Weird Things in the Tekken Universe By BahamutZERO

Chapter 3

One day, Paul woke up and jumped out of his dumpster. He stretched and walked into the blinding sun. Looking down the street, he searched for his ride. Suddenly, it dawned on him. His Harley was missing. A shrill cry could be heard from miles away.. Paul immediately consulted Marshall Law. At the dojo, Marshall was thinking of a solution. "First, you have to calm down, Paul." "WHAT!? This is outrageous! You can mess with Paul Phoenix, but you DON'T mess with his ride!!" Paul decided to go talk to the others. His first destination was Kazuya. Paul didn't need to knock: he charged up his fist and punched a hole through a wall to gain entry. Kazuya shot up from the couch. "Paul, what are you doing here? Jun and I were making love!" "Playtime's over!" Paul shot back. He could see someone's head poke up. "Honey, what's wrong?" "Nothing, dear. Just. stay in that position." Kazuya walked up to Paul and offered him a drink. Paul grabbed the bottle of Brandy and downed it in one go. Kazuya leaned against the wall. "Now, Paul. What's going on?" "Someone stole my goddamn motorcycle!" "You came all the way over here, busted up my house, and interrupted our passionate embrace just to tell me that you think someone stole your ride?" Paul nodded. Kazuya sighed and said," I don't know anything about your motorcycle. Jin was out in the city one day with Ling. Maybe he knows something." In Jin's room. Jin was quietly reading a book. Suddenly, he heard a thump. Looking out the window, he saw Ling climbing a ladder. She got to the top and stepped inside. "Hi, Jin! How's it going?" "Oh, just fine. I was just reading." "Really?" "Yes." "Well, I just had to come see you. I was bored. So anyway, I was wondering if." She seductively walked up and put her arms around him. They fell on the bed. As Ling was just about to reach into Jin's pants, Jin said," You know there is only one way to stop me from making you scream-" KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK!!! "-and there it is." Ling jumped under the bed and hid there as Jin went and opened the door. "What it is, Paul?" "Jin, someone stole my motorcycle and you'd better hope it wasn't you." Jin looked amused. "No, Paul. I have no idea who took it."

At the station.

Eddy had been arrested on charges of Stealing Paul's motorcycle. Paul walked with Yoshi and Jin. "I'll interrogate him," Paul said. Paul walked into the padded room, while Yoshi and Jin walked into the room on the other side of the one-way glass. Paul sat down across from Eddy. "Okay," he said. "Tell me where the motorcycle is and I'll consider sparing your life." "I'm not telling you anything, you bitch." Paul threw Eddy into a wall and punched him in the face. Then he threw him onto the table and choked him saying," Where is it, huh? Where?" Paul pushed Eddy up against the wall and said," Blood or answers? I should spill a bit of them both, hmm?" Then he punched Eddy in the gut very hard. Eddy crumpled to the ground. Jin said," That's enough." He walked off, as Yoshi stood there, wide-eyed. "HOLY SHIT!!" Jin entered as Paul was closing the door on Eddy's face. Eddy dropped to the floor. He whispered. "Heihachi." Paul jumped up. "YES!! Now I just have to go there and get my motorcycle back. A snap!!" Nina stopped him. "Aren't you going to stay with us?" "Sorry, I'm not cut out for this kind of work." Nina muttered under her breath," He's not cut out for any kind of work."

