Wear the grudge
like a crown of negativity.
Calculate what we will or will not tolerate.
Desperate to control all and everything.
Unable to forgive your scarlet lettermen.
Clutch it
like a cornerstone. Otherwise it all comes down.
Justify denials and
grip 'em to the lonesome end.
Clutch it like a
cornerstone. Otherwise it all comes down.
Terrified of being wrong. Ultimatum prison cell.
Saturn ascends, choose one or ten. Hang on or be humbled again.
Tool
glass figurines
I used to wonder what life would be like if I wasn't always moving. It's a constant cycle really. There are days when I'm deliriously happy, nights when I'm just ready to kill myself. There are times where I feel that things can somehow find a way to be fixed and then there are other where I'd wish to break. I can handle some days and then I can't handle other days. It's this whole never ending circle with these goddamn twists and turns thrown in for good measure. You can't escape either.
Running isn't an option… which brings me to this point of mine… I don't know why I'm running. My damn lungs are about to burst. Okay well, wait that didn't make sense. I do know why I'm running--- there's some creepy youma down at CLAMP campus terrorizing innocent people and blah, blah, blah. That's always the first though in my head when the damn communicator rings. And then I usually jump out my window with Luna trailing.
See, but that's the thing… I took the stairs.
I never take the stairs.
I might play my part, but I never do things that are at this level of irrationality. Walking out my front door with my talking cat wasn't exactly a great moment, but hey I can't help it.
It hurts.
I stopped, my heart pounding in my body. My head was throbbing so badly and I was ready keel over. Soft, but violent shivers assaulted my body. I could barely hear Luna at my side yelling something about transforming. I'm so tired all of the sudden. I'm about ready to fall on my knees. Everything burns.
I took the stairs.
I took the goddamn stairs.
I was born to keep secrets. I was born to see things that no child should have to endure and bury them within the subconscious of my mind. I was born to keep things to myself, hence the obvious with the window and all. But I went down the fucking stairs. My mother saw me. I had never been like that in front of other people, close or not close. I've always maintained control. I took the damn stairs and my control flew out of the window… no pun intended. I just… well, I think… There are…
There are these times where I have these feel---
"Usagi-chan, what on earth are you *doing*?"
I growled despite my weariness. Damn cat. "What does it look like I'm doing? *My* nails?"
"Usagi! Never mind that, girl. Transform!"
"Luna," my voice grew quiet and dangerous. I knew what I had to do. The feeling that was tugging inside of me had nothing to do with any senshi-related. This was past. This were things that I couldn't afford to screw around with. It was time to rely on the instincts that I had locked away for so damn long.
I began to reach into the back of my mind.
It was never my destiny to begin with.
Not Kotori. Don't take Kotori.
We'll always be best friends!
Just because a person leaves doesn't mean that they won't come back. This is my home. It will always be my home to me.
I want to come back. I can't take this anymore.
Mama, why me?
I'm not supposed to run away.
It was never my destiny to begin with.
I had no strength left in me. I fell to my knees and tried to ignore Luna's hysterical yelling in my ear. I sighed. She obviously didn't hear me. For a moment, I ignored her and searched for that dying feeling. My lips trembled slightly. I had to get to CLAMP, but my strength was falling. I'm confused. I'm being pulled in all different directions, I don't know what to do.
"Odango?"
Christ. Why me?
I tried to pull myself up, but had no success at all. This whole situation was getting to be ironic. I had to get to CLAMP, but then there was a part of me that said it had nothing to do with senshi. I didn't understand any of these feelings. Thoughts of home, faces I haven't seen in years were screaming at me. I was vaguely aware of Luna hissing at Mamoru.
"Luna," I warned. The cat got the message and backed off. But I could still sense her worrying over whatever was transpiring in CLAMP campus. I was just so confused…
"Odango? Are you all right?"
I looked up to be greeted by a pair of stormy blue eyes. Mamoru had such wonderful blue eyes, eyes that I could lose myself for hours in. I snapped my gaze away. Eyes I could not afford to lose myself in.
