Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not my property. Or brainchild. Or… well, you get the picture.

This story popped out of my head while I'm conceptualizing Darkness and the Dawn. That's why you'll see many similarities. It's like an alternative, or a side story. But the main difference is that this fic doesn't involve the mysticism and action in Darkness and the Dawn. Hope you'll enjoy it.

The time I'm seeing you

By Neesah

Chapter 1: Relena

She watched him from the kitchen window, watched silently as his wild brown hair was made more unruly by the wind while he talked to the retainers. Try as she might, she couldn't stop herself from staring at him, as if her eyes had a will of their own, constantly searching and zoning on him. But she only gave in to the luxury of staring at him from afar, as her pride would permit her to. He was wearing a white button-down polo with its sleeves rolled up and its front part open, revealing a green tank top underneath over fitted denim pants and brown leather boots --- his usual work attire. With his garb, one would think of him as just one of the young tenants or farmers there. But there was no mistaking the way he carried himself, or the way he behaved, talked or regard each and every detail. He was the laird. Their laird. And young as he was, just as young as she, eighteen, he was the laird of two estates, the two largest and wealthiest in the land. And he was her husband.

It was an arranged marriage, really. A marriage made out of convenience and forethought. Relena had been the only child of Anthony and Indira Peacecraft, the laird and lady of the Peacecraft estate. And since a girl couldn't inherit, her husband would inherit for her. Her mother died when she was just five and when it was evident through the years that gone by that Anthony had no plans of taking another wife, thereby eliminating the possibility of a male heir being born, Relena knew that she would eventually have to enter to a marriage that would ensure their estate's future.        

It was during her fifteenth birthday when the marriage proposals came full blast, especially when many thought that her father was nearing his deathbed, having been ill for almost a year. True, she hadn't yet reached the marriageable age of 18 but the urgency of their situation justified for everything. A laird must be named before her father passed away. That was why she knew that lairds all over the country asking her hand in marriage for their sons had nothing to do with her personally, though she didn't really know the full effect she had on men. No one in their right minds would pass up the opportunity of claiming an estate as large as the Peacecraft's for himself (and though the estate had been having problems since the laird's sickness, it was nothing that couldn't be remedied), with the added bonus of having the most beautiful lass in the land for his wife!

With all the talk of marriage and many lairds of other estates and their sons visiting them, she waited with bated breath for his father's decision. She thought that she wouldn't have a say about her marriage, that her father would do all the choosing for her. Arranged marriages were a common custom to them, being one of the effective ways of securing an alliance with a strong family and ensuring that one's properties were in safe hands. That was why she got the shock of her life when he discussed the arrangements with her.

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"Relena, I think you know well enough about our situation that it wouldn't surprise you if I tell you some things," Anthony told her when they were alone.

"Yes, Father. I know."

He smiled at her. "You've always been a good daughter. I could never ask for a better daughter than you and it saddens me to think that I'm going to be leaving you soon…"

Relena cut him off. "Don't say that! With proper rest, you'll be---"

Anthony put a finger on her lips, silencing her. "But rest assured that before I go, I'll make sure that you'll be well taken care of." He dropped his hand. "I finished talking to all those who are giving you suit, both the fathers and their sons, and I'm happy to say that I finally made a choice."

Relena looked at him calmly, though her heart was pounding. "But before I tell you my choice, I want to hear yours."

She stared at him, her eyes wide. "You mean, my choice?"

The Peacecraft laird smiled again. "Of course. You're the one who's going to marry him, not me."

"But, I thought…" she trailed off. Bowing her head, she said, "I don't really know any of them well enough… Whoever you choose is alright with me, Father. I trust your judgment."

"Just humor me, Relena. If you were to choose for yourself, who would you pick?"

Relena remained silent for awhile, thinking. She was somewhat happy that her father was sweet enough to be considerate of her feelings but she didn't really know where to begin. It was then that his father's voice penetrated her thoughts. "Oh, I almost forgot to tell you that Arren Yuy also asked your hand for his son this afternoon."

"Huh? Heero?" Relena was stunned. Arren Yuy was the laird of the estate right next to theirs, the one recognized and referred to as the largest and wealthiest in their land. But why? she wondered silently. Why would the laird of the Yuy estate want her for his son? They were rich enough as it was and as far as she knew, there weren't any urgent business for them to force Heero to an early marriage.  "I thought that they came here to discuss business." Which was true, considering that though neighbors, the Yuys and the Peacecrafts seldom visit each other, except for business. 