At the Mishima place. Paul walked along the sidewalk, trying to find a way in. Suddenly, Michelle passed by. She stopped and grabbed Paul by his shoulders. "Help me, Paul!" "What the fuck is wrong." "Ganryu's after me!" Paul gazed down the street, and sure enough, the biggest tub of lard you ever saw came waddling down the street. Michelle screamed and ran away. Ganryu stopped and said," Hey, did you see Michelle?" "No, you fat ass. Why do you keep chasing her around?" "She's my freak." "Listen, make yourself useful and give me a boost." Paul used Ganryu as a step and leaped over the wall. Then he snuck up to the front door and addressed the voice-activated entrance. "Enter password." Paul thought for a minute. "Well, uh." "Password incorrect." "No, I didn't say any-" "Password incorrect." "Hey, stop it!" "Password incorrect." "FUCK YOU!!!" "Password accepted. You may enter." Paul blinked and then entered. He certainly didn't fit in with the crowd of business people. So he grabbed one guy, went into the bathroom, beat the shit out of him, and disguised himself. Then, he went to the top floor. At the top floor. Heihachi was sitting with his top officials. Anna happened to be a secretary, and Wang was an advisor. "Heihachi, would you please avert your gaze from Anna's breasts for a second," Wang said impatiently. Heihachi scowled at Wang and turned in his seat to face him. "So, what is so important that I need to be interrupted during fun time?" Heihachi said. K. BBBBBOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!! (very loud explosion) Paul punched through the wall and said," You're finished. Where's my motorcycle??" Heihachi looked at Paul like he didn't know what he was talking about. "I don't know, you homeless, jobless, piece of white trash." "WHAT DID YOU CALL ME!!!??!!?!?!" "I CALLED YOU A HOMELESS, JOBLESS, PIECE OF WHITE-" "NOW YOU'VE DONE IT!! Hey, wait a minute! What happened to the caps? THANKS!!! oKaY, you're going down!!" Paul leaped up on the table and brought his fist down on Heihachi's head. "Ow, you are dead meat. Okay, that sounds really stupid." Heihachi jumped up and kicked Paul where it really hurts. Paul bent over, clutching his nuts. "Must. get. my. Hey, let's speed it up here!" Paul charged up his fist and punched. nothing but air, as Heihachi dodged out of the way and threw a rubber duck at Paul. Paul laughed," Oh, that really hurt! I'm dying." "Ha ha! That's right!" Suddenly. it exploded. Paul was covered in carbon. "That does it!" He picked up Heihachi and threw him out the window. Paul sat down for a moment and rested. He still hasn't found his motorcycle. When will he find it? Hasn't he suffered enough? When will his torment end? Why am I asking you? When will I stop asking questions like this? What? Huh? Who?

At a small pub.

"I just don't get it," Paul said, as he stirred his tea. "Don't worry," Nina reassured him. "It'll turn up some time." "I'm beginning to wonder about that." Paul decided to have some fun. He "accidentally" dropped his spoon under the table. While he bent over to pick it up, he flashed a few looks at Nina's legs. Then, as he went to get some sugar he "slipped" and "steadied" himself by placing a hand on Nina's right breast. As he went to the counter, trouble showed up. "So this is where the slut's been hiding!" Nina stood up and got up in her sister's face. "SLUT!? I'll have you know that I've done nothing of that sort!" "Oh, right. Nina, the good little girl. I'll bet you killed father." "WHAT!?" "It was you, wasn't it? I was loyal to him. You were just a brown-nosed bitch!!" They both got into a slap fight and ripped each other's clothes off. Paul sat down and "observed." When Nina and Anna noticed Paul watching, they got a little ticked off. "DOUBLE SISTER ATTACK!!" "HOLY SHIT!!!!!" The two women tackled Paul. Nina sat on his chest and slapped him repeatedly, while Anna kicked his dick over and over and over and over and over and over and. well, you get the idea. King came in and when he saw the scene, he was a little stunned. "Hey, is there a problem here?" Nina and Anna got up and shook hands. "Meet you for lunch?" Anna said. "Sure," replied Nina. "I'm getting a perm today." They walked off (without putting their clothes back on) as King bent down next to Paul and said," Are you alright?" "Yeah. I just need to get some antiseptic, and I'll be fine." "Listen, Paul I'll bet that if you come down to the warehouse on dock 69, you'll find something interesting." "What?" King was already gone.

- Ooohh. Mystery and suspense! Anyway, hoped you laughed and I will see you for Chapter 4!