Do I look all right?
But instead I opted for a, "Could you help me stand?"
He nodded and grabbed my hand.
It was never my destiny to begin with.
My knees gave through once more and Mamoru rushed to steady me. My heart began to pound furiously against my chest. Pictures and whispers soared through my mind. My eyes widened.
"My god…"
I finally began to put the pieces together.
"KOTORI!"
**
"Mama, why do they have to go?"
Her mother chuckled. "You'll see them again, Kotori."
A four year-old Kotori looked up away from watching Fuuma and Kamui playing ball with wide eyes. Her mama was always so wise. "Promise?"
"I promise."
The first thing she did was scream, wrenching her arms out of her cross-like prison and falling to the ground. She was going to fight to stay alive. She was going to fight the only destiny she refused to part with, no matter how horrid the outcome. She would become a fighter. She would become a hunter. No matter the price.
"Nice move, kid. But don't make this harder than it needs to be… although, amusement is always a plus."
She looked up, Fuuma or now the body formally know as Fuuma, stood perched on her former prison. She frowned. She didn't want to hurt him… Her gaze wandered to a shock Kamui being helped by one of the Dragons of Heaven. He was bleeding so much… and she wanted to help him so desperately. But she needed to get out of here.
"I don't want to hurt you," she spoke quietly. Where did that come from? She trained her gaze onto her brother, a feeling of great understanding entering her mind. Her lips began to move as if she had no control over them whatsoever.
Chaldaei aquosus liberare draco maritimus
"Aw, too cute. Too bad."
She watched as he adjusted the sword and came at her at inhuman speed.
The ground shook.
"Kotori come in now!"
"But mama, I love the rain!"
"You'll catch a cold! Please come in!"
She turned, her eyes filled with an old wisdom. For a moment, one could believe that the small child was an old soul with terrifying memories.
"I am the water, mama. It'll never hurt me."
Her eyes glassed over into a stormy blue and she raised one arm above her head, chanting all the same. chaldaei aquosus liberare draco maritimus. From the cracks in the ground, water whirled out and surrounded her in a spectacular spiral. chaldaei aquosus liberare draco maritimus.
"Why are you crying, child?"
She sobbed, her small hands trembling as she motioned to clutch her chest. Her heart burned… And she was frightened… she made… she didn't understand…
"Kotori?"
"It scares me…"
The water began to take shape into form of a brilliant dragon, as blue as the ocean's waters and as legendary as the myths children are told. It stilled above her. Watching, waiting for just her one command. Vaguely she heard one of the seven whisper:
"What are you?"
She brought her hand down.
It was never my destiny to begin with.
The dragon roared.
**
There were five figurines.
The first was for hope. A small girl with her eyes wide as a doe and as green as Spring's grass. A small girl dressed in soft colors with a blue ribbon to keep her night-colored hair tied back from the dancing wind.
There were five figurines.
The second was for love. A young girl dressed in nothing but rose-kissed pink and clutching a bouquet of baby roses, gazing into an endless blue abbess. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were bright with a variety of emotions. Her long blonde hair looked like weaves of gold.
There were five figurines.
The third was for passion. A wild little nymph with eyes the color of amber flames and long coffee-colored curls loose against her back with her lips curved into a slight smirk. She sat on the edge of a rock with a crown of violets on entwined in her head and her emerald gown hiked up to her knees. A hawk sat perched upon her shoulder.
There were five figurines.
The fourth was for kindness. A gentle soul with eyes the color of the sky and chocolate-colored locks that were braided and threaded with red ribbons. She held a basket of flowers in one hand and in the other a small chain of sliver. Her expression was that of happiness.
There were five figurines.
The fifth was for life. A young one filled with everything possible… from happiness to sadness, to loss and forgiveness. Her hair was the colored of moonlight, windswept and array. Her eyes were a dark blue, the color of the sea.
There were five figurines.
Each made of glass that could break.
There were five figurines.
In shards of glass.
**
