mulder's side. Try as she might, she could never do it. She was his champion, his protector, his companion, his friend, his love-even if she didn't always agree with what he said and did. I admire that about her. Despite their differences they always sought the truth. Even if the truth went against their beliefs they tried to accept it.
I look up at Monica furtively typing up her report. The glow from her computer is reflected in her glasses. We both hate the paperwork but it is a necessary evil, a part of the job. She is unaware of my thoughts, unaware that I am observing her.
I know I have been resistant; I am trying to be more open-minded. I'm trying to allow myself to be more open to extreme possibilities. I hope Monica realizes that when I attack her ideas, I'm not attacking her. I would never, could never attack her. Maybe she's the reason I'm still here in this basement office. Even though I know the work is important, sometimes I think it would be easier to leave all this behind, leave this dangerous legacy behind, but Monica's here. Her heart is here and therefore so am I. I could never, would never think of leaving her side. She has been my champion, my protector, my partner, my friend, my...well maybe not my love yet, but I feel that from her too. I feel my own feelings for her. Maybe that's what really frightens me. You're not supposed to love your partner. Yet I know I do. And I know that someday I will be unable to deny believe in the paranormal, just as I will be unable to deny my love for Monica.
It's been a slow week for the paranormal and for once I'm grateful for it. I'm grateful that for once I don't have to disprove or prod at my partner's theories. I wonder if Scully ever felt this way-tired. Maybe she too got tired of trying to chip away at Mulder's beliefs and poke holes in all his theories. Maybe one day she became too tired and just accepted that aliens do exist and that there are some things that can only be explained by grouping them under the title of "paranormal." Maybe it's easier to give in than to fight day in and out.
But still something tells me it's more than that. Dana told me that she realized that it was she who was holding herself back that she was afraid to believe. Is that it? Is that's what holding me back, the reason I feel that I have to fight Monica tooth and nail on every case? Or is it just simply that I really don't believe. That I don't like taking the easy road and just labeling something as "paranormal." But even that is not it. For when has belief in the paranormal been easy for Mulder, or Monica, or even Scully? Is it ridicule that I fear? No, that's not it. If it was ridicule I feared I would have gotten out of the X-Files Unit a long time ago. I wouldn't have cared if it stayed open or shut down forever. No I, like my colleagues, have a thicker skin than that. Although I know at times things said or done have hurt them. At times they got tired of fighting the norm, the expected. They got tired of trying to convince others that perhaps there are other possibilities beyond the realm of science.
In any event, Scully never left Mulder's side. Try as she might, she could never do it. She was his champion, his protector, his companion, his friend, his love-even if she didn't always agree with what he said and did. I admire that about her. Despite their differences they always sought the truth. Even if the truth went against their beliefs they tried to accept it.
I look up at Monica furtively typing up her report. The glow from her computer is reflected in her glasses. We both hate the paperwork but it is a necessary evil, a part of the job. She is unaware of my thoughts, unaware that I am observing her.
I know I have been resistant; I am trying to be more open-minded. I'm trying to allow myself to be more open to extreme possibilities. I hope Monica realizes that when I attack her ideas, I'm not attacking her. I would never, could never attack her. Maybe she's the reason I'm still here in this basement office. Even though I know the work is important, sometimes I think it would be easier to leave all this behind, leave this dangerous legacy behind, but Monica's here. Her heart is here and therefore so am I. I could never, would never think of leaving her side. She has been my champion, my protector, my partner, my friend, my...well maybe not my love yet, but I feel that from her too. I feel my own feelings for her. Maybe that's what really frightens me. You're not supposed to love your partner. Yet I know I do. And I know that someday I will be unable to deny believe in the paranormal, just as I will be unable to deny my love for Monica.
