Chapter Five
Its strange how when you want, need to, say some thing to some one, feelings inside that need to escape and let themselves be know to everyone or no one. They never transform themselves into a meaningful sentence or paragraph, its always jumbled, mixed, as if someone or something had poured them all into a huge pot and stirred and stirred and stirred. Until, at last, no one can make head nor tail of them. That's what arguments are for.
The lobby was filled with people, not exactly filled but it was more people than the old hotel had seen since its doors had been closed to paying guests in the 1950's. they were split into two distinct groups, one larger were new to the hotel three women and a man they sat on the circular couch, the youngest talking to the man, the other two silent, the blonde glancing at the other group. Gunn and Fred sat at the old reception leaning on the counter top whispering to each other.
It had been an hour since Angel had rushed from the hotel in search of Cordelia and Gru, but he had probably been too late and Cordelia would have managed to run away from him, the one inane fear that rested inside Angel that no one knew for sure but was sure to be there as it was in everyone, was the fear of someone he loved running away, from him, from what he was, from what he felt, it could have happened with Buffy but he had run away first, ran to save what was left before it was ruins, run to L.A., City of Angels and to his new family which was slowly crumbling around him.
"What should we do?" Fred whispered to Gunn, glancing at the scoobies sat on the couch, she averted her gaze as the blonde, Buffy, caught her looking in their direction.
"I don't know," Gunn said "I'm not sure if Angel would want them to stay here or if they should go."
"We can't send them away!" Fred said a little too loudly, she covered her mouth.
"No, your right, your always right," Gunn said smiling at her, she grinned back eyes lit up. She slipped of the stool she was perched on and walked towards the group.
"If, y'all wanna bring your bags I'll find some, not too dust rooms, for ya, we have lots, bein' a hotel an all" she smiled at the youngest, Dawn, Buffy's little sister.
"I get first choice!" Dawn leapt up, seizing the moment to make light of their current situation. Buffy slowly rose to her feet, which felt like a dead weight, Angel had barely said anything to her, it was true their last meeting had been a little more than tense and when he and Riley had fought over her, she did feel good inside a glimmer of the love she and Angel had had shined bright, dulled only by the love Riley had felt for her, she had been with him then, she wasn't sure she had loved him but it hurt to think of all the things she and Angel could never have together. When she had found him defending Faith she had been shocked, and he had told her to stay away from his town. That had been the time when she knew they would never be together again, he had gone to her mothers grave and found her there, but it was friendship that comforted her not love not the love they had shared before.
"Well I get seconds!" Xander said racing after Dawn up the stairs, Fred smiled and followed them turning to make sure Willow and Buffy followed. Fred caught Dawn and Xander up.
"We use this floor for rooms, the others haven't really been sorted out yet, That's mine" she said pointing in the direction of hers, "Angels is that way, so we'll look this way for yours" she said walking towards her room. She opened a door and took a glance into the room, it was clean at least, a big double bed took up the far wall bathroom to the right. "Ok this one looks ok" she turned smiling opening the door further.
Dawn rushed in "Wow, its huge, I want this one!" she looked at Buffy, who was frowning the other rooms they had looked into had been dusty and unused this one was by itself, Buffy couldn't keep an eye on Dawn if she had this one, but she didn't want Fred to think she was being suspicious of them, she couldn't help it, years of looking after herself and the rest of the world, she had to be cautious.
"Ok" she sighed, at least it was near Fred's room.
They eventually found rooms suitable for the other scoobies and they headed back down into the lobby. Fred paused on the stairs, the weapons cabinet was open and Gunn was trying to persuade Angel, who had returned to get the weapons he has hastily left behind, to calm down. He was blocking Angel's way to the weapons.
"Gunn" Angel growled under his breath, he didn't want to lose it but he had to get at the weapons so he could get the info out of anyone of the vagrant demons who littered the streets. He had searched Cordelia's apartment, which now looked as though a bomb had hit it, he hadn't known what he was looking for, any glimmer of hope that she could be back, and soon because every second he could feel the anger rising within him, aimed all at Gru who had stolen her from him the day he had come searching for his "princess", God that got to him, she was Gru's princess, but she was more than that, she was Angel's life line his link to human life, she was his seer linked to him by the PTB, how could they let her leave him without a link to the visions, but that wasn't the worst of it how could they let her leave him when they knew he loved her, he had begged them to keep her alive when she had slipped into comatose on her birthday, he had sat by her when her mind was plagued by visions none stop, he had set free a woman hating maniac from a fiery hell he was trapped in and let him out on the world, he loved her gods be damned and he wasn't going to let her slip through his hands and disappear forever.
