Title: Friends, Lovers and Brothers



Authors Note: Just read on, and I thank all the reviewers.

Chapter 4- Dignity?... or Love?

Since I was born, father always hit me and hurt me. In short, he abused me physically, sexually and mentally. I had nowhere to go at that time, as I was still young. The only person I had was my next-door neighbor, Sendo. and my mother. My mother was the only one protecting me up till I was three. But my mother left. She left when I was three. Being unable to take anymore hurt and pain her husband was trusting towards her, she left. That was only a week after I met Rukawa. I never blamed her for leaving. No way! She couldn't take it anymore. it wasn't her fault. Yet I was hurt, no doubt. I can still remember how I felt when I found out she left. It was not that I was afraid of what father would do to me, but I just missed her. I missed the way she held me. I missed the good times we had together. I missed, most of all, the way she loved me. Of course, Sendo was always there for me.

As I started going to elementary school, I dared to start spending nights outside my house. Sometimes I stayed at Sendo's house, but mostly just outside. Outside where the moon smiled down at me, and the stars twinkled. Just away from the 4 walls of the building that was suppose to be my home. I seldom went to Sendo's house because once my dad found out I was there, that was a nightmare. He brought a few of his 'friends' to attack us. They hurt Sendo and his parents and took me back. I didn't want anyone to get hurt because of me. But, Sendo's house was much more of a home than mine had ever been.

As I grew up, I started to get the hang of guessing what condition my dad was in. I learned to listen to his voice, in which I could differentiate whether he was drunk or not. If he wasn't drunk, he seldom raped me. He had to be really frustrated to take out his anger on me by raping me. I think that happened twice. If he were drunk, he wouldn't remember whether I obeyed him. If that happened, I would be off the hook. So, usually if he was drunk, I would lock my room door and climb down from my room which was located on the second floor. He would usually hurt me, whether he was drunk or not. He would scold me for no reason, beat me up and just hurt me.

Two years ago, we migrated. Why? I didn't know myself. He just stormed in one day and told me that we were moving the very next day, and no one was to know. (I told Sendo, of course) What I do know was that my life there was hell. We stayed on the sixth floor of an apartment, and I had no way of climbing down, no, means of escaping from my father. Sendo wasn't here either. Of course I kept contact with him, but that wasn't the same. I missed him terribly. People in New Zealand weren't the same. They were all so. money-oriented. Even their friendships were based on that. I got very fed up and I hated living here.

Then, we shifted back here. I was really joyful that I could see Sendo once again. Although he wasn't our neighbor anymore, I was happier, much happier. He comforted me with just his presence and patience to listen to all I had to say. I was never uncomfortable beside him. He was just, different.

* * * * * * * *

As I told Rukawa this, my hurt was all poured out towards him. I never imagined that Rukawa would be the one who would hear all these. I always poured out my soul to Sendo, but Rukawa? I mean we were the coldest in the basketball team. We both had walls build up around us, maybe for different reasons but the effect remains the same. In all my life, Sendo was the only one who actually found the door to my heart. Even my mother didn't come close to my heart, and now Rukawa had done it. Right now, I feel. alone. Usually when this happened I would feel alone. I need someone, and although Sendo had always been the one I needed, the one I could trust and felt comfortable with, I always avoided Sendo at times like this. It was not that I was uncomfortable with him. It was just that, I dunno, it didn't seem right. He knew it too. Yet, he always said that one I would be able to find the one, the guy who could approach me in this state. Never in my wildest dream did the name Rukawa ever cross my mind. But, I think that was whom Sendo had in mind all along.

Rukawa walked up to me and hugged me. That was it. The remains of my cold wall crumbled. My dignity dissolved into sobs. I couldn't help it. I couldn't believe it. But then he started caressing me and I realized that it was true. Sendo was right. He didn't say anything, but he just went on holding me. Although no words were uttered I felt that he was telling me that it was alright to cry. There, in his arms I felt peaceful. I felt the serenity crawl up my spine just as it always does when Sendo holds me.

* * * * * * * *

'Did I ever really love her? How'd Sendo know? I mean I myself didn't know. Aya? I seriously doubt she did.' Rukawa said to himself. Here he was holding the girl whom he had always challenged to one on one. She was the one who played the most important role in his basketball growth. He had never realized that he had ever cared for her. He continued soothing her, his mind still shooting non-stop questions at him. An imaginary Sendo appeared in his mind and told him to go for it. But, wasn't this a rather bad time?

At last he plucked up his courage and said softly.

'I love you, Aya,' She looked up at him. He too, looked at her. No, through her, through her tear-stained face, through her eyes. Penetrated her coldest and strongest wall and realized that he had reached into her heart.

'I may have loved you a long time ago. But I never really realized it. Even when you migrated, I felt as though I lost something, but I never really paid attention to it. Yet, now I realize that I love you and I don't want anyone to hurt you,' he said. She lowered her head and hugged him more tightly, saying, without words that she loved him too.

* * * * * * * *

'Is Rukawa growing up?' Mr. Rukawa asked Rukawa's mom.

'No, I think Aya is just different. I dunno how to put it into words. She is just so pure and. different,' she answered.

'I thought so too.'

'I bet, and hope those two will be together by tomorrow. That boy could do with some friends,' she said smiling. Mr. Rukawa also felt happy to know that his son was socially growing. At least he has a friend, and cares for someone. The only reason Rukawa build walls around himself was most probably because nobody actually understood him. Mr. Rukawa knew that his sons had plenty fans, but he doubted that Rukawa actually had any friends. Nobody understood him, but maybe this Aya was different. (Sendo was too, but Rukawa's parents didn't know, of course. Sendo, on the other hand was at home hoping and praying that Rukawa and Aya would realize their feelings for each other and make the move. That was actually the main reason he didn't want to intrude.)

Cacat?? (cacat is a Malaysian word 2 say that something isn't nice) well, this is my first fic