"They did. We discussed about our retainers whom they caught in their land, carrying goods stolen from us. Then afterwards, they asked for your hand."

So that was why Heero remained with them inside the study. Usually, his father would ask Relena to keep him company while the two lairds talk. Or when she and her father were in the Yuy estate, it was vice versa. When they were young, they usually go run in the field or climb trees, sometimes they swim and fish in the nearby stream. Heero had always been a quiet boy, only speaking when he had something important to say, like warning her about not touching the plant next to her because it was poisonous, or when he was teaching her about stuff. She learned a lot from him about the farm, the animals, the forest, nature, some basics about their estates --- just about anything and everything under the sun. And though they were silent most of the time they were together, it was a companionable silence. They were comfortable with each other.

When they reached their teens, the few visits they had even became fewer. They didn't run in the fields anymore, nor climb trees and swim. They went horseback riding instead, or just sit by the terrace and drink tea in silence, occasionally exchanging words. Still, they were comfortable with each other.

What she really liked about him was that he treated her as a person, an equal, unlike the other guys their age who regard her as a fragile doll. And they continuously fought for her attention and approval. They fawn over her too. It made her nauseous. That was why she stopped going to balls, that and the fact that she wanted to stay by her father's side and take care of him during his illness.

If she really needed to choose, why not choose the one that she felt comfortable with? One that she knew she could stand living with for the rest of her life?

She drew a deep breath. "I guess if you really want me to pick someone for a husband, I'll pick Heero."

Anthony's eyes were gentle yet there was something else in there. Amusement? Triumph? "I see. Why him?"

"Because we're friends, I think. And because I know that he'll take good care of the estate, just like I know he'll take good care of anything that was entrusted to his care. That's just how he is. There, I told you." She sighed. "Whom did you pick, Father?"

"Believe it or not, I chose Heero Yuy for your husband as well," he grinned.

Surprised for the nth time that day, she couldn't help asking, "Why?"

"Of all the young men I asked, he was the only one whose answer I liked. And I knew he really meant it too."

Relena wanted to ask more but her father beat her to it. "I know you want to hear about the details of our talk but I guess it should only be right if you hear it straight from Heero. From what I've seen, he's an honest young man. He'll tell you anything you want to know if you ask. Which I'm sure you will." He smiled again. She realized that he was smiling more often than before after talking to the Yuys. "So, you agree to be married to Arren Yuy's son then?"

She nodded. "Well then, can you please send Pagan here so I could ask him to deliver the message? We need to make the preparations as soon as possible."

Relena stood up and was about to leave the room when she turned around and asked, "Father, what if our choices didn't match? If I picked another guy instead of Heero, what then?"

The old laird regarded her silently. "Well, first of all, I'll ask you the reason for your decision, just like I did earlier. Then I'll try to tell you the reason for my decision. I'm sure we'll discuss, we'll compromise. But at the end, it'll still be your choice. I trust your judgment too, you see."

Relena couldn't control herself. She ran to him and gave him a big hug. "Thank you, Father."

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Three weeks after that, she and Heero got married. It was a simple ceremony, just like what they agreed upon, but the reception afterward was grand. It was one of the most talk-about weddings in their history, not only because nobody had thought that a union between the Peacecrafts and the Yuys was feasible (they had been neighbors for ages, true, but they were neither friends nor foes and it was unthinkable for the top two families in their country to marry into each other) also because contrary to tradition of wedding ceremonies being always held in the groom's house, their wedding was held in her house.

It was Heero's idea, really, and she was as surprised as everybody else when she first heard his suggestion. He suggested this to the Peacecraft Laird, saying that with his mother being dead, his father regained his aversion to social gatherings being held at their house so it would be better if they just held it in the Peacecraft estate. Besides, he added, it was a better venue. And he promised that the Yuys would provide everything that they would need. Anthony agreed graciously, wanting to help in every way he could but Relena knew Heero's true intentions. Although Arren Yuy was notorious in being anti-social and only with his late-wife's persuasions did they hold banquets in their home, he was also a man who followed tradition. He would get rid of his aversion to social gatherings, even for only a moment, because his only son was getting married.  Heero just didn't want Anthony to travel to and fro in his condition, even if it was just a few miles away. And knowing how proud Anthony was, he couldn't tell that straight to him, knowing that Anthony would refuse and insist that he was well. Relena was thankful to him for that.

Her wedding day passed by like a blur to her. She could only remember bits and pieces. And one of those memories included that exact moment when the realization of what being married really meant hit her full force.