"I can't let you go man" Gunn said standing his ground, had Angel flipped? "It's almost dawn, for Christ sake!"
"Gunn, get out of my way" Angel said his voice low
"God did you even hear what I said Angel!" Gunn said exasperated
"Get out of my way before I move you." Angel was losing his temper rapidly
"Angel, where ya going?" Fred stepped in front of Gunn, in an attempt to shield her boyfriend from the wrath of the vampire, "We know where Cordelia is, why do you need weapons?" she was trying to get him to rationalise what he was doing, she hoped to god it would work.
Angel stopped he didn't know what he was doing or where he was going, "I'm going patrolling"
"Angel its late, patrolling can wait till another time. You need to rest up." Fred said calmly, it was working least she hoped it was.
"I'll go" Buffy stepped down the last few stairs "I'll patrol"
"No, No you won't" Angel said grimly, she wasn't meant to be here, she was ruining everything, "You're not even meant to be here, we didn't ask you to come, we don't want you here."
Buffy looked taken aback, she had come to help him, she didn't know why she had come now, he was acting like a pig, "I came to help! Against my best judgement I came to help, to help you get your son back, oh by the way it was great to here about him from you, oh sorry it wasn't you I got to hear it from it was an anonymous letter from an evil law firm. I would have at least thought you can have told me..us. yourself." She had stumbled she had let it out that she was upset he hadn't told her, it had been the one thing in their relationship that had always been there before the curse, she had wanted his child she had wanted to live with him forever and grow old with him and their family, but he couldn't have children it was impossible, so how could it be he had a son, and it wasn't hers and that cut her deeper than anything. He had a child and it wasn't with her, he wasn't with her, he was happy without her. When her life was going down the drain, it laid in the proverbial gutter and she was sleeping with Spike, just to make things worse. It felt so bad when she thought of it but when she was with him. it felt so good, and she actually felt something for a change, not love not lust but something she couldn't explain. She knew it would have to end and soon. She was using him and it was killing her, slowly eating away at her insides like some flesh eating bug that had bore down into her, and was starting in her heart.
Angel wasn't shocked at her outburst, he hadn't wanted to tell them in Sunnydale about Connor, he had wanted Connor to be theirs, his and Cordelia's and their family, family he thought, he was losing his family Connor was gone, Wesley god he didn't even want to think about him, and now Cordy had gone, she didn't even say goodbye. "It's none of you business what I do with my life"
"Last time I heard you didn't have a life, Dead boy." The hair on Xander's neck was stood up on end, how dare he say that to her, when she had come to help him.
Angel glared at him, he hated that nickname. Willow indicated to Dawn that she should go upstairs, but the girl shook her head, she wasn't going anywhere this was just getting good.
Fred could see that Buffy and Angel needed to talk so she gave Gunn a look and then indicated subtly at Dawn, he got the message loud and clear.
"Hey.Dawn?" he said, she looked over to him "There's a drive in not far from here, I'm sure they'll be playing some chick flick or other, wanna jet down there and catch one?" Fred smiled at him
"Yea! But less of the chick flick more of the action! Can I get popcorn and nachos?" Dawn beamed
"Sure, bet you can't beat Fred in an eating contest though" he laughed and Fred elbowed him in the ribs.
Willow also took the hint and stretched with a fake yawn that turned into a real one, "Well I'm beat" Buffy glared at her, she couldn't believe they were bowing out on her, they weren't sticking up for her at all. Willow grimaced inside she didn't want to leave them but she could see they needed it both of them. Xander stood still he hadn't got the hint, "Xander, are you coming?" Willow tried to get him to move.
"Nah, I think I'll stay down here" he said
Fred panicked even one of them there would ruin it, she put on her best smile and sidled up to him smiling, Gunn frowned. "Are you sure you won't come with us?" Xander looked at Fred, even with all the stuff with Anya he wasn't going to turn down this hottie.
