A/N Thanks so much for the great reviews and huge thanks to Cynthia Weasley for all beta help…she's actually got talent….I'm just pretending J Go read her fic!!! Is very nummmmy.
Chapter Four
Severus Snape stared down at the parchment before him. He was having trouble believing what was written at the top of the scroll. Dearest Severus... He hadn't even begun to read the rest of the letter, and he could feel his heart start beating a little faster at what the note may contain. Ok, Severus. There is no need to panic over a mere greeting. Maybe the content of the letter is something entirely different. This seemed reasonable. He tried to calm himself and slow his heart rate down just a bit before continuing with the letter.
Dearest Severus,
I've started this letter at least ten times and I'm now sitting next to a pile of crumpled parchment. I have tried writing what I feel but it always seems to come out sounding like the musings of a girl with a crush. But it's so much more than that. I thought I knew where my life was going. I've had everything planned in my head since the day I came to Hogwarts. It seems, however, that my heart has different ideas of where it thinks my life should go. My first impression of you was...well...probably the impression you want to give people. I thought you were mean spirited and just plain cranky. I know differently now. I feel blessed to have learned who the real Severus Snape is. He's a kind, warm, funny and extremely intelligent man. That's the kind of person I always expected to fall in love with. I long for your company and it leaves me empty inside when I can't look forward to a riveting conversation with you. I don't know if I'm in love with you. My rational mind tells me that it's not possible to be in love with someone you have no real relationship with yet. But I feel that is the direction my heart is taking me. I do believe I am falling in love with you, Severus Snape.
Snape's mind began racing. Could this note be from Hermione? It wasn't signed so there was no way of knowing for sure if it was from her. You mean it could be from one of the many women knocking down your door, Severus? No. He knew that it must be from Hermione. So many thoughts were fighting for attention that he couldn't focus on anything. He let out a frustrated growl and flopped himself into one of the armchairs by the fire, hoping that the warm glow would help him to regroup a bit. The fire crackled and the head of Professor Dumbledore appeared in the fireplace before him. Trying to appear completely calm, Severus mustered his voice, "Good evening Headmaster. What can I do for you"?
"Good evening, Severus. I was hoping I could have a little chat with you in my chambers, if you aren't too busy right now." The Headmaster gave him a warm smile that went perfectly with the trademark twinkle of his eyes. Snape rose from the chair he was occupying and brushed some non-existent lint from his robes.
"Certainly, Headmaster. I will be up shortly." With that, Dumbledore's head disappeared from the fireplace, and Snape left his chambers. The walk to the gargoyle that blocked passage to Dumbledore's office seemed to go by in an instant. Before he knew it he was standing in front of it muttering, "Scrumdiddlyumptious", and the gargoyle leaped aside, revealing the spiral staircase that carried visitors up to Dumbledore's office. The stairs neared Dumbledore's chambers and Severus had to resist the urge to just climb the remaining steps to the Headmaster's room. But that was not typical Snape behavior and he knew it. He joined Albus in his office, and the aged wizard gestured for him to have a seat.
He sat down and nodded to Dumbledore, "Thank you, Headmaster. To what do I owe this invitation?" Albus smiled at him warmly. He shook his head and said, "Severus, my boy. Must you be so formal? I simply wanted to see if things were going well for you.
"Yes, Albus. Things seem to be progressing as usual." He tried not to meet the Headmaster's eyes. He basically owed the man before him his life, and was not keen on lying to him, but what could he say? 'Well, I think I'm in love with one of my students, and I received a note from her today basically telling me that she may be falling in love with me as well.' No, that just wouldn't do. Dear Merlin! Did I just say I was in love? He shifted uncomfortably in his chair. Dumbledore just looked at him thoughtfully. He could swear the man was able to stare into his soul.
"I worry about you, Severus. I fear you will spend a lifetime forcing yourself to suffer for things you did before you were even old enough to realize they were wrong." Albus leaned forward slightly in his chair and stared directly, and unblinkingly, into Snape's eyes, " You know, Severus, you are allowed to be happy. If there is something... or someone," giving Severus and even deeper look, " that makes you happy, then you must do everything you can to hold on to that person." With that the Headmaster sat back in his chair and folded his hands in his lap.
The Potions Master sighed inwardly. Is there nothing that gets by this man? Severus stood up. "Thank you, Albus. I will certainly take your advice into consideration. I really must be going now, to prepare for tomorrow's classes. Good evening, Sir." And with that, he started toward the door to exit the Headmaster's chambers.
"Thank you for stopping in, Severus. Please feel free to come and chat anytime. And do heed the advice of an old man who knows what it feels like not to go after what is in your heart." Dumbledore stood to walk Snape the rest of the way to the door. "Oh, and one more thing. Madame Pomfrey has informed me that her stock is in need of replenishing. I know you are quite busy with your classes...Maybe it would be prudent for you to enlist the help of one of your more gifted students? Oh, say... Miss Granger for instance?" He patted the Potions Master on the shoulder. "Well...I'm sure you can work something out. Good evening, Severus." And with that Snape left Dumbledore's office.
Once Severus was again on the other side of the gargoyle, he leaned against the wall and closed his eyes. It was just all too much information for his brain to process for one evening. He had resigned himself to the fact, a long time ago, that he would be alone forever. He felt it was fair punishment for his wrong doings. He barely wanted to hope that he could actually be happy for once in his life, lest the happiness be snatched away somehow, leaving him far more bitter than before. He pushed himself off the wall and made for his chambers in the dungeons. This subject was definitely more suited for contemplation in the confines of his quarters, rather than out here in the open for everyone to see. He certainly didn't want any of his students seeing him in the state he was now.
Heading down one of the staircases toward the dungeons, he nearly trod on one of the trick steps and smirked to himself at the gossip that would sweep through the school should any students see him in such a mess. Terry Boot had been coming up the stairs at that precise moment, and noticed the uncharacteristic smile on Snape's face. Knowing that it would be no good for a student to actually catch him smiling, he frowned at Mr. Boot and took 15 points from Ravenclaw " just for existing". Yes, that was typical Snape behavior and should be sufficient enough to keep Boot quiet.
With a whispered, "Nobody ever goes in, and nobody ever comes out" he was back in the comfort of his chambers. He decided that he was too exhausted to do any class preparations and immediately made his way back to his bedroom, glancing briefly at the scroll on his desk as he passed. He sat on the edge of his bed and thought about the conversation with Albus. Normally, he would never in a million years consider a relationship with a student. But, he had to admit that Hermione was far from typical, and she was more of an equal than a student, after these last few years. Her participation in Potions class was a mere formality anymore, so favoritism wouldn't necessarily be an issue. Additionally, she was, by all standards, an adult…and perfectly capable of making such decisions for herself. If, by some miracle, she chose to pursue a relationship with him, he could actually see himself being happy for once in his life.
The Headmaster certainly didn't have a problem with the two of them indulging in a more personal relationship. Severus smiled to himself. Yes, this could actually be the right thing for him. He stood up and began to prepare for bed. Tomorrow could very well prove to be the beginning of a new life for him. For the first time in many years, Severus knew he was going to have a peaceful night's sleep.
*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*
In the next room, while Severus was sound asleep, the pure white parchment suddenly turned sage green and new words formed on it surface. The little black ribbon turned silver, and the scroll disappeared.