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It happened during the reception. It was almost midnight but all their guests were still wide-awake and celebrating. She and her husband were seated in separate tables since the end of the ceremonial toast --- she with her friends and the other young women, and he with the men. She saw him whisper something to her father, who smiled widely, before standing up and making his way towards her. Seeing him, Relena stiffened. He offered her his hand, and without exchanging words, she accepted it. She stood up and hand-in-hand they went out of the banquet hall, amidst the loud yet good-natured teasing of their guests.   

He led her to her bedchamber. The servants already had the fire going, and there was a bottle of wine near the bed. She sat on the bed, while Heero went to the small table and poured themselves some wine. After handing her a glass, he retreated to the fireplace. They sipped their wines silently. Unconsciously, she sighed.

"Tired?" he asked her.

She nodded. "Exhausted is a better word for it though," but she said it with a smile. "You?"

"A little."

"Liar."

It was his turn to smile, illuminating his handsome face. But it was gone in a second. He had always been a silent and grim lad.

Silence again. "Um, Heero, did you like the way it all turned out?" she asked him, her eyes fixed on the fire. "I mean not just the wedding, though I don't know if all went well according to plan…"

"It did." She turned her head and saw his intense blue eyes boring onto her. "I liked the way it turned out, Relena. Everything turned out the way it supposed to be, trust me." Their glasses were empty so he went to the small table and poured themselves another glass. When he retreated back to the fireplace, he asked, "How about you? Did you like the way things turned out?"

"Yeah. Actually, it turned out better than I hoped for," she replied truthfully. "Thank you."

His face was puzzled. "For what?"

"For suggesting that the wedding be held here. For being concerned for my father. For being a friend. For asking my opinions on everything. For…" Remembering what he whispered to her earlier after stating their wedding vows outloud, she added, "For promising to protect and take care of me."

"Hn."

She drank her wine in one gulp then grabbed the bottle and poured herself another. "It's getting late. Um, I think we better get some sleep. We still have to wake up early tomorrow." She knew she was in the verge of blabbering but she was nervous. The sooner they got over it the better. Then, amidst the nervousness, she managed to voice out something that had been gnawing at her mind. "By the way, what time are we going to leave tomorrow? With all the preparations, I didn't get the chance to pack yet and I still need to arrange some things first before we go." Relena felt pain in her chest at the thought of leaving. She didn't want to leave her father and her home but tradition dictated for a wife to be with her husband. Heero already broke tradition for her when they held their wedding in her house, she couldn't, no, she wouldn't expect him to break another one.

"I'm leaving at daybreak tomorrow," was Heero's reply. "But I'll be back by the evening. I need to take care of things in the estate first. Then I have to pack and get my stuff before I come back." Seeing the incomprehension on her face, he added, "We're not leaving, Relena. We're staying here."

"But… How come… I thought… When did…" she stammered, surprise, relief and bewilderment getting a hold of her.

"I thought that it would be better for us if we stay here. You can take care of your father while I try to learn everything on how to run the Peacecraft estate as quickly as I can. I already talked to both our fathers and they both agreed." He paused for a moment, his face turning even more somber when he continued. "I'm not going to lie to you, Relena. Your father is nearing his death and it would be better for everyone involved if we stay close to him." 

Relena nodded. After a while, she inquired, "How about your duties to your own estate?"

"I could just go back and forth between estates. It's more hard work but I can do it. I need to do it." Relena knew that it would be hard work indeed because even if their lands were just right next to each other, they span acres. Aside from that, the two estates had different sources of livelihood so Heero had to learn the differences. "Besides, I know everything there is to know in running our estate and as of now, I only have half the burden of running it, since my father is still laird. But here…"

Relena understood what he meant. Her father was sick and being her husband and the next laird, Heero would take on the whole burden of managing the estate by himself, though he wouldn't be the laird officially until her father died. She shivered at the idea, since it felt like 'that' happening was very near. Very near indeed. One way or the other, Heero would be the laird --- acting or otherwise. 

"Now that's cleared up, we better head to bed. Do you have any more questions?" Relena shook her head, her heart doing a little flip-flop. She watched him put down his glass. She was watching his every move. But instead of walking towards the bed, towards her, he walked towards the door. "I'll see you tomorrow, then. Goodnight." With that, he turned the knob and went out.     

Surprised and relieved, and maybe a little disappointed, she collapsed on the bed, immediately falling asleep. 

**********@@**********

It was her wedding night but she and her husband spent it in separate rooms. And they had been spending their nights separately ever since. But that didn't mean that they hadn't slept on the same bed even once.