"Ok, the movies it is" Xander smiled
Its strange how when you want, need to, say some thing to some one, feelings inside that need to escape and let themselves be know to everyone or no one. They never transform themselves into a meaningful sentence or paragraph, its always jumbled, mixed, as if someone or something had poured them all into a huge pot and stirred and stirred and stirred. Until, at last, no one can make head nor tail of them. That's what arguments are for.
The lobby was filled with people, not exactly filled but it was more people than the old hotel had seen since its doors had been closed to paying guests in the 1950's. they were split into two distinct groups, one larger were new to the hotel three women and a man they sat on the circular couch, the youngest talking to the man, the other two silent, the blonde glancing at the other group. Gunn and Fred sat at the old reception leaning on the counter top whispering to each other.
It had been an hour since Angel had rushed from the hotel in search of Cordelia and Gru, but he had probably been too late and Cordelia would have managed to run away from him, the one inane fear that rested inside Angel that no one knew for sure but was sure to be there as it was in everyone, was the fear of someone he loved running away, from him, from what he was, from what he felt, it could have happened with Buffy but he had run away first, ran to save what was left before it was ruins, run to L.A., City of Angels and to his new family which was slowly crumbling around him.
"What should we do?" Fred whispered to Gunn, glancing at the scoobies sat on the couch, she averted her gaze as the blonde, Buffy, caught her looking in their direction.
"I don't know," Gunn said "I'm not sure if Angel would want them to stay here or if they should go."
"We can't send them away!" Fred said a little too loudly, she covered her mouth.
"No, your right, your always right," Gunn said smiling at her, she grinned back eyes lit up. She slipped of the stool she was perched on and walked towards the group.
"If, y'all wanna bring your bags I'll find some, not too dust rooms, for ya, we have lots, bein' a hotel an all" she smiled at the youngest, Dawn, Buffy's little sister.
"I get first choice!" Dawn leapt up, seizing the moment to make light of their current situation. Buffy slowly rose to her feet, which felt like a dead weight, Angel had barely said anything to her, it was true their last meeting had been a little more than tense and when he and Riley had fought over her, she did feel good inside a glimmer of the love she and Angel had had shined bright, dulled only by the love Riley had felt for her, she had been with him then, she wasn't sure she had loved him but it hurt to think of all the things she and Angel could never have together. When she had found him defending Faith she had been shocked, and he had told her to stay away from his town. That had been the time when she knew they would never be together again, he had gone to her mothers grave and found her there, but it was friendship that comforted her not love not the love they had shared before.
"Well I get seconds!" Xander said racing after Dawn up the stairs, Fred smiled and followed them turning to make sure Willow and Buffy followed. Fred caught Dawn and Xander up.
"We use this floor for rooms, the others haven't really been sorted out yet, That's mine" she said pointing in the direction of hers, "Angels is that way, so we'll look this way for yours" she said walking towards her room. She opened a door and took a glance into the room, it was clean at least, a big double bed took up the far wall bathroom to the right. "Ok this one looks ok" she turned smiling opening the door further.
Dawn rushed in "Wow, its huge, I want this one!" she looked at Buffy, who was frowning the other rooms they had looked into had been dusty and unused this one was by itself, Buffy couldn't keep an eye on Dawn if she had this one, but she didn't want Fred to think she was being suspicious of them, she couldn't help it, years of looking after herself and the rest of the world, she had to be cautious.
"Ok" she sighed, at least it was near Fred's room.
They eventually found rooms suitable for the other scoobies and they headed back down into the lobby. Fred paused on the stairs, the weapons cabinet was open and Gunn was trying to persuade Angel, who had returned to get the weapons he has hastily left behind, to calm down. He was blocking Angel's way to the weapons.
"Gunn" Angel growled under his breath, he didn't want to lose it but he had to get at the weapons so he could get the info out of anyone of the vagrant demons who littered the streets. He had searched Cordelia's apartment, which now looked as though a bomb had hit it, he hadn't known what he was looking for, any glimmer of hope that she could be back, and soon because every second he could feel the anger rising within him, aimed all at Gru who had stolen her from him the day he had come searching for his "princess", God that got to him, she was Gru's princess, but she was more than that, she was Angel's life line his link to human life, she was his seer linked to him by the PTB, how could they let her leave him without a link to the visions, but that wasn't the worst of it how could they let her leave him when they knew he loved her, he had begged them to keep her alive when she had slipped into comatose on her birthday, he had sat by her when her mind was plagued by visions none stop, he had set free a woman hating maniac from a fiery hell he was trapped in and let him out on the world, he loved her gods be damned and he wasn't going to let her slip through his hands and disappear forever.
"I can't let you go man" Gunn said standing his ground, had Angel flipped? "It's almost dawn, for Christ sake!"
"Gunn, get out of my way" Angel said his voice low
"God did you even hear what I said Angel!" Gunn said exasperated
"Get out of my way before I move you." Angel was losing his temper rapidly
"Angel, where ya going?" Fred stepped in front of Gunn, in an attempt to shield her boyfriend from the wrath of the vampire, "We know where Cordelia is, why do you need weapons?" she was trying to get him to rationalise what he was doing, she hoped to god it would work.
Angel stopped he didn't know what he was doing or where he was going, "I'm going patrolling"
"Angel its late, patrolling can wait till another time. You need to rest up." Fred said calmly, it was working least she hoped it was.
"I'll go" Buffy stepped down the last few stairs "I'll patrol"
"No, No you won't" Angel said grimly, she wasn't meant to be here, she was ruining everything, "You're not even meant to be here, we didn't ask you to come, we don't want you here."
Buffy looked taken aback, she had come to help him, she didn't know why she had come now, he was acting like a pig, "I came to help! Against my best judgement I came to help, to help you get your son back, oh by the way it was great to here about him from you, oh sorry it wasn't you I got to hear it from it was an anonymous letter from an evil law firm. I would have at least thought you can have told me..us. yourself." She had stumbled she had let it out that she was upset he hadn't told her, it had been the one thing in their relationship that had always been there before the curse, she had wanted his child she had wanted to live with him forever and grow old with him and their family, but he couldn't have children it was impossible, so how could it be he had a son, and it wasn't hers and that cut her deeper than anything. He had a child and it wasn't with her, he wasn't with her, he was happy without her. When her life was going down the drain, it laid in the proverbial gutter and she was sleeping with Spike, just to make things worse. It felt so bad when she thought of it but when she was with him. it felt so good, and she actually felt something for a change, not love not lust but something she couldn't explain. She knew it would have to end and soon. She was using him and it was killing her, slowly eating away at her insides like some flesh eating bug that had bore down into her, and was starting in her heart.
Angel wasn't shocked at her outburst, he hadn't wanted to tell them in Sunnydale about Connor, he had wanted Connor to be theirs, his and Cordelia's and their family, family he thought, he was losing his family Connor was gone, Wesley god he didn't even want to think about him, and now Cordy had gone, she didn't even say goodbye. "It's none of you business what I do with my life"
"Last time I heard you didn't have a life, Dead boy." The hair on Xander's neck was stood up on end, how dare he say that to her, when she had come to help him.
Angel glared at him, he hated that nickname. Willow indicated to Dawn that she should go upstairs, but the girl shook her head, she wasn't going anywhere this was just getting good.
Fred could see that Buffy and Angel needed to talk so she gave Gunn a look and then indicated subtly at Dawn, he got the message loud and clear.
"Hey.Dawn?" he said, she looked over to him "There's a drive in not far from here, I'm sure they'll be playing some chick flick or other, wanna jet down there and catch one?" Fred smiled at him
"Yea! But less of the chick flick more of the action! Can I get popcorn and nachos?" Dawn beamed
"Sure, bet you can't beat Fred in an eating contest though" he laughed and Fred elbowed him in the ribs.
Willow also took the hint and stretched with a fake yawn that turned into a real one, "Well I'm beat" Buffy glared at her, she couldn't believe they were bowing out on her, they weren't sticking up for her at all. Willow grimaced inside she didn't want to leave them but she could see they needed it both of them. Xander stood still he hadn't got the hint, "Xander, are you coming?" Willow tried to get him to move.
"Nah, I think I'll stay down here" he said
Fred panicked even one of them there would ruin it, she put on her best smile and sidled up to him smiling, Gunn frowned. "Are you sure you won't come with us?" Xander looked at Fred, even with all the stuff with Anya he wasn't going to turn down this hottie.
"Ok, the movies it is" Xander smiled