Take for example what happened three months after their wedding. Heero and his cousin, Duo left for the annual horse trade, both being heirs to estates known for breeding the finest horseflesh. It would take them three days to arrive at the fair, 2 days of actual trading then 3 days to go back home. Unfortunately, on the second day Heero was gone, Anthony Peacecraft died.

Relena did everything she was supposed to do --- from arranging the funeral, finalizing all her father's affairs even to playing hostess during the wake. But she moved like a zombie, cold and unfeeling. She never even shed a tear. The wake continued for 4 days, and during that time she hadn't eaten nor drank anything. She hadn't even slept. Everybody was getting concerned. Her friends told her to eat, but she didn't. They told her to sleep even for just a few hours. Still, she didn't. Arren and the other Lairds advised her not to keep the wake that long, that it would be for the best if she could lay her father to rest as soon as possible. But as expected, she didn't heed them. She seemed ok, acting her part as the perfect hostess. But everybody knew that something was wrong. It was like she was in a catatonic state, as if waiting for something. But for what? Something that could finally make her break?

That something arrived early morning on the 5th day of the wake.

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She was standing near the coffin, staring down at it with a blank look on her face, when she felt strong hands on her shoulders and her name being uttered. She turned around.

"Heero," she breathed. "You're here." And she did what she hadn't done for five days. She smiled. Sorrow was there, but there was relief too.

He hugged her tightly against him. "Yes. I'm here. I'm here now," he told her softly. She then realized why she felt relieved all of a sudden. She was waiting for him. She tried to remain strong the whole time, until he came back. And now that he was here, she could cease to be the strong one. She could finally break.

"I knew you'd come," she muttered one last time before sagging against him. He quickly swept her in his arms and carried her to her room.  

After five days, she finally slept. But she also dreamt. She dreamt of darkness, of her father, of her pain and loss. Then she began to sink through the darkness. She screamed.

A familiar voice penetrated through her mind. Then, she felt herself being shaken. "Relena, wake up. It's only a dream. Wake up." She did, finding herself cradled in Heero's arms.

She gripped his shirt. "He's gone. He left me and he's not coming back." Everything then came crushing down on her. The floodgates crashed open as she finally she let herself mourn. She began to weep.

"He's gone and he's at peace. But I'm here. I'll always be here," he told her softly as his hands rubbed her back in slow, soothing circles. "Everything will be alright." When her tears had dried up and she couldn't cry any more, she fell asleep.

When she woke up it was already early morning of the following day, feeling well rested though a little bit dizzy.

Then she realized that her head was cushioned on something lean and firm (definitely not a pillow) and that there was an arm draped around her. Surprised, she turned around and saw Heero's sleeping face just a few inches away from her. She suddenly sat up, waking Heero up in the process.

"Umm, good morning," she muttered. He was her husband, dammit, and they were both fully clothed so she shouldn't be embarrassed. But she was. Very much so. What was wrong with her?

Heero also sat up, watching her face. "Good morning. How are you feeling?"

If she had the energy to be embarrassed, then she must be fine. "I'm fine." Their bodies were so near for comfort that she couldn't help but scoot away from him a little. Heero took the hint, stood up then sat at the nearby chair. "How long have I been sleeping?"

"A whole day. Are you sure you're feeling fine?" He paused, carefully studying her face. "You slept like a log throughout the day but you kept on having nightmares throughout the night. That's why I slept here. So I don't have to run from my room everytime I hear you scream." His voice became softer when he added, "You seem to settle down whenever I touch you so I cradled you to sleep. I hope you don't mind."

She blushed. So that was why she felt warm and safe when she woke up. "No, I don't mind. Really. Thanks for staying with me." Something then occurred to her. "What happened the whole day while I was asleep?"

"I made arrangements for the internment to be at 4 this afternoon. Is that ok with you?"

She nodded. "Yeah. It's my fault it took so long." It was her fault she was so weak that she had to wait for him to come home. "Thank you for everything, Heero."

"Just fulfilling my promise." Suddenly, they heard a loud growl. Her stomach was grumbling. Well, that answered the question why she was feeling dizzy and lightheaded. She hadn't eaten anything for days!

To Relena's surprise and chagrin, Heero laughed. "You must be starving. I'll go get you some food." He stood up then left the room.       

**********@@**********

Relena's thoughts were interrupted when one of the women helping her cook asked her a question. She promptly replied, but immediately afterwards, she cast a last look at the window and cleared her mind of the past, thinking it was for the best if she focused on what she was doing at the present.